Can anyone relate as an INFJ attracting the narcissist personality?
Brandarooo
When I get into big fights I've been told I'm selfish. I know someone who is actually narcissistic though so I know narcissism is not the case. I feel I'm very unselfish when everything is well and good, but when I'm mad...F tha police. :laughing:
However I can definitely be very into myself without even noticing. It's just because I live in my own head and think about why I act certain ways more than most anything.
However I can definitely be very into myself without even noticing. It's just because I live in my own head and think about why I act certain ways more than most anything.
You mean do you think INFJ have a strong chance of attracting narcissists? If so, absolutely yes. I think there's easily a chance interaction with an INFJ would be addictive to a narcissist. - We want people to feel loved, we have difficulty with confrontation, and we tend to give way, way more compliments than insults or criticisms.
I'm not sure if this is an INFJ thing as such, but for me personally, I tend to compliment people even if I don't particularly want to. -
I feel like I have something I call a "compliment cue detector", lol. I detect pretty easily when someone wants to be complimented for something. It's usually a specific way they speak about something - a success, an ability, something they've done, something they've bought, or own, or whatever - there is something particular about the way they will mention something, and I call that a "compliment cue" - and I almost don't even have a choice as to whether I want to compliment them or not, a compliment will just fly out of my mouth.
I've easily complimented people I actually strongly dislike, simply because - unless it's a serious exception - I still favor harmoniousness over "DISTURBING THE PEACE!!".
Put me in a room with a narcissist, and I will likely shower them with compliments. If it gets too much, and I get to the point where I feel like my face is aching from doing relentless impressed-faces and smiles, my cheeks don't feel like real human cheeks anymore, and I need to get away asap.... "Oh my gosh! It's been absolutely incredible talking to you, you seem like such an interesting person! I do need to say though - I've just received a text saying my dog has died, I should probably go. I'm SO sorry! But please get in touch again soon!" < Okay, extreme exaggeration there, but I will pretty much bend over backward until I can find an excuse and leave.
I'm not sure if this is an INFJ thing as such, but for me personally, I tend to compliment people even if I don't particularly want to. -
I feel like I have something I call a "compliment cue detector", lol. I detect pretty easily when someone wants to be complimented for something. It's usually a specific way they speak about something - a success, an ability, something they've done, something they've bought, or own, or whatever - there is something particular about the way they will mention something, and I call that a "compliment cue" - and I almost don't even have a choice as to whether I want to compliment them or not, a compliment will just fly out of my mouth.
I've easily complimented people I actually strongly dislike, simply because - unless it's a serious exception - I still favor harmoniousness over "DISTURBING THE PEACE!!".
Put me in a room with a narcissist, and I will likely shower them with compliments. If it gets too much, and I get to the point where I feel like my face is aching from doing relentless impressed-faces and smiles, my cheeks don't feel like real human cheeks anymore, and I need to get away asap.... "Oh my gosh! It's been absolutely incredible talking to you, you seem like such an interesting person! I do need to say though - I've just received a text saying my dog has died, I should probably go. I'm SO sorry! But please get in touch again soon!" < Okay, extreme exaggeration there, but I will pretty much bend over backward until I can find an excuse and leave.
Ah.
Well, I've had experience attracting narcissists, yes. But not intentionally. I can be very giving to the point that these people think too highly of themselves, then I'm stuck in the nice/giving cycle.
I think with age though, I've started learning to be less nice to people full of themselves. I've gotten more cynical.
Well, I've had experience attracting narcissists, yes. But not intentionally. I can be very giving to the point that these people think too highly of themselves, then I'm stuck in the nice/giving cycle.
I think with age though, I've started learning to be less nice to people full of themselves. I've gotten more cynical.
Most definitely. We are natural givers, so people who are natural takers will stick to us like flies and drain us of vital life forces... Until we eventually get burnt out and doorslam the hell out of them.
Which will lead to the INFJ putting up self-protective boundaries with time and experience. Not such a bad thing. After a while you begin to spot the narcissists like second nature. Your Ni will scream out red flags with certain people, but your Fe may give the benefit of the doubt... put your intuition to good use and figure out which interactions are necessary and which should just be avoided after a while... quality of life will vastly improve.
