Almost everday there are moments I feel a lot of shame... it can happen by little thing people say to me. Or I get the feeling I got laughed at... I feel very uncomfertable around others. Even at people I know very well like friends, or my brother and mother. Could it be because of them being more ''logical''? That friend I speak of is ISTJ, my brother INTP and my mother ESFJ. I feel like they don't unterstand me. And when I'm in a group at school I don't dare to share my idea's. My teacher said that I had to be more assertive... How do you other INFP's mange that? I know need help. I want to feel more unterstood. I feel that I'm not worthy and that my thoughts don't count... that's why I don't share myself with others I fear they reject me...
Is it common for INFP's to feel a lot of shame
GoldenDawn
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Almost everday there are moments I feel a lot of shame... it can happen by little thing people say to me. Or I get the feeling I got laughed at... I feel very uncomfertable around others. Even at people I know very well like friends, or my brother and mother. Could it be because of them being more ''logical''? That friend I speak of is ISTJ, my brother INTP and my mother ESFJ. I feel like they don't unterstand me. And when I'm in a group at school I don't dare to share my idea's. My teacher said that I had to be more assertive... How do you other INFP's mange that? I know need help. I want to feel more unterstood. I feel that I'm not worthy and that my thoughts don't count... that's why I don't share myself with others I fear they reject me...
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I know exactly how you feel. I am always skeptical of other people, thinking they are talking bad about me, laughing at me, etc. I guess we just need to put our sensitivity aside and don't be afraid to do and say what you want to. And if you feel that you get negative responses that is not your problem, it's theirs. I'm not much help, though, because I'm still battling with this feeling of people knocking me down and am not quite sure if it's really them or just me being hypersensitive.
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I don't know if it's common for INFP's to feel a lot of shame, but I know I do. Not necessarily in the same ways you speak of, but more just because I seem to have a different view on everything compared to everyone else. I'd rather not speak about it if it means everyone's gonna argue with me. Makes me feel isolated. I feel like my view of the world and of people and of my life is not something that other people agree with me on, and even that other people look down on me. Yeah that makes me feel ashamed but at the same time, I try to take comfort in the fact that everyone's different and everyone's entitled to their opinion. Sometimes that helps, but sometimes it doesn't.
I hear ya.
I hear ya.
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I think it's normal. Everyday I feel ashamed of the little things I do like not smiling at someone when they said something or forgetting to say thank you. These things get to me and I never understood why, I guess I lack in belief in myself. Don't be ashamed of your personality, there will be people you 'click' with and others who just dont understand you, feeling the odd one out isn't a crime. :happy:
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A lot of INFPs are Enneagram type 4, which is strongly associated with shame. I find that as I get older, and move further and further away from that abused child I used to be, I feel less and less shame in everyday life.
pretty absolutely! ... or so i'm pretty sure. seems a common thing with INFPs. kinda emotionally massochistic, we tend to be.
'course, things can potentially turn around. i've noticed that things that, perhaps, i would've been more ashamed about in the past, now no longer have that effect. *potentially* you might start caring a whole lot less about certain differences you have from other people.
'course... in my case, this mostly turns into anger at them for being such snots
not sure if that's any better, hrmm...
well, i'm sure there's some spiffy middle-groundroud: you know, one that doesnt involve spirit-shattering shame *or* misanthropistic hatred. something neat like that! roud:
it's not much just to say it, since you probably wont *believe* it (or maybe i'll get lucky and you will) - i really really doubt you're all that bad, and dont really *earn* that shame you so often feel. *perhaps* you're less developed in certain ways, but, hell, so what? those people you feel are laughing at you are less developed than you in loads of ways, themselves, so, eh, it evens out, right?
'course, things can potentially turn around. i've noticed that things that, perhaps, i would've been more ashamed about in the past, now no longer have that effect. *potentially* you might start caring a whole lot less about certain differences you have from other people.
