I've been seeing a lot of threads about ENFJs and INFPs, and I'm not here to discourage it. I can totally relate the FJ attraction to FP, but I thought I'd present some thoughts to consider when considering such a relationship, potential pitfalls, and stuff considering that the two types are all 4 function opposite, so they see things similar but, kinda invertedly. I'm basing my observations, on my own experience with dating and befriending Fi types, and my limited knowledge of cognitive function theory, so please feel free to fill in what I might be leaving out or to correct my understanding if what I say is not completely accurate...
First of all, to the INFPs, something to consider about ENFJs, is that ENFJs tend to disclose, or at least look like they're disclosing a lot about themselves to a lot of people. Sometimes, they can give off the impression that you're especially special to them, and that they've confided to you something really deep and personal, but realize, as extroverted feeling types, for ENFJs, their feelings are not going to be as deep and personal as with Fi doms. ENFJs tend to approach and view people, more as groups. Not that they're blind to the individuality of each individual, but there's more awareness of the group and the group dynamic.
Like, for instance, an ENFJ walks into a room with a group of people, and they see their best friend in the group, and they wanted to tell their friend something, but it's not particularly private. The ENFJ will probably approach the best friend, but also engage other members of that group so they won't feel left out. This may not be the case with every single ENFJ, but I've seen a lot with Fe doms, how many of them are more adept at engaging people as groups; I also find Fe's tend to often focus more on the behaviors and the dynamic of what goes on between people, than on the individuals involved. ENFJs can also be very chameleon-like, and can often adapt their behavior to be pleasing to people. Just remember feelings are extroverted so with ENFJs, they want them to be shared, they want a community. If you're friends with an ENFJ and they say something like "I feel like I don't have any friends" don't take it personally, because what they really mean might be more along the lines of "I don't feel like I have a cohesive group of friends," ENFJs may have certain individual friends but still, sometimes might feel a need for a group that creates a sense of family or community, especially if, for some reason, they're detached from their own families. (Okay so, did I get any of this right, ENFJs? lol)
So, regarding INFPs. In my experience with Fi-doms, they tend to see and approach people more as individuals; if an INFP walks into a room with a group of people, and they see their best friend, and they have something they want to tell them, they might either draw the best friend away from the group or wait til the conversation is over, because they tend to feel more comfortable with one on one interactions with people than group interactions. Not that, INFPs don't do well in groups. I find when it comes to group interactions, some INFPs can be very charming. It depends on the person, but from what I've seen, they tend to feel more comfortable interacting with one person at a time, so if you see an INFP interacting with someone, deep in conversation, and it seems like they're ignoring you, they might not mean to, maybe they just feel more comfortable conversing with one person at a time. Another thing I've experienced with Fi's is that they don't have as strong a need for a cohesive group, but have a strong need to feel loved, appreciated, and accepted for who they are.
Here's one of the biggest sources of snags based on what I've seen of ENFJs and INFPs that I've known:
In my experience, ENFJs can be very assertive and confrontational, especially when it comes to needs in a relationship. They tend to like to have issues talked out and done with. I kinda think it's that Fe being the flipside of Ti, which I associate with a sort of "troubleshooter mentality". Fe doms like to improve things and situations. Things may not necessarily be bad in their eyes, but they're always looking toward "How can we work together to make it better"
Whereas, in my experience, INFPs do not like to talk about things like that. They tend to be pretty laid back, and when something bothers an Fi-dom, often they just take it in, and not really address it, until they can't take it anymore. They tend to want to look for the positive in others, and be accepting of their flaws even if those flaws get on their nerves, so when an ENFJ addresses an issue, and INFP might take it personally, and feel like the ENFJ is not accepting them the way they're accepting the ENFJ.
Because of this, an ENFJ can easily be the more dominant partner. Like, I said above, INFPs can be pretty laid back. If something that they hold personal is attacked, then they might get visibly upset, otherwise, they basically let people be. I find, so far, that Fi types can be extremely vulnerable toward being used, manipulated, or talked into doing things they don't really want to do. ENFJs, on the other hand, well, the ones I've known at least, tend to have a way of taking the lead without realizing it sometimes, and while most ENFJs are not manipulative, it can lead to a situation in which the ENFJ can get their way wayyy more than the INFP, simply because they are more assertive with their needs.
The most important thing is to understand each other. Personally, even though I'm not an ENFJ, as far as I know, as an FJ, I could see myself with an FP despite our inherited differences, so based on what I've learned, the best thing is to, primarily understand the person as an individual. We are not completely defined by our functions, but each person is unique. Secondarily, it wouldn't hurt for an ENFJ to learn as much as they possibly could about Fi, and for the INFP to learn as much as they possibly can about Fe, and to realize that one is not necessarily better than the other, and how the other person thinks is not necessarily "wrong" just because it was different from yours.
