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How do ENTJs command people's respect?

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jstanwick3

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Discussion starter · #1 ·
I am an INTP male who just graduated college and is looking to learn how ENTJs so easily capture people respect, especially in corporate settings. As an INTP, my Ne and my inferior Fe makes me want to be friends with people (and my lack of Se means I sometimes am awkward). This had led to some individuals (particularly ENTJs/ESTPs) see me as someone they can take advantage of - recently, an ENTJ intern came up to me and asked me to do part of their project FOR THEM, despite me being a full-time employee and them being an intern. I laughed at him and told him no but now I regret making myself available to the interns to answer their questions, bantering with them, and generally getting to know them, as I wished there was someone to do that for me when I was an intern last year.

ENTJs, how do you command respect when you enter a room and let people know they can't walk over you? I do tell people no when they cross a line for me but I feel like people can sense you have a high tolerance for BS - is the key just to nip things in the bud or being aloof and tight-lipped about any vulnerabilities?
 
#4 ·
I don’t think you need to change anything. They are going to test and delegate naturally. You didn’t allow yourself to be dominated, you stood your ground. Don’t worry about their attitude vs. yours, live and treat others the way you feel is right. You treating others the way you would like to be treated is valuable. It is not generally a system adopted by the ENTJ, but let me assure you, they tend to remember those who helped them become successful, or helped them in any way when it was not required and will return the favor in kind. They will prioritize people who have invested in them and they will give their valuable time first to those people, in my experience.
 
Discussion starter · #5 ·
DOGSOUP said:
I don't understand the issue. You can be friendly with interns, if they think you will do their work for them, then refuse like you did.
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I don't mind helping people but this dude was straight up ordering me to do part of his project for him rather than just asking for advice. This is disrespect.

Ecto gammat said:
I don’t think you need to change anything. They are going to test and delegate naturally. You didn’t allow yourself to be dominated, you stood your ground. Don’t worry about their attitude vs. yours, live and treat others the way you feel is right. You treating others the way you would like to be treated is valuable. It is not generally a system adopted by the ENTJ, but let me assure you, they tend to remember those who helped them become successful, or helped them in any way when it was not required and will return the favor in kind. They will prioritize people who have invested in them and they will give their valuable time first to those people, in my experience.
Click to expand...
In my experience dealing with ENTJs, they use you and move on - Si blindness means they don't remember you at all or hold any sentimental feelings - perhaps you're thinking about ESTJs?
 
#6 ·
It seems like you handled it the best way possible. There will always be people who dislike you, disrespect you and try to get you to do things for them regardless how you behave because it's a them issue. I don't see it as a good idea to lose your friendliness and compassion for others just because one person thought they could exploit you. Especially since you were capable just fine to set your boundary.
 
#8 · (Edited)
Well clearly they failed at commanding respect because you've not given them yours. Don't take it personally, ENTJs see everything as a means to get something done, and that includes people sometimes. They also find it difficult to adhere to social hierarchies, seeing someone who's been there longer or with more experience as on a different "level" than them. That's how they have the audacity to walk up to you and treat you like they would...anyone else. They sometimes command respect, because they're capable of getting things done no matter what.

I don't think they were trying to exploit you (don't actually know because you didn't share the situation), and were likely surprised by your refusal, for about a half a second, before trying to figure out the next best way to get it done. If you want to show you're there to help guide them, maybe just check in on how they're doing with the project now, and ask them if there's anything you can do to assist them in completing it, or ask if they have any questions for you. Maybe compliment the work they completed on their own, or give feedback on it. Or explain to them why you wouldn't just do it (that's not how things work around here - though this is a bit hit or miss, if you're not actually their boss), and let them know you're still there for guidance as needed.

They won't take it personal, and will appreciate the feedback....If they're a "good" ENTJ.

If they're a good ENTJ they likely didn't realize they crossed a boundary and will appreciate you taking on a mentor role if they feel they can really learn from you.

If they're a "bad" ENTJ, they won't give a fuck because they don't respect you either.

There's also a chance they could be a good ENTJ but they still just don't think they have anything to learn from you so won't care either way.

I'll also echo Ecto's (hah fun to say) sentiments in that whoever helps them is filed under ally for success in their book and they will take care of them later down the line, but these are the good and capable ENTJs. Not all ENTJs are worth helping, or being "followed". Not every ENTJ turns into a "leader".

So, discretion advised.

Edit: Also, helping doesn't mean doing it for them, usually they appreciate anyone who helps them become more capable. So like I said, a mentor role.
 
#9 ·
jstanwick3 said:
I don't mind helping people but this dude was straight up ordering me to do part of his project for him rather than just asking for advice. This is disrespect.


In my experience dealing with ENTJs, they use you and move on - Si blindness means they don't remember you at all or hold any sentimental feelings - perhaps you're thinking about ESTJs?
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If they feel indebted to you or if they care for you they remember.

