So I've has a night to mull over this, and here are my thoughts-- (I am coming from here, btw)
Socionics compatibility theory seems to be based upon functionality--i.e., what the pair can accomplish by together contributing all sides of the equation and focusing them in one direction, either J or P. This compelling, especially if the primary focus of the relationship is function, especially working relationships, etc. My husband's boss is his duality partner, and they work splendidly together. His sister is also his duality partner, and they also have a tight relationship, often seeking out each other for input on their latest projects or ideas.
However, Keirsey found that people tend to be romantically attracted based on their ability to communicate with one another--i.e. either the shared N or the shared S. (According to K, N's think and communicate abstractly, S's think and communicate non-abstractly). With regards to romance, he found that linear functionality is less important to folks than intimacy.
You always hear older folks admonishing their budding adults that the most important aspect of any marriage is the ability to communicate, right? Keirsey's evidence supports their speculative wisdom.
Anecdotally, moreover, Keirsey's theory seems to carry more weight. Before I even knew about personality theories, I fell in love with two of my Keirseyian matches, INTJs (who happen to be my conflicting partners according to socionics)--marrying the latter. Out of my immediate family, five of the eight marriages are Keirseyian NF on NT, at least three of them perfect Keirseyian matches (opposite E/I and J/P preferences). I know that's anecdotal, but I see how well it works out between us, and I just want everyone here to know.
I hear a lot of skepticism regarding how an E/I, or an F/T, or a P/J match would work out, but these skeptics don't realize the communication potential of the shared N. Even when our conflicting preferences got in the way (as they sometimes did when we were younger) my INTJ husband and I could always talk freely with each other and know that we're being heard and understood. Out of this mutual understanding, we learned respect each other's preferences, and even find them fascinating.
Especially if each party matures enough to express their contradicting preferences in positive, constructing ways, these "opposites" become a source of balance to the other. DH has given me direction and focus, a degree of stability to nurture my creative potential. I offer him insight into his human relationships and optimism to buoy his doom and gloom premonitions. Within our intimacy of communication, we share a panoramic view of the world around us; always a ticket to the other side of the human spectrum.
Our marital functionality becomes also panoramic--rather than linear in direction, as it would in a Socionics duality match. This is especially helpful when having children because the temperament of the child is impossible to choose... (except that there tends to be a degree of genetic preference after the parents. For instance, we have an ENTJ son and an INFP son. Based on the prevalence of the S in the world, I suspect the N is more of a recessive trait.)
Moreover, my husband's parents were a socionic beneficiary match to the father (INTP<ISTJ) and, yes, they ran a highly functional household. Offhand, it was rather successful; they had four kids who all grew up to be successful, contributing members of society. But their ability to communicate with one another was (and is still) atrocious. After years of emotional estrangement, feeling misunderstood and micro-managed, his father left his mother for...an INFJ. A Keirseyian match. 12 years later, they're still together, second marriage for both; husband never saw his dad happier.
Besides what empirical evidence Keirsey offers, I realize that I am speculating mostly off of anecdotal evidence. (Of course, then, both Jung and Myers-Briggs did the same, and look what they came up with, right? That NFP is rather good, wouldn't you say?)
I just find it interesting that--whether or not the relationship works out--Keirseyian matches at PerC nearly always describe each other in terms of "instant connection," "chemical attraction," even "great sex" whereas socionic duality partners seem to find each other...requiring a great deal of maturity in order to appreciate (which is probably right, btw.)
My honest opinion? Socionics compatibility is an overwrought convoluted mess which offers only slight insight into the human condition as well as lots of bad dating advice.