Which will lead to the INFJ putting up self-protective boundaries with time and experience. Not such a bad thing. After a while you begin to spot the narcissists like second nature. Your Ni will scream out red flags with certain people, but your Fe may give the benefit of the doubt... put your intuition to good use and figure out which interactions are necessary and which should just be avoided after a while... quality of life will vastly improve.
I don't think so.
I say INFJs would find those personalities revolting. At least, I do. If I sense someone with this disorder, I'll make sure to bring him down from his/her bubble and into reality. I don't see what good it can come by supporting this kind of behavior.
I say INFJs would find those personalities revolting. At least, I do. If I sense someone with this disorder, I'll make sure to bring him down from his/her bubble and into reality. I don't see what good it can come by supporting this kind of behavior.
Nah, I detect them almost instinctively and don't give them what they want (compliments, attention...). If one is trying to engage in a conversation or even relationship with me, they pretty quickly discover it ain't gonna happen. Ni sees you for what you are, Fe lets you know that what you're doing is wrong and harmful for other people.
Zero tolerance for narcissists (got one in my family and know too well how parasitic they can be once they "got" you).
Zero tolerance for narcissists (got one in my family and know too well how parasitic they can be once they "got" you).
pfft, INFJs seem more preachy than coddling... you interpret people, not feed their delusions.
I haven't really encountered many, but when I do, I don't go out of my way to give them what they seek. I'm all for validating people and picking people up when they're down in general, but when it crosses that line I have to stop. If that person gets mad at me for doing that and lets it be known, then I talk with them about their tendencies and attitude. It usually doesn't end well, but at least they leave me alone after that. It's not like I'm overly harsh, just honest.
ahhh Any type that struggles with codependecy would be a natural magnent 4 an N; eye learned this pattern from my mommy and stepdaddy personally...lucky me...it can be hard as a rock to overcome because of being so ingrained but it's possible and many people have
Good quote;
"Codependency describes behaviors, thoughts and feelings that go beyond normal kinds of self-sacrifice or caretaking. For example, parenting is a role that requires a certain amount of self-sacrifice and giving a child's needs a high priority, although a parent could, nevertheless, still be codependent towards his/her own children if the caretaking or parental sacrifice reached unhealthy or destructive levels. Generally, a parent who takes care of his/her own needs (emotional and physical) in a healthy way will be a better caretaker, whereas a codependent parent may be less effective, or may even do harm to a child. Another way to look at it is that the needs of an infant are necessary but temporary, whereas the needs of the codependent are constant."
Here's another helpful quotes ;
"People who are codependent often take on the role of mother hen; they constantly put others' needs before their own and in doing so forget to take care of themselves. This creates a sense that they are "needed"; they cannot stand the thought of being alone with no one needing them.
"Codependent people are constantly in search of acceptance. When it comes to arguments, codependent people also tend to set themselves up as the "victim"."
"When they do stand up for themselves, they feel guilty."
"Codependency does not refer to all caring behavior or feelings, but only those that are excessive to an unhealthy degree.[6] Indeed, from the standpoint of Attachment theory or Object relations theory, "to risk becoming dependent"[7] may be for the compulsively self-reliant a psychological advance, and "depending on a source outside oneself ... successful, or tolerable, dependence" [8] may be valorized accordingly."
"Unresolved patterns of codependency can lead to more serious problems like alcoholism, drug addiction, eating disorders, sex addiction, and other self-destructive or self-defeating behaviors. People with codependency are also more likely to attract further abuse from aggressive individuals, more likely to stay in stressful jobs or relationships, less likely to seek medical attention when needed and are also less likely to get promotions and tend to earn less money than those without codependency patterns.
For some, the social insecurity caused by codependency can progress into full-blown social anxiety disorders like social phobia, avoidant personality disorder or painful shyness.Other stress-related disorders like panic disorder, depression or PTSD may also be present."
