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An INFP is ignoring me :-( ? I feel stupid.

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Lisapotsandpans

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Discussion starter · #1 ·
INFPs, I'm not sure what to do. I'm bewildered and upset right now, because an INFP is ignoring me, or at least not responding to me. I asked out an INFP two weeks (and one day) ago via the telephone (so, 15 days ago). This is how it went down. I called him up, and asked how he was doing. We had a brief and (seemingly) friendly conversation. I asked whether he'd like to get coffee sometime. He briefly paused before saying, "I would." His response seemed quite positive and honest, despite the pause. Then I asked whether he wanted to set a date or play it by ear. He said he'd like to play it by ear, because he's moving into his apartment. From what I gathered, he was just about done moving into his apartment; he was finishing up the process.

I sent him a text message last Friday (4 days ago), saying I hope he had a nice week & weekend, and I hoped the moving was going well. He didn't respond. Yesterday, I sent him a text saying that my working hours changed to x - y, since he asked me in my phone conversation when I worked. He didn't respond.


Random INFPs of the Internet: I feel the need to express it to someone: I am sad. I am sad that he doesn't respond; I am sad that he hasn't asked me for coffee. I feel rejected.

My plan for now is just to wait, not send him any more texts. :( Good plan? Any advice?


Well, thanks for reading.
 
#2 ·
Man oh man does this situation sound painfully familiar. I just let my relationship drift more when mine ignored me. I still don't know if it was a good decision, but what can you do. Maybe he's just shy and will come around after a while and talk to you again, don't beat your self up about it.
 
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Discussion starter · #4 ·
I just feel so stupid and rejected right now that I'm not even sure I could text him again. :( with two texts and no response, and radio silence, I just feel like texting him again is making a fool of myself. I just find it frustrating because I am attracted to him (which is why I asked him out), and I just wonder ... WHAT HAPPENED?
 
#5 ·
How well do you know this person? Good friends? Acquaintances? Depending on your relationship there could be a few different reasons as to why he hasn't contacted you.

My thoughts are this:
He is unclear about what getting coffee means and is wondering whether it is a romantic thing or a friendly thing. This might be making him nervous and unsure and in turn he is avoiding the situation because if he engages and the situation turns out to be something he wasn't anticipating, then he will be uncomfortable and end up feeling really weird or awkward. A common INFP trait is to avoid confrontation and conflict. But it's usually for self preservation or for the sake of our feelings or someone elses.

A completely different theory I have is that because he just moved, there might be some complications with the phone company and his phone is temporarily not working. Unlikely, but possible. He could also just be really busy at the moment with the move and everything. I have had times where I haven't checked my phone for a couple of days, but I doubt it.

He could have been murdered in his brand new place by a crazy unstable neighbor that doesn't do well with strangers. :crazy: Also very unlikely.

If I were in your shoes, I would probably feel similar to how you are feeling right now. I would also just give it some more time.
 
#6 ·
I'd keep texting him. When someone makes plans with me then I don't hear from them for a while I usually think that they are no longer interested in carrying out those plans. I'd actually bring up that coffee you asked him out for. Something like "Would you still interested in having a cup of coffee with me sometime?" Questions are usually better than statements when it comes to getting an answer.
Good luck, I hope things work out for you.
 
Discussion starter · #7 · (Edited)
Okay, I hope he wasn't murdered by a crazy neighbor who doesn't deal well with new neighbors. Boy you INFPs do enjoy your fantasy world, I feel like I just became part of a fiction mystery novel.

I would say we are acquaintances, we just briefly met several times before and exchanged numbers.

Sigh.
 
Discussion starter · #10 ·
Thank you. I think I got some useful suggestions. I will try waiting it out and then texting him a question. I enjoyed everyone's post. :) yes, the post that included "maybe he was murdered" was definitely entertaining! ;-) Hee hee

Why can INFPs be so difficult? *cry* I'm only upset because I care. :-(
 
#11 ·
Lisapotsandpans said:
INFPs, I'm not sure what to do. I'm bewildered and upset right now, because an INFP is ignoring me, or at least not responding to me. I asked out an INFP two weeks (and one day) ago via the telephone (so, 15 days ago). This is how it went down. I called him up, and asked how he was doing. We had a brief and (seemingly) friendly conversation. I asked whether he'd like to get coffee sometime. He briefly paused before saying, "I would." His response seemed quite positive and honest, despite the pause. Then I asked whether he wanted to set a date or play it by ear. He said he'd like to play it by ear, because he's moving into his apartment. From what I gathered, he was just about done moving into his apartment; he was finishing up the process.

I sent him a text message last Friday (4 days ago), saying I hope he had a nice week & weekend, and I hoped the moving was going well. He didn't respond. Yesterday, I sent him a text saying that my working hours changed to x - y, since he asked me in my phone conversation when I worked. He didn't respond.


Random INFPs of the Internet: I feel the need to express it to someone: I am sad. I am sad that he doesn't respond; I am sad that he hasn't asked me for coffee. I feel rejected.

My plan for now is just to wait, not send him any more texts. :( Good plan? Any advice?


Well, thanks for reading.
Click to expand...
That's odd. Usually, we INFPs are the ones upset by texts without responses.

My tip is to send a message that necessitates a response. "Hey, would you be available to meet for coffee tomorrow at 7 p.m.?" is more effective than the generic (and, in my opinion, often insincere) "How have you been?"
 
Discussion starter · #13 ·
Well, maybe I didn't make this clear, but when I asked him for coffee, I kind of left it by stating (or implying) that HE should be the one to call ME. Because he said that he didn't want to currently set a date. I distinctly remember saying that he could call or text me anytime. So I kind of feel like he's the one who is supposed to ask me whenever he's free.
 
#15 ·
Lisapotsandpans said:
Yeah, I guess he needs his space. It just sucks for me because here I am waiting for him to contact me while he enjoys his space. (I know, I shouldn't be waiting for him, I should be living my life, etc)
Click to expand...

TRUST me I know exactly how you feel. It really does suck but there's really not much you can do but just grin and bear it. Don't wait! It'll just make you feel worse. Good luck, love! :)
 
Discussion starter · #18 ·
Well, I'm sorry to hear that you're over. I see that you're an INFJ, you guys rock. I hope you find someone who appreciates the beauty of your mind.

I feel I am quite familiar with INFPs and how they work. I guess in this particular circumstance everything is just a complete mystery to me. I don't usually like making a fool of myself or prostrating myself before someone in an attempt to get them to act differently than a brick wall. The thing is, though, I'm throwing around all this insulting terminology, but I don't really mean it. He's an awesome and kind person, which makes the only true feeling I have right now be confusion. Oh, and hurt.
 
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