"Cute" & "Sweet"

Female INFJ said:

You do have some reasonable concerns here. You are in school from what I remember? Clearly you want to find good employment, and exercise some leadership skills. How people interpret you is going to affect you being perceived as competent for sure. So in this case, development of an understanding of how to 'appear' strong, and decisive to others, and how to carry yourself, may need to be done. But it all depends, for an individual, a lot of introspection has to be done, in the way of how you want to be perceived, and how much energy you want to put into that stuff. This topic is quite personal, for sure.

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Yes, this is a concern for me. I'm starting to apply for jobs now and I don't want interviewers to think I'm too young, shy, or inexperienced to be a good worker. I think you're right that I do need to pay attention to why I'm being perceived this way and learn to project other things when necessary.

yellowbritt - I've learned this over time. Apparently 'cute' from a guy is a very high compliment. Somehow many of them don't realize that it is discouraging for a girl to hear these words. But if a guy spontaneously says 'cute' it is somewhat of a good thing in most cases!

Perhaps women like to called, beautiful! sexy! intelligent! Who knows, for the most part I don't really care anymore about receiving compliments like these. But this is another way of looking at this 'cute' and 'sweet' issue. But in your initial post, I feel you are talking about something else. I know, it happened to me too in the past. I have tried to communicate my feelings more clearly and concisely over the years, so people see more into me, and get the point faster. But because of my appearance, I will likely always be classified in the 'cute' category.

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Actually, this has been a concern for me, too. I assumed "cute" from a guy was sort of dismissive. I'd like to start dating more (I know I've mentioned this before and you're all sick of hearing it :blushed, but I fee like guys don't look at me as dating material so much as someone who's amusing to drag along on occasion.

sea cucumber said:

Im glad I have the cute facter otherwise I could be seen as rather staid serous and much to introspective.

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You hit on something interesting here. The people who don't see me as cute often do think I'm too serious and introspective. Hmm. It's interesting how perceptions of me can be so different!

ShadowPlay said:

LMAO I think that 'sea cucumber' has the character that was the missing element from the greatest philosophical cartoon of all time: SpongeBob Square Pants.
I can just see a female sea cucumber character down there, in BikiniBottom, sharing wisdom, playing pranks on Squid, and frolicking with Gary *meow!*.

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Ha ha! Yes, I can totally see this, Shadow!

aboyeraboyer said:

I'm only 5'1" so everything of mine is small and definitely has the potential to be cute.

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I'm just under 5'2", so I feel you. My friend is 5'6" and loves to go clothes shopping with me. Then she oohs and ahhs at my "tiny" sweaters and things. It makes me feel like a kid; I half expect her to make me hold her hand when we go to the parking lot. I know she means well by it, but sometimes she's actually a little protective of me in a way I don't fully understand. For instance, she never lets me carry heavy bags when we go shopping. Her logic? "I'm bigger than you are so I should carry the heavier stuff."

@UniqueFinallyAmongPeers Thanks. You're definitions are comforting to me. I think I've probably been misinterpreting "cute" and "sweet" when they come from guys, and you all are helping me to see that.

LiteratureNerd said:

And, well...I'd prefer to be stunningly beautiful than "cute" in an ideal world, but I'm simply not tall or striking enough.

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I'm in the same boat. But I keep hoping that some day someone might slip up and that "stunningly beautiful" will come out despite my, er, lack of stature, long legs, tiny waist, etc. roud:

I guess I am the odd one out here. Any one who wears a booble hat and not a bobble hat can’t take them seriously at all and I don’t.
I either have to except that such things are cute or beat myself up for being ridiculous. Same goes in any situation. You must except yourself or beat yourself for being ridiculous

Booble hat pretty much sums up all my behaviour and not just the written word.
I will communicate something very heart felt intelligent and serous but in a booble hat way; that’s cute and very quirky I cant deny. I ca not deny what I am

I can totally empathise you feel you don’t come across well when applying for jobs and employers aren’t interested in cute.
I have to be honest though just this one time I don’t understand your mindset. Not that I don’t empathise and appreciate the problems you guys are having. It clearly something that gets you down from time to time. Hay that’s not nice I wouldn’t want that for you lot.
1. I don’t you guys to be on a downer 2. I want beautiful and smart mild natured women to treated with the respect they deserve and not be judged for being awesome.

