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ISFP - about kindness

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#21 · (Edited)
I can be kind, or I can be vicious. I have the ability to set my feelings aside to get something done, and something very good or very bad can come of it. Whenever I do something nice for someone, I try to play it off like it's nothing and I wasn't really being nice. I don't like letting people find out that I can be ridiculously nice because soon everyone will be asking for favors.

dizzygirl said:
I am selfish. I am an ISFP but i am selfish. I think i help others because seeing them happy gives me contentment and that is some sort of selfishness. And i am kind to people whom i don't know too. That i think falls in different category from caring. Hmm..:unsure:
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On another note, how does this make someone selfish? I don't like to see other people suffer, so I feel a need to resolve it. That's what it means to have compassion. I don't think the person you helped cares why you did it. I think this is the preferable reason to help someone though. You could do the unhealthy E2 thing and help them with the expectation that they would help you in return, which I think is worse. Trust me, there are much worse reasons for someone to want to help someone else, even worse than the one I just mentioned.
 
#22 ·
ionias said:
On another note, how does this make someone selfish? I don't like to see other people suffer, so I feel a need to resolve it. That's what it means to have compassion. I don't think the person you helped cares why you did it. I think this is the preferable reason to help someone though. You could do the unhealthy E2 thing and help them with the expectation that they would help you in return, which I think is worse. Trust me, there are much worse reasons for someone to want to help someone else, even worse than the one I just mentioned.
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I help people when it is expected of me, basically. I do sometimes help people because I know they help me a lot. But basically I just do it if it's my job, to practice good manners, or to make a good impression. It's a bonus when it makes others happy, though I care more about the positive feedback (such as "Oh, thank you, how helpful!") I guess. I admit I am a selfish being to the core, at least with people.
 
#23 ·
So if you help someone hoping to benefit from it in any way, you're being selfish? I think everyone's selfish in that way, unless you're Buddha or something.

No one would help anyone if at all if they gained absolutely nothing from it. But you do! If it makes you happy, then you're gaining something from it. So even for Mother Teresa, if helping people made her happy, then she's selfish. She only helped people because it made her happy, or she was hoping to get into heaven, or she couldn't sleep seeing other people suffer. This is all kinds of cynicism and it makes me sick.
 
#24 ·
I was only trying to be honest about my personal motives; I can't speak for anyone else. I am selfish for other reasons though, not just in my motives for helping people. I'd rather not get into that.:tongue:
 
#27 ·
On one hand I like people to know I care, when I make it my mission to care for them and make them happy, letting them know you do in subtle ways is good, on the other, the purer an action, the better I feel within myself. As in if I were rubbing it in their face it's feel like a bad action.

But it all comes down to a feeling of well being really.

I think the greatest test of how much I care for a person, whether I realise it or not, is either saying it outloud to them, whatever it is, or writing it. Actions are easier to be flexible with. Words can make me squirm, so if I say 'You're not ugly', even if I seem unaffected, it takes alot to...make that emission. I'm so uncertain in my sentiments, and I fear for saying things I don't mean, so the words I do use, I tend to use carefully.
 
#30 ·
Brie said:
I agree with this too. I think that once I learned when I was little that being unkind causes conflict and disrupts harmony, I became a much kinder person, and others often think that I am just this sweet person.

For me to be "truly empathic," I have to care about the person and understand their suffering. Sometimes just seeing their suffering on their face and understanding why they are suffering is enough though, even if I don't know them.

I get the impression that I am not very good at cheering people up, either. I'm not sure why.
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I can definately relate to that. I'm terrible at cheering people up, and its frustrating especially when its a close friend or family member because I just feel helpless not being able to cheer them up, as much as I want to and the more upset they get, the more upset I get. I think it comes from not being good at verbally expressing myself.
 
#31 ·
I disagree that ISFPs do not understand people well. Even though Ni isn't their auxilary or dominant function, it's still there. If it's very well developed, it could be a strong force for ISFPs. Even when that's not developed, Se, believe it or not, can help you pick up body language and facial expressions to understand people. Sure, it's not as magical as Ni, but still helps.
 
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#32 ·
I will help anyone who asks for help without asking for anything in return. As long as I feel I'm appreciated that's the best reward I can receive. I've done some pretty crazy things on impulse too (like bringing a beggar back to the hotel I'm staying at for the breakfast buffet even though we didn't speak the same language). But that's in the real world. Whenever I play online games I act like a total asshole just for the fun of it. Mainly to release some stress in my busy busy schedule.
 
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