How to ruin your career & burn 100 bridges in one go

entpmeist · Feb 6, 2019

This is a long ramble that I don't know why I'm writing. Need to get this off my chest, don't have a lot of people to talk to. I'm a guy btw.

I found my passion early on (as a teenager) in online marketing.
And when I say passion, I mean passion.
I grew up poor, in a very abusive environment.

I'm sorry if this is too graphical to some of you, but I kind of feel it's relevant to the story, but my father used to tie my feet together with a belt and hit us with a cord until we sometimes started bleeding as part of our religious upbringing. It was very rough and I have not forgiven him for it even though he's tried to ask for forgiveness multiple times since.

I also got relentlessly bullied at school. Most kids in my neighbourhood wanted to become petty criminals, I did not. I really enjoyed having fun and laughing together with people. I was always the class clown. I remember finding it absurd to have people being scared of me, I never wanted that. Such a distant thing for me.

Despite all the hardships I endured, I was always nice to people. Sometimes too nice.

Anyways, back to my passion in online marketing. It got to the point where I started making money from my room in my PJ's. You can probably imagine the feeling. I had finally found something I enjoyed and where people naturally came to me for advice.

10 years later I work with digital marketing professionally. And it was the best thing ever.

I was getting paid to do what I loved. And oh boy did I enjoy it.

I always had new ideas that made us a lot of money.
I remember when Pokémon was new. I got the idea to combine that with our marketing and it was an instant hit.
Some of my ideas were flat-out crazy, but they worked and I even managed to exceed my own expectations of myself.

There was only one problem, or well, a few. My colleagues (3 women 10 years my senior) would take note of my competency/passion and not only feel jealous, but actively try to bully & undermine me.

I never intended to hurt anyone with my ideas, and all I did was my best - but that really got on peoples nerves.

We were working for a startup which needed to grow and I felt like what I was doing was exactly why I got hired. I often felt my colleagues were being lazy, not in comparison to me, but just in general. I never told them this of course, but just kept my head down and tried focusing on my own tasks.

It's as if they were looking to remain at their positions for the rest of their lives and I was not.

Not gonna lie, a lot of resentment built up over the years as I just had a hard time respecting someone that did everything and anything to never have to lift a finger. These people were really as lazy as they get. And I understand not everyone has the same goals, and that is fine.

Anyways. I think I managed to outshine not only my colleagues but my boss as well. And the CEO too...

I mean, people were calling me the CEO in a joking way and although I felt it was very flattering I never intended to make enemies.

I was probably an overachiever looking back. And a natural leader.

2 of my colleagues decided they couldn't keep up with their workload, and started crying in our team meetings.
I'm not an asshole in my opinion, and I can accept crying in a professional environment, except it kept happening like clockwork every meeting we had. Even in front of people.

It got to a point where my boss felt like he had to do something.

His way of fixing the problem... Was to try to get me to do the work of the girls.

Obviously I felt this was unfair as I already had enough work for 2 people.

So he basically created a new plan for the department... Where I was gifted the work of my 2 colleagues....

2 girls literally had NOTHING on their plate at this point. And I had my job + their 2 roles to cover.

I felt this was unfair and upon letting my boss know he just brushed it away. I felt disrespected.

I decided to turn in my resignation (1 month notice in my country).

Only problem was I wasn't able to keep my cool for 1 whole month. I just felt it was so unfair.

So I took my things and went out the door :sad:

This is the story of how I ruined a perfectly good career. Don't even know why I'm writing this.

Having such a hard time moving on I suppose. My reputation is ruined, I'm getting no jobs, and am about to lose my apartment.

Nobody wants to hire me (of course not) and I live in a small town so my reputation is destroyed forever in my industry.

I just feel like my life is a complete disaster, and always have been. I don't think I will ever become normal.

Honestly, not a lot is keeping me from ending my own life at this point. I just don't feel it's worth it, you know?

I just feel so bad. Like I'm set out to always be failing in epic ways for the rest of my life.
I just wish I was a bit like everyone else. I'm starting to feel it would be selfish of me to reproduce in the future.

