Of course, I've felt like a loser for years, but now that someone else said it I feel like it's absolutely true. They said that people who don't have friends (my only friends I know online, except for one real life friend who I doubt even likes me) are usually losers who act differently. The only way I act differently though is that I'm really depressed. I'm afraid to talk to people because I just know they'll be mean to me. As a younger kid, people used to bully me a lot, I even got some death threats from other kids in middle school. I've been in therapy and on meds for nearly 2 years now, and I feel like all my meds are doing is making me stupid and making me sleep a lot. Now I'm a loser with no job and no friends. I never had normal teenager experiences. I feel like this stuff has permanently messed me up. I doubt I'll make many friends in life. I'm getting hopeless of ever finding love, I'm out of high school now and I'm too afraid to approach people. That must really sound pathetic for 17. I read a statistic that says most people find their first job through family connections, but since my parents aren't very friendly I doubt I would be able to get a job that way. Have I ruined my life by not doing well socially as a teenager?
Someone called me a loser, is there any hope for me?
JTHearts
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Of course, I've felt like a loser for years, but now that someone else said it I feel like it's absolutely true. They said that people who don't have friends (my only friends I know online, except for one real life friend who I doubt even likes me) are usually losers who act differently. The only way I act differently though is that I'm really depressed. I'm afraid to talk to people because I just know they'll be mean to me. As a younger kid, people used to bully me a lot, I even got some death threats from other kids in middle school. I've been in therapy and on meds for nearly 2 years now, and I feel like all my meds are doing is making me stupid and making me sleep a lot. Now I'm a loser with no job and no friends. I never had normal teenager experiences. I feel like this stuff has permanently messed me up. I doubt I'll make many friends in life. I'm getting hopeless of ever finding love, I'm out of high school now and I'm too afraid to approach people. That must really sound pathetic for 17. I read a statistic that says most people find their first job through family connections, but since my parents aren't very friendly I doubt I would be able to get a job that way. Have I ruined my life by not doing well socially as a teenager?
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I totally know where you're coming from. Perhaps not to your extent, but growing up I thought I had ruined my life socially. I knew that social skills were learned skills that people get from trial and error (not the innate skill people pretend it to be). But I seriously doubted my ability to ever learn how to talk to people. I struggled with anxiety just like (I imagine) you do too. There are only a few things you need to know about people though. People are starving for genuine acts of kindness and love. I'm not talking about romantic love. I'm just talking about a simple "hello" to the stranger in the hall or a kind smile to the person you pass at Walgreens. Just be kind and friendly with people. Sure, some people will be rude to you, but that's just because they're hurting. Don't let it deter you from spreading joy in the world. Private message me if you want to know the story of how and why my life changed for the better. 
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I'm on a tablet, so I will make this short.
What makes someone a loser? A small number of friends? No, the number of friends does not measure the value of your life, because even one friend means you have a friend (or family member) that you can love and loves you.
A lack of a job? No, many people struggles to find work, that does not mean they don't have anything to offer, whether that is love now, volunteering their time now, or getting a job in the future. Plus, you are only 17.
Does not having a relationship make someone a loser? Well, your profile says that you are in one :tongue: but, no, there is more love than romantic love in the world and you don't need a relationship to be happy.
So, what makes someone a loser? Well, I don't believe that anyone is really a loser. We are all just people, but I would say that those who only care about themselves are missing out because they never have known the joy of caring about someone else and I would say someone who believes that they, themselves are a loser because it is hard to really enjoy life when you don't care about yourself. Luckily that can be changed by learning to appreciate the value you already have. Every person on Earth has something to offer the world and everyone is beautiful in their own way and even if you have no in person friends I see you have over 1,000 posts so I am willing to bet that you mean something to at least someone here ^__^
You are not a loser, you just need to learn to love yourself and accept that you are not a perfect human being. And it is okay not to be perfect because none of us are and none of us can be ^__^ *hugs* My point is you are too hard on yourself *hugs*
What makes someone a loser? A small number of friends? No, the number of friends does not measure the value of your life, because even one friend means you have a friend (or family member) that you can love and loves you.
A lack of a job? No, many people struggles to find work, that does not mean they don't have anything to offer, whether that is love now, volunteering their time now, or getting a job in the future. Plus, you are only 17.
Does not having a relationship make someone a loser? Well, your profile says that you are in one :tongue: but, no, there is more love than romantic love in the world and you don't need a relationship to be happy.