I have to say not in a horrible kick as way, I do think your playing the victim a bit. May be not on purpose and probably not even as a conscious effort.

It comes across as ‘oh woe is me I’m pretty and feminine, attractive kind mild mannered and softly spoken and no body takes me seriously they don’t understand how deep complex and intelligent I am’

What the….WHAT WHAT? So we have pretty, feminine, attractive, kind, mild mannered, softly spoken, deep, complex and intelligent. ←--- Are these not all very positive features?

Do you know how many women there are that are very intelligent deep and kind yet don’t get the attention and recognition of also being attractive and feminine because they lack the cute factor. There’s loads and in my book these are fine ladies it just personalities let them down in that area they have other strengths. My INTP friend is pretty very kind very quiet very intelligent and deep but not at all cute. There’s nothing remotely cute about her. The way she gets treated compared to the way I get treated. Well I know what I’d choose.

To say I feel like I have a dark side surrounded by candy and sunshine is not only selling your self-short but very INFJ cliques ad consequently not INFJ at all. That is least deep way of explaining you are complex and multi faceted Iv ever seen.
It strait from the ‘how to sound like a INFJ hand book’
I know that’s harsh but I think if you want to get to the bottom off why you come off as you do then you got to take constructive criticism.

Oh the romance of a tortured misunderstood soul. People don’t get me.
The irony in that is it is in its self-cute to pay the victim of your own positive attributes.

On the outside I’m a fuzzy kitten but that just conceal a serial killer and you treat me like a kitten.
I’m being told this by what is clearly a very attractive, intelligent deep and thoughtful woman. My cute-o-meter is going off the scale ladies.
I think this level of cute and having a downer on the cute, is self perpetuating the more you have a downer on it the more cute and less serious about your, less cute more serous side you seem.

It does in fact come of very fuzzy kitten. Awww the little kitten thinks he’s dinosaur look he's trying to go raawwww.

To say people treat me a certain way because of my looks. Again
I’m sorry I come off so kick as about this but it also annoys me. Except in cases where like my friends who had polycystic ovaries and facial hair where she got picked on. I think you are paying far to much attention to how you look and thus attributing far to much value to it.
I hate to have my picture taken even If I were stunning and beautiful like a model this would not change I don’t think there is any thing wrong with modelling I’m just saying it attributes a lot of value to looks it also pays the bills, but the so does flipping burgers Id rather flip burger personally.
I don’t understand my own attractiveness nor do I wish to. It seems so completely irrelevant to me as a whole. Some guys like it some guy’s love I get compliment I get laid. That’s fine it must be ok they do the job. Does the way look cause XYZ or me to be treated XYZ I don’t know I don’t care I have more important things to think about, like sponge Bob.
Apart from that I spend no time what so ever thinking about what people think of my appearance and how that would effect how people treat and perceive me.

I give off that vibe. I give off and I don’t care what you think of how I look vibe is less important to me than that peanut butter sandwich. You think I’m pretty you think I’m ugly I think socialism will never work.

Even if your stunning looking if you think that people judge and perceive you in a certain way then you are spending way to much time on thinking about how you look and are in fact thinking yourself very beautiful. This is not very humble.
I would rather shoot myself in the neck than think that. Its a holistic approach beauty should not be separated from intelligence empathy and depth. As a whole I’m a beautiful person. Sickens me to think I would ever elevate my outer beauty from my inner. They come as a package. For those who do elevate it so much then I would have to conclude there inner beauty of at less depth is not so deep and has no such conviction

With all due respect understand that my point of view on this issue is very complex and I can appreciate the difference between and a body dysmorphic disorder and assuming yourself very beautiful. They are opposing and very damaging
Obviously if you have a body diosmorhpc type disorder you sped a lot of time thinking about your looks. That is not something worthy of an ass kicking more like a massive hug.

