People and boys tease each other all the time. It's very important to know if:
(a) Those teases are for real.
(b) Those teases are just jokes.
If it's the latter, be cool with it, laugh at them, and if you find a good comeback, say that comeback. If it really is bothering you, you can outright say that it bothers you and don't do it.
If you say that it bothers you and don't do it, and they still keep doing it, it's probably (a) those teases are for real, they are not your real friends.
You see, it's not a big deal to get offended, unless you get very offended. There are degrees is what I'm trying to say. Not all offends are equal, and not all offends are bad. Being offended can actually help you learn and grow sometimes, and it can be challenging some other times, like a call to arms. It's probably the last that your friends are aiming for. As a joke, in a fun spirit, to be amused, even if it offends you a bit, not to hurt your feelings.
There are a few sort of common sense rules when it comes to making fun of other people:
1.
Stay away from things that are permanent ->
- Their face - nobody likes being made fun of their face, it's not like they can change their face.
- Their weight - it's not permanent, but it's very difficult to change, so you might as well consider it permanent.
- Long habbits - such as smoking, don't make fun of someone for being a smoker, chances are they may be trying to quit, in general, it's like the weight, not permanent but not that easy to change.
- However, you can make fun of them that with a cigar in their mouth they look like [X] or making a stereotype out of them "are you one of those types who (...)".
2.
Stay away from things that they are insecure about, that they would lose face if exposed ->
- They may be considered offensive regadless whether or not it's a joke.
- If someone is missing a teeth, don't make fun of that, they are very insecure about it, they don't like it and will be upset no matter the joke.
- If someone having an implant or something or being very insecure about a part of their body.
- Again, these things are sort of permanent so it's not like it's something they can change.
- Usually things people are very insecure about are also things sort of permanent.
3.
Be honest, if there is something you don't like say you don't like it. Honesty will be appreciated and will make the compliments seem more genuine.
4.
What to do instead? shoot with blind bullets. Instead, make fun of things that:
(a) They don't care about
(b) Clearly not true
(c) Are temporary / momentarily.
5.
(a) Make fun of things they don't care about:
- If someone doesn't care about being a fast, you can make fun all day about how slow they are and they won't be upset about it, because they don't care about it.
- If someone doesn't care about their cooking skills, you can make fun of their cooking skills all day and they won't be offended, as they don't care about it.
6.
(b) Clearly not true:
- If a person is very skinny and not insecure at all about their weight, you can make fun of them for gaining some weight.
- They will not be insecure and therefore upset about it becuase they know this is clearly not true.
- On the other hand, if you would make the same weight joke with a fat person, they will be upset / offended about it since they are insecure about it.
- Just as above with cooking, if someone is a very good cook and you clearly enjoy eating what they made, you can make fun all day about how bad the food is or how afraid you are to eat it, since this is clearly not true.
- You can make fun of a skinny person for being too fat, of an A+ student for being a failure after a B, etc.
7.
The clearly not true optionally also implies / requests a level of trust between people:
- Such as making racist jokes with your friends, it's only funny becuase you know that person is not racist.
- Sometimes when it's about people but not about skills or events.
- Or making jokes about cheating or meeting other people with your lover. If the trust between you is high enough for them to consider that this is clearly not true, you can make cheating jokes all you like, they will not be upset / offended because they are not insecure about it. So it still goes back to whether there's insecurity or not.
- They trust that you can't possibly be like that/believe that, so it's clearly not true.
8.
This "clearly not true" also explains why reputation and personal relationship is important in teasing:
* You can't tell right away whether a tease is a joke or not. So you need to get to know a person a bit to determine whether that teasing is probably a joke or not. By determining the kind of person they are.
- This works in 2 ways: with your personal relationship with them, the more you know a person the more of their true colors they will show, also the more you know a person the more comfortable and open you can be around them.
- And with reputation, which is basically like "review from others", others review their personal relation with that person in the form of reputation.
- Reputation can be important, if you are known as a joker, someone who makes fun often, a lot of what you say can be easily labeled as "clearly not true" by people around you, since that's how you are.