So, what makes someone a loser? Well, I don't believe that anyone is really a loser. We are all just people, but I would say that those who only care about themselves are missing out because they never have known the joy of caring about someone else and I would say someone who believes that they, themselves are a loser because it is hard to really enjoy life when you don't care about yourself. Luckily that can be changed by learning to appreciate the value you already have. Every person on Earth has something to offer the world and everyone is beautiful in their own way and even if you have no in person friends I see you have over 1,000 posts so I am willing to bet that you mean something to at least someone here ^__^
You are not a loser, you just need to learn to love yourself and accept that you are not a perfect human being. And it is okay not to be perfect because none of us are and none of us can be ^__^ *hugs* My point is you are too hard on yourself *hugs*
It gets better years later. I never had many true friends back in the day, in fact, I only had two friends who were real to me in high school. The rest like to say they are my "friends" but they acted more like frenemies. I don't think I was a loser. I just didn't fit in with those people. What people say about you is only true if you feed into their gossip and believe it yourself. There are lots of horrible things that people say about me that are not true at all. I just say screw them!
You have a chance at college to make friends, don't waste that opportunity. I spent four years of college hating most of my roommates and I never lived the college party life that people love to talk about. I kept to myself. I ended up making more friends at my jobs and that's where most of my friends have come from lately: the people I work with and through friends of friends.
You have a chance at college to make friends, don't waste that opportunity. I spent four years of college hating most of my roommates and I never lived the college party life that people love to talk about. I kept to myself. I ended up making more friends at my jobs and that's where most of my friends have come from lately: the people I work with and through friends of friends.
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Those people threw a label on you and I just want to say that if I were you I'd know that the main driving point/crux of what they said is that you now know, they are not people you want to be around, they seem to have a very toxic mindset and are not concerned with supporting you but are more concerned with tearing you down.
Think about it, no one is perfect we all have areas for which there is room for improvement. I'm confident that there is some skill that you have or some accomplishment (e.g. an assignment you did well on) you've made that someone else at some point has tried and failed at. Imagine that you were placed right next to that person and had the opportunity to help them out. Would you just say "Aw you suck, you didn't achieve your goal your a loser" or would you offer a helping hand? Whoever person was who said that about you doesn't deserve your time of day man.
I think you really need to see this as a message though that you need to work on your self-esteem. In addition to pursuing your goal of making more friends you need to think about what you need to do to get yourself to a point where you love yourself and you are firm enough in yourself and your values to know that some people are just assholes and you are enough the way you are.
Overall I also want to drive home the point that, there are ASSHOLES EVERYWHERE you can't please everyone there will always be someone with something negative to say and there will always be people who try to tear you down do what you can to keep yourself around the people who see your strength, you won't always be able to change negative people. Everyone in society from celebrities to people like you and me encounter this foolishness, there are always going to be miserable people I know because I've had people treat me the way you were treated. I was upset too but I've invested my time to educate myself a bit on it and observe it and I've come to the conclusion that there will always be difficult, negative people with disgusting attitudes don't let them get you down.
You are doing the right thing by asking for help, you are not alone. I have the same issue I'm away at school and I don't have any friends and my old set of roommates judged me and talked down to me and did the same labeling bullshit.
I chose to look for help and support just like you are doing now => http://personalitycafe.com/advice-center/163519-would-you-have-found-offensive.html
The way I looked at it was from a purely logical perspective, they didn't know anything about me but they made assumptions about me and judged me for it. Some of those assumptions (one) was correct that I don't have alot of friends but most were not true and off the mark. And even if there were on the mark neither you nor I HAVE TO FULFILL SOME ACHIEVEMENT IN ORDER FOR PEOPLE TO TREAT YOU WITH RESPECT, YOU DON'T HAVE TO PROVE YOURSELF TO THESE MISERABLE INSECURE PEOPLE.
and you don't have to call yourself a loser just because you haven't fulfilled certain goals man, there isn't any rule book to life that's all just social conditioning. Nothing good comes from shaming yourself and talking down to yourself.
OVERALL: You really need to change your mindset and learn to believe in yourself, stop looking at this like your fate has been sealed and that there is no hope for you. Set some goals for yourself and move forward.
Also based on your age I'd guess that whoever said that about you might be a teenager (but honestly there are just as many stupid and miserable adults) right, proven fact, alot of kids are assholes, those kids that were talking to you don't know jack squat about what life really is.
If you take anything away from this, seriously do whatever you can to learn how to change your mindset, read a book and go get whatever help you can. What happened to you isn't much of a problem its how you are reacting to it.
You aren't alone, don't give up man.
