Absolutely 100% for myself, and my other INFP friend too I would write more but I'm shy on forums, hehe!

 

You shouldn't be, you are intelligent and sweet, I am interested in what you have to say.

 

Yes I noticed the same thing too. I think dominant men tend to see us INFPs as passive and easy to control

 

I am submissive and I married a submissive husband. It's really funny and kind of sad. Neither of us will take the initiative with the other.

 

Out of curiosity, how did you guys start dating? :laughing:

 

I just wanted to thank you for being an amazing human being and clarifying on sexual orientation. I've seen too many threads assuming that everyone here happens to be heterosexual and it gets irritating.

 

I am actually pansexual but I tend to attract very dominant guys/girls, too.

 

Pansexual too! I'm mainly attracted to men but people are people, and people happen to be attractive. I like dominant people in general ; they contrast my passive, nervous self.

 

all the men ive been with want to dominate me, but me as the sub, i know i have the power..all along.

 

Got to be 50/50. No roles, no games, I want you, you want me. Let's be best friends and lovers. No gender roles, no I'm just a girl bullshit, no I'm the man crap. I know, easier said then done. Personally if I'm attracted to a woman my natural impulses are to be sweet, kind and affectionate. If powerful and dominate are things infp women look for then maybe people are right and opposites attract. I know men who conduct themselves in that manner, I just always saw it as blatant insecurity or being completely unaware of who they really are. But hey some people are attracted to serial killer's so what they hell do I know.
No one said life makes sense. Whatever floats your boat.

 

Got to be 50/50. No roles, no games, I want you, you want me. Let's be best friends and lovers. No gender roles, no I'm just a girl bullshit, no I'm the man crap. I know, easier said then done. Personally if I'm attracted to a woman my natural impulses are to be sweet, kind and affectionate. If powerful and dominate are things infp women look for then maybe people are right and opposites attract. I know men who conduct themselves in that manner, I just always saw it as blatant insecurity or being completely unaware of who they really are.

Ahh finally, a post making all the sense in the world for once.

But hey some people are attracted to serial killer's so what they hell do I know.
No one said life makes sense. Whatever floats your boat.

Made me chuckle, rings true.

 

Isn't that just most women in general? I don't necessarily see that as a type thing. I rank pretty lowly on the dominant scale myself, though, and it's something I've recently wondered about, particularly in today's cultural environment where it seems as though men are being conditioned to think any expression of personal power to be sexist and oppressive. However, as taking the initiative doesn't often feel natural to me, would I either have to choose between being in a relationship that felt contrived, where I couldn't foster emotional intimacy, due to my inability to relax and express myself, or one that became passionless as the woman eventually lost her respect for and attraction to me? I have no easy answer to that.

I must admit that I do find feminine submissiveness quite attractive. However, I should clarify that "submissiveness" in this context does not equate to a lack of strength of character. If someone appears to just go along with things because they have few thoughts or opinions of their own or because they are easily persuaded by others then I actually find it quite unattractive.

 

One of my guy friends asked for advice about what women look for in a man.

He is a very, very sweet guy, intelligent, absolutely hilarious, and quite good-looking when he grows out his hair, but I would not date him, though I like him very much.

I wondered why and decided it's because he constantly seems unsure of himself. He's always laughing nervously and tags along, kind of directionless.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is I am romantically attracted to people with purpose and confidence, which is correlated to, but not the same as, dominance.

But that's a tangent. Considering most of the world outwardly appears more dominant than I am, I guess it is not surprising that I attract more dominant people. :|

If there are leaders, followers, and independents, I'm kind of an independent. I wonder if INFPs in general are like that.

 

If there are leaders, followers, and independents, I'm kind of an independent. I wonder if INFPs in general are like that.

If forced to choose, I will lead - but I prefer to neither lead nor be led. I don't like group dynamics because they almost always include a hidden hierarchy, and I just refuse to fit anywhere in any hierarchy. I could lead but I don't want to; I will not be led. My compulsory military training is a good example - I made sure to make enough mistakes in all the tests to come out as average = not be chosen for officer training, and then managed to wriggle my way into an independent position as the battalion commander's personal secretary. I had freedom over my section officers' will to come and go as I pleased but I didn't have to give any orders myself.

