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Are ESTPs that protective?

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Callie

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Discussion starter · #1 ·
Hi

My ESTP ex-bf is still very protective about me and everything that concerns my security. He is able to do miles just to repair something in my place if it concerns my security there... Everytime I feel there's something wrong somewhere, I can talk about that with him and he's the 1st to show up and help me !
Is that common with ESTPs?
 
#2 ·
Protectiveness of one's significant other is common in healthy relationship regardless of type. The way it manifest though differs depending on type, since each type offers something different depending on their dominant function. Since ESTP's have dominant Se, and with the example you provided (fixing physical things) seems to fall in line with extraverted sensing. Without going too much in depth each type will provide a sort of comfort and security in a (healthy) relationship, while lacking in another area. For instance, STP types might be there for you, fixing things, and providing physical security but they might have a hard time providing a sense of emotional security. But for them, offering physical security is a way of showing how much they care. It's all in the small nuances.
 
Discussion starter · #3 ·
Yeah... It's just that he is an EX boyfriend (of a very short relationship) not my CURRENT boyfriend... I appreciate very much his thoughtfullness. But I thought this might then be part of his temperament...
 
#5 ·
Callie said:
Yeah... It's just that he is an EX boyfriend (of a very short relationship) not my CURRENT boyfriend... I appreciate very much his thoughtfullness. But I thought this might then be part of his temperament...
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I am glad that you responded, since the fact that he is your ex is what makes this so poignant. I am not surprised at all of someone preferring ESTP to behave this way. Anytime you read descriptions of this type, it generally shows their loyalty in particularly for those they consider their own. This from the Promoter Executor description at best fit type: "I don't have a whole lot of really deep friendships, but yet I like to think people would describe me as dedicated, determined and loyal." It may also be worth noting that if your ex is a 8w9 or 9w8 in the enneagram, that can also be the reason for the sense of obligation. Unless you begin to expect him to be there for you or he believes you are starting to manipulate his kindness, expect he will continue to do this for a long time. Absolutely no surprise. On the other hand, had you said it was an ENP, would be quite shocked since it is their nature to move on.
 
#6 ·
This is typical ESTP loyalty. I was best friends with an ESTP male for many years, he really liked me romantically but I didn't feel the same way, still he did everything for me as if he was my boyfriend, dinner dates, he was always my date at weddings when I didn't have one, hiking, etc. I told him I didn't feel the same way about him and still he stayed by best friend for years after, didn't hold an attitude or anything. Basically we show we care through actions not words. Unless we don't like you, that you'll know.
 
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#8 ·
Callie said:
So you think, this could show somehow he still likes me or not automatically (this is just a loyalty thing) ?
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From my experience sometimes if you brake up with somebody and they are not over you yet, they search for some contact on various pretences, one of the most common being "I am worried about you".
It's easier to call and say that for example "I had a terrible nightmare last night, and I've dreamed that something bad happened to you, so I am calling to check if you are all right" than to say "I miss you and it hurts me that we broke up".

But this is not necessary the case here :)
 
Discussion starter · #9 ·
Well... Im not sure this is the case here... And beside I offered him today to come over as my bf to a BBQ with my co-workers since one of them is bi (and Im a girl interested in guys only!!!!) and this co-w. is kinda starting harassing me with her own bf (crazy story !!)... Im feeling not secure and I need to show some man's presence in my life. He understands the issue very much, finds the situation crazy but told me just not to go there. And he said he's not available to this day with a poor excuse (twin sister's wedding a few days later to help to prepare exactly this night were I need him..) But for some reasons (this BBQ is the good-bye party of my other co-w and hi party for the new one), I can't just not go....


So no ! He's not into me...
 
#10 ·
Callie - let's put "ESTP guy protective" topic aside for a minute - do you wanna go to this party? What's the crazy story behind all this? You made me curious - how a girl come to the point that she need to show some **** that she has a man present in her life just to make them back off.

<- this poor ESTP wants facts :D

(and well, maybe we are that protective - now I bother myself with your problem :p)
 
#11 ·
I don't always hang around with my friends or share my inner thoughts with them. But they know I have their back if they're ever pinned against the wall. I've broken up several fights that my friends have been in and helped them out in some. I've always believed actions speak louder than words and they know they have someone that is loyal to them. They just better do the same for me, lol
 
Discussion starter · #12 ·
thank you zinette for your concern. But the details of this story have no importance right now. Important is : he knows the facts and he was the first to warn me against my co worker long before i noticed. Important is : im not into him but i still do like him because he is exceptional and maybe deep inside me, even though i took an active part in the breaking up process which yet ended up being mutual i realise today that i would like him to still care about me and somehow be open one day take a second chance. Just because somehow it didnt work out not because of temperament issues but because we are at different stages in our life with different expectations. I wonder how much still being friend could bring us closer and eventually start something new. Or maybe he just move on. well i was just day dreaming. And tomorow i forgot about my unconscious dreams about an ex and i'll chase an other guy
 
#18 ·
Hmm, now that you mention the ESTJ thing it kind of does. My ex boyfriend is an ESTJ and he was the sort of guy to still do things for me despite the fact that I did break up with him.

I don't know, as an ESTP I don't really stay friends with ex's? Well, it all depends if you guys are still friends are not. I really care for my friends and do whatever possible to see them happy, as opposed to just going "you're my friend and I love you" though through the years I've gotten better with expressing my feelings verbally.

My ex boyfriend used to always bitch at me because I never said I missed him or any of that mushy stuff. =P
 
#19 ·
njchick said:
This is typical ESTP loyalty. I was best friends with an ESTP male for many years, he really liked me romantically but I didn't feel the same way, still he did everything for me as if he was my boyfriend, dinner dates, he was always my date at weddings when I didn't have one, hiking, etc. I told him I didn't feel the same way about him and still he stayed by best friend for years after, didn't hold an attitude or anything. Basically we show we care through actions not words. Unless we don't like you, that you'll know.
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Hmm one of my best friends in college was an ESTP girl that I really liked but she didn't reciprocate. After kind of killing the friendship I just let it slide and we ended up being great friends. She's the girl I would take to any party where we didn't know anyone and we'de walk out with 20 new friends. Concert tickets? Call her. Smoke a lil weed? call her. etc etc

i was kind of upset though because she was the only girl i really wanted to date in college and we were so similar i just never really understood her reluctance cuz her BF now is kind of a tool haha
 
#20 ·
johnnyBuz said:
Hmm one of my best friends in college was an ESTP girl that I really liked but she didn't reciprocate. After kind of killing the friendship I just let it slide and we ended up being great friends. She's the girl I would take to any party where we didn't know anyone and we'de walk out with 20 new friends. Concert tickets? Call her. Smoke a lil weed? call her. etc etc

i was kind of upset though because she was the only girl i really wanted to date in college and we were so similar i just never really understood her reluctance cuz her BF now is kind of a tool haha
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She can't handle the Buz
 
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