Good quote;
"Codependency describes behaviors, thoughts and feelings that go beyond normal kinds of self-sacrifice or caretaking. For example, parenting is a role that requires a certain amount of self-sacrifice and giving a child's needs a high priority, although a parent could, nevertheless, still be codependent towards his/her own children if the caretaking or parental sacrifice reached unhealthy or destructive levels. Generally, a parent who takes care of his/her own needs (emotional and physical) in a healthy way will be a better caretaker, whereas a codependent parent may be less effective, or may even do harm to a child. Another way to look at it is that the needs of an infant are necessary but temporary, whereas the needs of the codependent are constant."
Here's another helpful quotes ;
"People who are codependent often take on the role of mother hen; they constantly put others' needs before their own and in doing so forget to take care of themselves. This creates a sense that they are "needed"; they cannot stand the thought of being alone with no one needing them.
"Codependent people are constantly in search of acceptance. When it comes to arguments, codependent people also tend to set themselves up as the "victim"."
"When they do stand up for themselves, they feel guilty."
"Codependency does not refer to all caring behavior or feelings, but only those that are excessive to an unhealthy degree.[6] Indeed, from the standpoint of Attachment theory or Object relations theory, "to risk becoming dependent"[7] may be for the compulsively self-reliant a psychological advance, and "depending on a source outside oneself ... successful, or tolerable, dependence" [8] may be valorized accordingly."
"Unresolved patterns of codependency can lead to more serious problems like alcoholism, drug addiction, eating disorders, sex addiction, and other self-destructive or self-defeating behaviors. People with codependency are also more likely to attract further abuse from aggressive individuals, more likely to stay in stressful jobs or relationships, less likely to seek medical attention when needed and are also less likely to get promotions and tend to earn less money than those without codependency patterns.
For some, the social insecurity caused by codependency can progress into full-blown social anxiety disorders like social phobia, avoidant personality disorder or painful shyness.Other stress-related disorders like panic disorder, depression or PTSD may also be present."
Even more quotes;
"Going from one extreme to the other. Sometimes an individual can, in attempts to recover from codependency, go from being overly passive or overly giving to being overly aggressive or excessively selfish. Many therapists maintain that finding a balance through healthy assertiveness (which leaves room for being a caring person and also engaging in healthy caring behavior) is true recovery from codependency and that becoming extremely selfish, a bully, or an otherwise conflict-addicted person is not.
" Victim mentality. According to this perspective, developing a permanent stance of being a victim (having a "victim mentality") would also not constitute true recovery from codependency and could be another example of going from one extreme to another.[6] A victim mentality could also be seen as a part of one's original state of codependency (lack of empowerment causing one to feel like the "subject" of events rather than being an empowered actor).
"Someone truly recovered from codependency would feel empowered and like an author of their life and actions rather than being at the mercy of outside forces.[6] A victim mentality may also occur in combination with passive–aggressive control issues.[6] From the perspective of moving beyond victim-hood, the capacity to forgive and let go (with exception of cases of very severe abuse) could also be signs of real recovery from codependency, but the willingness to endure further abuse would not."
"Caring for an individual with a physical addiction is not necessarily synonymous with pathology. To name the caregiver as a co-alcoholic responsible for the endurance of their partner's alcoholism for example, pathologizes caring behavior. The caregiver may only require assertiveness skills and the ability to place responsibility for the addiction on the other."
"Going from one extreme to the other. Sometimes an individual can, in attempts to recover from codependency, go from being overly passive or overly giving to being overly aggressive or excessively selfish. Many therapists maintain that finding a balance through healthy assertiveness (which leaves room for being a caring person and also engaging in healthy caring behavior) is true recovery from codependency and that becoming extremely selfish, a bully, or an otherwise conflict-addicted person is not.
" Victim mentality. According to this perspective, developing a permanent stance of being a victim (having a "victim mentality") would also not constitute true recovery from codependency and could be another example of going from one extreme to another.[6] A victim mentality could also be seen as a part of one's original state of codependency (lack of empowerment causing one to feel like the "subject" of events rather than being an empowered actor).
"Someone truly recovered from codependency would feel empowered and like an author of their life and actions rather than being at the mercy of outside forces.[6] A victim mentality may also occur in combination with passive–aggressive control issues.[6] From the perspective of moving beyond victim-hood, the capacity to forgive and let go (with exception of cases of very severe abuse) could also be signs of real recovery from codependency, but the willingness to endure further abuse would not."
