So, at first, I thought my dad was an ENTJ but then I found out through the ENTJ forum that he is an ESTJ since he holds on to tradition and, he is also a perfectionist. Have any of you INFJs had any experice growing up with an ESTJ parent? What was it like for you?
Any INFJs here who grew up with an ESTJ parent?
Quiet Is The New Loud
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So, at first, I thought my dad was an ENTJ but then I found out through the ENTJ forum that he is an ESTJ since he holds on to tradition and, he is also a perfectionist. Have any of you INFJs had any experice growing up with an ESTJ parent? What was it like for you?
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Have an ESTJ dad. Awesome guy. Has his flaws. I felt suffocated with 'his' way as well as his religion for a very long time. Broke away a few years ago and now we have a very cordial even loving relationship, but I will never want to live his life as he seemed to want to project onto me without realization. He was never a bad person for it. Just that he saw his way as the right way and my way as something that would never work --- but I proved him wrong and now he's opened up as a human being.
Sometimes he'll even say "I love you, son" ... and I'm like ... "what the fuck happened to you, old man? You might wanna get your testosterone levels checked."
With age I've come to appreciate the absolute ROCK he was for our family. The things he did against all odds. Holy FUCK. I admire and respect him to death.
Anyways, some advice in general about SJ's --- Sometimes it's ok to pretend you'll do something their way, but actually do it your way and show results.
They'll respect you more and give you more freedom. If you let them suffocate you, they will without even realizing it.
Sometimes he'll even say "I love you, son" ... and I'm like ... "what the fuck happened to you, old man? You might wanna get your testosterone levels checked."
With age I've come to appreciate the absolute ROCK he was for our family. The things he did against all odds. Holy FUCK. I admire and respect him to death.
Anyways, some advice in general about SJ's --- Sometimes it's ok to pretend you'll do something their way, but actually do it your way and show results.
They'll respect you more and give you more freedom. If you let them suffocate you, they will without even realizing it.
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i have an ESTJ dad too, type 1. this all sounds familiar!
i guess for me, i gave up on receiving his emotional love a looooooooooooooong time ago... early childhood. it was just impossible to meet his standard for anything... everything was met with criticism.. after a while i learned to just do things my way and ignore his criticism. we're similar - i am my fathers son, but very different at the same time.
as an adult now, i see he was showing his love... but by being that rock, fixing shit for me when it was broken, providing meals, roof over my head, etc... all stuff i didnt notice/appreciate as a kid as i thought it was a given. what i was lookin for was emotional love... which i didnt get from him, and since mom worked 20 hrs/day , i didnt get much there either.
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This all rings very true if my experience as well. It's interesting how he's become more emotionally available and accessible with age when he was basically void of it all (He's a 3 so his entire life was based around his narcissism) during my younger years where I actually needed it hah.i have an ESTJ dad too, type 1. this all sounds familiar!
i guess for me, i gave up on receiving his emotional love a looooooooooooooong time ago... early childhood. it was just impossible to meet his standard for anything... everything was met with criticism.. after a while i learned to just do things my way and ignore his criticism. we're similar - i am my fathers son, but very different at the same time.
as an adult now, i see he was showing his love... but by being that rock, fixing shit for me when it was broken, providing meals, roof over my head, etc... all stuff i didnt notice/appreciate as a kid as i thought it was a given. what i was lookin for was emotional love... which i didnt get from him, and since mom worked 20 hrs/day , i didnt get much there either.
My mom (INFJ) tried to fill the void he left by becoming both father and mother at the same time, but it was never the same as knowing that you have this man whose house you live in, who you're supposed to love and respect because he birthed you and sometimes takes everyone out to do cool stuff with but never has the time to actually talk to you about you. I don't think I ever knew that love can exist between father and son the way it exists between mother and son.
Dude was that classic absentee father and if you even try to suggest he was even just to have a conversation about it, he'll take it as a personal insult --- so we just talk about politics and religion and random shit now. There's no way I can ever have a deep heart-to-heart with the man and I've accepted it.
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I never got to know my dad at all so I guess I probably lucked out on this one compared to other people who suffered horrendous abuse.
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@Reap @nablur
I can relate to both of you here. I did feel like my dad was doing all he can to provide for me and my family by going to work to earn money. I also felt that he was not emotionally available to me and my brother because my dad was always busy with work and often get stressed out about work-related issues. So because of that, it was hard for him to be more laid back and free-spirited. However, he is a good person.
However, my mom (I think she may be an ESFJ) did fill that void by being emotionally available to my and my brother. She would ask me how school is going and if everything is going okay for me. She would also give me spiritual guidance. My mom is a homemaker.
I can relate to both of you here. I did feel like my dad was doing all he can to provide for me and my family by going to work to earn money. I also felt that he was not emotionally available to me and my brother because my dad was always busy with work and often get stressed out about work-related issues. So because of that, it was hard for him to be more laid back and free-spirited. However, he is a good person.
However, my mom (I think she may be an ESFJ) did fill that void by being emotionally available to my and my brother. She would ask me how school is going and if everything is going okay for me. She would also give me spiritual guidance. My mom is a homemaker.
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Slight differences
Dad: ESTJ 3w2
Mom: INFJ 5w6
Sister: Kinda stressed to type but I'm thinking ESXJ 3w2
Brother: ENTJ 8w7
Myself: ESTP 7w6
Siblings are practically twins and a family of overachievers.
Fuck that shit. I still went and did my life my way eventually.
all Js.... And a very similar family to yours.
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dang it, when i finally do find a chick to knock up, that will probably be me too... i hope my son doesnt secretly wish that
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