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[Smart INFPs] Is it better to hide your intelligence and natural abilities?

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TJSeabury

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Discussion starter · #1 ·
I am smart as hell; and like most highly intelligent people I learn fast with little effort, see the world differently than others and have a propensity for depression.

I have in the past, and currently, observed that people change how they act around me when they discover the depth of my intelligence. It's almost impossible to put into words, but its a vibe I get. For instance I used to have a friend online who I was quite close with, but as we got into complex topics her attitude took a change. She started to act as if I had psychological problems, especially when we discussed existential topics. Apparently my ideas and view points actually scared her, she flat out told me that I was damaged and not normal. This of course happened after I started to notice signs of envy from her, such as in areas where she worked hard to attain her goals and I reached the same goals effortlessly. I've seen it in a few other people and it leads me to think that it may be better to conceal my true intelligence and abilities, as much as in possible when being an honor student. lol

There are several reasons for my stance on the concealment of intellect. People will be less likely to resent me, people will have lower expectations and thus I can earn respect more easily and it will help prevent conflict. I don't like conflict, I'd rather have an understanding and harmonious environment--like seriously, why can't people just be chill and stress free, it is all about your mindset--it's so much more enjoyable.

Cons. People won't think as highly of me nor will they respect me for my true self. Also it makes me feel like I'm being a sociopath just to fit in easier.

So, is it better to be secretively intelligent and say you are a hard-worker or to be a secret hard-worker and say you are intelligent?

Whats better for the person and whats better for the friends? Which is less depressing? Which is less honest?

If anyone wants to see the transcript of that argument I had with my former friend on existential topics I'd be happy to conceal the private info and post it; I can probably find it in my Skype history.

Also mind you I'm writing this on 1 hour of sleep and after being at school for 9 hours. Yay college! :D So please pardon the disjointed nature of the post, its a frikkin' shamble.

PS I'm back PerC, been away doing IRL stuff for a few months. lol
 
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#3 · (Edited)
Maybe people don't "change how they act around you" because you're "smart as hell" but your attitude? Maybe you're the one giving off bad vibes? I mean the very first thing you said in this tread is that you're "smart as hell". That could easily come across as egotistical. Maybe they get the feeling that you are egotistical or are looking down on them? I have no idea weather this is the case because I don't know you IRL but these could be questions worth considering.
 
#5 ·
One of the challenges to being intelligent is that you can get so used to using that natural ability so succeed easily that it becomes more difficult to learn in areas where your natural talent won't carry you. It can be hard for an intelligent person to engage someone who's nowhere near the same level on the learning curve, but it shows a higher form of understanding to be able to discuss a topic in simpler or more complex ways depending on the audience.

A person who is physically strong is not hiding that strength simply because he refrains from going around picking fights and lifting heavy objects to demonstrate his strength. Rather, he'll get more respect if he carries himself with simple confidence and uses that strength in situations where it makes a difference. When you're highly intelligent, it's similar. It's not concealing your intelligence to refrain from flaunting it. Rather, it shows a refinement of that intelligence when you learn how to engage people at varying levels of intellectual ability and interest. It can be incredibly engaging to have an intellectual discussion with someone of similar mental dexterity, but if you're talking too far over somebody's head, it can make you come across as arrogant.

Like with anything, using intelligence or knowledge comes with the responsability of knowing how to use it. To show your intelligence in a conversation with someone is to engage them intellectually, to help them learn or make them think by meeting them at whatever level of understanding they have and then helping them reach for ideas just beyond their grasp. If those ideas are presented in a way that's so far beyond their reach that they're resenting you, you're no longer showing your intelligence; you're either showing off your intelligence, or you're showing a failure of properly gauging someone else's level of understanding before going into a deeper level of discussion.
 
#6 ·
Wolves don't lose sleep over the opinion of sheep.


That aside, fuck the public opinion and be both intelligent and a hard worker. And be modest about it. A rocket engine can get you to the store in seconds, but a car can't get you in space. So use it for what its made for.
It's not about being better than others. Most gifts come with expenses, if only that of hates, so learning to hone your skill and use it for maximum levels of happiness is needed to combat the repercussions of being gifted.