Think about it, no one is perfect we all have areas for which there is room for improvement. I'm confident that there is some skill that you have or some accomplishment (e.g. an assignment you did well on) you've made that someone else at some point has tried and failed at. Imagine that you were placed right next to that person and had the opportunity to help them out. Would you just say "Aw you suck, you didn't achieve your goal your a loser" or would you offer a helping hand? Whoever person was who said that about you doesn't deserve your time of day man.
I think you really need to see this as a message though that you need to work on your self-esteem. In addition to pursuing your goal of making more friends you need to think about what you need to do to get yourself to a point where you love yourself and you are firm enough in yourself and your values to know that some people are just assholes and you are enough the way you are.
Overall I also want to drive home the point that, there are ASSHOLES EVERYWHERE you can't please everyone there will always be someone with something negative to say and there will always be people who try to tear you down do what you can to keep yourself around the people who see your strength, you won't always be able to change negative people. Everyone in society from celebrities to people like you and me encounter this foolishness, there are always going to be miserable people I know because I've had people treat me the way you were treated. I was upset too but I've invested my time to educate myself a bit on it and observe it and I've come to the conclusion that there will always be difficult, negative people with disgusting attitudes don't let them get you down.
You are doing the right thing by asking for help, you are not alone. I have the same issue I'm away at school and I don't have any friends and my old set of roommates judged me and talked down to me and did the same labeling bullshit.
I chose to look for help and support just like you are doing now => http://personalitycafe.com/advice-center/163519-would-you-have-found-offensive.html
The way I looked at it was from a purely logical perspective, they didn't know anything about me but they made assumptions about me and judged me for it. Some of those assumptions (one) was correct that I don't have alot of friends but most were not true and off the mark. And even if there were on the mark neither you nor I HAVE TO FULFILL SOME ACHIEVEMENT IN ORDER FOR PEOPLE TO TREAT YOU WITH RESPECT, YOU DON'T HAVE TO PROVE YOURSELF TO THESE MISERABLE INSECURE PEOPLE.
and you don't have to call yourself a loser just because you haven't fulfilled certain goals man, there isn't any rule book to life that's all just social conditioning. Nothing good comes from shaming yourself and talking down to yourself.
OVERALL: You really need to change your mindset and learn to believe in yourself, stop looking at this like your fate has been sealed and that there is no hope for you. Set some goals for yourself and move forward.
Also based on your age I'd guess that whoever said that about you might be a teenager (but honestly there are just as many stupid and miserable adults) right, proven fact, alot of kids are assholes, those kids that were talking to you don't know jack squat about what life really is.
If you take anything away from this, seriously do whatever you can to learn how to change your mindset, read a book and go get whatever help you can. What happened to you isn't much of a problem its how you are reacting to it.
You aren't alone, don't give up man.
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Words hurt deeply, but it's not true. I know where you're coming from, because I get very upset when people say mean things to me. At 17, you have so much to look forward to. What if things were different when you're 20 or 30? So many outgoing and successful people my age (30) were shy in highschool or didn't have many friends. Where you are now is no indicator of how things will be later. If someone has the nerve to call you names, they're just talking about themselves. What can you do today to make things better for you? You got some good advice on to not waste college years. Learn to love yourself. If you put yourself down, you invite others to do so!
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So one person said you were a loser, so what? I've been called a bunch of things before but they don't mean anything to me. There are over 7 billion people on this planet and life is too short to be fretting about a silly opinion from a negligible portion of the earth's population. You may be in a rut right now but nothing in life is ever set in stone- if you want to improve then you have the power to improve and shape your destiny, and that person who called you a loser can go eat shit.
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6,826 Posts
Fake it til you make it.
Watch this TED seminar.
Amy Cuddy: Your body language shapes who you are | Talk Video | TED.com
Watch this TED seminar.
Amy Cuddy: Your body language shapes who you are | Talk Video | TED.com
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Usually bullies are not very bright so take their criticisms with a grain of salt. Also have compassion on them
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... yes, there is hope if and only if you're willing to put in the effort. I'm not an advocate of changing yourself. I'm not exactly sure how much I buy into the fake it till you make it philosophy. However you will need to make some gradual changes ... and I repeat gradual, because when you change your behaviour too much and too fast you will backlash. Notice how I said behaviour: the goal is to bring out who you are and who you want to be. It doesn't involve any changes your core personality. Even baby steps will feel awkward at first until you get comfortable with them and internalize your habits. People communicate without words; what you wear, how you walk and talk does carry a message. What's important is that you communicate what you want to communicate therefore attract the people you want to attract. And yes, the Amy Cuddy seminar is good. She's absolutely right.
