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Feeling like I'm a bad person?

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simlish

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Discussion starter · #1 ·
Hey everyone :) I recently joined this site and its nice to meet you all...Anyway, I'm posting this here because I think I might be an INFP and I want to see if any INFPs relate.
Recently I've been feeling like I'm...I don't know, basically just a bad person. It sounds really stupid when I say it like that, but I don't know how else to describe it. It's nothing I've done in particular, it's just...I don't know. I feel like there's something horrible about me that I can't fix, that everyone else is normal and 'good' and I'm just unlovable and bad.
Im not sure why I feel like this. No one has actually said anything but I get the feeling sometimes, from both friends and people I don't really know that they have the same impression of me as I'm talking about now but they're just too polite to say anything about it. I try my best to be the best person I can be...How come I'm still like this?
What do you think? Is this an INFP thing, have any of you felt the same way before? Is there really something wrong with me?
sorry about the whiny post by the way. I just had to get it out somehow.
 
#3 ·
simlish said:
Hey everyone :) I recently joined this site and its nice to meet you all...Anyway, I'm posting this here because I think I might be an INFP and I want to see if any INFPs relate.
Recently I've been feeling like I'm...I don't know, basically just a bad person. It sounds really stupid when I say it like that, but I don't know how else to describe it. It's nothing I've done in particular, it's just...I don't know. I feel like there's something horrible about me that I can't fix, that everyone else is normal and 'good' and I'm just unlovable and bad.
Im not sure why I feel like this. No one has actually said anything but I get the feeling sometimes, from both friends and people I don't really know that they have the same impression of me as I'm talking about now but they're just too polite to say anything about it. I try my best to be the best person I can be...How come I'm still like this?
What do you think? Is this an INFP thing, have any of you felt the same way before? Is there really something wrong with me?
sorry about the whiny post by the way. I just had to get it out somehow.
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If you don't feel like you've done anything bad, surely you must have an idea of what "bad" is and think that you meet those qualities. What is bad to you?
 
#4 ·
-no, there's nothing wrong with you.
-as far as i know, infps are known to have a very defined case of "what is good" and "what is bad" in their lives. (does that make sense? the phrasing is weird sorry)
-if you are feeling morally unhappy with yourself, as i often do, then you can regroup and try to reorganize yourself so that you know who you are and how you want to be.
 
Discussion starter · #5 ·
rejectedreality said:
If you don't feel like you've done anything bad, surely you must have an idea of what "bad" is and think that you meet those qualities. What is bad to you?
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Thats the problem, I have no idea what I've done or what it is that's wrong with me...I don't know if I'm imagining it or not. All of this is so confusing :(
 
#6 ·
I think you need to come to an acceptance that there is nothing defective about you that you need to fix. Sounds like an underlying restlessness. The same thing happens to me but in a different arena. I always feel like I have to be moving forward and developing skills in some capacity, and not doing so will cause me to lose what defines me as a person. Might I suggest actively taking some time out to help people every day or doing something else that you feel may appease your conscience. I don't think you're a bad person if you think you're a bad person though since most truly horrible people don't think they are bad I imagine (and again what is 'bad' anyways). Since there are too many variables here, it's hard to judge, but I think this might just be an extension of setting really high standards for yourself that may be very difficult to achieve. Idealistic visions have their purposes, but it is important to separate them from reality lest they make reality akin to hell.
 
#7 ·
I sincerely doubt you've done anything wrong. It's OK to be yourself, both as an individual and INFP.

Please understand that MBTI is not a hierarchy of types where some are "better" than the others. You are awesome as yourself! Even though most people wyou will know will probably not be INFP, it doesn't mean that being "you" is being flawed in any way or fashion. :)

You too deserve to be loved-as MUCH as anyone, and not any less. It is important that you realize this; the sooner the better! Whenever you feel as if you are not worthy enough, or that you are not worth people's time, always remember, you are beautiful, lovely, and deserve to be happy. :)

I used to, not necessarily hate myself, but just not give myself any credit whatsoever, as well as thinking myself not worth people's attention or time-I was wrong, and my life has grown all the better and more beautiful since I learned to duly love myself as much as I really deserve. In fact, IME, one of the keys of happiness for all types, but IMHO especially INFPs, is that it's super OK to be US! Free to be "you" is the way towards a free, happy "you".

Avoid falling into the trap of thinking that you are not as good as others. In fact, avoid trying to measure up to others all the time. You are awesome, on your own terms. No positive thinking stuff-you are just a GREAT person, and you have to accept it as a fact in order to be happier with yourself-which in turn, will greatly diminish those guilt feelings yo uare currently having.

Being ourselves is not a sin. We can always grow to be sure, and we all should! But it doesn't mean that even our current, "work in progress" shape isn't worthy of all things beautiful and happiness. So feel free to be you, as you keep flying and evolving on the wings of your dream.
 
#8 ·
As an INFP, you may feel like your feelings are the "truth" in that they are an indicator of how things may be. However, that's not true. Excessive feelings of guilt and shame, when you know you've done nothing wrong seems like a problem. Maybe it's influenced from an external source, such as parents? I don't know.

The only advice I can give you is to 'disconnect' from your emotions. Think it out in your head. Why do you feel this way? What can be the source? Is it justifiable? Is it logical or reasonable to feel this way? Think it out, talk it out, and once you feel secure of how you should feel, then do it.
 