I have also been advised than an order in Te is a request you can deny. They just speak in a commanding way. They devalue Fe.
 
#10 ·
The thing I've noticed about ENTJs is the simple audacity to just ask for what they want and think nothing of it. I implore you to NOT act this way!

(The number of times I've asked one specific ENTJ not to do this.... The only reason he can get away with this is because he's also oozing with charisma, which you don't sound like you are, plus it's NOT always a good thing, in my opinion.)

Offer to help the interns do it themselves, but they need to recognize your place in the hierarchy. Explain to them when they've crossed a line and refuse to help them again if they can't respect you. Have boundaries. Don't become someone else, be you with added experience.

I always noticed that people respected me as a leader the most when I could offer them my time in teaching them something they needed to know in a patient manner.

Also, make THEM do the steps, but guide them from the side. Help them build the muscle memory of how to do the tasks. The ideas never stick if the person just watches someone else do it, then the trainer says, "OK, now you do it." Make THEM do it, and tell them how.
 
#11 ·
jstanwick3 said:
I am an INTP male who just graduated college and is looking to learn how ENTJs so easily capture people respect, especially in corporate settings. As an INTP, my Ne and my inferior Fe makes me want to be friends with people (and my lack of Se means I sometimes am awkward). This had led to some individuals (particularly ENTJs/ESTPs) see me as someone they can take advantage of - recently, an ENTJ intern came up to me and asked me to do part of their project FOR THEM, despite me being a full-time employee and them being an intern. I laughed at him and told him no but now I regret making myself available to the interns to answer their questions, bantering with them, and generally getting to know them, as I wished there was someone to do that for me when I was an intern last year.

ENTJs, how do you command respect when you enter a room and let people know they can't walk over you? I do tell people no when they cross a line for me but I feel like people can sense you have a high tolerance for BS - is the key just to nip things in the bud or being aloof and tight-lipped about any vulnerabilities?
Click to expand...
Is it easy to command respect? For those who seek power at all costs (which has nothing to do with MBTI type), making it look easy is part of the ruse. Don't fall for that.


Pay particular attention to law 1 vs law 7 in this summary of "The 48 Laws of Power" and compare it with your interaction with that intern.

Do you think that intern successfully commanded your respect by asking you to do his work for him when you're in a higher position than he is? If the positions were reversed, and he asked you to do his work for him as a full-time employee and used your intern status to strong-arm you, then took the credit, that is the more common strategy of "commanding respect" in the corporate world.

If you simply wish to avoid exploitation, understand how people are exploited, and then don't play that game.
 
#12 ·
Squirt said:
Is it easy to command respect? For those who seek power at all costs (which has nothing to do with MBTI type), making it look easy is part of the ruse. Don't fall for that.


Pay particular attention to law 1 vs law 7 in this summary of "The 48 Laws of Power" and compare it with your interaction with that intern.

Do you think that intern successfully commanded your respect by asking you to do his work for him when you're in a higher position than he is? If the positions were reversed, and he asked you to do his work for him as a full-time employee and used your intern status to strong-arm you, then took the credit, that is the more common strategy of "commanding respect" in the corporate world.

If you simply wish to avoid exploitation, understand how people are exploited, and then don't play that game.
Click to expand...
Oh STAHP
 
#14 ·
Spacecat said:
Please please please just develop a true love for nurturing competence in others and finding joy in helping them achieve in their journey beyond you. Empowering others is the most rewarding thing. None of this 48 laws of pea-brain
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I’m glad you understood my message, lol.

“Be careful what you wish for.”
 
Discussion starter · #16 ·
Spacecat said:
The thing I've noticed about ENTJs is the simple audacity to just ask for what they want and think nothing of it. I implore you to NOT act this way!

(The number of times I've asked one specific ENTJ not to do this.... The only reason he can get away with this is because he's also oozing with charisma, which you don't sound like you are, plus it's NOT always a good thing, in my opinion.)

Offer to help the interns do it themselves, but they need to recognize your place in the hierarchy. Explain to them when they've crossed a line and refuse to help them again if they can't respect you. Have boundaries. Don't become someone else, be you with added experience.

I always noticed that people respected me as a leader the most when I could offer them my time in teaching them something they needed to know in a patient manner.

Also, make THEM do the steps, but guide them from the side. Help them build the muscle memory of how to do the tasks. The ideas never stick if the person just watches someone else do it, then the trainer says, "OK, now you do it." Make THEM do it, and tell them how.
Click to expand...
How can INTPs become more charismatic/respected?
 
