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Are You Scared Of Falling in Love?

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jenecis

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Discussion starter · #1 ·
I am.

Absolutely terrified.

I get nervous when I realise that someone likes me A LOT. I get scared when I realise that I can easily love them back. (if I let myself). Then I wonder if I'm being INFJishly hopelessly romantic? It makes me feel too vulnerable, an emotion I detest. I guess this is where faith comes in, huh?

Anyone else feel the same?
 
#2 ·
You're probably right on the faith front. I tend to hold back for a long time - but this has cost me the girl sometimes. Unfortunately you can't always tell if it will work out and if you are holding back you don't know whether that's the right thing to do or not until you can look back in retrospect.

If you feel the connection is strong though you might as well show your true colours, considering if you think about it you really don't have anything to lose.
 
#3 ·
I'm not afraid of it. I've fallen in love before and sure it hurt when it wasn't reciprocated, but that's out of my control. Just like how my true feelings cannot be totally controlled. And this doesn't apply to romantic situations for me only. I just feel so much love for other people in general. It's hard to express, but I won't lie to myself in that way. I don't like feeling vulnerable either, but it's necessary to take that risk sometimes. If I hold back, I'll be protected, but I also won't be able to let my true feelings out. I'm more afraid of not being able to love.
 
#4 ·
ideologicalflowz said:
I'm more afraid of not being able to love.
Click to expand...
I think I have this issue now. The last few relationships I've had, as mentioned above, I've held back so as not to appear too involved too early because it can put people off. Unfortunately this has back-fired for me, with the person liking me more than I thought - they then get pissed off with me being distant. I then realise that I liked then more than I thought and definitely more than I was letting on, but in the end its too late.

Oh well you learn from your mistakes ;)
 
#5 ·
Tangooed said:
I think I have this issue now. The last few relationships I've had, as mentioned above, I've held back so as not to appear too involved too early because it can put people off. Unfortunately this has back-fired for me, with the person liking me more than I thought - they then get pissed off with me being distant. I then realise that I liked then more than I thought and definitely more than I was letting on, but in the end its too late.

Oh well you learn from your mistakes ;)
Click to expand...
I'm sorry to hear that. It's hard trying to negotiate things between what you feel inside versus external expectations. People always tell me love has a way of coming back around when you least expect it. Hopefully it finds you again in the future!
 
#8 ·
Hehe. This may seem off coming from an ENTP .. but I've never not been in love. Since my 14th year, the longest I've been out of love [or limerent] is 2 years. And even during the times when I wasn't "in love", not wanting another is a concept that's alien to me.

I've been through all kinds of love and loss: un-requited crushes, unavailable women, romances that could never be. Highly sexually charged experiences. Games of seduction. Even been with a woman who pretended to love me even when a part of me knew that she never did. Divorced. Rejected. Have been the one to reject as well. It's been a constant stream of love and loss since I turned 14 [now am 31], and despite all the emotional upheaval, overall I've still enjoyed the ride.

I'm never terrified of falling in love even if it is unrequited, or leads to heart-break. Not knowing where it might lead and just enjoying the feelings of longing .. of wanting and not having have a certain beauty to them as well.

That said ... regardless of all my loves and crushes ... I'm a one-woman man .. always.
 
#9 ·
I get really scared too, but I find it exciting.
 
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#10 ·
Yes. I fear it because I fear the loss of self-control and the loss of a future plan. These fears make me a very slow mover in love, and constantly anxious. I realize life is inevitably unpredictable, and it would behoove me to just let go of that need to have a plan and a certainty. After all, you can't live and grow and love when you assign such rigid expectations to yourself and others. No one will have room to get in, and you won't allow yourself room to experience. I have to constantly tell myself not to be so guarded and rigid, to allow myself to live the unexpected and to enjoy the journey. As @confused girl28 said, it's a risk worth taking.
 
#13 ·
It's not love itself that scares me, but the feeling of vulnerability. You can't love completely if you don't open yourself up, so it's unavoidable that you'll feel vulnerable; still, that is terrifying. Admittedly, I usually have trust issues in close relationships, so this might not be true for everybody, but it takes a lot of effort and trust for me to open up even about trivial things sometimes.

But if I don't learn to trust and to be comfortable with vulnerability, I know I can't experience love fully, so even if I struggle with it and if I'm scared of it I still embrace it, because there's no other option (but to live a life without love).
 
#14 ·
Erudis, I think you're right about not fearing love and that you have to be vulnerable to love somebody, because you have to be able to open yourself up to that person. And Vivid Melody, I think you're right too about having faith and reason in a certain relationship.

But my biggest issue isn't about opening up to someone and declare your love to him or her, but I fear to actually have a relationship. This because I always fear that the feeling of loving this person is gone when we're in a relationship. Like the second we're together, the attraction I feel for her is... gone. Not really gone, "gone" isn't the right word (I still have feelings for her), but I don't know how to better express my feelings.
I don't know why I have this; maybe it's because at that moment of the "declaration" of our love, I have some certainty about her love for me and maybe at that moment I don't longer feel that great need to attract her. Or it's still that I'm not able to open up to her the way I need to do to actually feel a bond between us, and that I'm too afraid of letting go my self-awareness... :\

The main point is, that I'm afraid that our relationship before the "declaration" is different then after it, and that I'll ruin our love and will hurt her.


I'm sorry for this piece of self-interested writing, but does anyone can compare their feelings with mine?
 
#16 ·
Ahh the ultimate vulnerability.

The biggest risk, that also might have the biggest payoff.

Assess the situation and think pros and cons.

And I'm always fucking terrified, but heartbreak is survivable. And once you learn that, it is much easier to take the fall, because chances are, you also know how awesome it can be.
 
#17 ·
Never been in a relationship but no, I wouldn't say I'm scared of it. I mean, if it's with the right person, I don't think there would be much to fear. Heartbreak is just a part of life and it will happen to everyone. The risk of heartbreak to me is completely outweighed by the potential benefit of being able to spend the rest of your life with someone that you love and that loves you. I am scared that I won't be able to let someone in and open up to them though.
 
#18 ·
I do sometimes wonder what would be more scary; meaning that much to another (fearing losing their favour one day) or being the first to admit strong feelings, just in case non reciprocation occurred... then again I experience that fear the first few times I confess philia with friends or people more like family.

Then again, as @wild12397 already noted I do find it hard to let people get close enough to develop such strong feelings, when there are still many barriers I have yet to overcome to trust the potential for romantic love, as a result of numerous life traumas... work in progress towards wholeness nonetheless.
 
#19 ·
hey guys, thanks for all your requests. I declared this girl I talked about earlier my feelings for her.. and it turned out to be a heartbreak; she didn't feel the same for me. But I'm still glad I did this, because at least I now know where I stand today.

thanks again :)
 
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