How do I move on from this?

Everywhere I go my reputation follows me and nobody seems to see my side of the story. I just feel like ending my life would be a way to end the pain, because nothing ever changes

I wake up every morning feeling like all I want to do is to die. Even if I do get a job, it won't be in the field I want it to be. Nobody wants to talk to me anymore and I just feel so misunderstood... Please don't laugh at me

I did start a business that was making me money but that didn't last long as I couldn't keep up with the bills, I just feel like a complete and utter failure and don't know for how much longer I can take this

SummerRoads · Feb 8, 2019

Hi entpmeist,

I'm so sorry you're going through a hard time right now. I'm here to just say that your life is valuable and please don't give up on it. We all face setbacks in life and while this may seem like the end of worlds right now to you please please please believe me, it is not. There are so many wonderful things that will still come your way in life, this is just one of the harder times. You have been through so much that you didn't deserve as a child and I'm sure that's crazy hard to process and heal from. I wish I could all take that pain away from you because you didn't deserve that.

About your job, these things happen. You are not the first person to walk off on a job and feel like they burned some bridges. I'm here to tell you it will be okay. The fact that you have such a passion for online marketing that you were outshining your CEO speaks volumes. You will be hired again and find work. Maybe you'll have to look a little further than your hometown right now or see if there aren't jobs you can do online for different companies or maybe even pick up and move to another state. (I am certain your boss doesn't have control over the entire global online marketing sphere...) Or as an ENTP maybe you'll find a new passion in like half a second and run with that. Your life is not over. That job at that particular company might be but that isn't what defines you anyway. You are you for all the many things that make you great. Not for your job.

Call a friend and have them tell you some things they like about you. Think of your own things you like about you. Write it down. Every night think of 3 things you like about yourself or that you appreciate about your life. If you're stressed about online marketing and paying bills, then go find a different temporary job doing something totally different. Just to clear your head and the air a bit while paying bills. Take up a random hobby you haven't done in forever or something new. You need to hit a mental reset. Your life is not defined by your job. And it's definitely not a reason to end it. And those skills that made you great? They're still there. Those are a part of you now and you can take that with you anywhere. You are amazing for you! Keep a journal where you write down any moment that makes you truly happy. Then do more of those. Analyze it, see what exactly it is about those moments that make you feel good (e.g. someone complemented a good idea you had, you helped make someone's day better, etc.). Also, see if your insurance will cover seeing a therapist a bit. Processing your difficult childhood and this hard situation will only help you in the future.

We all hit ruts and we all have regrets over the way we've acted before whether at work or privately. You are not the first nor the last person to experience this. You have many options open to you still as those skills are yours to keep. In the end, you made a mistake and now like all other adults out there you have to suck it up and learn from it and move on. You don't give up. You keep going forward and things will get better.

Hang in there. Things will get better if you want them to. Say what you're grateful for every day. Clear your head by following a different interesting passion for awhile. Be kind to yourself and reach out and call your friends when you're feeling low. Don't give up on this life. It is amazing and special and so are you!

Shrodingers drink · Feb 8, 2019

The only thing your job provided was an outlet for your extroverted intuition and an income. Its also obvious that the environment was toxic as hell and in the long run you are better off away from it. As amazing as it is to have a feeling of success, being surrounded by petty colleagues and unsupportive bosses is a nightmare. Unfortunately like you I also spent my formative years in hell due to bullying, something that I was very fortunate to survive. Somehow managed to get though University only to discover I hated my field (scientific reasearch) with a passion, and had to deal with feelings of failure that come from wasting years of my life. Thing is life isn’t about being successful, it about what we choose to become of ourselves despite our failures. Unimaginable suffering can allow you to perceive unimaginable beauty. As an ENTP you are a people person on some level. See if you can find a job where you interact with positive hard working people. Don’t worry about the prestige of the job, be it serving coffees, or in my case cleaning blood of surgical instruments. Us ENTPs can do just about anything for short periods of time.