- On the other hand, if people don't know you as a funny person or someone who is generally joking around, you may attempt to be funny and be taken seriously simply because people don't expect you to be funny, that's not how they're used to you.
9.
If sometimes your joke doens't deliver, it may have to do with your reputation within that certain enviroment.
- As much as it has to do with (a) the attitude in your delivery as well as the (b) severity and (c) humor of the joke itself.
- Take the "PewDiePie is a nazi" controversy from a few years ago, a lot of people didn't understood the joke simply because they didn't expect PewDiePie to be a comedian.
- Their viewers knew this, but the people who watched him one and wrote that article weren't his constant viewers. Just some guys who saw him once, took him out of context, and didn't expect him to be joking because they don't know that that man jokes all the time, so they took him out of context.
- Is this dumb? I'd argue yes. You don't have to have a "comedian" badge to determine whether a joke is funny or not, or whether something is serious or not, context regardless of the person involved should be enough.
- But apparently, not all people are like that, so it is what it is. And you have to "play by these rules of reputation" otherwise you risk getting into PewDiePie's situation sometimes where people don't know you are joking simply because they don't expect you to be joking.
- They don't expect you as a person to be the type of person who jokes all the time. PewDiePie's example was an extreme case, but I hope it helps get the point across.
10.
If people know you as a joker, they are more likely to consider your jokes, jokes.
- If someone doesn't get it, and has a chance to take you seriously, you can simply say "I'm kidding" to make things clear.
- This is so good that sometimes you may really say the truth and be it considered a joke. Exactly because of this joker reputation effect.
- Especially when people know you as a joker, you can say things for real and people will believe you make fun of them. And, on the other side of the coin, you can be serious while joking.
11.
For example of this "joker reputation effect":
- If you're really going to a [funny thing, unusual: classical music; not country or pop, as these are usual] concert, you can tell your parents you're doing that and they won't take you seriously.
- But if they know you as a kid who doesn't joke around, their reaction might be "what are you doing there?".
- And on the other side, if you really think someone has an ugly T-shirt, you can tell them how ugly that T-shirt is "that T-shirt looks like [....]" and they will laugh at it and consider it a joke, but you may be serious.
- So yeah, reputation in joking is important, as absrud as it sounds.
- If you're not known as a joker in a certain enviroment, start with small jokes until people get the hang of it and laugh (jokes that can be considered non-offensive for most of the time), if someone doesn't get it you can say "I'm kidding", if they still don't laugh it means the joke wasn't funny rather than they thought you are serious and speaking for real.
- After people get used to laughing at your small (non-offensive) jokes, and start to develop a reputation as a joker, you can go for even more bold or daring jokes (possibly offensive), as now you will have a decreased chance of being taken seriously.
12.
The "epitomy" of this is when boys insult each other about everything but nobody is offended / upset because nobody takes it seriously but as a joke.
- Now, with girls you will probably not reach such epitomy since girls are usually less exposed to this kind of "sheet talk" and more conscious of themselves, but you can still reach pretty high heights that you couldn't if you didn't have a reputation as a joker and had the risk of people taking you seriously.
- If you happen to misjudge, just say "I'm kidding" and move on.
- Your real intetion is not to hurt their feelings but have fun.
- Mostly, don't do personal jokes, about themselves, with girls.
- And when you do, make sure it's something light about themselves. Not implying that they are stupid or ugly or things they would be insecure about.
- You can imply that they are bossy or a bad person or taking advantage of you some other moral drawback who is not that personal. Or unskilled at something or taking advantage of someone else.
13.
Something indirect, not outright saying it "you're bossy" but implying it with other words "could you give me a break, m'am?": or
- "After I'm done with this will I get my minimum Amazon wage?" (implying they treat you like a slave)
- "Yes boss, you're the master" (outright implying they are the boss)
- "yes princess, your wish is a desire for me" (implying you are their servant)
- All in a sarcastic tone.
- If you have a reputation as a joker you can get away with many, but calling them stupid or ugly is probably not going to be one of them, since they aren't used to as much trash talk as the guys and will get offended / upset regardless whether it's a joke or not.
