Oh I like this! Thanks for posting this! I know I've been one of those depressed souls recently.

But I love thinking I'm somebody's "Ecstasy" !

We rock! :happy:

 

All it takes is confidence for us ENFPs. I've seen my magic at work and its amazing. I think a lot of people that are depressed and ENFP doubt their heart so they feel fake. That can be a stark contrast to the passion we are suppose to bring to this god foresaken world.
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This is true. It's almost as if it is HARD for us to be depressed.

I went through something awful this year and I'm sure by most people's standards, I am quite justified to be depressed. Most would probably need mood elevators. But that's not for me. Even after what I went through, I STILL find it to be a pain in the ass to be depressed. Crying usually lasts a day tops. Then I gotta pull out.

The "shiny object" mentality really helps in sad or angry times too. It's like I'm crying but "oh look something funny is on tv.".

Posts like these help too

Maybe someday I'll share what happened to me. Just so that everyone can see the beauty of how an ENFP rises up from the ashes.

 

It seems like most of ENFPs are enneagram 7 types. Always optimistic and shiny, awesome and full of energy...and it is easy for them. I am type 4w5 and my energy is bursty. When it occurs it's like the best thing ever, but most of the time I am melancholic, thoughtful...and depressed. Being sunshine is not easy...

 

Awww Moby, that's really inspirational. Really. I think we sometimes forget who we are as people. But you know how life is. Sometimes we really need a picker up. I know I do everytime I get back onto my school campus and find myself in my room all the time. :frustrating:

 

I agree with you efraim, I too, am a 4 w 5, so I get depressed a lot, too. But normally my depression only last 1 hour and then I get distracted. But sometimes it's very hard for me to get out of depression. I really have to go through the steps of depression. I have to admit I suffer from a lack of confidence. I really don't know what it means to be an enfp. I never seen my enfp-ness have the affect that moby describes. Maybe I stump my enfp-ness because I don't want to be arrogant. Arrogant is a BIG NO NO.
I'm going through a lot of self-doubt in my life so it's hard for me to grasp onto my enfp-ness because I'm not sure if that's what I am. Somedays I feel and think like enfp and other days not so much, like I said I am having a hard time understanding what it means to be an enfp.
I believe I'm a flower that hasn't blossom, yet. But you moby and other enfps who are confident have blossom..

 

it's because an ENFP is placed in a hurtful environment where their energy and happiness for others is shot down constantly, over and over again, until the ENFP finally gives up and decides to become as heartless as possible.

 

And so is the tale of the good girl gone bad. Or guy. I've felt like this a many of times - but there is always something to remind me that I'm being stupid. And the world is a piece of crap I've gotta water to get some flowers out.

What I have a problem with in terms of low confidence is how I feel like I wont be taken serious for being enthusastic. How my happiness won't be appreciated deeply enough to even get anything from it, and in essence my person is all for not. It takes a lot of resilance just to do sometimes. Because being is easy, but doing...actually acting on all those millions of thoughts of interacting with people is SO HARD!

It sucks feeling for people only to get nothing back. But I think the beauty of it all is when I finally find that balance and can love and love again, and do it without any shame. I'm not even talking about a girl at this point, just everyday life. I'm not all that depressed because in conversation I try to be honest without any hindrance. I think that is my depressant-blocker.

 

I find when I get depressed it is only for a short time - the longest I have been depressed is a couple of days, and that was when I felt less confident as well. Usually I find it don't take much for me to change my moods, going for a walk with my dogs helps get things into perspective.

The harder situation is helping my husband (INFJ) with depression and low confidence :frustrating:. But that is for another post.

 

Thats really good Moby.

The best thing for ENFP is to change the looking glass when they aren't in a situation condusive for their personality. They need to be appreicated, like everyone else does, and bringing people around that are destructive to your personality just isn't worth it.

 

I've definitely been through times when I was depressed. Having a dream and watching it destroyed is one way Working in a negative environment where I get micromanaged, nitpicked and second guessed which I do right now is still another.

Another thought -- the nature of ENFPs is to care about what other people think of them. If I don't feel like what others think of me is good, it tends to leave me not feeling good.