Discussion starter · #17 ·
Spacecat said:
Please please please just develop a true love for nurturing competence in others and finding joy in helping them achieve in their journey beyond you. Empowering others is the most rewarding thing. None of this 48 laws of pea-brain
Click to expand...
I think a lot of the 48 laws are bad morally and shouldn't be followed but many are actually quite useful and I don't see how following them differs that much from learning manners, which are a godsend to us INTPs since it presents a systematic code of behavior we just need to follow to navigate society (Se-blindness means we can't read the vibes of the room and adapt like an ENFJ).
 
#18 ·
Short answer: Practice.

Long answer: Why > When > How. It doesn't make sense to jump down people's throats for crossing boundaries that you don't care about. That would make you a lunatic who people may or may not fear but you will certainly not have anyone's respect. It only makes sense to reprimand people for crossing boundaries that you do care about. So start with the why or the what. What do you care about. And from there you can determine when people can fuck around without real consequence vs when they find out.

I will use myself as an example. I care about harmony. So it doesn't matter to me if someone fucks with me once or twice. I'm happy to let it slide as that's not a real threat to long term harmony. But if I start to notice a pattern, I will care. Because then it's a habit. And that's a threat to the harmony long term. So generally speaking, I'll let shit slide the first time. Warn a motherfucker the second time. And the third time, I'm going to try to figure out what makes a fool uncomfortable and use that to make them understand how accepting I am of their behaviour. If I'm lost for ideas, a punch to the gut has a very high success rate of communicating those feelings.

As another example that might be more interesting to you. I dated an ENTJ back in the day. At least I think she was. Anyway. As long as you weren't getting in the way of her goals, she would let you get away with murder. But if you consistently got in her way, she would fuck your day up. Sometimes she would fuck your whole week. Sideways.

Overall, the important thing is to build from what you care about. Otherwise you will have no genuine conviction and either come across as meek or overenthusiastic. From there, it's easy to work out when to let shit slide and when to fuck shit up. The rest is just practice. Practice what, you say? Coercion of course.
 
#19 ·
Squirt said:
Is it easy to command respect? For those who seek power at all costs (which has nothing to do with MBTI type), making it look easy is part of the ruse. Don't fall for that.


Pay particular attention to law 1 vs law 7 in this summary of "The 48 Laws of Power" and compare it with your interaction with that intern.

Do you think that intern successfully commanded your respect by asking you to do his work for him when you're in a higher position than he is? If the positions were reversed, and he asked you to do his work for him as a full-time employee and used your intern status to strong-arm you, then took the credit, that is the more common strategy of "commanding respect" in the corporate world.

If you simply wish to avoid exploitation, understand how people are exploited, and then don't play that game.
Click to expand...
Damn. I feel a bit sorry I guess for Robert Greene and anyone who agrees with that if that is how "power" looks to them.
It's more like a guide on how to be a pathetic, miserable bag full of vanity and bullshit. Hard to imagine why it would even work, but it seems OP didn't fall for that at least, hopefully

jstanwick3 said:
I am an INTP male who just graduated college and is looking to learn how ENTJs so easily capture people respect, especially in corporate settings. As an INTP, my Ne and my inferior Fe makes me want to be friends with people (and my lack of Se means I sometimes am awkward). This had led to some individuals (particularly ENTJs/ESTPs) see me as someone they can take advantage of - recently, an ENTJ intern came up to me and asked me to do part of their project FOR THEM, despite me being a full-time employee and them being an intern. I laughed at him and told him no but now I regret making myself available to the interns to answer their questions, bantering with them, and generally getting to know them, as I wished there was someone to do that for me when I was an intern last year.

ENTJs, how do you command respect when you enter a room and let people know they can't walk over you? I do tell people no when they cross a line for me but I feel like people can sense you have a high tolerance for BS - is the key just to nip things in the bud or being aloof and tight-lipped about any vulnerabilities?
Click to expand...
Respect is something I or you should decide to give to someone. You can't and shouldn't "command" anything purposefully, it is pathetic.
What you did with that "ENTJ" was sufficient already. Just because he decided that he could push his work on you doesn't mean that you made yourself too available and should feel regret about being friendly with people. If someone confuses friendliness/kindness with being a pushover, then it is the consequence of their own degenerate moral character. You shouldn't become a lesser version of yourself only to adapt for their shortcomings.
 
#20 ·
Allostasis said:
Damn. I feel a bit sorry I guess for Robert Greene and anyone who agrees with that if that is how "power" looks to them.
It's more like a guide on how to be a pathetic, miserable bag full of vanity and bullshit. Hard to imagine why it would even work, but it seems OP didn't fall for that at least, hopefully
Click to expand...
That book was a critique of how power manifests in society, which is seldom if at all a moral consideration, written as a self-help book. Like a modern reboot of The Prince.

I’m surprised it is not immediately apparent that the “quest” itself is miserable and vain. But it can be seen everywhere, unfortunately.
 
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