- It's a big flaw for them and they are a lot more insecure about being ugly or stupid than men are.
- I'm not saying there aren't exceptions, there are exceptions everywhere, but I'm talking about the general tendency here.
TL;DR - stay away from calling them ugly or stupid, in rest go for it with any flaw you can find and make fun of that, some women love it.
There is a workaround: Making fun of something, and I stress this,
temporarily, that makes them look ugly, like
they have something on their face, because
it's not permanent.
It's not that offensive/upsetting because it's not permanent. The point is:
Don't make fun of things that they will be upset / insecure about. If they are insecure about it, they will likely be upset about it and feel hurt.
This things require trial & error. So go for it, test, and adjust.
They will be upset / offended about it if they are insecure about that thing you make fun of. So stay away from things that people could potentially be insecure about, it could hurt their feelings.
Some people can take it, others can't, but better play it safe until you get to know the person better.
Also:
When seeing whether they enjoy a good tease or not, look for non-verbal gestures & reactions.
Most of communication is non-verbal. If they say "stop!" but laugh, do you really think they want you to stop?
Or if they act all upset, but their body langauge didn't dictate that, their body language dictates laughter and entertainment, do you really think they are really upset or just playing along? pretending to be upset "for the drama?".
Like: If someone teases you, you can even continue the tease by pretending to agree with them like "oh, look, you're already upset",
"you have block".
Teasing is basically playing, being playful, it's all in good humor, it's all pretending. They're pretending to be mean to you and you're pretending to be mean to them. I guess that's one way to put teasing - pretending to be mean.
Teasing is basically a game of predenting, a roleplaying.
And the key idea in this "pretending to be mean" is: you appear to 'attack' or contradict them with something, but not enough to hurt their feelings.
You are making fun of them but only lightly. Now, "lightly" is relative from person to person, but you probably get what I mean.
14. You can make fun of the way
they behave or of
something they do or even of
something they wear (because those are not permanent things) As long as they understood that it's a joke
(and you don't seriously mean it), and you kind of have a reputation for a joker:
- And you do it light, keeping their feelings in mind.
- Now, their feelings can be "attacked" a bit, nobody says to treat them with gloves, they can be offended a bit, stinged by a bee.
- All humor and teasing is that, you can't make fun of them for being bossy or cold without implying they are bossy or cold so there is something a bit offensive there too, so there is a bit of wickedness too but not really as it's not serious.
- The point is not to hurt their feelings, the point is to amuse them and be amused yourself.
- The point is not to treat them with gloves, but to make fun of things that they will not be upset / insecure about.
- Like, you make fun of them for being a bad cook. Clearly offensive! they don't know how to cook, but if they don't care about being a good cook, it's not a big deal for them, how offensive is it really? a bit, like being stinged by a bee, but not to the point where you're insecure about.
TL;DR -
If you're offended a bit, you feel more challenged if anything, you feel 'attacked' and feel the need to 'fight back'. That is what makes it funny. And leads to that "play of words".
If you're offended a lot, usually when they make fun of something you are insecure about, usually things that are permanent and you can't change/are hard to change, you're going to be like a lot of hurt, and
you're not going to feel challenged or attacked or feel the need to fight back, you are going to feel sad or upset or hurt.
Like: Some trips and says
"it happens to everyone".
"Really [her name], it happens to everyone?" or
"I don't see anyone else falling down here" or
"Really? or does it only happen to you?",
now this implies they are clumsy.
You find a flaw they have and exaggerate it, challenging them in this way. Obviously, being clumsy is bad, but how offensive is it really? If you are with someone close and they know how to take a joke, probably not that much.
Now for the humor itself, those are the rules of how to tease without being offensive, but how to be actually funny?
So, being funny:
15.
A lot of humor is simply by comparison.
You can probably see there is a theme of "you look like" or "you sound like" in all of my examples.
- And well, that's kind of how humor is.
- Comparisons, associations, breaking expectations. Weird things that make no sense, like a priest in rapper's clothes.
- But again, given the insecure and personal relationship example, if you do this joke about a priest in rapper's clothes to a very religious person, they are probably not going to find it funny, they are not going to be amused by it.