"Caring for an individual with a physical addiction is not necessarily synonymous with pathology. To name the caregiver as a co-alcoholic responsible for the endurance of their partner's alcoholism for example, pathologizes caring behavior. The caregiver may only require assertiveness skills and the ability to place responsibility for the addiction on the other."
If you're referring to the "HEY LOOK AT ME! LOOKWHATICANDO!!" type, then yeah...
I feel I do in a sense...time and time again to be quite honest... but usually in a negative way. When I feel confident in myself in the most general sense--like just happy for life for example-- I sense they feel threatened by me and feel a need to control me..."put me in my place" so to speak.
So the air thickens because I'm already in my place haha.
That's when I usually dismiss them and look through them...Or just verbally jap slap their ass and let them know who the fk I am...and instill in them what I'm not. I'm extremely proficient and strong in non verbal comyoonikashun.
Other types of narcissists I may tolerate and just prepare myself to absorb...them haha. I do it because I love them and can see the light in them. I do it for some because I often look back and see clearer how others tolerated my insecurities. Some of my friends I consider extremely narcissistic are the same friends that never fail to just mail me a card with a handwritten letter out of the blue. They never forget my birthday. Some do all these things from a world much busier and sometimes darker than mine.
Yeah...so I suck at remembering birthdays...unless there's some weird mnemonic associated with it. I might remember the time the day you told me you were actually born, but yeah...will totally not remember the day.
I guess when anyone tries to take away from me in any form or fashion I will walk away or strike. People really don't know how to do their own thang in their own lane these days...
I feel I do in a sense...time and time again to be quite honest... but usually in a negative way. When I feel confident in myself in the most general sense--like just happy for life for example-- I sense they feel threatened by me and feel a need to control me..."put me in my place" so to speak.
So the air thickens because I'm already in my place haha.
That's when I usually dismiss them and look through them...Or just verbally jap slap their ass and let them know who the fk I am...and instill in them what I'm not. I'm extremely proficient and strong in non verbal comyoonikashun.
Other types of narcissists I may tolerate and just prepare myself to absorb...them haha. I do it because I love them and can see the light in them. I do it for some because I often look back and see clearer how others tolerated my insecurities. Some of my friends I consider extremely narcissistic are the same friends that never fail to just mail me a card with a handwritten letter out of the blue. They never forget my birthday. Some do all these things from a world much busier and sometimes darker than mine.
Yeah...so I suck at remembering birthdays...unless there's some weird mnemonic associated with it. I might remember the time the day you told me you were actually born, but yeah...will totally not remember the day.
I guess when anyone tries to take away from me in any form or fashion I will walk away or strike. People really don't know how to do their own thang in their own lane these days...
I think it both funny and not, when Narcissist is mentioned. Like some mysterious creature. Big foot, A yeti
Almost feel like going into Sam vakning mode, with narcissistic supply, etc.. (I have his book. They say it is the bible of narcissism. But other smaller books provide tons more realistic insight, from day to day interactions. How one acually would be like, act, and talk, and how it would feel, and impact you.)
You proberbly know everyone has narcissism. healthy an unhealthy. Like everyone can be paranoid, passive-agressive, withdrawn, be borderline or antisocial.
We are very flexible, inflexible would be rather unhealthy. (but we should not feel sick either for not being able to do everything, right?)
I acually joined this forum because I was glad, I did not see much mentioned about Causes or references to "disorders". etc.
Just casual talk about who we are, in a non stigma sort of way. No sport.
But I have also done alot of research.. And like to think about all these things.
And here are my findings, and thoughts on the INFJ / Narcissist Connection.
In "Psychoanalytic Diagnosis, Second Edition: Understanding Personality Structure in the Clinical Process" by Nancy Mcwilliams.
She mentions that INFJ is the personality that relates the most to the Schizoid. (some disagree.. also true, none are all like.. But both would be introverted.. But yet still be outgoing.)
The Schizoid personality.. character, style, disorder, what you want to call it. is also considered very rare.