As for relationships, I believe 50/50 is ideal but it takes highly mature adults to dance that tango. I will take the lead when necessary but wouldn't want a submissive, dependent partner - and definitely not a dominant one. Sexually, there needs to be a functional dynamic, much like a dance.

 

Not hetero and not woman, but the conversation applies.

Sadly no :crying: Well, not all of the time is the most accurate answer. I attract all sorts of men (mostly ESTPs and INFJs, very much opposites in character) , but the thing is I have an aversion for in-yer-face people, so the clearly dominant types won't even enter my zone cause I won't let them. I feel suffocated by them and like there's no space for my self expression. So attraction is one thing, allowing is another.
The ones I allow to approach me are the quiet friendly ones, and you have to get to know a person to see whether they're dominant or what. They haven't been, so far. Makes me sad. Cause I can't feel attracted to them in the long term, I get frustrated.
Look, I can be dominant and I like it, but not 100% of the time. I like to relax half the time and have someone else do the work, you know. I see it like a dance thing. No luck so far.
I also attract the girly girls. When in reality I like butchy people just like me much more. Am I doomed :laughing: And no, I don't need to be "more feminine". So sick of hearing this. I am perfect this way, and I assure you I'm very feminine. I've done a lot of inner work with my vibes and energy and I'm good to go, people should step up to the plate, imo.

ps: Perhaps someone should define what "dominant" is. Maybe it means different things for different people, like different shades of blue. Personally, I see it as a.Take initiative, b.Know the power you have and use it well, c.Protect.

 

I am attracted to assertive guys but dominent guys are not for me. I do tend to fall in the passive side but I'm not submissive either.

 

Absolutely, ENTJ (husband), before that dated 2 ENTPs for a bit (not at same time lol), an ESTP and an ESTJ.

The worst was the ESTJ good God.

 

For me as a hetero INFP woman, I do really like it when a man I'm attracted to shows dominance... it shows confidence in himself in my eyes, and confidence in his choice of me. Much less confusing overall, that straightforward directness. It makes me feel more feminine, more desirable. But he has to be attractive to me in the first place, otherwise it's creepy and annoying and I will avoid him like the plague.

He also has to know when "no" is "no", buuut be able to read my body language well enough to know that sometimes what appears to be "no" is more like "maybe if you pursue me harder." Which is why the ESFP 3w4 guy I'm seeing is so great in that way; he is very good at reading people.

 

Yes, confidence is very sexy! As long as it doesn't turn into arrogance it's nice. What is even sexier is if they are confident and good at what they do job or whatever, but super modest /melts

 

Personally I'm not attracted to dominant people. I often find them intimidating or annoying. I'm drawn to people who have a gentle, retiring demeanor. Part of this is that I really like nurturing others, but dominant people don't often seem to want/need/appreciate what I want to offer them, thus... I'm left feeling like I don't have a place or purpose in the relationship. It's not like I want to be everyone's mother, but unless I see some vulnerability or needyness in an area that I can supply help, I tend to feel a bit lost as to how to relate or show my devotion. In particular I like encouraging people, and usually non-dominant people need a bit more of that. Of course even dominant people need help sometimes, but it's usually not something you see straight away, or something they like to admit in a context that doesn't feel a bit like a master-servant scenario where they commandingly delegate tasks to those around them.

Although I'm not one who likes to 'chase' others and am slow to initiate because I want to make sure the other person would actually like my company first, I tend to find it a bit off-putting when someone boldly or eagerly pursues me because it kind of feels like they don't respect me, like they just assume I'll go along with them without giving me a chance to say yes or no, without taking the time to 'read' me. I would much rather have an argument that goes like "you choose," "no really you go ahead," "no no I want you to" rather than having to protest to get my will considered. 'Take Charge' sort of people just really rub me wrong, and I tend to get overly stubborn and rebellious on principle, even if I actually do agree with their choices. Me and a dominant person is really a bad combination because even though I'm not outwardly assertive, I like my internal/personal control and am really not all that submissive - if there's any way for me to run off and do my own thing instead I will. But I'd prefer not to get backed into a corner where I feel like I have to escape like that, I'd rather be with someone who is as worried about stepping on other's toes as I am.