- They are going to be offended by it since it violates one of their core values, and not a bit offended like a bee's sting but a lot of offended like upset.
- By the way, surprisingly, once you build enough reputation as a joker and maybe have a close relationship, the B-word is okay as long as you don't say it but imply it, I've seen plenty of women positively responding to that and being amused. Mainly because it's not such a bad moral flaw to some of them, it's like being bossy in some way or having standards. It's like saying "you're such a Karen" or "You complain a lot about everything".
16.
Until you build that joker reputation you can start with small jokes and gardually escalate.
- Or quickly escalate, depending on the enviroment, people your age or someone you have to be more formal with.
- You can see how many things you can afford to do or say when people consider it as a joke and don't take you seriously.
17.
Exaggerate your jokes to ridiculousness:
- Similar to clearly not true, you can make something clearly not true by exaggerating it to ridiculousness.
- Like "I literally grew a beard waiting for you".
- A lot of humor is exaggerations, sarcasm and things that clearly make no sense. The more absurd something is, the better.
- Also, the more specific something is, also the better, which is why stereotypes can be funny.
18.
Temporary / momentarily:
- This is an exception to the permanent things they are insecure about, if they have something on their face or just woke up very early.
- You can absolutely make fun of them "you look like [X]" since that is not their real face, it's just how they are in the moment.
19.
You can also make fun of something that happened in the moment:
- Or make fun of them for something that happened in the moment.
- If they feel and tripped, you can tease them about it. "Do you like the floor, huh?". Just don't exaggerate with it by overdoing it.
20.
Appeal to manners:
- People are supposed to be nice and helpful, you can make fun of them by asking them nicely to do something they might otherwise not want to do.
- Especially when they are around relative strangers and they have to behave, they have to be polite, people are supposed to do stuff like that so they are supposed to do it to save face, even when otherwise they might not want it.
21.
Appeal to morality:
- You can make fun of them by implying they are a bad person for various things, find various loopholes and exploit them. For "not doing the right thing".
- Like: "I can see your such a good person you decided not to help your brother in need".
22.
Appeal to personal wickedness:
- You can make fun of someone else by going out of your way to be crude in a sarcastic way.
- Only do it with the other person if they can take it, if they are the type of person that can enjoy a personal offensive tease like that.
- Otherwise, you can do it about someone else when you are with them.
- It's not being evil, it's simulating wickedness, if anything it shows that you are aware of the bad of the people but still like them. Or point out the obvious that everybody is thinking but nobody saying.
- Again, make sure you have a tell, or people will not get your sarcasm. They will not get that you're kidding.
- And if they do mistake your comment for real, just say "I'm kidding".
- A good tell is having an amused face and speaking faster than usual.
- Or by changing your tone a lot. Like speaking in a voice that is different from your normal voice. Like: "I'm not sure this is going to work" but saying it with a different tone. Anything works as long as you make it clear this is not the real you, and is only for the comic effect.
- Or exaggerating with your emotions / reactions, like saying "what?!" but make that "what?!" as "what?!" as possible if that makes any sense, to make it clear that you're kidding.
- Consider this phrase: "I'm going to change my clothes", "cool, where is your window?". If you say the latter speaking faster than usual and in a more high pitched voice, it makes it clear you are kidding. You need to have a tell.
23.
Can you see the dynamics?
- It has a lot to do with reputation, whether you have a joker reputation or not.
- Becuase if you are, you can afford to say more things and be taken as a joke than otherwise.
- If you don't, start with small jokes and slowly build up your jokes reputation. In that point, you can afford make more bold or dating jokes and they will be considered as "clearly not true" because of your joker reputation.
- And if it ever fails and you're off the point, just say "I'm kidding" to make it clear it's a joke.
- A lot of jokes is really just comparison "you look like" or "you sound like" or making stereotypes out of them.
- In a joke it matters: your reputation (PewDiePie's example), the delivery and the attitude of the joke, and how severe and funny the joke was.
- If the jokes was very funny, it can be "forgiven" even if it was too severe and even by the people who normally don't take these kinds of jokes well.