P.S. Keirsey's compatibility theory differs from the MBTI compatibility theory. Some folks get them confused, which is unfortunate, since MB's compatibility theory was as bad, if not worse, than socionics'. For folks that are new to his theory, his book is a better resource, but his website gives the gist: Keirsey Temperament Website - Personality and Your Career
Socionics compatibility theory seems to be based upon functionality--i.e., what the pair can accomplish by together contributing all sides of the equation and focusing them in one direction, either J or P. This compelling, especially if the primary focus of the relationship is function, especially working relationships, etc. My husband's boss is his duality partner, and they work splendidly together. His sister is also his duality partner, and they also have a tight relationship, often seeking out each other for input on their latest projects or ideas.
However, Keirsey found that people tend to be romantically attracted based on their ability to communicate with one another--i.e. either the shared N or the shared S. (According to K, N's think and communicate abstractly, S's think and communicate non-abstractly). With regards to romance, he found that linear functionality is less important to folks than intimacy.
You always hear older folks admonishing their budding adults that the most important aspect of any marriage is the ability to communicate, right? Keirsey's evidence supports their speculative wisdom.
Anecdotally, moreover, Keirsey's theory seems to carry more weight. Before I even knew about personality theories, I fell in love with two of my Keirseyian matches, INTJs (who happen to be my conflicting partners according to socionics)--marrying the latter. Out of my immediate family, five of the eight marriages are Keirseyian NF on NT, at least three of them perfect Keirseyian matches (opposite E/I and J/P preferences). I know that's anecdotal, but I see how well it works out between us, and I just want everyone here to know.
I hear a lot of skepticism regarding how an E/I, or an F/T, or a P/J match would work out, but these skeptics don't realize the communication potential of the shared N. Even when our conflicting preferences got in the way (as they sometimes did when we were younger) my INTJ husband and I could always talk freely with each other and know that we're being heard and understood. Out of this mutual understanding, we learned respect each other's preferences, and even find them fascinating.
Especially if each party matures enough to express their contradicting preferences in positive, constructing ways, these "opposites" become a source of balance to the other. DH has given me direction and focus, a degree of stability to nurture my creative potential. I offer him insight into his human relationships and optimism to buoy his doom and gloom premonitions. Within our intimacy of communication, we share a panoramic view of the world around us; always a ticket to the other side of the human spectrum.
Our marital functionality becomes also panoramic--rather than linear in direction, as it would in a Socionics duality match. This is especially helpful when having children because the temperament of the child is impossible to choose... (except that there tends to be a degree of genetic preference after the parents. For instance, we have an ENTJ son and an INFP son. Based on the prevalence of the S in the world, I suspect the N is more of a recessive trait.)
Moreover, my husband's parents were a socionic beneficiary match to the father (INTP<ISTJ) and, yes, they ran a highly functional household. Offhand, it was rather successful; they had four kids who all grew up to be successful, contributing members of society. But their ability to communicate with one another was (and is still) atrocious. After years of emotional estrangement, feeling misunderstood and micro-managed, his father left his mother for...an INFJ. A Keirseyian match. 12 years later, they're still together, second marriage for both; husband never saw his dad happier.
Besides what empirical evidence Keirsey offers, I realize that I am speculating mostly off of anecdotal evidence. (Of course, then, both Jung and Myers-Briggs did the same, and look what they came up with, right? That NFP is rather good, wouldn't you say?)
I just find it interesting that--whether or not the relationship works out--Keirseyian matches at PerC nearly always describe each other in terms of "instant connection," "chemical attraction," even "great sex" whereas socionic duality partners seem to find each other...requiring a great deal of maturity in order to appreciate (which is probably right, btw.)
My honest opinion? Socionics compatibility is an overwrought convoluted mess which offers only slight insight into the human condition as well as lots of bad dating advice.
P.S. Keirsey's compatibility theory differs from the MBTI compatibility theory. Some folks get them confused, which is unfortunate, since MB's compatibility theory was as bad, if not worse, than socionics'. For folks that are new to his theory, his book is a better resource, but his website gives the gist: Keirsey Temperament Website - Personality and Your Career
). Sometimes, you just shut up. Both adjust if they want to make it work. No matter if it's N/N, N/S or S/S.