Consider what it means to be an actor. I'm not pushing you to be inauthentic. That's the last thing I would ask anyone to be. However you might want to consider how you present your authenticity. Is there something in particular you're passionate about? Or something you're interested in? I talked about your presentation: how are you're listening skills. Being open minded to other people's views does not mean you have to accept them. That said; you don't have to accept every people you meet and invite them into your life. I used to freelance as a keyboard player and guitarists and played classical recital. I've met some really cool people playing music but at the same time I had people tell me some of the creepiest things. I learned selectivity ... you can't be friends with everyone, and why would you want to.
So here's what I'd like you to try. I want you to grab yourself a nice shower, throw on some clean clothes and go watch people. Take notice of what they communicate by their presence. Don't judge. Observe. Of course don't stare ... but open your eyes and ponder ... who is that person next to me in line. Are they content, are they depressed, and are they comfortable or in pain. If you're waiting in line or walking through the mall listen to the language people use. When you build up the confidence ... maybe smile or say hi to somebody. When you talk to somebody: what sort of reaction are you inviting. Many people are self-destructive. Good God, you don't know how many fights I picked and how many bridges I burned and how many people I've offended because I was ... well, upset and tripping on my own ego.
Huge favour, when you look to videos and such. Please avoid the pick up artists or anyone preaching douchbaggery. There's a lot of those floating around. Are you familiar with the Alexander technique; I known many opera singers and actors who swore by it. And with regards to re-aligning the body and breath and voice control and muscle relaxation it help big time. People are attracted to healthy people who aren't threatening and have ethical and intellectual standards. So yeah, baby steps ... and work on it intelligently. All the best man ... because I've been there. And truth is, I can be a bit of a jerk when I'm not mindful of things or had a really bad day. I know I step on many toes ... and I know those people are innocent, but hey. Learning just like everyone else. Hang in there.
Alexander technique - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Consider what it means to be an actor. I'm not pushing you to be inauthentic. That's the last thing I would ask anyone to be. However you might want to consider how you present your authenticity. Is there something in particular you're passionate about? Or something you're interested in? I talked about your presentation: how are you're listening skills. Being open minded to other people's views does not mean you have to accept them. That said; you don't have to accept every people you meet and invite them into your life. I used to freelance as a keyboard player and guitarists and played classical recital. I've met some really cool people playing music but at the same time I had people tell me some of the creepiest things. I learned selectivity ... you can't be friends with everyone, and why would you want to.
So here's what I'd like you to try. I want you to grab yourself a nice shower, throw on some clean clothes and go watch people. Take notice of what they communicate by their presence. Don't judge. Observe. Of course don't stare ... but open your eyes and ponder ... who is that person next to me in line. Are they content, are they depressed, and are they comfortable or in pain. If you're waiting in line or walking through the mall listen to the language people use. When you build up the confidence ... maybe smile or say hi to somebody. When you talk to somebody: what sort of reaction are you inviting. Many people are self-destructive. Good God, you don't know how many fights I picked and how many bridges I burned and how many people I've offended because I was ... well, upset and tripping on my own ego.
Huge favour, when you look to videos and such. Please avoid the pick up artists or anyone preaching douchbaggery. There's a lot of those floating around. Are you familiar with the Alexander technique; I known many opera singers and actors who swore by it. And with regards to re-aligning the body and breath and voice control and muscle relaxation it help big time. People are attracted to healthy people who aren't threatening and have ethical and intellectual standards. So yeah, baby steps ... and work on it intelligently. All the best man ... because I've been there. And truth is, I can be a bit of a jerk when I'm not mindful of things or had a really bad day. I know I step on many toes ... and I know those people are innocent, but hey. Learning just like everyone else. Hang in there.
Alexander technique - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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Thanks everyone, I know about the body language stuff but somehow I find that really hard to remember. Also, things do seem to go better when I try to fake confidence, but I've been told that people can tell when you're faking it.
And yeah, I am in a relationship, but the girl lives an ocean away, so that's not much like a real relationship.
Oh yeah, and I don't plan on going to a 4 year college like a lot of teens do. I plan to get my associates degree from community college then go to work, I've changed my mind on my career a lot recently and I think an associates degree is really all I need. So I'm not really going to get the social experience of college either :/
And yeah, I am in a relationship, but the girl lives an ocean away, so that's not much like a real relationship.
Oh yeah, and I don't plan on going to a 4 year college like a lot of teens do. I plan to get my associates degree from community college then go to work, I've changed my mind on my career a lot recently and I think an associates degree is really all I need. So I'm not really going to get the social experience of college either :/
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College isn't always a social teacher. I isolated myself in college and didn't live there. It was school and then go home. You can still develop social skills in other ways
I never agree with your opinions on anything, but I wouldn't call you a loser.