Yoda · Feb 8, 2019

I would not have much to add, except just learn from this experience. And I agree, there is nothing you ENTPs can not do ones you set your mind to. This is not an obstacle for you, but an opportunity to grow.

polluxs · Feb 8, 2019

Considering your situation / mental health, wouldn't it be good to move outside the influence of your reputation to start with something fresh?

Crudely said: it doesn't sound like there is anything left for you there. You have nothing to lose considering you're already thinking about your life as "worthless" / considered suicide.

It's not. You had bad luck and made some mistakes. The only way you drown is when you let the ship sink. And at those moments it might be better to crash on the shore to look there 🙂

Desthro · Feb 8, 2019

The others provided you with some basic advice, but I'm here to tell you that your experience is not unusual, and that it WAS unfair, and the fact that you are gone is going to make the work harder for them as they'll realize, eventually, that they needed you and should have been holding the other workers accountable. I don't know the whole story, only your part, but many men who work hard and diligently do sometimes end up doing the work of their counterparts, especially female counterparts. Not sure where you're from, but your boss is basically a retard who was probably trying to look good to the females in the hopes that he could get some tail from them.

First, you did the right thing. They were using you, and what was happening there was not only unfair, but discriminatory and wrong. Fuck them. You don't need them, they needed you, and you shouldn't take flak from them for it either. When you interview and they bring it up, what do you say? It should be something like, "It's sad that they've been saying these things about me. They must be upset that they lost one of their top producers. *show numbers*" If they press more, "I left because the CEO was enforcing sexist workplace policies." And leave it at that.

Second, you're down, but you aren't out. Things take time to get better, and this is no exception. You must focus on getting better and getting done what you need to get done. Not accomplishing anything is a sure-fire way to keep yourself depressed, feeling hopeless, and ultimately prolonging the duration of your recovery. Dwelling on what happened isn't going to fix or change it. You CAN, however, change your trajectory and work towards getting yourself to where you want to be.

Ensure you do these things every day:
Eat Well
Exercise
Get Enough Sleep

Your body and mind are going to need these three things while you figure out a plan to get yourself back to where you want to be.

You were making money in your pajamas sitting on your ass in your room. What makes you think you can't do that again? Why can't you move to a new area? Why can't you move to a new country? If you are a marketing genius, you have valuable skills that you can demonstrate via numbers. If you have leadership skills, demonstrate what happened when projects involved you and how you shaped them. Start your own projects. You have the skills you need in order to take charge of your life. Apply them to your life. Market yourself. You have what it takes.

The only thing stopping you is YOU.

desire machine · Feb 12, 2019

entpmeist said:
I'm sorry if this is too graphical to some of you, but I kind of feel it's relevant to the story, but my father used to tie my feet together with a belt and hit us with a cord until we sometimes started bleeding as part of our religious upbringing. It was very rough and I have not forgiven him for it even though he's tried to ask for forgiveness multiple times since.

wtf religion would that be a part of? u don't have to answer... i'm sure its painful to think about and didn't have much to do w/ rest of post anyway.

...anyway what country are you in? 2 weeks is typical in US... but if it's an abusive situation I think culture here is more forgiving... I'd have a lot more respect for and prefer to hire someone who didn't hestiate to walk away from an abusive job and I feel like a lot of employers would feel similarly if you seem like a standup guy.

Also why not work for yourself? I would think being able to work for yourself and freelance would be a huge part of the appeal of a career like online marketing.

Also why not look for jobs in other careers to at least hold you over money wise... might not be same where you are, but where I live it's easy to get a job waiting tables or in retail... not much to live off of, but will bring in some cash so that whatever you've got saved up lasts a little longer while you look for another job.

..or try moving.

In anycase, don't give up. Keep pushing.

FueledByEvil · Feb 13, 2019

Ijm going to try answering this as I read it...lets have some fun!

entpmeist said:
This is a long ramble that I don't know why I'm writing. Need to get this off my chest, don't have a lot of people to talk to. I'm a guy btw.