- If a joke was too severe as pointed in the begining: about something permanent or about something they would be insecure about, it's not a good joke, and most of the time people will be offended, like big offended really upset not small offended like a bee's sting.
24.
Now, if people get offended or upset once in a while for you made fun of something they are insecure about, it's not really a big thing.
- They will get over it and forget it.
- Apologise and say you won't do it again. It's not the end of the world.
- Don't get all defensive and low about it, yes, you made a bad joke, and you are sorry and you will make up for it.
- Keep up your attitude. You admit your mistake and consider it but still raise up above it. You don't get on your knees and beg or consider this the end of the relationship.
- It's not the end of the relationship if they get offended once or twice with a bad joke you made, people are usually understanding of this, that other people make mistakes.
- You say "I'm sorry, I didn't realise, I won't make fun of it in the future" and more on.
- Your purpose is to amuse not to upset other people.
- And yes, there is a bit of stingy 'attack' in teasing, like the bee's sting as I gave the example, but that stinging can be fun.
- There is a difference between that stinging 'attack' and a real big offensive teasing that would upset them and hurt their feelings in a bad way.
But yeah, a lot of these jokes involve a bit of trust,
so you need to make people trust you.
This is why many jokes simply don't work with strangers.
They simply don't know you enough to trust you.
Until they have established that they can trust you or you have a good reputation they can trust.
Think of "the cool kid", he can probably make any joke and people will laugh, even a knock-knock joke. While a guy who is hated, people will only laugh if the joke is really really good. Chances are, they don't even want to laugh.
It's also about the attitude, the atmosphere in the air. It can change everything.
But you can create that atmosphere. Of fun. Of laughter. Of amusement.
By being the first to laugh and make jokes yourself. Just don't be the first to laugh at your own jokes.
Attitude is contageous. We take it from other people, and we give it to other people. Is your attitude worth taking?
Ok, so I feel like that says a lot. But it still doesn't go into depths about actually being funny.
What does it mean to be funny? how to be funny?
what is actually the process of being funny? Well, sarcasm. Non-hurtful sarcasm at first, but you can gradually evolve.
And remember to have a "good spirits" attitude on your face. As I said, attitude is contageous. That atmosphere of being funny. Where everything is all fun and games.
Of fun, laughter and amusement as I said above. You got to initiate it,
you got to create that atmosphere. Sarcasm with a good tell.
You got to initiate it by being the first to laugh and make jokes yourself.
If you don't have the attitude, even the funniest joke can come across as blunt, it's called "delivery". So, what makes a good joke? How do you make a good joke?
BTW: If someone is roasting you in mean spirits, it means there are no rules.
You can be as roasting and as devastating as you want. You have more freedom. Since they are also not pulling back when it comes to you.
Just think & consider whether that conflict is really worth it depending on the case. Anyway, back to the main subject, part 2.
People want to have fun and have a good time, that's how you make them enjoy your presence.
But, you need to have the tone to make it clear its sarcasm.
I previously gave this Brie Larson example of how not to do it:
Some people say
"just have good intention" but that's obviously not enough as obviously she had good intentions but still failed, her tells just weren't good enough.
They weren't there, so the people took her seriously.
Her meanness and defensiveness were taken seriously, rather than as just a joke.
She was clearly trying to be witty & funny. But because she didn't had a good tell her sarcasm would usually not be noticed. Sarcasm requires a tell. When you make fun of people, you need a sudden change in your voice or tone to make it clear you're not serious in those moments.
Without going over the top, her sacrasm appears sincere defensiveness.
Going over the top communicates that you don't mean what you say. When you're being sacrastic, do not be flat in your delivery, especially if the literal interpretation of what you're saying would make you sound like a jerk. Go over the top in changing your tone, your gestures or facial expressions to help people,
this helps people disthinguish between normal conversation and a character that you're playing for the joke.
If there's no absurdity, no exaggeration, no smile, no high-pitched voice, just flat out statements, there's no tell for playfulness.
As for the how? There's no clear definition, that's the nature of humor, it's random.
Humor is simply things that are absurd, that make no sense, something is funny because it's weird, it stands out, it's a break from the social or moral norms, just let your mind run wild and see what you come up with.
