ENFP and hiding emotions - is it weird?

I dont know about you, but everytime something happens in terms of mourning for a love one or something drastically negative happens in my life , I kinda just hide and let my emotions out. One time when I was a kid my mother died when I was the age of 9 and when I was looking at her via the wake , it was just too much to handle. Throughout the funural I literally hid from everyone and did not want any emotional actions ( such as hugging ). I didnt like people seeing me crying and I just feel like in a way it helped to cope. when my cat died I was basically the same way ( yet my dad wanted me to be extremely huggy with him and I told him to respect my wishes).

During work, If I get severely emotional , I hold it in and keep a smile facade going then I go to the bathroom and sob 3 hours straight.

When I go to my mothers grave, I want to be alone and with no one there. Its like I am embarrassed if someone notices me or it just helps me focus.

Now I do not know if this is an ENFP thing or a " me " kind of thing . I was wondering if any ENFPS out there had this kind of experience of any kind. is it normal for me in a way of myers briggs or society to act on such ways ( cause my dad calls me weird for doing it ).

You aren't weird at all. I'm also an ENFP and I NEED alone time to process things, I can't imagine how much I'd need to do that if I went through something like you have. I've also been through some very dark times but because I hide away, it's rare that people see me at my worst. Maybe that's why so many people think about us ENFPs as never-down-happy-go-lucky types, people literally don't see us when we shut ourselves off. I think that it's healthy to an extent, it's the way we cope. I get it through, we're all emotions and hugs usually, it can feel like we're being out of character but I assure you, it's perfectly normal. But just fyi, sometimes I'll let someone in, like a friend with a shared experience (or in my case my INFP friends for some reason, I seem to collect INFPs) and the relief of sharing those experiences can be really healing when you're ready x

I practically always repress negative emotions publicly. I sometimes wonder if there's a natural instinctual defence mechanism that does this for me. I'd done all the crying I could before the funeral of my grandmother, at her funeral I was one of the few to make a speech, I was surprised at how coldly I could do it, like I had lost access to my emotions. I had a few come up to me later telling me that they would have cried if they were in my position and it made me feel guilty that I didn't. I wondered if there was something wrong with me. Maybe I didn't care enough. I wonder though, if it were my mother maybe I would be overflowing with emotions like you were though.

My parents told me about a girl at my school had died, not knowing that girl was one I considered a friend, talked to everyday and I just broke down in front of them. I wanted to escape and I certainly did not what comfort when they offered it. I felt ashamed when I shouldn't have.

I'm glad you mentioned the work thing, I used to do the same thing. I think it's even more acceptable to avoid emotions in a professional space though. But I would have long bathroom breaks just to hide in a stall to recuperate when things felt overwhelming... It was an unhealthy period of my life because I did that far too regularly. I'd sometimes do the same thing to stave off panic attacks... I never told anyone about that, if anyone was paying attention they should think that I have bladder issues. That said I did cry once or twice when procrastinating at my desk and watching some really sad videos (probably about humanitarian charities), possibly because I was already constantly overwhelmed by suppressed emotion but I didn't feel so self-conscious about that because it wasn't directly personal reasons. I'm fine crying publicly (although it's very rare) to fictional things or things removed from me but as soon as it's about me it's a flight instinct.

I mean, during the time that I suffering like that and hiding in the bathroom and such I opened up to my closest about my suffering and they had no idea... I mean maybe I should commend myself because I successfully hid the emotions when I tried to but I was also disappointed that they couldn't read that from me.

Whilst I try to bottle it up until I'm home alone I've noticed that does me damage. I'd try to actively let it out and feel cold about it instead of crying. One time I thought I was moving on from something that caused me grief because I couldn't cry over it until my parents questioned how it was going and I unexpectedly find myself crying. I kept apologising, just trying to fight that because... I don't know why really, I probably should have felt relief and comfort, and well, I did, but I also felt ashamed and I wonder if I have this obsession with controlling my emotions that the chaotic truth to them terrifies me.

backdrop12 said:

I dont know about you, but everytime something happens in terms of mourning for a love one or something drastically negative happens in my life , I kinda just hide and let my emotions out. One time when I was a kid my mother died when I was the age of 9 and when I was looking at her via the wake , it was just too much to handle. Throughout the funural I literally hid from everyone and did not want any emotional actions ( such as hugging ). I didnt like people seeing me crying and I just feel like in a way it helped to cope. when my cat died I was basically the same way ( yet my dad wanted me to be extremely huggy with him and I told him to respect my wishes).

During work, If I get severely emotional , I hold it in and keep a smile facade going then I go to the bathroom and sob 3 hours straight.

When I go to my mothers grave, I want to be alone and with no one there. Its like I am embarrassed if someone notices me or it just helps me focus.

Now I do not know if this is an ENFP thing or a " me " kind of thing . I was wondering if any ENFPS out there had this kind of experience of any kind. is it normal for me in a way of myers briggs or society to act on such ways ( cause my dad calls me weird for doing it ).

Click to expand...

Everyone is weird. ENFPs are just more likely to express their weirdness than others. It's interesting because while ENFPs are more likely to be concerned with social judgement, they are also less likely to allow social judgement to define their actions. This is something about ENFPs that baffles people who try to motivate them through negative or positive reinforcements. They can tell you care what they think as it can certainly upset you or make you smile, but somehow it doesn't really motivate you to act one way or the other. I say this because I suspect your dad is only calling you weird as a way to motivate you into expressing your emotions and allowing him to shower you with love, which is something you need when you go through the things you went through.

I think it's repressive for all men out there generally and it's harder for those who are more emotional than others. Would I ever show my emotions in public? Hell no. In private with someone I trust is a whole different ball game however.

Like other people have said, that's not weird at all: it's Fi. I don't like having unpleasant emotions (sadness and anger mainly) in front of other people. I have never cried at a funeral, for instance. Of course, I have never been close to the people who have died, but some people cry just because other people are crying.