Great place to unload some stress!

entpmeist said:
I grew up poor, in a very abusive environment.

Relative but I will put it against first world and assume poor
means less than rich.

entpmeist said:
I'm sorry if this is too graphical to some of you, but I kind of feel it's relevant to the story, but my father used to tie my feet together with a belt and hit us with a cord until we sometimes started bleeding as part of our religious upbringing. It was very rough and I have not forgiven him for it even though he's tried to ask for forgiveness multiple times since.

Hmmm I too spent a portion of my childhood in a dogmatic system.
Quite literally a cult. Very abusive in all ways, sexually,physically certainly
mentally. I am 40 years old and a very fulfilled man. Ask about coping
mechanisms if you would like. I truly care for this kind of item.

entpmeist said:
I also got relentlessly bullied at school. Most kids in my neighbourhood wanted to become petty criminals, I did not. I really enjoyed having fun and laughing together with people. I was always the class clown. I remember finding it absurd to have people being scared of me, I never wanted that. Such a distant thing for me.

I was not bullied nor did I bully. Sounds crappy on either side. I mean people tried to bully
but yeah...Im a scrapper so it never really lasted long.

entpmeist said:
Despite all the hardships I endured, I was always nice to people. Sometimes too nice.

Once bitten, twice shy. Always being nice to people works great!
50% of the time. Leaving you to fail the other 50%. Try being
malleable. People shouldn't get respect until it is earned
or gleaned.

entpmeist said:
10 years later I work with digital marketing professionally. And it was the best thing ever.

Best thing ever for ENT is like 5 year life spans on stuff.
Then we tend to bore ourselves into nothingness. At least
from my observations. That is not to say we cant
commit to a career it is more to say that it very seldom
allows for "the best thing ever" title for very long.

entpmeist said:
I remember when Pokémon was new. I got the idea to combine that with our marketing

So ....did ...you ...catch them ....all?
Seems like you poké evolved the marketing.

entpmeist said:
There was only one problem, or well, a few. My colleagues (3 women 10 years my senior) would take note of my competency/passion and not only feel jealous, but actively try to bully & undermine me.

Envious is how they felt. I like how you specify "try".
That is all they can do is try...

entpmeist said:
I never intended to hurt anyone with my ideas, and all I did was my best - but that really got on peoples nerves.

Everything we do will most likely be at the cost of someone else.
All you can do is what you believe to be true(ist). Being good at
something does create competition. Whats wrong with that?
Indeed how one separates themselves from the chafe.

entpmeist said:
We were working for a startup which needed to grow and I felt like what I was doing was exactly why I got hired. I often felt my colleagues were being lazy, not in comparison to me, but just in general. I never told them this of course, but just kept my head down and tried focusing on my own tasks.

Sounds like you work for a Union. No one likes a hard committed worker
in some Unions. You are raising the bar. Now they must work more.
How dare you. Leverage their laziness. If that isnt possible?
Leave the cesspool.

entpmeist said:
It's as if they were looking to remain at their positions for the rest of their lives and I was not.

Yes, yes, most people want a single career for life. Pretty standard.
Also the going idea in our society.

entpmeist said:
Not gonna lie, a lot of resentment built up over the years as I just had a hard time respecting someone that did everything and anything to never have to lift a finger. These people were really as lazy as they get. And I understand not everyone has the same goals, and that is fine.

If someone does "everything and anything" to secure a cushy life within the
system that is brought to bare on them then how are they doing things wrong?
They are doing them exactly right. Are you truly resentful of unoriginal people?
I sure hope not. I mean if they worked liked you? You would be them.
Hows that gunna work? You cant be an innovator if everyone is you.
Then you just are. If everyone was innovating you would not be innovating
anymore.

entpmeist said:
2 of my colleagues decided they couldn't keep up with their workload, and started crying in our team meetings.

Only problem was I wasn't able to keep my cool for 1 whole month. I just felt it was so unfair.