 

Having a dream and watching it destroyed is one way Working in a negative environment where I get micromanaged, nitpicked and second guessed which I do right now is still another.

I totally agree. This is when I get hurt and bashed down too.

 

Another huge thing is how much we are affected by even one person. I went out the other day and made 2 friendly relations with people I didn't know before, and I felt like I was on top of the world all that day and the next, until I tried to talk to someone online and they snubbed me. The next 2 days I felt really insecure and low.

We don't usually realize it, but we are affected hugely by our environment. If we can take a step back and understand what's going on, we can usually seek out a positive experience and make something of it.

 

I thought I was crazy for having those feelings!

*Sigh*Thank you. :happy::blushed:

 

hm, so this has been bugging me for a while but what can ENFPs do to be more confident in themselves?

and how can we be liked and appreciated without having to 'suck up' to others and be too nice? or is being too nice just part of our character and we should embrace it?

 

hm, so this has been bugging me for a while but what can ENFPs do to be more confident in themselves?

Here are some things that have helped me to be confident:
-Waking up every morning and exercising
-Making decisions based on what I feel is right and best for everybody involved.
-Working hard and being self-supportive
-Giving back to my community and being of service to friends and family
-Having structure in my life (Ex: Tuesday nights I take improv class, Wednesday is dinner night w/ friends, etc..)
-Scheduling in time for hobbies, relaxing, reading, adventure

and how can we be liked and appreciated without having to 'suck up' to others and be too nice? or is being too nice just part of our character and we should embrace it?

I would say it is part of my personality to be nice to others but the more that I take the right action and build confidence, the less I have to conform to other people's expectations. In other words, the more I love myself, the less love I need from other people. That being said, I think I'll always need some good lovin from other people. =)

 

Yeah Rudey brings up an interesting point. I find that exercise really helps keep me emotionally stable. I try to exercise on the treadmill each night, and it's not just for physical health. I think exercise helps your body regulate blood sugar levels which can have an effect on your mood. For highly emotional people, such as us ENFPs, I think the consequences to our emotions could be greater then average.

 

On the subject of blood sugar.
I'm a type 1 diabetic, and have been since I was 7 years old.
When my blood sugar goes up I become very very irritable.
As in.. My entire personality changes.
I don't care enough about anything to change how I act.
Or how i'm viewed.
Of course, when that ends badly, I feel worse.
It was like a vicious circle in middle school.


But on the subject of we feel bad when we're not accepted..
That definitely applies to me.
I want everyone to approve of me, especially my siblings.
Except my sister is one of the providers (I forget) and my brother is one of the Int's.
He tends to follow what she does and she doesn't much like me because i'm eccentric
She's very much so conservative.
So now I just avoid them.
Its sad, really.

 

Yes, confidence can get shaken. Life experiences, seeing the lives of people we care about devastated, experiencing huge consequences after one bad choice, all can affect our confidence or make us feel depressed. Usually we avoid the depressed feelings or we bounce back so quickly, it's as if we're gifted with a form of amnesia. "I was down yesterday? Really? Wow! I don't even remember that!"

I had clinical depression years ago when I had thyroid disorder, but haven't been depressed apart from that. However, the past two years, dealing with some extreme shake ups, I have become more intoverted and less confident in making decisions. But part of it is, I feel trapped when I make decisions, much more than I used to. If I look for a job here, I'll be trapped here. If I do this, I'll have to do this every day, etc. Really really struggling with that right now.

We ENFPs should have all the confidence in the world, but we doubt our ability to guide ourselves sometimes and we get stuck. I notice an unusal number of ENFPs here are struggling with being very introverted lately; lot of young people. It concerns me if this is going on too long.

And mylifemyradio, your statement: it's because an ENFP is placed in a hurtful environment where their energy and happiness for others is shot down constantly, over and over again, until the ENFP finally gives up and decides to become as heartless as possible." That is well said and can be the most devastating situation for an ENFP. We have to work hard not to become heartless, but also, we have to be able to guard our hearts against this kind of emotional assault.