Also,

it shows a higher form of understanding to be able to discuss a topic in simpler or more complex ways depending on the audience.
Click to expand...
That ^. If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.
 
#7 ·
Well, your claims that you are "smart as hell" honestly do not work as a first impression, even online. Maybe you're right, and people do envy you for your intelligence; as someone who has always struggled with mathematical subjects, I used to sometimes feel a bit of unjust resentment towards my peers who picked up such concepts much more easily. But whether your projections are correct or not, one thing introverts should always remember is that most people look for convenience in everyday interaction. Sometimes intelligent people will integrate their tendency to approach subjects differently than most into their persona, and will be seen as pompous, egotistical, or even aggressive. Personally, I find it to be an unfortunate fact of humanity that people are forced to starve their vocabulary and train of thought for the sake of social interaction.

Anyways, what I'm hinting at (in my rambling, incoherent way) is that perhaps it is not a matter of concealing your superb intelligence, but of not forcing others to look at you as an overwhelmingly smart individual. Yes, it sucks when a close friend of yours starts to look at you like a freak because of some abstract or intricate idea you've just explained, or when they see you as pompous for simply using the English language to your preference, but sometimes you have to shorten things up to please other people.

Hope that was of any help.
 
#8 ·
Do you guys believe in IQ tests?
I did this once (WAIS IV) when I was seeing a psychologist and I got a "good grade", but I really don't think that I am "smart".
I don't know, I have so many flaws and sometimes I'm really stupid and when someone says "I'm really smart" I don't believe in them either.
 
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#9 ·
refugee said:
Are you a lawyer by any chance?

Anyways, my answer is, never go full intelligent. Most people will resent you. Using big words will definitely make you look pompous.
Click to expand...
ENFJ's use big words! Do they come across as pompous to you guys?
 
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#11 ·
Rune said:
Image


i just found this. coincidental much? =o
Click to expand...
You cracked me up, men!

Ontopic: I don't know what to say besides "never go full intelligent, never go full retard". It's like a love-hate, but I see this as a social vs reserved. Which side you want to in, you must answer it yourself.
 
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#15 ·
Well, if you talk about existentialist topics with someone who doesnt want to talk about them, you will run into a wall, and less insightful people may take it that you are a mad genius on a rant. So yeah, its not great if the other person isnt into such topics. Just learn when people want to talk about certain things and when they dont. For example, in my english class at college, there are 8 other students than me, and the one i sit directly next to is a good english student, and understands the work perfectkly, but isnt REALLY an engliosh student ie took the course as an excuse to get out of a different course, massively talkative extravert who chats with teachers during discussions, has to ask what a lot of terminology means, etc etc. so someone you would not expect to have taken the course. But nonetheless, it is easy to recognize that she does have a grasp, and that if i need to explain something to her, i just dont break out the bank of massive words i have in my head, and speak in my local dialect, with less-specific vocab, because, lets face it, she wouldnt use them herself and probably hasnt learnt them before. THEREFORE learning how to use what terminology, or which topics to talk about in certain situations can be quite beneficial, and make you look less like a mad scientist.

HOWEVER, do not hide your intelligence. utilize it; whats the point in not, when its there? trying to fit in and not being able to use your mind to full capacity will make you have more of a propensity to get depressed, so i wouldnt advise it.
 
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#16 ·
I've noticed that it is more that it is difficult for me to relate to people and for people to relate to me due to my intelligence. I wouldn't say I'm a genius, but I am rather intelligent and like to talk about very intellectual things. Most people I know who are really intelligent find it difficult to relate to people unless they find equally intelligent people. I don't think it is jealousy or resentment. I think it is a lack of relating. They might not like discussing these types of things, and you may have gone over their heads. It is like when somebody is bad at math and people just keep saying "Oh that's easy you just do this..." and they don't get it, and then they go "You just do this!!!!" and they still don't get it. This is because whoever is teaching them doesn't realize the fundamental problem. They don't think that way.
I think with me, the more I've learned about teaching they better I've gotten with this, but i find occasionally when I happen to use a big word or something or start talking in detail about something extremely abstract and nerdy I get blank stares or attitude.

