Dangers of Quasi-Identical and Comparative Relations
Some of my best friends throughout the years have been my Comparative and my Quasi-ID partners. As I grow older, however, I'm starting to realize why these relationships can be difficult, and somewhat counter-productive to personal development.
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Comparative
So first the Comparative. I seem to be surrounded by comparatives. For whatever reason, they are everywhere. ENFps can be loads of fun to hang out with and do things, but there always seems to be some sort of disconnect. I think our two types connect over our Ne and frequently end up doing something very novel. For example, a friend of mine and myself got into Parkour because it was new and exciting. We loved to climb buildings in be in places we shouldn't be. However... when it came down to it, we clashed over the Fi - Ti gap.
He had different values: e.g. he became more and more religious. He had different pursuits: he became focused on structuring and organizing. His worries were simply not my worries. So this all and fine, such a small difference seems to amplify over proximity. The more that I hung out with him (or any of my other 4+ ENFp friends), the more it seemed I was asserting a Ti way upon the world, and they were asserting Fi. Inevitably, in almost every situation, we clashed. We clashed about movies, we clashed about activities, we clashed about drugs, or even who to hang out with. And seemed a lot of these were rather explosive. Sometimes even coming to blows (verbal or physical). We would love hanging out with each other when it came to Ne or Si, but we seem to clash on most other issues. If I had to sum up the relationship on whole, it was competitive. When one person was the most successful and happy, the other was not.
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Quasi-Identical
The problem with Quasi-ID (ENTj) is similar, but very different. In my mind, the problem here is more in the quadras. My Quasi-ID and myself had some great times hanging out. We both knew we were very different people, but instead of that becoming the source of conflict as in my Comparative relations, we sort of stood aside and examined each others differences. We would have long philosophical discussions in which we would talk for hours about the same subject. We would talk and talk, and just realize that the partner simply didn't think like the other in such a dramatic way. Most of the time though, we just laughed it off and respected each other's differences.
I've heard this explained in terms of PoLR (point of least resistance). Neither partner is strong in what the other partner is weakest in, so neither partner really has a way to gain the psychological upper hand. In comparatives, however, both partners are mutually strong in what the other is weak in. So the relationship feels like a constant undercutting of each others weak spots (when the focus isn't on shared elements).
Getting back to the ENTj, my dad always used to remind me against associating with this friend. I never really seemed to understand it. All seemed pretty fine when we hung out one on one, and there seemed to be little danger. But then I realized that it was through association that this relationship was the most dangerous. Most times my friend would introduce me to one of his better friends, there would be little connect. I found myself frequently feeling awkward. This was due to the fact that when he introduced me to his friends, they frequently were Gamma, which have completely subdued Alpha Elements. Likewise, I would not like his dual (in fact, sometimes detest), and he would not like mine. So it was pretty hard to share friends in any meaningful way. Same with knowledge or entertainment.
Overall Quasi-ID partners seem to be far too different to meaningfully share their lives.
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TLDR
-- Comparative relations seem to be harmful (over long periods of time) in that they disagree over their second function, which ends up being the PoLR of the other partner.
-- Quasi-ID partners have far too little in common to move towards some beneficial mutual future.
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Also, as a caveat, this is rather fundamentally my personal view, might not hold true always in that big world out there.
Hope this helps someone!
Some of my best friends throughout the years have been my Comparative and my Quasi-ID partners. As I grow older, however, I'm starting to realize why these relationships can be difficult, and somewhat counter-productive to personal development.
-------------------------------------------------
Comparative
So first the Comparative. I seem to be surrounded by comparatives. For whatever reason, they are everywhere. ENFps can be loads of fun to hang out with and do things, but there always seems to be some sort of disconnect. I think our two types connect over our Ne and frequently end up doing something very novel. For example, a friend of mine and myself got into Parkour because it was new and exciting. We loved to climb buildings in be in places we shouldn't be. However... when it came down to it, we clashed over the Fi - Ti gap.
He had different values: e.g. he became more and more religious. He had different pursuits: he became focused on structuring and organizing. His worries were simply not my worries. So this all and fine, such a small difference seems to amplify over proximity. The more that I hung out with him (or any of my other 4+ ENFp friends), the more it seemed I was asserting a Ti way upon the world, and they were asserting Fi. Inevitably, in almost every situation, we clashed. We clashed about movies, we clashed about activities, we clashed about drugs, or even who to hang out with. And seemed a lot of these were rather explosive. Sometimes even coming to blows (verbal or physical). We would love hanging out with each other when it came to Ne or Si, but we seem to clash on most other issues. If I had to sum up the relationship on whole, it was competitive. When one person was the most successful and happy, the other was not.
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Quasi-Identical
The problem with Quasi-ID (ENTj) is similar, but very different. In my mind, the problem here is more in the quadras. My Quasi-ID and myself had some great times hanging out. We both knew we were very different people, but instead of that becoming the source of conflict as in my Comparative relations, we sort of stood aside and examined each others differences. We would have long philosophical discussions in which we would talk for hours about the same subject. We would talk and talk, and just realize that the partner simply didn't think like the other in such a dramatic way. Most of the time though, we just laughed it off and respected each other's differences.
I've heard this explained in terms of PoLR (point of least resistance). Neither partner is strong in what the other partner is weakest in, so neither partner really has a way to gain the psychological upper hand. In comparatives, however, both partners are mutually strong in what the other is weak in. So the relationship feels like a constant undercutting of each others weak spots (when the focus isn't on shared elements).
Getting back to the ENTj, my dad always used to remind me against associating with this friend. I never really seemed to understand it. All seemed pretty fine when we hung out one on one, and there seemed to be little danger. But then I realized that it was through association that this relationship was the most dangerous. Most times my friend would introduce me to one of his better friends, there would be little connect. I found myself frequently feeling awkward. This was due to the fact that when he introduced me to his friends, they frequently were Gamma, which have completely subdued Alpha Elements. Likewise, I would not like his dual (in fact, sometimes detest), and he would not like mine. So it was pretty hard to share friends in any meaningful way. Same with knowledge or entertainment.
Overall Quasi-ID partners seem to be far too different to meaningfully share their lives.
-------------------------------------------------
TLDR
-- Comparative relations seem to be harmful (over long periods of time) in that they disagree over their second function, which ends up being the PoLR of the other partner.
-- Quasi-ID partners have far too little in common to move towards some beneficial mutual future.
-------------------------------------------------
Also, as a caveat, this is rather fundamentally my personal view, might not hold true always in that big world out there.
Hope this helps someone!
