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About giving an INFJ some space

4.7K views 6 replies 7 participants last post by  FearAndTrembling  
#1 ·
I have an INFJ friend. Sometimes she goes into a shell because of her character and I tend to give space to her. At these times, sometimes, I seek a human connection, I tend to be unsure when to approach her. I am sure if I tell her that I needed help she wouldn't refuse. But by my nature, I feel necessary to share my feelings but not important enough to disturb her recluse and I know how tired she is. What do I do in these situations?
 
#2 ·
Probably best not to bother her. If you quietly ask her how she is doing, she might open up to you and you two can start talking and work up to how you are doing, but if she isn't expanding on more than just a one word response like "fine", then I'd leave her to her peace and quiet because I would extrapolate on her lack of talking to mean she wants solitude.

You could say something like "There are things I want to talk to you about, but not if you'd rather be left alone" because it all might do with how at ease she is with communicating what she really wants or needs to you without feeling like she is hurting your feelings.
 
#3 ·
Just be yourself. If you sense you need to fall back, then fall back. INFJ's are also very perceptive in addition to being insanely self aware and overly analytical.

Personally, I have my strong convictions and can be outright judgemental. But in turn, I'm also extremely hard on myself and sometimes get caught up in self-condemnation.

Sometimes we need space to process shit in our own space of honesty...I guess?

MMMkay...Well sometimes I need space to process shit in MY own space of honesty.
 
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#4 ·
Well, our space is very important for us, almost like a priority, if we say we want to be alone, believe us. Being alone is one of the precious things we have sometimes. Like you said, she won't refuse for help, even in those times were I shot down to the world, I helped my friends but try to not overwhelm her. I am pretty sure she is confused with her own feelings right now. You can always say something like "I know you want to be alone, so when you feel better I would like to talk to you".
 
#5 ·
It's better to be honest and tell her that you often need human interaction and sharing, yet at the same time you would like her to tell you when she needs to be alone so that you can work it out together.

IMO, honesty is important coz I can tell you by eperience that people don't read minds, so if any of you needs something then it's better to say it. Many good friendships ends coz there is lack of talk, so being honest you can let each other know how you feel. Encourage her to be honest too. :) Let her feel comfortable at saying that she needs to be alone, whenever she needs that.
 
#6 ·
I agree. Give her time alone. Talk with her in email or text. I need space from my family and even my closest friends. It is not because we don't like you. It is only because we need time to reflect and recharge.

There has only been one person in my life that I didn't mind being around 24 hours a day and that was my long term mate. I don't know exactly how that works but it happened. I guess I made him part of my soul so I didn't mind him around anymore and he didn't drain me. That takes time though and I'm not sure if you are even interested in her romantically or not. Just be patient she'll come around. In the mean time just email or text her loving thoughts. ^-^