The same is true for teasing, there's no set in stone rule for a perfect tease, you have to be creative, and the best tease is usually indirect, you don't outright call a person fat or ugly or unskilled or whatever, but you imply it with something else. And
teasing is usually circumstantial, you make things of the situation or things you have around you to make a good tease, or even make stereotypes or point out the obvious.
Teasing is also, importantly: playful. You are basically grinding their gears.
You're basically playing with them "poking holes in them".
You can tease someone for having an immoral behavior, an out of order behavior, you can throw random comments like
"I know you will lose" it's still a form of teasing.
If you want, you can turn it the other way around and make a "good tease" or "positive tease".
Like, instead of "I know you will lose" say "You are already 3 steps ahead of us" with a sarcastic tone. You are still making fun of them, you are still
"challenging them" and "poking holes in them". But are you "poking holes in them" for what? for being 3 steps ahead you? for being a mastermind and being better than you?
or maybe you're being sarcastic. Who knows?
And, you can dispel one of their insecurities with teasing.
You can turn it the other way around and make a "good tease" about something they are insecure about, to boost their spirit.
If they are insecure about something, make fun of them for making a big deal about something so minor, like if someone thinks they have an ugly costume, you can be like
"that's it? is this what I'm supposed to be shocked about? wow" or
"Am I supposed to be impressed? I expected a lot worse." or
"wow, is that all, where is the bad in that?".
You don't tease them about something bad about them, but instead tease them for feeling bad about something that's good about them or not a big deal/neutral.
Just don't, and I mean don't, make fun of something they are insecure about. If someone is fat and very self-conscious about that part of their body.
Don't make fun of that. You will only hurt their feelings. Don't make fat jokes with fat people I guess. Unless they are your friends and you know,
and I do mean know, they can take it.
On the other hand, if someone is very slim, very well built or even ripped, make fun of them for gaining weight or bing a little fat, having a little fat now and there, as much as you want. They are cleary not insecure about their body so you can make fun of their body. Also, don't make fun of anorexic people, they may be very insecure about being fat despite being the opposite of fat.
When it comes to "positive tease", the last one is amazing because it's a tease that builds people up, it encourages them.
Or you can take advantage of people's general expectation to be compliant in society:
- When something is asked of them from people who don't know them very well, like if someone you don't know asks you: "do you want to try that thing" and you probably don't want, but because you don't know that person very well you accept it.
- You can take advantage of that to put people into uncomfortable situations and make fun of them. Not serious uncomfortable or bad, but slightly annoying for them.
The thing is...
When you tease the implied insult has to be indirect. It has to be implied. What I mean by indirect is that you can't go around and say "you're stupid", that's being insulting not playfully teasing. You have to be creative, to imply the conclusion in one way or another, like "I just got this job!", "are they that desperate?".
You tease them about something bad about them, and downplay them, make them less important than they really are or less skilled than they really are, but without personal or direct attacks.
Teasing is essentially a playful way of saying "you're doing bad" without really meaning it and only do it with people you can afford teasing with.
Bantering and teasing are usually used interchangebly, however...
Bantering on the other hand, is just teasing with a 2-way street. Having back & fourth pride exchange on the road. The regular teasing. While also making it clear you're cool with it.
You are both trying to get the upper hand on each other, trying to "prove" that you are doing better and the other person worse. It's a friendly competition, like two baby lions fighting.
Making scare jokes can be a form of teasing. Teasing can also imply pushing some boundaries: "you can stop [doing something inconvenient] now, it's okay", "but you didn't stay for [something else]", so you push some boundaries, but you have to make sure the other person is cool with it based on their tone and general attitude. If they laugh when saying "you can stop [doing something inconvenient] now, it's okay" it means they are going with the joke, if they are serious do actually stop. Most of communication is non-verbal,
so be aware of the socal clues.
You can also tease by exaggerating various things about them or the enviroment.