'course... in my case, this mostly turns into anger at them for being such snots
not sure if that's any better, hrmm...
well, i'm sure there's some spiffy middle-ground
roud: you know, one that doesnt involve spirit-shattering shame *or* misanthropistic hatred. something neat like that! roud:it's not much just to say it, since you probably wont *believe* it (or maybe i'll get lucky and you will) - i really really doubt you're all that bad, and dont really *earn* that shame you so often feel. *perhaps* you're less developed in certain ways, but, hell, so what? those people you feel are laughing at you are less developed than you in loads of ways, themselves, so, eh, it evens out, right?
Shame...to be frank, a lot of people shame me, yet also I feel a lot of shame towards myself. Society always does that to me...
Anyway, when it comes to being assertive, you have to accept what may come as a result--if they laugh at you, so what? Assertion, while good to practice, isn't the answer to everything like everyone says. It can backfire, too.
I tend to become more assertive when it comes to something passionate...that means it's something I really care about. If I don't really care about it, I'm not going to waste my energy bringing it to the table. I try to pick my own battles.
At any rate, before I deviate from my point, I know how you feel. I still experience this, although I try to fight against it. If there's something that you really want to say, then chances are you should speak up about it. It may open a door of some kind to other people, and pave the way for more ideas for your group. Most teachers, they know if I raise my hand or something, or if I say I have something to add on to something someone else said, they always take me seriously because nine times out of ten I have a really good point to share. I did this several times in my training courses and it caught the attention of several people in my class--teacher included--in a positive manner. Most people would think that I won't speak up, when I do, it breaks the shackles of boundary.
Anyway, when it comes to being assertive, you have to accept what may come as a result--if they laugh at you, so what? Assertion, while good to practice, isn't the answer to everything like everyone says. It can backfire, too.
I tend to become more assertive when it comes to something passionate...that means it's something I really care about. If I don't really care about it, I'm not going to waste my energy bringing it to the table. I try to pick my own battles.
At any rate, before I deviate from my point, I know how you feel. I still experience this, although I try to fight against it. If there's something that you really want to say, then chances are you should speak up about it. It may open a door of some kind to other people, and pave the way for more ideas for your group. Most teachers, they know if I raise my hand or something, or if I say I have something to add on to something someone else said, they always take me seriously because nine times out of ten I have a really good point to share. I did this several times in my training courses and it caught the attention of several people in my class--teacher included--in a positive manner. Most people would think that I won't speak up, when I do, it breaks the shackles of boundary.
When I start worrying too much about what other people are thinking of me or that they may reject me I ask myself "so what?". Practice going around and asking yourself that - nothing horrible is going to happen if they don't like your idea. They will wake up tomorrow and not remember a single thing about it. So you're just worrying too much for no good reason. Develop a sense of self-worth from within rather than basing it on what other people set it at for you.
Studies show that people tend to have an over-amplified 'spotlight' effect. What this means is that we believe other people are thinking about us more than they actually are. We think that others are noticing us more than it occurs in reality. What others are mostly thinking about is about themselves, not about you. So don't go around like a nervous wreck always wondering about everybody else's judgements because they are really not as aware of you as you think they are.
Studies show that people tend to have an over-amplified 'spotlight' effect. What this means is that we believe other people are thinking about us more than they actually are. We think that others are noticing us more than it occurs in reality. What others are mostly thinking about is about themselves, not about you. So don't go around like a nervous wreck always wondering about everybody else's judgements because they are really not as aware of you as you think they are.
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You and I are in the same boat. I could have truthfully written the same things (except for the typings; I don't really know the types of my friends and family). I have an ENFP friend (this is the only exception to the statement in my previous parenthesis) who's the one person I've met who gets me a little, but still not nearly enough. It's turned into a depression for me, I think. I don't know if it is an actual depression, but most mornings I wake up and cry on and off for hours over the smallest things and generally it takes something very huge to get me even a little excited..
Well, enough of that. I'm sorry, but I don't think I can be of any help. But at least you're not alone in this...
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