So to summarise what I’m saying is I think your grievance with being called cute and subsequently being judged by it is very attitude driven.
If you turn your attitude around it will have the opposite effect. I have used the appearance of looks because it’s the clearest to define but the im too beautiful people don’t take me seriously. It can attribute to any external facet of a person including behaviour and tone of voice.
I’m not to externally anything because I’m in harmony and in balance with my inner self. I just simply am what I am

@yellowbritt I’m 5’6 and I’m envious of smaller girls because they have more cute power than me.
No seriously though I can see how this gets on your nerves. You’re not a child you’re a grown woman. I think you just have to that down to your friends being a little bit daft. Some people are not able to think beyond what is right in front of them.
Never would it cross my mind that 5’2 in height = childlike weak and needs protecting. Again Zomboy this case people are attributing your odd behaviour to cute because they are a bit daft in the head. Never dose it cross their mind that you are a grown man acting differently from the norm due to a problem.
These people occur in vast numbers, but they don’t mean any harm. You just have to take them as harmless.

Sexy is for the bedroom when actually in the act or about to partake in it:wink:. I have the same trouble dating I ca rant how men are atracted to the sexy out going ball crushing SP types it was a real cute bumma when I was younger I just ecepted it. You will find as you get oleder guys go crazy for cute. INFJ is good wife material. Like all thing the power of cute you have have to take the rhg with the smoth its all swings and round abouts

I'm small frame only 5'2" and people say I look younger than my years and sometimes even dress like a teen. So yes, cute and sweet are definitely adjectives applied to me when I am completely under the idealistic dreamy influence of Ni-Fe. Only thing is that I'm not always under its influence. And then I feel mischievous and tend to behave like a troll. But a cute troll nonetheless ^^

I've tried behaving in non-cute non-sweet ways and generally what I find is:
1) First of all, there are already many depressing and ugly things in this world that exhaust and ground the human spirit. So people take to those who can brighten their day and make them smile, who can lift them up instead of getting them down even more so. Just think of the multitude of 'cute' characters portrayed in various TV series, both male and female, that people take to. They don't win their audience over by being serious sarcastic straight shooters. Being cute and sweet does win more people over to your side.
2) Being cute doesn't stop you from achieving your goals. If you're a woman you'll meet all the same prejudices that all females meet at work, just check out the posts that NT women make about it. This is more of the issue of having goals, achieving them, getting whatever degrees and skills you need to be good at your work. Then you will be cute and sweet, but with degrees and a decent career.
3) When you act cute and sweet you predispose people towards yourself and they tend to trust you more.
4) And finally, the dark side generally approves of the cute&sweet image. Why wouldn't it? It gives you more of an element of surprise

LiteratureNerd said:

Remember: Being cute and sweet does NOT mean you're one of those ridiculous women who goes overboard on baby talk and crap like that (which THEY think is "being cute" but I interpret it as "having mass amounts of daddy issues").

Also remember: being sweet isn't a weakness or a patronizing thing, as long as you make your boundaries known and let people know when they cross them. I'm a sweet, sweet person, but if you cross my boundaries, you're getting the feisty version.

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It's good to know I'm not the only INFJ who can be feisty. I'm not one to make angry, sadly.

Vaan said:

i get called cute and sweet by everyone, although for me its demeaning because its almost a put down to a guy, cute and sweet arent compliments by any stretch of the vocabulary

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I may be alone in this, but I've always gone for sweet guys. Of course, I'd never call them cute or sweet because I can see where, especially for a guy, that could be insulting.

I've been called sweet and occasionally cute. I tend to take sweet more as a compliment in most cases, but I'll rarely take cute as a compliment. Being called cute tends to annoy me more than anything.