If something is bad, make it even worse than it is. For example, if they are very cold you can say: "we are here in Siberia, there is no show yet but it's very cold, as you can see [pointing out to her being cold], keep freeing, we are going to equip ourselves for this very cold weather [gives her your jacket]". And if she says "goodbye" or "leave me alone" but laughs, keep doing it, you push some boundaries and show defiance but it's actually in good spirit because she laughs. As I said, most of communication is non-verbal.
Or
another example of making things worse than they are, if it's raining outside and they are very wet, you can say "how are you doing [her name], do you want to come here again?" and now she could banter by teasing you back "no, not with you" and you can reply "but it's my fault that it started raining?". And then be like "go, go, go". Just say what you think and see what it comes to mind. If you have an opinion about something, say what it comes to mind, as restricting yourself too much might actually be the reason why you can't pull it off and are closed up in yourself.
The most funny thing is the narrative. How is said and what is said, rather than the most devastating insult possible, it's teasing not a roast. That's why things like when it's raining outside and she's cold asking her "how are you doing [her name], do you want to come here again?/do you like it here?" can be so funny, you're not saying anything
too offensive or insulting, you're poking fun at her for being cold.
It's about building a frame,
because it's funny, not stating it outright but letting the conclusion be formed, the conclusion in that case being that you're poking fun at her for being too cold, but you don't outright say "haha, haha, you're too cold"
but imply it with other words. Teasing is basically playing with them.
You can also tease them by challenging them. Like literally challenging them to a game to decide which person is going to do or not do a certain thing you don't want. Or by pretending to give them something then slowly pull it off away.
There is a bit of defiance in these games.
I can't tell for sure, but I think teasing works best with a mindset. And I think the mindset for it is don't be serious, a light feeling of superiority, a willingness to make fun of them and contradict them,
to disqualify them, to be honest whether something was amazing or lame, and the desire to be caring, to be attentive.
Like: even if I have this great sense of independence, I'm still very attentive towards you. But you are not above making fun of them
and disqualify them in various aspects, but not aspects they could be insecure about. And remember that most of communication is non-verbal. It's all good natured, good spirits, that how affective teasing is supposed to be.
How can you make sure that you don't disqualify or downplay them in aspects they care about? By following the rules above that I originally listed.
So what is funny? ...
Funny are just things that are out of the ordinary, that are weird. This is why they are funny, because they are out of the ordinary, they are weird, they are not in conformity with the norm.
When you tell a funny story, it's funny because it's so weird, it doesn't happen very often. If it would, it probably wouldn't have been as funny. Imagine if people would fall on banans everyday, it would just be common, it wouldn't have been as funny. But when it happens, boy that's so funny. And it's mainly non-harmful, which is another reason why its funny. If we are talking about falling on the stairs or having a car accident,
it's not funny for the sole reason that people might be hurt.
They are still weird, out of the ordinary, don't happen very often, but people get hurt.
Implying bad intent can also be funny. Let's say a church car almost hits you, you can say
"you ran out of clients and didn't know how to make more?", implying that they tried to hit you because they wanted a funeral. This is a bit dark, so not everyone will be on board, but again, this is (hopefully) clearly not his intention, he didn't mean to almost hit you. But .... you are implying his bad intention of hitting you to
make money out of you.
Of course,
that one could actually hurt the feelings of the person who almost hit you, so don't do that, because he was trying to avoid you at least.
It's kind of jerkish, even if it was his fault. Not to mention, it's easy to think of this theoretically in your head, but in that moment, it's probably the last thing you will think about. But the general idea behind it is:
It's sarcasm, you cleary don't mean that, it's clearly not meant to be taken that way but as a joke.
And if he would have really hit you, it wouldn't have been funny because people would get hurt.
You can do this for a lot of things, imply bad intentions in people. Imply that they have bad motives, that they don't mean well, and it can lead to some funny phrases out there.
Implying selfishness or
taking advantage of people, etc. Like: *someone says something good about themselves,
"I don't know what to say..." (with a suspicious tone).
Or you can turn this around and be you the one with bad intentions.
This is equally funny and less risky of being offensive. Like: "Are you going out? finally! it will be so much quieter in here!" or "why are you leaving? ; this is why [points out to him]". But again, you also have to be careful with this, since they can again come across as offensive.