And: "Many analytic practitioners continue to regard the diagnoses of Schizoid, Schizotypal, and Avoidant personality disorders as nonpsychotic versions of Schizoid character, and the diagnoses of schizophrenia, schizophreniform disorder, and schizoaffective disorder as psychotic levels of schizoid functioning."
And the Schizoid, is also said to resemble somewhat, someone on the autistic spectrum.
If you link all the litterature, I find this to be pretty much true, and consistent.
I like to Draw a map, with all the personalities (you being a rubber band, laying somewhere on the map). And whenever you move in some direction. You will cross, or look like someone who is, this or that.
Be pulled by someone. Or try and cross a area of another personality you dont like.
Other personalities nearby you, that you are most likely to meet, and maybe hang out with, but maybe also despise (Just like, maybe you have alot in common at Work. But you dont like to be around them all day. talk about taxes. Just like the junkie who wants to quit, and lead another life, have other friends)
And the one the furthest away, maybe the one you are drawn the most to, Like an extrovert.
An easy going histronic type maybe.
The Word manipulation.. (I dont like that, at all), but if i haft to get something.. someone.. I will manipulate in some way.
Difference is... For example, I know someone who would say.. "Ha.. Ha.. Did you see what I just did. Instead of getting up. I just said that. And he did it instead"(Look what I can do) But this was just getting someone to get more coffee.
I did not like when he said that.. But yeah.
I consider that person somewhat narcissistic, but an okay guy. Many just get tierd of him..
He also says things like. "Nobody remebers number.2. Only the Winner. Thats just how it is. People only remeber the Winner".
Back on topic.
Yet Again, there are many more things that relate. Or can be related. Written about in various Places.
Sam vakning, altho he goes far out sometimes. Mentions that the Schizoid resembles, his term. "Inverted narcissist".
A Hmm... co-dependent. Looking to others.
Also, in more established litterature.
The Schizoid has strong elements and qualities of.
Borderline
Dependent
Avoidant
Negatavistic
Masochistic
Anxiety
depression
I want to add more, and try and explain how I view it. But hard to put into written words.
All these personalities, I meet them once in a while.
Some I cant handle.
Some gets me to see aspects of myself I dont acually like. Like narcissism maybe.
Some makes my eyes roll.
etc.
Almost feel like going into Sam vakning mode, with narcissistic supply, etc.. (I have his book. They say it is the bible of narcissism. But other smaller books provide tons more realistic insight, from day to day interactions. How one acually would be like, act, and talk, and how it would feel, and impact you.)
You proberbly know everyone has narcissism. healthy an unhealthy. Like everyone can be paranoid, passive-agressive, withdrawn, be borderline or antisocial.
We are very flexible, inflexible would be rather unhealthy. (but we should not feel sick either for not being able to do everything, right?)
I acually joined this forum because I was glad, I did not see much mentioned about Causes or references to "disorders". etc.
Just casual talk about who we are, in a non stigma sort of way. No sport.
But I have also done alot of research.. And like to think about all these things.
And here are my findings, and thoughts on the INFJ / Narcissist Connection.
In "Psychoanalytic Diagnosis, Second Edition: Understanding Personality Structure in the Clinical Process" by Nancy Mcwilliams.
She mentions that INFJ is the personality that relates the most to the Schizoid. (some disagree.. also true, none are all like.. But both would be introverted.. But yet still be outgoing.)
The Schizoid personality.. character, style, disorder, what you want to call it. is also considered very rare.
And: "Many analytic practitioners continue to regard the diagnoses of Schizoid, Schizotypal, and Avoidant personality disorders as nonpsychotic versions of Schizoid character, and the diagnoses of schizophrenia, schizophreniform disorder, and schizoaffective disorder as psychotic levels of schizoid functioning."
And the Schizoid, is also said to resemble somewhat, someone on the autistic spectrum.
If you link all the litterature, I find this to be pretty much true, and consistent.
I like to Draw a map, with all the personalities (you being a rubber band, laying somewhere on the map). And whenever you move in some direction. You will cross, or look like someone who is, this or that.
Be pulled by someone. Or try and cross a area of another personality you dont like.
