[User.loser.0.0]

Hey, so I’m trying to figure out my enneagram (obviously) and would appreciate some help.

so when I first discovered enneagram I thought I was a three. I have a very strong desire for success and have always felt that working to achieve something big is the most important thing in my life (like literally from the age of about 7 I remember feeling desperate to prove myself). In high school one of my friends even jokingly coined me “most likely to succeed” which I kind of lived off for the next few years lol. This desire gets so strong that if I see no progress in my life I have anxiety attacks and start to question what the hell my purpose is. If I’m busy and I’m making progress and I’m proud of what I am doing I am happy, but if not it all goes down hill.

i am definitely not un emotional though (which, as far as I can tell, 3s are at least on the surface). People who know me very very well tell me I have an “artists temperament” and comment that I feel things very strongly (often too strongly).I have been struggling with depression and get very wrapped up in agonising over whether I am going to do something meaningful with my life.

I don’t tend to relish in these feelings (I get quite scared of them and struggle to control them) and they usually end up being bottled up and then exploding pretty massively. At which point I feel uncomfortable and vulnerable and like I’ve just aired my dirty laundry.

I am creative though and deep down (for honesty’s sake and because this is anonymous) I do fall into the trap of feeling like I was born to do something new. Eww.

i think I’m stuck because I can’t work out whether I’m a self preservation 3 or 4.
self preservation threes tend to be self sufficient, active doers, and don’t show their stress or pain. Up until last year (one of my parents had a breakdown, I moved out and started uni in a pandemic and generally life kind of just fell apart) I had been a very active doer, and I hadn’t really spoken about my emotions to anyone much in almost a decade. Since then I have been much more emotional and have ended up crying on too many people, I can’t go a week without seeing my counsellor.

i kind of hate saying all this but it’s the internet so no one cares right.

i don’t really see myself as the same kind of person now though. Where as I used to manage to stay on top of things and excel I now can’t finish projects or see plans through. I also retreat into my own head to analyse my emotion A LOT.

this is all a bit convoluted but I think what I’m trying to say is self preservation 4 apparently can look a lot like sp 3, the difference is that sp 4 does not achieve things to the same degree as they are actually in a spiral of thwarting their goals so as to cause suffering (like a self fulfilling prophecy). I am definitely not achieving my goals. I make a valid effort and make baby steps and push to hold myself to deadlines, but I am not any where near as capable as I used to be. A lot of my energy is now used on obsessing and worrying, which it really wasn’t before. This is making me think I might actually be a four.

the idea of being a four kind of scares me more and generally things that scare you have an element of truth to them.

im Just stuck on this. And I just want to achieve my effing goals. Ughh.

anyway sorry for the word vomit.

 

[Iced_Mocha]

As Three disintegrates, they become overworked and emotional.
As Four disintegrates, they become lost in their minds and envious.

"I don't tend to relish in these feelings"
Fours do relish in these feelings. You still try to hold yourself to deadlines, but an unhealthy Four would completely withdraw into their thoughts. You are most likely burnt out and overworked, which is why you're struggling and "not as capable as you used to be".

You wish you could achieve your goals like you used to, but don't feel like you are. You are now noticing your internal conflicts more because of outbursts of emotion.

Do you feel like an outcast often?

 

[User.loser.0.0]

As Three disintegrates, they become overworked and emotional.
As Four disintegrates, they become lost in their minds and envious.

"I don't tend to relish in these feelings"
Fours do relish in these feelings. You still try to hold yourself to deadlines, but an unhealthy Four would completely withdraw into their thoughts. You are most likely burnt out and overworked, which is why you're struggling and "not as capable as you used to be".

You wish you could achieve your goals like you used to, but don't feel like you are. You are now noticing your internal conflicts more because of outbursts of emotion.

Do you feel like an outcast often?

hey thank you for the reply, it was helpful

I wouldn’t say I ever really feel like an outcast. Sometimes I get a bit of imposter syndrome (mostly when it comes to feeling capable or good enough) but most of the time I make friends easily and feel quite comfortable knowing that we’re all different. I’m pretty easy going about that, I can slot into most social situations comfortably and can also vibe on my own. I feel pretty integrated with the people around me that I love (my flat mate, friends, some of my family etc.). I feel different to them but not in a bad way, and I also kind of feel like they’re all different to each other so we’re all different together if you know what I mean. I definitely like to think that I have something new that I want to put out into the world but I also feel like everyone I know will do the same in some way or another. So I feel special, like I was meant to do something special, but It doesn’t make me feel like an outcast because I feel like everyone has something special too. If you know what I mean.

 

[Iced_Mocha]

I wouldn’t say I ever really feel like an outcast. Sometimes I get a bit of imposter syndrome (mostly when it comes to feeling capable or good enough) but most of the time I make friends easily and feel quite comfortable knowing that we’re all different. I’m pretty easy going about that, I can slot into most social situations comfortably and can also vibe on my own. I feel pretty integrated with the people around me that I love (my flat mate, friends, some of my family etc.).

You're probably a 3w4.

 

[User.loser.0.0]

You're probably a 3w4.

thanks for the feedback, talking it out a bit helped me figure it out a bit more and I think I agree with you

xxx