Moby, it can be hard to imagine anyone treating us badly, because most normal people really do appreciate us, but the problem is that we can't imagine it; we would never dream that someone wants to slowly, insidiously annialate everything we are. We don't even realize it's happening, because the tactics used can be so mailcious and secretive. We just wonder constantly why we feel so off balance. This can happen to any anyone, but ENFPs are so vulnerable (soft-hearted) and accepting, and relationship oriented, we never see it coming. There are very people out there who will do everything in their power to oppress our personalities, so they can 'win' and feel 'up'. It takes a toll that can destroy our confidence in ourselves.

 

Y

Moby, it can be hard to imagine anyone treating us badly, because most normal people really do appreciate us, but the problem is that we can't imagine it; we would never dream that someone wants to slowly, insidiously annialate everything we are. We don't even realize it's happening, because the tactics used can be so mailcious and secretive.

Yeah, I have gotten that from my father mostly. As an ENTJ he doesn't accept this "pawn" not following orders and getting into line. I seriously believe he has attempted to manipulate me and change me through various methods so I'd be more agreeable. As an ENTJ he believes it's his right for life-long obedience despite my very different dreams.

If anything beats on my confidence it is that.

 

I lurves the enfps! Dont be sad, dears. <33333

 

I think I'm starting to understand something in life that I didn't really understand before. WE can be confident, loving, charming, funny, inspiring,anything! But bad things do happen to good people. And we will react to our circumstances accordingly.

 

Reason for Low Confidence

I feel that my lack of confidence is brought on by my inability to have that specific "it factor". I mean I feel that I have talent in many things, but I am not a specialist in anything. That lack of mastery in something makes me feel inadequate in this specialty driven country. Too bad I can't receive one degree in "Jack of all Trades". I have ordered the book Renaissance Soul and I am hoping this will enlighten me about this subject.

 

I feel that my lack of confidence is brought on by my inability to have that specific "it factor". I mean I feel that I have talent in many things, but I am not a specialist in anything. That lack of mastery in something makes me feel inadequate in this specialty driven country. Too bad I can't receive one degree in "Jack of all Trades". I have ordered the book Renaissance Soul and I am hoping this will enlighten me about this subject.

I agree with you totally

 

So why are so many of us depressed here? Do more of us need to unleash our 'Ne' at full power and see where it takes us? Do we feel like our 'Ne' is ONLY fake (like I once did) and that our 'Fi' is our only true self?

Hi,
I was wondering what you mean by feeling that Ne isn't real and that Fi is our only true self?
Are you referring to maybe being lost in your feelings, and being sort of thin-skinned? And, are you implying that using Ne is a way for ENFPs to interact with the world and gain confidence? I often find that I'm lost in my feelings and it is really overwhelming. What are you suggesting the use of Ne does, and what Fi does for an ENFP?
Thanks =]

 

hmm..I think one of the main problems I have as an ENFP is my confidence level. It constantly goes super high...and then super low. I think it is mostly because of the people around me.....if everyone wasn't dumping there problems on me then I would be fine (not saying that I don't mind...but...yeah T_T) Honestly I feel my best when I am at my best. People want to be around me just as much as I want to be around them Although, when I am at my low..I feel like a total ISTJ (not saying its a bad thing).....and its so DEPRESSING! Plus, people always ask "Hey, are you okay?" sigh....not fun. I just feel that if everyone around me were just as happy as I am (or as an ENFP could be) then the world will be a better place.

 

With me my mood is affected sometimes by the people around me. If my mother is angry, I reflect that anger. I get depressed a little too often and it lasts for about a week. Sometimes it'll last more than that. I think part of it has to do with me being on kidney dialysis so being constantly tired brings down my mood. I do have a question, though. Are there any people in your life that ignites your personality? I have people who I become more happy-go-lucky, quick-witted, funny and energetic. Is that the case with any of you?

 

Definitely the case with me. When my mum yells at me I always get angry back and when someone's sad I feel sad. I have friends who make me act silly and friends who make me act serious or grumpy!
I suffer with depression and have been given a gym thingy so I'll probably go there and see how that goes. Counselling, so far, has helped a little bit, but I haven't had many sessions.