Other personalities nearby you, that you are most likely to meet, and maybe hang out with, but maybe also despise (Just like, maybe you have alot in common at Work. But you dont like to be around them all day. talk about taxes. Just like the junkie who wants to quit, and lead another life, have other friends)
And the one the furthest away, maybe the one you are drawn the most to, Like an extrovert.
An easy going histronic type maybe.
The Word manipulation.. (I dont like that, at all), but if i haft to get something.. someone.. I will manipulate in some way.
Difference is... For example, I know someone who would say.. "Ha.. Ha.. Did you see what I just did. Instead of getting up. I just said that. And he did it instead"(Look what I can do) But this was just getting someone to get more coffee.
I did not like when he said that.. But yeah.
I consider that person somewhat narcissistic, but an okay guy. Many just get tierd of him..
He also says things like. "Nobody remebers number.2. Only the Winner. Thats just how it is. People only remeber the Winner".
Back on topic.
Yet Again, there are many more things that relate. Or can be related. Written about in various Places.
Sam vakning, altho he goes far out sometimes. Mentions that the Schizoid resembles, his term. "Inverted narcissist".
A Hmm... co-dependent. Looking to others.
Also, in more established litterature.
The Schizoid has strong elements and qualities of.
Borderline
Dependent
Avoidant
Negatavistic
Masochistic
Anxiety
depression
I want to add more, and try and explain how I view it. But hard to put into written words.
All these personalities, I meet them once in a while.
Some I cant handle.
Some gets me to see aspects of myself I dont acually like. Like narcissism maybe.
Some makes my eyes roll.
etc.
As Lemons said, codependents are naturally drawn to narcissists. But apparently codependency is at least very common in America. If you're a codependent, you're in the majority as most American families are dysfunctional (or so I've read). Also, apparently narcissism is pretty rare but we all have narcissistic traits to some degree even if we are not a narcissist. Here's a good link on the differences - How to recognize a narcissist.
I think my dad is one but he's also a type 3 ENTJ so I wonder if he was already naturally more predisposed to becoming one with that personality type. His upbringing was just the push in the wrong direction. It's sad really but in order for them to get better they have to be willing to admit they have a problem and that it stems from their childhood.
I think my dad is one but he's also a type 3 ENTJ so I wonder if he was already naturally more predisposed to becoming one with that personality type. His upbringing was just the push in the wrong direction. It's sad really but in order for them to get better they have to be willing to admit they have a problem and that it stems from their childhood.
I've had the worst experience with someone I am sure is a narcissist now. He was a friend of mine for quite a long time.
After reflection I find him to be the biggest energy drain I've ever experienced. I was his personal cheerleader or else I would feel discord between us. We parted ways after a conversation that left me doubting my sanity.
I actually came to PerC to write a thread about the experience and maybe find support.
At the time I assumed he was a sociopath, but then I was directed to more informative ways to look at it.
—————————
This isn't my opinion of how I think narcissistic/INFJ relationships will end, but rather one example I have had. I believe in possibilities, and it could end well.
After reflection I find him to be the biggest energy drain I've ever experienced. I was his personal cheerleader or else I would feel discord between us. We parted ways after a conversation that left me doubting my sanity.
I actually came to PerC to write a thread about the experience and maybe find support.
At the time I assumed he was a sociopath, but then I was directed to more informative ways to look at it.
—————————
This isn't my opinion of how I think narcissistic/INFJ relationships will end, but rather one example I have had. I believe in possibilities, and it could end well.
Interesting question..
I am somewhat prone to believing in the laws of attraction.
As I understand Ni/Fe it makes sense to believe in such "laws".
We are always broadcasting.. But what is on our playlist?
I myself do not have issues with attracting narcissists. I do however come across them quite frequently and there is something about me that can set them off.. They are often confused by my honest genuine nature. They sometimes think it's a "shtick" and then set out to "expose" me.
But I am not having to fend them off daily or anything.
I actually tend to attract artist types, fawning females, intellects (both pseudo and legit), people who truly live alternative lifestyles and sadly enough.. The odd nut job.
To be fair I have been called most of those things myself.