So I took my things and went out the door :sad:

Hard to say but I may have done the same thing. I would have tried threats and
manipulation a bit more beforehand though. Money talks. So unless the boss
is balls deep in these other woman ? The money you claim to have made
for them would certainly allow for your threats to fall onto a receptive
audience. Now I say threats yet I am paraphrasing a longer
manipulative threat play. Hard to explain. I do it all the time.

entpmeist said:
This is the story of how I ruined a perfectly good career. Don't even know why I'm writing this.

But it wasnt good.... You just spent paragraphs complaining about how bad it
had become. How is that good? Looks to me like they ruined you for themselves.

entpmeist said:
Having such a hard time moving on I suppose. My reputation is ruined, I'm getting no jobs, and am about to lose my apartment.

Nobody wants to hire me (of course not) and I live in a small town so my reputation is destroyed forever in my industry.

If your job was making money on computers then I fail to see how you must
work at a local shop or local physical place.
Did I miss something here?
Do you not have internet? As you read PerC?

entpmeist said:
I just feel like my life is a complete disaster, and always have been. I don't think I will ever become normal.

Welcome to the club! we are 7billion strong.

entpmeist said:
Honestly, not a lot is keeping me from ending my own life at this point. I just don't feel it's worth it, you know?

Well thats one way yet it seems lazy and a copout much like the women
at your old work place. I thought you beyond that. Nothing is worth what?
worth is a loaded word. You dont know worth until you have done something
to conclude it is worth it. Taking your life is speculation that you are not
going to be worth something. Maybe you have been worthless. So? Change that.

Seems to me you are getting beat down by life's observed reality.
Fun Fact: 10% of people do 80% of the work.
In all facets of life that require more than one person.

Does it suck? Well I depends on how you look at it.
On one hand you can be part of the ten percent and
and feel morally or whatever ...

On the other you can try to be part of the, just get by and use
people/items to a selfish self serving end. Either option can make people happy.
I am unsure what one may be better or worse.

Myself personally I try and do both.

entpmeist said:
I just feel so bad. Like I'm set out to always be failing in epic ways for the rest of my life.
I just wish I was a bit like everyone else. I'm starting to feel it would be selfish of me to reproduce in the future.

Failing is learning. As long as you look for the meaning.
Did you ever think that everyone feels like there own person?
That everyone feels like an individual? We all have the
thoughts that we are not like others. Why is that? Because we ARE
individuals my man. We are not alike and we all feel alienated
and different at times. Sometimes for a very long time.
To look at being an individual as a bad thing is to say you
want to be lazy and just ....be..... You spent the first half of this post
extolling your virtue over others. Yet now you claim to want to be
them?! Dont do it! Be you...you do you very well.

entpmeist said:
How do I move on from this?

Over simplification time because it is at the point with you
that you need to go back to basics to start building that ego again.

Wake up. Take a shower and go outside.
Or online and look for work. Just that.
Wake up. Shower. Eat. Put one foot in front of the other.
There will be days you literally have to convince
yourself to take the dam blanket off and leave the bed.
I have had times like that. I literally have conversations with myself.
"Okay FBE...wake up...now put one foot on the floor"

entpmeist said:
Everywhere I go my reputation follows me and nobody seems to see my side of the story. I just feel like ending my life would be a way to end the pain, because nothing ever changes

Are you sure that ends the pain? Based on what? All the dead people you talk to?
Things can and do change. Change is not your beast right now....indeed lack of
change is what ills you. Not convinced? Stay the way you are and I am sure
you see what I am saying.

entpmeist said:
I wake up every morning feeling like all I want to do is to die. Even if I do get a job, it won't be in the field I want it to be. Nobody wants to talk to me anymore and I just feel so misunderstood... Please don't laugh at me

Can I laugh with you? I would love to.
I have lived this before my friend. There is a way through this.
The hardest part is believing that it is possible and taking the
baby steps to secure the change.

entpmeist said:
I did start a business that was making me money but that didn't last long as I couldn't keep up with the bills, I just feel like a complete and utter failure and don't know for how much longer I can take this

Failure for an ENT is the cheapest education you can get! Learn from it.
There is always something to glean from failure. It is never wasted.