#10 ·
simlish said:
Hey everyone :) I recently joined this site and its nice to meet you all...Anyway, I'm posting this here because I think I might be an INFP and I want to see if any INFPs relate.
Recently I've been feeling like I'm...I don't know, basically just a bad person. It sounds really stupid when I say it like that, but I don't know how else to describe it. It's nothing I've done in particular, it's just...I don't know. I feel like there's something horrible about me that I can't fix, that everyone else is normal and 'good' and I'm just unlovable and bad.
Im not sure why I feel like this. No one has actually said anything but I get the feeling sometimes, from both friends and people I don't really know that they have the same impression of me as I'm talking about now but they're just too polite to say anything about it. I try my best to be the best person I can be...How come I'm still like this?
What do you think? Is this an INFP thing, have any of you felt the same way before? Is there really something wrong with me?
sorry about the whiny post by the way. I just had to get it out somehow.
Click to expand...
Welcome to PerC :happy:.

I have this as well and it's pretty irritating, to be honest. As others have said it's important to look at yourself objectively (preferably through the eyes of another person) and realize that you do in fact have positive qualities, and that you're not actually broken or defective. You will have made mistakes, yes, but you don't need to beat yourself up over them. Find out what it is that others appreciate you for, and work on that. Look at what makes you happy and then focus on that. I don't really know how to make the voice go away but if you can have people you can confide in (or maybe a journal if there aren't any people) they can help to show that you aren't such a bad person. You are almost always going to be more critical of yourself than others will be of you, and most of the time I don't think people scrutinise you as closely as you do yourself, so they probably don't disapprove of you as much as you may think.

The other thing that helps is whenever you catch yourself putting yourself down like that, force yourself to come up with a counterpoint to it, and reiterate that, and continue to do so and hopefully eventually that can stop some of it. Not too sure how much this helps, though, since I only started trying it today but it is forcing me to be a bit more objective and honest in my self appraisal.

I wish I had more help to give - hopefully this may be of use to you. Feel free to PM if you'd like to talk about it, and if not (well either way, really), enjoy your stay here :happy:.
 
#12 ·
For me, I've found that unless I am accepting and loving of myself, I can become very self-centered. I will rarely listen to what other people are saying to me because I would be too concerned with other thoughts in my head, or of my emotions. People who have a good self image of themselves don't worry about how they are coming off, or what they should say, etc. Being self conscious is arguably, being selfish, because your focus is not on the other person. It is definitely perceived that way.

You can't love others unless you love yourself, as the saying goes.
 
#13 ·
@simlish, do you feel defective/like a bad person because you have an ideal in your mind of who you should be, how you should be behaving, and feel unable to live up to it when it comes to reality?
 
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Discussion starter · #15 ·
@Acey: You're right. I definitely need to work on that, lol. @bromide Actually, come to think of it, that probably is the case. Is there a particular type that thinks like that or something? :eek: @adverseaffects (love your username!) I have told some friends about how I feel and they did seem genuinely confused... I guess getting this feeling from time to time isn't bad though, because it encourages us to become better :)
 
#16 ·
simlish said:
[MENTION=8140](love your username!) I have told some friends about how I feel and they did seem genuinely confused... I guess getting this feeling from time to time isn't bad though, because it encourages us to become better :)
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oh hey thanks :D
yes i agree but just remember not everything you think about yourself is real, it may just be your standards are so high but it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you.
 
#17 ·
I can relate to this. My shadow can be quite critical, especially of myself. I have one friend who's told me in the past, "I don't know why you think you're such a bad person, because you aren't." Occasionally I have had high expectations of myself and the morality of my actions.

There's nothing wrong with you. When I get into this phase, if I feel like I am not doing something right, I try to do better for myself.
 
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#18 ·
I think many INFPs have had this experience; I know I have, many times. Especially when I was younger, I had a lot of negative feelings about myself, like I was awful on some basic level, and that if anybody knew what a terrible person I was, I would die of shame. I didn't do anything heinous, I just had a feeling of being fundamentally unworthy or flawed in some way.

As I've gotten older I've learned to appreciate myself more; I've also gained a more realistic view of how people in general are, and I've realized that we INFPs really hold ourselves to unrealistically high ethical standards. Mistakes or "bad things" we criticize ourselves for, sometimes years after the fact, are (it turns out) things other people (ISTPs, for example) do everyday without a second thought or apology! Go easy on yourself, INFP: the world needs you!
 
#19 ·
simlish said:
@bromide Actually, come to think of it, that probably is the case. Is there a particular type that thinks like that or something? :eek:
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Possibly. I have similar problems with feeling like everyone is lovable except me. I think the root of it is that I'm incredibly hard on myself all the time because I have completely unreasonable standards for myself which no human could possibly live up to. Well, I am an enneagram 1 and that is one of the root issues of the 1s, so maybe you're a 1 too. It's worth looking into anyhow.
 
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#20 ·
Ive read that INFPs always feel like there is some hidden evil inside of themselves which is why they are always trying to fight it maybe. They may feel like theres is something wrong with them too because of growing up as a child and having so many people misunderstand or try to make them think a certain way but infps are individuals. I can guarentee you arent a bad person. You wouldnt be thinking your a bad person if you were. It just comes from a perfectionist quality you may have that always tells you that you can do more or be better and the high standards you may set means you feel like you lose yourself when you violate a "right" in your mind. Ive had the same problem, always feeling like you arent fulfulling yourself, or that you cant practice what you preach but that comes from perfectionism which is not something easily controled because its always lingering in your mind
 
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Lauren Wolfe
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