I will tell you what I do think though - I think perhaps you have been sheltered from the real world a lot. Me and one of my sociology professors had a conversation once about this sort of thing. He was talking about how he was torn between home schooling his two boys, or sending them to public school. He said on one hand, it will be great to shelter them from all of the crap that goes on in our culture, but on the other hand, once they reach a certain age, they just aren't going to fit in with the other kids. They might be called weird, and even bullied because they never learned how to fit in.
I'm not making any value judgment on your personality - just saying that you are one of those people who didn't become very socialized in order to learn what you should think and how you should act, from your "peers" (I get the impression you learned it from your parent's teachings instead and you didn't "rebel" like a lot of kids).
Its going to be more difficult to find like-minded people but its not impossible. It just takes more work. You might find more acceptance in things like religious(?) meetups or something along those lines. Whatever the case, a supportive group of friends actually is important for most people. It will make you feel better about yourself to find people who accept you - and the typical media-obsessed person in our culture probably isn't your cup o tea just like you aren't theirs.
You're -different- but not "a loser."
I will tell you what I do think though - I think perhaps you have been sheltered from the real world a lot. Me and one of my sociology professors had a conversation once about this sort of thing. He was talking about how he was torn between home schooling his two boys, or sending them to public school. He said on one hand, it will be great to shelter them from all of the crap that goes on in our culture, but on the other hand, once they reach a certain age, they just aren't going to fit in with the other kids. They might be called weird, and even bullied because they never learned how to fit in.
I'm not making any value judgment on your personality - just saying that you are one of those people who didn't become very socialized in order to learn what you should think and how you should act, from your "peers" (I get the impression you learned it from your parent's teachings instead and you didn't "rebel" like a lot of kids).
Its going to be more difficult to find like-minded people but its not impossible. It just takes more work. You might find more acceptance in things like religious(?) meetups or something along those lines. Whatever the case, a supportive group of friends actually is important for most people. It will make you feel better about yourself to find people who accept you - and the typical media-obsessed person in our culture probably isn't your cup o tea just like you aren't theirs.
You're -different- but not "a loser."
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I remember when I was around 12 or 13, and I overheard someone say that, "I don't want to be partnered up with that loser." about me at a neighborhood picnic about being partnered up for some activity challenges. It was one of the saddest things I've experienced. I remember crying before I when to sleep. I can kind of relate to you. I was definitely maybe a "Weeny" or just a sheltered kid who wasn't really athletic and really well-behaved. I guess that's all I can say for now.
But the guy who called me loser eventually became a really close friend of mine (probably mostly due to living a few houses away and us being compatible in a weird way). I became his really dependable friend who was always up for hanging out. I kind of learned how to fit in more with other guys too in larger social sense by hanging out with him.
Good luck man! I hope you can find a way to cope with this, and find ways to discover ways around the label of a loser. It's not right to call anyone a loser in my opinion, and I think there's most of the time potential for growth for a person if they're willing to try.
But the guy who called me loser eventually became a really close friend of mine (probably mostly due to living a few houses away and us being compatible in a weird way). I became his really dependable friend who was always up for hanging out. I kind of learned how to fit in more with other guys too in larger social sense by hanging out with him.
Good luck man! I hope you can find a way to cope with this, and find ways to discover ways around the label of a loser. It's not right to call anyone a loser in my opinion, and I think there's most of the time potential for growth for a person if they're willing to try.
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Nah, I was never social as a teenager and I screwed things up until I was 23.
Then I had a fiance and screwed that up... but at least I had a fiance.
Now I got a good job that I really enjoy and my life is moving forward. All the depression I had when I was younger is gone.
God makes countless life plans for his children. All his kids have to do is turn to him and God fixes the mess they are in, and gives them a good plan to walk out.
Does that mean shyness and introversion are unwanted characteristics?
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Not at all. I'm just saying if you do feel self conscious about it, it doesn't mean that you won't make friends. I can be shy and introverted at times, but I can be outgoing at other times. It all depends on who you're with and the situation.
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584 Posts
pretty fucked up stuff there but its not like youre doomed its all between your ears
you have to act confidence and in year or two your former self is just a shadow
you have to act confidence and in year or two your former self is just a shadow
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You're definitely not a loser, the people who labelled you a loser are the losers because they didn't make the effort to be friends with you *hugs*
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No there is no hope for you. Of course not. Not if you think there isn't. But if you refuse to become a victim of course there is hope.
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