A lot of first time posters do not return. I sure hope that
is not the case with you.

My thoughts are with you during this time. Truly. This is
not lip service. There is a way through that makes sense. You just
have to start thinking that you are capable of that sense.

Message me if you need to. Vent, laugh, cry ...whateves.
Dont take the easy way. Its typically not the ENTP
way.

entpmeist · Feb 19, 2019

Thank you all for your responses. They mean a lot to me.

I surely didn't expect this kind of love from strangers online. I didn't think anyone would take the time to read all of this.

Thank you so much. I am still very much alive although I have even less money in my pocket right now!

Really looking forward to seeing some change in my life soon. I can't keep on living like this.

Don't know what else to say

FueledByEvil · Feb 19, 2019

entpmeist said:
Thank you all for your responses. They mean a lot to me.

I surely didn't expect this kind of love from strangers online. I didn't think anyone would take the time to read all of this.

Thank you so much. I am still very much alive although I have even less money in my pocket right now!

Really looking forward to seeing some change in my life soon. I can't keep on living like this.

Don't know what else to say

No need to say anything. Just keep living.

there is a saying I am sure I am going to ruin it be here goes..

"he who has a what can endure any how"
Something to that ilk.

As hard as it may be for NTP at times, I think a one sided goal right now
would do you some justice.

Remember, start with achievable items that may seem arbitrary.
They are some of the easiest returns on fulfillment you can get.

Eysan · Feb 20, 2019

You're not worthless! _ Asides from what they've already said, ... this too shall pass. It always feel like the end of the world till you gain perspective and can look back and laugh.

You didn't ruin your career. You stood up for yourself on principle. I for one find that very admirable and I really hope you can find something else you love to do soon enough.

Next time I guess, try to see it coming. If hard work isn't being valued or respected in an organization, do not work harder than the majority of the people there. You give to the institution as much as it gives you.

Unfortunately over achieving is only valued by the over achievers among us. (not many humans value productivity surprisingly)
The rest of your effort and work put it into working for yourself and your own project or side business. Make sure before you invest your all into something that those people and that organization is worth doing that for.

Best wishes being sent your way

NineTypesOfLight · Feb 20, 2019

I mean like... move to Brazil and start a new life if it bothers you so much. Option ...apply to work at ANY other country ends? If anything you are looking for somewhere to live... bitch.

P.P.S. No, this is not the right address.

ANAXEL · Feb 21, 2019

There's always a way out.
There's always a way out.
There's always a way out!
Please keep that mindset.
I wish I could be wherever you are right now and give you a hug and take you out for lunch, dude.
No, please don't kill yourself.
Whenever you get money to pay for internet again, PLEASE keep us posted, I want to know that everything turned out fine for you. PLEASE!

DarkSideOfLight · Feb 28, 2019

Move to another city or country if you have to. Given the skills you posses you can make it happen. Or go online like freelance or smth.

xraydav · Mar 7, 2019

Are there any work from home jobs in the online marketing area?

Further education/training? (Like.. those 6 months courses?)

I’ve also tried the small business thing, with some success, ever tried switching up the product and what goods or services, are you selling?

I also am feeling a bit stuck, and live in those small towns myself. Don’t know how I got here xD things can only get better with time.

Drecon · Mar 7, 2019

Just move on to the next project. People like you are worth gold and your former boss is probably already regretting every decision he has made in this entire process. There's even a chance he comes back to you, begging to take your old job back (although a lot of people are too proud for this).

ENTPs shouldn't be too tied down anyway. A change of job every once in a while keeps things fresh.

How to ruin your career & burn 100 bridges in one go

entpmeist

SummerRoads

Shrodingers drink

Yoda

polluxs

Desthro

desire machine

FueledByEvil

entpmeist

FueledByEvil

Eysan

NineTypesOfLight

ANAXEL

DarkSideOfLight

xraydav

Drecon

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