So be careful with this, to avoid misinterpretation, sort of, it may not be good, because when it's bad it can be really bad, the non-verbal communication I was talking about, reading the person's intent, and it shouldn't come out of nowhere, the joke I mean. There either has to be a great deal of trust between you, to make it clear this is not the case, i.e. clearly false clause from above. To have a reputation for a joker, so that it's more likely that you're kidding than not. And eventually, to make sure, you can just say it "I'm kidding". You can
"break the joke" and definetly say something for your jokes overall like: "Did it bother you when I (...)?; okay, just making sure, then I'll keep going" or "I am kidding, if anything is bothering you, please tell me and I'll stop".
Just to be clear that you are both on the same page, you both can take the joke and none of you is secretly offended. There is a lot to think about there.
You trademark how cool you are. Even in self-depricating humor. You don't become a clown that everyone makes fun of. The point of humor, beside being amused and have a good time, is to raise yourself in the eyes of other people. It's okay to be a goodball. But I'm saying this because you don't use humor to become the clown / target that everyone hits with pies on,
if anything, you can use humor to fight back from that.
I'm saying this because sometimes you can make fun of yourself in such a way, such a long and consntat way, that everyone will just go along with it. Including yourself. But deep down you won't like it.
Just fight back or be honsest about how you feel. So
use it amused and have a good time, is to raise yourself in the eyes of other people, including self-depricating humor.
Also, don't be too rigid about others making fun of you. It's cool if other make fun of you, it's not cool if others make fun of you constantly and all the time. Or if they cross the line, going from offensive to more offensive and more offensive and more offensive. In that case, as I said, just fight back or be honest about how you feel.
You can banter with hate, or you can banter with love and fun. It's the latter when the others'
(the teased's) feelings are taken into account.
So yeah, take their feelings into account but also make fun of them. Just don't overdo it, as in constantly doing it all the time.
Tease people, because it's funny, but don't overdo it, because it gets stressing.
Teasing is a bit of a "mean" behavior even if you're joking. So you need to balance out the mean behavior with some genuine moments of good, to:
(a) Make it even more clear that you're joking.
(b) Not be a constant tease, which can be annoying.
What are they insecure about? you have to know them a bit to figure that out. In rest, you can pretty much go for it. Make stereotypes, make assumptions, make comparisons; try to downplay them, etc.
Be witty. A lot of teasing is just being witty.
Somtimes, teasing is just non-serious talk, like "heeeeey!". Implying they did something bad but in a friendly brotherly way. I can't really put the tone into writing but imagine something like "Jhoooooon!" with a lower accent in the middle like "oh, John, you always do that". Basically implying
"John, you're incompetent".
Or saying things like "you don't have tastes". Making each other look better or worse. A friendly competition about making each other look better or worse.
Or tease like "you're going to be bad". Like
"you're going to be a bad father". Or "I wouldn't want to be your child".
Or sarcastically say "wow, you're going to be an excellent father".
Teasing is basically poking fun at people but without crossing that line where you're being offensive. You downplay them, but you don't downplay them in all aspects, only some that are considered "allowable".
It's actually very easy to be with people as long as you are accepting of many behaviors. And seek to find the good in many.
You can even put salt on the wound. If someone teases someone else about something that implies they are uninteresting, such as "eh, you're just not worth listening to",
you can say "ouch, he made you uninteresting", pointing out the obvious but adding salt on the wound in the process.
Being offened and bring insulted and being attacked are different things.
You got to figure out with each group of people where the limit is. Usually when you're in a new group of people, just observe the rest for what is acceptable to them. And "join the fun" once you are already familiar with each other, or if they "jump on you first".
But, if you are the one who has to take the initiative, just remember that teasing is different for boys & girls, generally speaking.
Look at the points 12-16 from way up above for reference. In general, you can't just tell a girl "you're stupid" or even imply it. You have to be more delicate. Show a bit more circumspection in your behavior.
There are things you just "can't afford". But, with boys, you can even outright directly say
"you're stupid" like it's no big deal.
I guess this makes for a good summary, if it can be even called a summary.
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