I hope this is at least a little helpful, and, sorry if I said anything that is different from your experience, I'm just going by what I know so far....
First of all, to the INFPs, something to consider about ENFJs, is that ENFJs tend to disclose, or at least look like they're disclosing a lot about themselves to a lot of people. Sometimes, they can give off the impression that you're especially special to them, and that they've confided to you something really deep and personal, but realize, as extroverted feeling types, for ENFJs, their feelings are not going to be as deep and personal as with Fi doms. ENFJs tend to approach and view people, more as groups. Not that they're blind to the individuality of each individual, but there's more awareness of the group and the group dynamic.
Like, for instance, an ENFJ walks into a room with a group of people, and they see their best friend in the group, and they wanted to tell their friend something, but it's not particularly private. The ENFJ will probably approach the best friend, but also engage other members of that group so they won't feel left out. This may not be the case with every single ENFJ, but I've seen a lot with Fe doms, how many of them are more adept at engaging people as groups; I also find Fe's tend to often focus more on the behaviors and the dynamic of what goes on between people, than on the individuals involved. ENFJs can also be very chameleon-like, and can often adapt their behavior to be pleasing to people. Just remember feelings are extroverted so with ENFJs, they want them to be shared, they want a community. If you're friends with an ENFJ and they say something like "I feel like I don't have any friends" don't take it personally, because what they really mean might be more along the lines of "I don't feel like I have a cohesive group of friends," ENFJs may have certain individual friends but still, sometimes might feel a need for a group that creates a sense of family or community, especially if, for some reason, they're detached from their own families. (Okay so, did I get any of this right, ENFJs? lol)
So, regarding INFPs. In my experience with Fi-doms, they tend to see and approach people more as individuals; if an INFP walks into a room with a group of people, and they see their best friend, and they have something they want to tell them, they might either draw the best friend away from the group or wait til the conversation is over, because they tend to feel more comfortable with one on one interactions with people than group interactions. Not that, INFPs don't do well in groups. I find when it comes to group interactions, some INFPs can be very charming. It depends on the person, but from what I've seen, they tend to feel more comfortable interacting with one person at a time, so if you see an INFP interacting with someone, deep in conversation, and it seems like they're ignoring you, they might not mean to, maybe they just feel more comfortable conversing with one person at a time. Another thing I've experienced with Fi's is that they don't have as strong a need for a cohesive group, but have a strong need to feel loved, appreciated, and accepted for who they are.
Here's one of the biggest sources of snags based on what I've seen of ENFJs and INFPs that I've known:
In my experience, ENFJs can be very assertive and confrontational, especially when it comes to needs in a relationship. They tend to like to have issues talked out and done with. I kinda think it's that Fe being the flipside of Ti, which I associate with a sort of "troubleshooter mentality". Fe doms like to improve things and situations. Things may not necessarily be bad in their eyes, but they're always looking toward "How can we work together to make it better"
Whereas, in my experience, INFPs do not like to talk about things like that. They tend to be pretty laid back, and when something bothers an Fi-dom, often they just take it in, and not really address it, until they can't take it anymore. They tend to want to look for the positive in others, and be accepting of their flaws even if those flaws get on their nerves, so when an ENFJ addresses an issue, and INFP might take it personally, and feel like the ENFJ is not accepting them the way they're accepting the ENFJ.
Because of this, an ENFJ can easily be the more dominant partner. Like, I said above, INFPs can be pretty laid back. If something that they hold personal is attacked, then they might get visibly upset, otherwise, they basically let people be. I find, so far, that Fi types can be extremely vulnerable toward being used, manipulated, or talked into doing things they don't really want to do. ENFJs, on the other hand, well, the ones I've known at least, tend to have a way of taking the lead without realizing it sometimes, and while most ENFJs are not manipulative, it can lead to a situation in which the ENFJ can get their way wayyy more than the INFP, simply because they are more assertive with their needs.
The most important thing is to understand each other. Personally, even though I'm not an ENFJ, as far as I know, as an FJ, I could see myself with an FP despite our inherited differences, so based on what I've learned, the best thing is to, primarily understand the person as an individual. We are not completely defined by our functions, but each person is unique. Secondarily, it wouldn't hurt for an ENFJ to learn as much as they possibly could about Fi, and for the INFP to learn as much as they possibly can about Fe, and to realize that one is not necessarily better than the other, and how the other person thinks is not necessarily "wrong" just because it was different from yours.
I hope this is at least a little helpful, and, sorry if I said anything that is different from your experience, I'm just going by what I know so far....
