Am I the only INFJ around who has a history or still struggles with self-mutilation? Or am I the only INFJ around who does this? I have a history of it. With trips in and out of hospitals because it usually severe and needing of stiches (during the times when I get found in that state and forced to go, usually no ne finds out and I do not seek medical help for it). I usually use it as a defence machanism against strong and painful emotions that I don't think I can deal with at the moment or without hurting others.
When people cause me intense hurt and pain be it by betrayals or being wronged. I use it to escape the pain because it's so unbearable. It numbs me into nothingness. And I would then feel so distant from myself and my feelings. Floating further and further from myself. This in medical terms would be dissociation. And everything would just go into auto-pilot mode.
Or when I get so angry at someone to the point that I feel like I might just lose it and do something to hurt them, I do this to numb and escape it so that I would not end up hurting others.
It has got to the point that any small stimuli that makes me think would cause that emotional pain or rage would send me into a semi-dissociative state.
All these started when I was 13yrs. But since as far back as I could remember.. like when I was 6-7 yrs old. And based on what my parents has told me.. everytime they scolded or beat me (especially so when I am being wronged or they were critical and or I felt misunderstood) , I would just be intense and quiet at a corner scratching myself up with my nails. Seldom would I try to speak up or explain myself because I know they will not isten or accept what I say.
I've lived through my life with people accusing me of seeking attention by it when they accidentally see my scars. And its 1 thing I am so totally Not so would not appreciate hearing it again.
Btw my dad's a ISTJ while my mum is a ISFJ. My dad being extremely controlling and mum being extremely critical. They are not together anymore and I've been abandoned by them in all sense of the word. I was the only child and I've had a extremely lonely childhood and plenty of horrid life experiences with no support.
I'm just wondering if this is normal for INFJs or is it just me? Am I just crazy? Does anyone have better ideas of handling emotions better?
I just want to add that I'm not proud if it and I do not advocate this kinda behaviour. I know it is unhealthy.
Would really appreciate some advice.. Thanks in advance..
My scores:
I - 99%
N - 99%
F - 91%
J - 92% ( for the J function, I don't think I'm that high on this. Around 60% would be more accurate.)
When people cause me intense hurt and pain be it by betrayals or being wronged. I use it to escape the pain because it's so unbearable. It numbs me into nothingness. And I would then feel so distant from myself and my feelings. Floating further and further from myself. This in medical terms would be dissociation. And everything would just go into auto-pilot mode.
Or when I get so angry at someone to the point that I feel like I might just lose it and do something to hurt them, I do this to numb and escape it so that I would not end up hurting others.
It has got to the point that any small stimuli that makes me think would cause that emotional pain or rage would send me into a semi-dissociative state.
All these started when I was 13yrs. But since as far back as I could remember.. like when I was 6-7 yrs old. And based on what my parents has told me.. everytime they scolded or beat me (especially so when I am being wronged or they were critical and or I felt misunderstood) , I would just be intense and quiet at a corner scratching myself up with my nails. Seldom would I try to speak up or explain myself because I know they will not isten or accept what I say.
I've lived through my life with people accusing me of seeking attention by it when they accidentally see my scars. And its 1 thing I am so totally Not so would not appreciate hearing it again.
Btw my dad's a ISTJ while my mum is a ISFJ. My dad being extremely controlling and mum being extremely critical. They are not together anymore and I've been abandoned by them in all sense of the word. I was the only child and I've had a extremely lonely childhood and plenty of horrid life experiences with no support.
I'm just wondering if this is normal for INFJs or is it just me? Am I just crazy? Does anyone have better ideas of handling emotions better?
I just want to add that I'm not proud if it and I do not advocate this kinda behaviour. I know it is unhealthy.
Would really appreciate some advice.. Thanks in advance..
My scores:
I - 99%
N - 99%
F - 91%
J - 92% ( for the J function, I don't think I'm that high on this. Around 60% would be more accurate.)