I am somewhat prone to believing in the laws of attraction.
As I understand Ni/Fe it makes sense to believe in such "laws".
We are always broadcasting.. But what is on our playlist?
I myself do not have issues with attracting narcissists. I do however come across them quite frequently and there is something about me that can set them off.. They are often confused by my honest genuine nature. They sometimes think it's a "shtick" and then set out to "expose" me.
But I am not having to fend them off daily or anything.
I actually tend to attract artist types, fawning females, intellects (both pseudo and legit), people who truly live alternative lifestyles and sadly enough.. The odd nut job.
To be fair I have been called most of those things myself.
I think the term narcissist gets thrown around a little too often to describe unhealthy behaviors that don't really stem from that condition....as does codependency. IMO, the problem isn't codependency per say (most relationships and even friendships have codependency in them), but being dependent on someone who isn't dependable and expecting it to be otherwise.
I've run into my un-dependables and selfish folks and cray crays and people who can't empathy their way out of a teacup, and had my various altercations with each. Don't think I've ever met a diagnosable narcissist, though. As for the former undesirables...I think I attract them about the same as anyone else, but they stick around longer because I'm more likely to put up with their BS. And then we have a huge fight when it comes time to broom them to the curb, because I was convinced I could make it work, under the illusion that they could change if I just attacked it from the right angle. Better to save myself the trouble, and stick with people who are already "good enough"...keep the project people to times I'm getting paid for my efforts.
I've run into my un-dependables and selfish folks and cray crays and people who can't empathy their way out of a teacup, and had my various altercations with each. Don't think I've ever met a diagnosable narcissist, though. As for the former undesirables...I think I attract them about the same as anyone else, but they stick around longer because I'm more likely to put up with their BS. And then we have a huge fight when it comes time to broom them to the curb, because I was convinced I could make it work, under the illusion that they could change if I just attacked it from the right angle. Better to save myself the trouble, and stick with people who are already "good enough"...keep the project people to times I'm getting paid for my efforts.
That's the problem with Narcissists, they are so good at hiding their true nature it's hard to detect their intentions until it's too late, I'm in a cycle right now with one that I only started noticing two years ago from a 5 year relationship, and I have leaned and put up all my walls, and can't get any colder without considering the cause and effect my true INFJ nature wants to unleash. I have my children to think about, and so with timing I will plan a safe route and end it, I feel I'm at the credits portion of a movie, with a special thanks to that jack***...The End...I wanted to think positive and feel for him, but realized it's a lost cause, he is an emotional vampire, and I am doing what I can until the right time. He is not that way with my children, they are from a previous relationship, he doesn't know how to react with them, he's more like the guy who's with mommy in their eyes, and because his "needs" are so subtle and only directed at me they don't pick up on it. We have a dog, and I'm going to lose the dog, that will hurt, but not as much as the long term with a narcissist.
In all my relationships with men, only one's narcissistic. He was romantic and incredibly charming, really golden tongued, when I first met him. Things didn't stay the same. When I broke it off, he became the ultimate "You can't leave me, I won't let you," nut. I cut him completely out of my life -- no phone, no computer, no snail mail, nothing. I was rid of him for 8 years, then I missed his intellect and interest in the same subjects I find fascinating -- I have no other person like that in my life. So I called him. For the last year, he keeps trying to coax me into saying that I love him by saying loving or sexual things to me--unwanted advances. I've tried reasoning with him and he just doesn't see it. In my last phone call, I got REAL direct. I reminded him that I had completely cut him out of my life because of his unwanted advances, and that if this continued, he know in advance that I'm not the sort to put up with it. Then it stopped.
Yes. INFJ can be like candy to the narcissist, possibly even a favorite prey. We can be drawn to them even while knowing they could be toxic to us... seeing a deeper need, wanting to help... but can become dangerously ensnared, throwing us into the grip for a very long time... even remaining in the grip for years after breaking free. Lesson learned the hard way.
-
?
-
?
-
?
-
?
-
?
-
?
-
?
-
?
-
?
-
?
-
?
-
?
-
?
-
?
-
?
-
?
-
?
-
?
-
?
-
?