 

As an ENFP, I get depressed when people shoot down what I have been for them. I put myself out there for those that I care about, and sometimes they take it forgranted. Or they use my openness and honesty against me, manipulate me, or plain out ignore my efforts. I have had an EXTJ friend who would get mad at me because I live by what I feel. She doesn't get it; it frustrates her. She once said, "You have failed us both. I am frustrated with you," because her attempts to get me over a guy (who she is now going for) were not working. I just want to be loved and appreciated as much as I attempt to love and appreciate people, and it isn't mutual sometimes. People think I am high maintinence. I am just honest. I may be irrational. I make myself vulnerable. I don't betray. I try to make strong, real, deep relationships. And when all that I confide in people, and all that I do to try to make a good friendship...get's trampled on...it depresses me. If other ENFPs are like me, odds are, they feel like I did.

 

One of the things I can see happening with this is the fact that we are rare and few. Many ENFPs don't feel like they belong because they are unique thinkers. We are surrounded by SJs and SPs, who look at our branched out pondering thoughts and wonder why we even bother 'wasting our time thinking about silly things'. I was like this for a long time. I reached an epiphany when I discovered that it was this nature in itself that can help people feel like they are a part of something greater. To be honest it depends on the environment that ENFPs grow in. In my family there are very few NFs, and I often felt like an Outcast. People took my NF behavior as fake. I felt like I needed to prove to them that I was 'normal'. But later in life I discovered that 'normal' for me is the ENFP standard. This is who I am. And I should never be ashamed of who I am.

 

I'm an ENFP, and I have low confidence.
Now, I know I should be happy and run around flailing my arms while sparkling and whatnot, but I just feel so damn anxious around people due to my S.A.D, and that's... not very fun.
I love love LOVE people and making friends and all, but my lack of confidence interferes and leaves internet as my only resort when it comes to interacting with people. And while I enjoy that, I tend to feel un-energized for most of the time, which I can't treat because if I attend some social gathering, not only will I be letting down my internet friends who I chat with nearly every day, but also I might look like an idiot to a group of people. OTL;

So yeah. My problem in a nutshell.


Eugh I feel terrible complaining about the same thing again and again

 

I have the strangest thing about that "people who ignite my personality" its actually 2 of my friends, an istj and a esfp that both ignite and really bring out my personality, i find it soooo strange

 

ENFPs are very dependent on external validation when it comes to ideas and concepts. They hate to be overlooked, but it can be easy to be overlooked when ENFPs are willing to apply themselves the most when it comes to novel ideas and new experience. Oftentimes an ENFP, wanting to make personal connections with most people, will be in group situations, and when they're overlooked for not applying themselves they can become paralyzed and uninterested. And you know where that leads to.

They have a strong need to speak a language everyone understands, translated from their own ability to put ideas together which is intuitively understood to them....it can be a one-sided effort from an ENFP working with other people. It's often not done in return. Other people are more willing to explore the familiar, and be conscious of details, and be restrictive and in an Ne dominants opinion...BORING. And they do it in a way that the ENFP can't really immerse themselves into.

So, basically, as if people not seeing your potential and talents wasn't enough, ENFPs losing interest even more causes a vicious cycle. And others see this disinterested ENFP as not being capable of contributing anything, which means they're not enthusiastic with the ENFP and overlook them ect. which of course the ENFP will pick up on. This just makes the ENFP feel shit about themselves. They'll feel low and have no confidence. This is actually quite a common situation too. When an ENFP fulfills their desire to have people they see as interesting and worthy around, who respond favourably to them, they're creative, and innovative, and can even work exceptionally well with restrictions (which I think is the ultimate sign of creativity). They have every reason to be confident when this happens, this also explains why ENFPs enjoy having a tight-knight group of friends who they can be comfortable being themselves with. Who they may even be completely different with than in the public eye.

(how many times did I just say overlooked? haha NOT BUT SERIOUSLY IT IS THE VERY WORSE THING IN THE WORLD FOR AN ENFP AND CAN VERY EASILY CREATE AN UNHEALTHY ENFP: TO BE IGNORED. Guys, I suffer the very same thing and I can become complacent, which only helps me be overlooked even more. Just keep ploughing through it and keep working no matter how unsatisfying the work is. You know how to appeal to everyone if you'd...sell out for a moment and take part in the boring, typical, platitude-filled idea)

 

wow, thanks i found this information incredibly helpful, and i can relate to everything about it