Your argument is that ENFPs must necessarily be this way because of the functions yet it's the case many of us aren't this way. If you have a theory that circles can only ever be yellow and you come across a blue circle it means your rule was false to begin with and now you have to update your understanding. This is the correct way to think, at least if you want your theories to describe reality.
You're being vague. What way ENFPs are? The negatives I've said about ENFPs aren't my argument. They are my rant and a warning about how it can go so very, very bad. My argument is that ENFPs and INFJs cripple each other cognitively and shouldn't spend their lives together.
You describe your parents as having arguments and being unhappy, but you also called
@Ice Cream Man delusional when he described being happy in his relationship. So you may have enough evidence that your parents are deluding themselves, since you know them well enough, but you have conflicting evidence for the other case.
I'm describing my parents as being crippled by their relationship. Not too long ago I've heard my mother saying to him that, if were to be reborn, she would want to be with him again, and my dad said nothing, cool huh. That was after that "it may look good but it isn't" thing. Here is the difficult part. The perception of people involved in a relationship is not the ultimate measurment whether the relationship works well. As ludicrous as it might sound consider that a beaten wife can develop a battered wife syndrome and think everything is just dandy. My parents only ever knew each other romantically and have spent most of their lives together. How would they know?
I've had a clash with my mother, I've spilled a bit of oil on a table, not even on a tablecloth, and she kept nagging and nagging and nagging for good 15 minutes. When I finally snapped at her she asked "why are you being so mean, I was only bringing it to your attention". Do you see the delusion? It happened because my father never properly called her out on her nagging because it hit right in his Si critic and he was paralyzed. And he thought he deserved it all because, by default, introverted critic is hypocritical towards it's user and extroverted critic is hypocritical by forgetting to apply the same standards to it's own user.
It is insidious. It is a trap. A trap wouldn't work if it didn't beckon it's prey in, in some way or another. There is very strong magnetic pull, I don't question that, I've experienced that. But it's not good for any of the people involved.
Yes, Attachment Style Theory describes how our style develops since infanthood based on how our parents respond to us being needy infants and later as children still needing affection, security and attention from them.
From what I've heard my parents didn't treat me and my brother differently. This isn't verifiable, granted. Still, the difference between me and my brother was very clear, as far as our types go, from a very early age.
Your attachment style is predicated by your insecurities. Insecurities develop through traumas but there are also insecurities that are written into you from the start, in form of your lower functions. These can be somewhat influenced and addressed, that's part of developing and maturing, but while the needs may mellow down, they don't actually change. Their intensity might drop. In a different case they might be negated by living in a separate personality but it's not a natural, energetically effective, mode of operation.
It's going to vary on how that invasiveness is expressed and if it's followed with aggression. I've had good and bad experiences with FJs, mostly good with women, mostly bad with men, usually because they've been more aggressive. I don't guilt trip people habitually, because it is invasive, it's a tactic to make the environment do what you want them to, which is what (F)Jness is all about.
You have Fe critic dude. You absolutely do want to influence environment with it. Your theory on how extroverts operate is nonsense and I've explained that on the example of ENTJ, back when we discussed that matter, and you didn't offer a counter argument then.
Like I've said though, you don't have to do anything, you just need to remain aloof and INFJ will guilt trip themselves.
My closest friends I talk to daily and all throughout the day, from sharing memes to having serious discussions, couple others I talk with every few days. I don't understand when people intentionally go a long time without talking to friends. My longest friend I've known since we were 5, shortest superinnercircle friend I've had for 5 years now. I'm not closed off to potentially finding new people but I'm not actively seeking it either. I've only met people through my interests (and school), not because I decided I want to meet new people per se. So yea I'm pretty happy with the friends I have and don't try to avoid being attached to them or anything like that.
I think you are conflating being open to meeting new people, with avoidance for having close relationships when they are two separate things. Meeting someone interesting is a new opportunity for a deep, hopefully life long attachment because if we're interested in each other there's a chance we might be a good fit to offer each other something valuable. Avoiding attachments means you are pushing people away, seeking new people to become close to is obviously not avoidant.
In my romantic relationships, I seek for the other person to be my best friend and partner for as long as possible. I want them to know me, all parts of me and for me to know them well, to feel safe and comfortable to be our full selves and accept and at least tolerate each others' bad sides. I don't fear being attached with my partner at all. I think this is a part we have in common. I don't know how I'd feel if my partner died and I don't want to create an expectation for that as I don't see it being helpful.
In actuality I'm not conflating anything, it's just that our definitions of what constitutes a deep relationship are different, so very, very different. How can I relay that to you, if you don't understand that, for example, if you let 10 people to the same depth of your soul, then, when two need you at the same time, you have to make a choice - which of them is more important?
You don't truly understand the fear that is at the bottom of that need that I've shared with you, you cannot, you don't have that in you. You're wired differently and I don't understand your fundamental fear. You're an alien to me. Incomprehensible creature that shouldn't have any right to exist, yet here it stands and talks to me, for reasons I cannot fathom. What sorcerery is this, that you float where I would sink? The answer is: you're weightless, and you're weightless because you lack consistency. You have neither a structure nor foundation. You're a being made out of some shapeless mist, you take whatever form the situation requires, and that's how you lead your life and that life is out of question for me.
Your thoughts are not my thoughts and your ways are not my ways. It's impossible to be me and be with someone like you. Can you comprehend the chasm, that lays between us?
EDIT: I forgot to mention: you don't know how you'd feel and react if your partner died because
you don't know what you want. You're always eligible to change your mind. You'll embark on a journey, and I'll look at it and assume you have a certain goal in mind, but then you'll stop and go in an opposite direction, while I was already prepared for what happens at the end of that road. You cannot simulate consequences like IN_J can
(technically, if you work on yourself, you can learn how to simulate the wrong ones at least, so you know what you don't want, but you won't get there if you have an IN_J by your side). You're flimsy and flighty in my eyes, all of high Ne users are. Nothing can change that since I can sense that you have no idea what you actually want. IN_J needs security and constancy that you're not capable of providing. The only thing you can do is to lie, to act, to pretend and tell an IN_J exactly what they want to hear, without anything to back that up, betting on the IN_J to provide all of that backing. You can peddle me a dream, but you have no intention to ever taking any responsibility for fulfilling it. It's a dream of boundless freedom without consequences, and it's built on efforts and suffering of others, which you might not even understand at the time, since you can't simulate consequences.
Are you saying you only want one person in your life and no one else? If so, I think that sounds like you're an outlier in sociability even for INFJs. And I've met another who was like that as well, super depressed btw, but I know other healthy ones who are more normally sociable.
Socializing doesn't give me anything. I could feed my Fe that way, I guess, but in return I have to sacrifice the last bit of my individuality that I can grasp via Fi critic. Being with an ENFP drowns that voice of Fi critic completely, via the confidence that Fi parent exudes, which is one of the reasons it can seem like a dream, one of my heaviest burdens is taken away. However, shouldering that burden is the only way, for me, to learn how to resist social norms, fads, expectations and so on, that conflict with who I am and what is right.
Of course you wouldn't know many INFJs, that act like I do, because we're not out there. Whether that is me being outlier, or that being the norm for INFJs, is not verifiable by looking at the INFJs you've met because you'd mostly meet those that are social.
. But truly. It’s all truth and in the open and we work with persuasion so that whatever the choice is makes sense to the other person and is actually their choice. With Fe I’m not sure how that works exactly, but it’s the rare ENFP who doesn’t care about their partner. Honestly I think the danger is often the ENFP trying to be too flexible for their partner’s needs.
