Trust and Forgiveness

Seralya · Jun 5, 2012

Mendi the ISFJ said:
i think this is reserved (at least for me) for people that really do you wrong... If someone is very interested in continuing to be friends with me after doing me wrong, i wont trust them for a long time, i wont be nice to them for a little while. At some point I will decide if i can ever forgive them or if i need to just cut them out of my life.

Yeah, people like that scare me. I am usually able to discuss things through in an hour or two, in worse cases in two days or so. It is very difficult for me to understand that even after having discussed something through and even after I've been forgiven whatever I did, it still can take a while for the other one to get over it.

Of course I understand that if the situation hasn't been resolved, there's no reason for the other person to stop being upset.

Mendi the ISFJ · Jun 6, 2012

Seralya said:
Yeah, people like that scare me. I am usually able to discuss things through in an hour or two, in worse cases in two days or so. It is very difficult for me to understand that even after having discussed something through and even after I've been forgiven whatever I did, it still can take a while for the other one to get over it.

Of course I understand that if the situation hasn't been resolved, there's no reason for the other person to stop being upset.

its about the fact that the person did the thing, is an insult in itself, it makes you look at the person differently and wonder; do they care at all? are they trying to use me? why did i make an effort to be nice/good/pleasant to this person only to be treated this way? other than that its hard to explain. some things require acts rather than sorrowful words to prove your sorry.

thistled bones · Jun 7, 2012

The only friend I have--that I know of--that puts his full trust in me is an ISTP.
He tells me he knows he can trust me like he can't anyone else, and he's told me things he says he's never told anyone else before. Very personal things.
What does he see in me that others don't? I've always wondered.

SuperDevastation · Jun 7, 2012

I don't trust or forgive easily, but I do often forget and stop caring about wrongs done to me.

Aquc · Jul 27, 2012

Someone recently broke my trust in a big way, and tried to use the information to get most of my friends to turn from me. If it wasn't from those friends I would break every rule I have ever made and send him into the deepest pit of despair I can possibly manage, leave him there until he realises the truth, and then when he finally gets back on his feet use what he's just learned to destroy every single illusion he's ever made about himself.

Crafter79 · Jul 27, 2012

Aquc said:
Someone recently broke my trust in a big way, and tried to use the information to get most of my friends to turn from me. If it wasn't from those friends I would break every rule I have ever made and send him into the deepest pit of despair I can possibly manage, leave him there until he realises the truth, and then when he finally gets back on his feet use what he's just learned to destroy every single illusion he's ever made about himself.

*Nods and Fist bump*

staticmud · Jul 27, 2012

I do not trust very easily at all. In fact the only people I truly trust are my immediate family, and it's not unconditional. If someone majorly breaches my trust, it's next to impossible to ever get it back because I do not forgive that kind of thing easily and it usually it leads to me cutting them out of my life completely. However, over minor mistakes and misunderstandings, I can resolve, forgive, and move on quickly and we'll be on good terms again the next day. People find it confusing that I'm so easy going about it and I don't hold petty grudges for years because "that's what girls do!"

However, I tend to expect other people to trust me rather quickly. Because I view myself as a fairly reliable, straightforward, and reserved person, I forget that other people don't know that from the get go and have to take time to get to know me before they trust me. I also expect people to forgive my mistakes easily and I always wonder why people are upset about minor things for so long. Why can't we just talk it over and move on?

Shenanigans · Jul 27, 2012

Central Fact: I learn to trust people slowly.

Whether or not I will forgive someone stems from this central fact.

If I have know someone for a long time and have built up a trust in them, I can usually forgive them quickly. This is because they have, over the course of a few years, given me many reasons to trust them. Minor breaches of that trust can't completely undo the years they have spent proving that they are trustworthy.

If I don't know someone that well and they do some wrong against me, I won't forgive them very easily, if at all. This is because I have not built up any trust with them yet, so any wrongs they do against me just prove that they aren't trustworthy and don't deserve my forgiveness.

Mendi the ISFJ · Jul 27, 2012

staticmud said:
However, I tend to expect other people to trust me rather quickly. Because I view myself as a fairly reliable, straightforward, and reserved person, I forget that other people don't know that from the get go and have to take time to get to know me before they trust me. I also expect people to forgive my mistakes easily and I always wonder why people are upset about minor things for so long. Why can't we just talk it over and move on?

very interesting i can see why this would be difficult. I think for me the being upset about "minor" things is more of an overall outlook of your general character. You are a sum of your parts, if you will. So if i dont really know how awesome you are, and you know it, and i dont trust you i can see how you doing something "minor" to you could lead me to question your character since i dont even know you. Im noticing that ISTPs dont seem to have this "all the bad things you do add up" mentality. For me i accept bad behavior if i see that someone can grow, i dont really forgive it and i never forget it, it adds and adds until you are no longer useful enough to me to deal with your bad qualities.

Tad Cooper · Jul 27, 2012

I used to easily trust people and now I really don't. I always feel doubt when someone promises to do something and I can't rely on others (it makes me nervous). I generally like to think I'm a trustworthy person (I hate lying or letting people down) but don't expect the same from others (even though I'd like it).
I generally find it very hard to forgive people lying to me or breaking my trust (even with small things) and I get quite unhappy for a while and have to cool off before I can forgive them.

parazep · Jul 28, 2012

I don't trust easily at all.. As a general rule, trusting people just isn't worth the effort. Forgiveness comes in two way for me. I will generally 'forgive' someone, unless it was a deliberate act against me, in which case I just won't contact them anymore. But when someone does something negative towards me, it gets put down on the little mental score sheet. It's still going to affect our relationship, even if I have 'forgiven' you for that deed..

Trust and Forgiveness

Seralya

Mendi the ISFJ

thistled bones

SuperDevastation

Aquc

Crafter79

staticmud

Shenanigans

Mendi the ISFJ

Tad Cooper

parazep

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