I don't know for sure about people who may be attracted to me, few enough have ever actually done anything about it. My impression is that dominant sorts of people either just don't even notice me, or they find my 'softness' boring, unimpresive, or even a bit disgusting. But then I also think that has a bit to do with culture - ours pushes being leaders, being outgoing, go-getters and all that, so people who aren't assertive are seen as sort of lame and not 'going anywhere' or 'making anything of themselves'. In a less individualistic culture if protecting others or being a benefactor was a more popular honorable quality, then I would imagine more people would be interested in being with someone who would allow them to fulfill that kind of role.

 

I couldn't agree more. I'm not really attracted to dominant people or the typical "macho man" either because I find it annoying, intimidating, and too controlling for my taste. However, too much submissiveness can be annoying as well if they're always compromising their individuality and going with the flow. IMO I think the relationship would eventually become dull and one-sided since one of its members is always at the mercy of the needs and wants of the other. So I guess I would want someone that can challenge me, but at the same time respect my boundaries.
So in conclusion, 50/50!

 

There is this thread which could share a bit as lotta NFs responded some INFP.

http://personalitycafe.com/nfs-temp...rament-forum-dreamers/139903-true-girls-like-dominant-take-charge-kind-guy.html

 

Thanks, something Ms. Snail said on that threads ends both of them:

"No. Each girl is different and likes whatever qualities she likes. I always preferred shy, sensitive guys, so I married one."

Ladies liking "dominant, powerful men" is as status quo as you can get, and has nothing to do with INFPness (I do not mean to hurt any feelings, and it's not "wrong" to like "dominant men.") Female ISTJs, ISFJs, ENFPs, and of any other type "like" these types of men-it has been ingrained in society over time that such a "man" is the ideal anyway.

I am only assertive in the sense that I don't give a darn about how I am "supposed" to look like and be, as well as being very adamant about my values and MY OWN identity, but come across as a kind, open-minded, reserved, TOTALLY non-dominant gentleman. Love shedding tears, whether in moments of happiness or utter despair. I do have my qualms about the "powerful men" phrase, because I don't care for "power" as society sees it. While I am sure I could fulfill leadership positions, I never actively pursue them. I am also non-ambitious in the sense that, while I am super dutiful and responsible at work, I don't care about "power" there, much preferring that we (I) do the best job we (I) can and fulfill our (my) mission. I work out of a sense of duty and following a dream/passion rather than just for the bucks. This for me in particular means that I am not rich, and while I do see the need of money (it's a necessity), I don't crave it at all-especially if I had to sacrifice my dream to earn it. I find that tenacity "powerful", though most will see it as "lack of ambition", which again, I don't care about, as it all means the person isn't right for me (though I fully admit that however lovely I may be, I may not be a good match for most people in this world regardless type-said without self-pity, as I do like and enjoy being me!)

I like power only in the sense of AC/DC. It means nothing to me to exert ""power" or "dominance" over others unless a special goal is at hand (and even then I would be a gentle, though focused leader). I also don't like seeing romantic relationships in "power/dominance" terms, as I feel it's just following society's norms for their own sake, and said relationships should be in my view much more of a partnership, rather than having a "strong figure" who's "in charge" (or worse "has the pants.") I do not resent people going for "powerful individuals", but for me (and I am sure a few others) it's a non-issue, male or female.

(Also, I don't speak for all INFPs. Some care more than I do about "ambition", etc., and they are not "evil" for being unlike me-no one is just like me anyway, which is a good thing! )

Ultimately, in relationships (and everything else, really) just be yourselves so as to let people love (or miss out on) the real you. There's no point in feigning "dominant/submissive qualities" if those are not faithful to yourself. Beautiful people will like you for who you really are, rather than for who you "ought to be."