Personality Cafe banner
Cancel
Create thread New Forums

Selfish love vs Selfless love

Jump to Latest
1 - 20 of 68 Posts
L

Life.Is.A.Game

· Registered
Joined
·
3,374 Posts
Discussion starter · #1 ·
Selfish love is wanting to be with someone because of how they make you feel. Selfless love is wanting someone to be happy regardless of their choices.

Selfless love allows freedom, selfish love is not really love, it's fear of losing someone that makes you feel "safe, in control, secure".

Do you agree or disagree?
 
#2 ·
Life.Is.A.Game said:
Selfish love is wanting to be with someone because of how they make you feel. Selfless love is wanting someone to be happy regardless of their choices.

Selfless love allows freedom, selfish love is not really love, it's fear of losing someone that makes you feel "safe, in control, secure".

Do you agree or disagree?
Click to expand...
I suppose I agree, but does truly selfless love actually exist?
 
#6 ·
I see selfless love as something unconditional. Where selfish love comes with conditions, expectations. This is how one person describes the differences between the two. We can all perceive what fits our our model of love, although i thought these were interesting perspectives.

Selfish love: example - "i love you because of the things that YOU do for ME which make ME feel like that emptiness inside of ME becomes FILLED. i love you for the things that you do for ME. If you do not satisfy my needs and create the illusion of filling that emptiness inside of ME which in reality can only be filled by myself, then i will not continue loving you. I love you because I feel attached to you, and I feel attached to you because you create the illusion of filling up my insecurities. I don't love you for the things which I choose do for you, but I love you for the things that you choose to do for me.

Selfless love (the purest form of love): example - "i love you because i am making a CHOICE to have YOU in my life. I love you because I WANT YOU, not because I feel that I NEED YOU. I want to give to you and care for you and do things for you and i do not care if i get anything in return. I am already stable and secure enough with myself that I do not need you in my life. I am able to love myself (loving ourselves means taking care of ourselves, loving ourselves is not *********) and therefore am able to love you (take care of you) without feeling the need for you to love me (take care of me) in return."
 
Discussion starter · #7 ·
Nowhere Man said:
Is there really anything wrong with that? I understand what you're getting at with the selfless/selfish love thing, but surely no one wants to be with someone who makes them feel like crap.
Click to expand...
No one should have that power over your feelings to be able to make you feel like crap.
 
#9 ·
Life.Is.A.Game said:
Selfish love is wanting to be with someone because of how they make you feel. Selfless love is wanting someone to be happy regardless of their choices.

Selfless love allows freedom, selfish love is not really love, it's fear of losing someone that makes you feel "safe, in control, secure".

Do you agree or disagree?
Click to expand...
I pretty much agree ... especially with saying that selfish love is not really love at all ... I would like to expand selfish love (but I think I would be keeping true to what I think you meant) to really only caring about your own feelings and not really caring about the other person's feelings ... You may only care if they are happy if they are with you ... and it is kind of looking at a person as a possession instead of an actual person

As far as selfless love ... to me that is love (and there are lots of types of love)
If you want my really, really long answer to that ... you can follow this link.
http://personalitycafe.com/critical-thinking-philosophy/105515-what-love-exactly-3.html#post2757861
 
#15 ·
Life.Is.A.Game said:
No one should have that power over your feelings to be able to make you feel like crap.
Click to expand...
But they do. While a certain degree of independence is necessary for good mental health, nobody is an island. People's words and actions affect others, whether they want to admit it or not. If someone is verbally/emotionally abusive and their spouse leaves them, who is more to blame, the person being abusive, for forcing their partner to suffer, or the person who left, for practicing "selfish love"?
 
#16 ·
I think the relationship I had with my gf is a case in point. I am certain it started purely selflessly at first with my only concern always being her happiness.
But i think the big pitfall is when you receive back enormous amounts of love. Its just like suddenly receiving lots of money, it tends to make you protective of what you have. And there is also an addictive element in play. Love after all does wonders for your serotonin levels and that works just like a drug.
 
#20 ·
As for relationships, I reckon there are two ways of going about it. You either settle with someone who is supposed to make you happy, or you settle with someone in order to make them happy. The relationship is either about you getting what you want, or you making sure your SO gets what makes them happy.

A perfect relationship would then be one where both partners try to make each other happy.
 
1 - 20 of 68 Posts
About this Discussion
67 Replies
28 Participants
Last post:
Mange
Personality Cafe
posts
11M
members
172K
Since
2008
A forum community dedicated to all ranges of personality types and people. Come join the discussion about health, behavior, care, testing, personality types, and more!
Full Forum Listing
Explore Our Forums
INFP Forum - The Idealists INFJ Forum - The Protectors INTP Forum - The Thinkers INTJ Forum - The Scientists Myers Briggs Forum