Don't change who you are. Don't go out of your way to sound smart. In the words of very smart people "Being complex is easy. It takes a genius to be simple." In other words. If you can't figure out how to explain what you mean in a simpler way, maybe you aren't as smart as you think you are.
 
#17 ·
Well, there are loads of people smarter than you, you'll find so it's best to take on a humble approach.

Even if you are smarter in certain areas, in others, they will be smarter than you. Maybe you are smart with academic things and they are smart when it comes to more concrete things -- the point is to respect what they're smart in.

For example, I am able to talk about politics, religion, etc. and my friend doesn't have a clue what I'm saying: it's like I'm speaking Latin.
But she is a professional chef -- and if she were to talk to me about cooking, I wouldn't have a clue.

If someone is intelligent or good at certain things, society is more likely to label them as more intelligent. I don't agree with this. A lot of the time, it's simply that people learn about the things they are interested in -- no one can learn about everything.

Of course, there is a sense of intelligence in regards to how quickly you learn as well -- but a person who works hard can achieve the same goals as someone who learns quickly yet is lazy.

I think if you were to respect their type of intelligence and praise them for what they're good at, they would be much less likely to be jealous and shun you -- they'd probably be flattered someone as intelligent as yourself recognizes that they are good at something and be proud to have you as a friend.

In other words, be humble. Besides, most people think they're right and smarter than most everyone else -- and we can't all be right and smarter than everyone else.

For instance, I had an INTJ roommate who wasn't able to remember how to turn on the washing machine or flip the switch for the electricity; but he would correct me when I read a word wrong aloud, I believe he thought that made him more intelligent (even though when I flipped it and had him read aloud he also made mistakes and I playfully mocked him for it). But he did know a lot more things in detail when it came to certain subjects and I knew more things in detail when it came to other subjects.

We both probably thought we were smarter than the other.

Intelligence is nice, but it doesn't mean much if you don't accomplish anything with it. Work hard and people will respect what you do.
Respect and appreciate others and they will (hopefully) do the same with you.

On the other hand, if someone starts talking down to you -- pull out the big words and put them in their place :laughing:.
 
#18 ·
Well, because of my background and life experience, I spent most of my life 'dumbing myself down' just
to survive.

I am middle-aged and it took me into my 40's to appreciate my mind and actually start using it the way it
was intended. I feel so much better and am less prone to depression, but regret many of those wasted years.

But, as others have said, humility is important, but hiding one's intelligence at the expense of your 'spirit' (as
I call it), isn't worth it.

Still, it's very hard to reconcile, I still struggle.
 
#19 ·
There's an easy solution, in my opinion. Go after careers and educational settings where you find the very smartest people. That way you won't have to worry about suppressing your intelligence. Your friends will end up being people who are as intelligent as you are, or more intelligent. That would be a good way of eliminating the need to hide your intelligence for social reasons.

Can I go on a little tangent? I'm not sure what "smart as hell" means, but I'll just assume it means "verifiable genius." I think one unique issue that many geniuses have is that they may never get a chance to learn humility until they finally get around people who are similarly intelligent. Even if they value humility, it may be impossible for them to EXPERIENCE it as long as all the people they are meeting in life are a lot less intelligent. For example, an acquaintance of mine went to Yale. She is extremely smart (36 on the ACT both times she took it, highest GPA in school history), and even though she acted very "normal" in high school, she still seemed out of touch. It didn't matter that she didn't use big words; it still came through. Then she went to Yale where she was actually challenged and where she wasn't the smartest person around. It humbled her and she's now more mature and more relatable. If you're not already in an environment where your intelligence makes you totally normal, maybe you should seek one out in the future. It doesn't seem like your college is a great fit for you if your peers are phased by your intelligence.
 
#20 ·
If this was in the INTJ or INTP section, then the OP wouldn't have added the specifier of "smart".

It's strange how there's people who unintentionally imply that INFPs aren't smart (read any 'how smart are you' thread), and people who state they are, while nearly everyone of them would get outraged if someone were to say that INFPs weren't as smart as other types.

Food for thought.
 
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