Just straight out ask him... What are your interests? What are your hobbies? What do you like to read? What movies do you like? ...etc., etc. We're all different... there is no universal ISTJ likes/cares topic. Chances are the initial answer might be a very short factual response to your inquiry, but if you show further interest he probably will expand on things once he determines your interest is genuine.

You might want to avoid topic introductions that begin with "How do you feel about...?" Maybe it's semantics, but "What do you think about...?" or "What would you do if...?" questions usually sit much better with us.

Regarding your domination of the talking... that's usually OK with us. I never mind when somebody else drives the conversation. Remember, though... periods of silence are not necessarily a bad thing! ISTJs often are quick-minded but slow mouthed... we can tend to take our time formulating and rehearsing our responses (we like to make sure we are saying EXACTLY what we intend to say) rather than answering spontaneously, so being "pressured" to keep up with a "chatterbox" extrovert (or worse, a room full of them) can be quite taxing. By far, it's the part that exhausts me the most in social situations. I can do it for a while but I really hit a hard wall after a while, after which I'll find any/every excuse to get away, even if just temporarily, because my brain gets so fried from it.

 

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^ Everything he said. I especially like the part about asking about likes/interests. Had an interesting chat with a guy at the pub the other night (not the ESFP that I mentioned in another post). We both like the same type of music and he asked me if I actually played any instruments. I've been formally trained on three, but am self-taught on about a half-dozen more, and our conversation delved into that, reading sheet music vs. playing by ear, etc. Hope this helps.

 

My ISTJ is know already talking more freely and sharing what he is working at. Thats nice. And when i say: " Sorry for talking to long now with you and taking your time, you can keep working on your project now. i will go" He was today like, no you are not taking/wasting my time.(But i always think he is so polite of course he wont say yes your are waisting my time) But today i got a new question:
How long does it normaly take before you trust a person to open up about your fears and hopes? With other types is it often very easy to get a heart to heart conversation. But with him is it way harder. And i fear to step over his boundaries of privacy. But to connect deeply you have to open up, Yes? And if i cant have a deep level, then i wont go on with this into a romantic level.
Ah How important is humor for you guys? I feel a very different humor coming of of him then mine and that worries me.
oh man i am always worrying so much.

 

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Take me quite a while to open up to anyone, romantic interest or otherwise. Six months to a year for most things, and to this day there are still things I haven't shared with my best friend (and we've been friends for like five years now). Those things are not relevant - although if that changes, then it's entirely possible that I will share those things if/when that time comes.

Humor is a plus, but most people don't "get" mine. It's usually very dry and goes over most people's heads because they think I'm being serious.

 

Not sure. He could be on the fence. For me, it's so difficult to initiate conversation. On the other hand, my body language is usually the "tell". If I'm interested, I'll be watching them - a LOT. Of course, I try to do this on the sly. I also try to be sneaky and try to snag a seat next to them in a group. (This actually worked some time back, FWIW.) I make an effort to not cross my arms around them, and deliberately modify my body language to appear more "inviting". For me, that's huge, but my guess is that most people it flies right over their heads.

An absolute tell (at least for me) is if I'm touched. No recoil = you're golden.

 

Do you start to open up your body language/ trying to sit near after you decide to go for the relationship, or before in the friendship zone?

When i touch him casually like "oh your hands a very cold how can you play the piano?" or i grab his shoulder and press down and say "does that hurt?" he is then ok i guess. But 2 days ago, we studied and he had his ear phones on. And so to get his attention -> i stroked with one finger over his hand. And he suddenly got very stiff, looked just ahead. his reaction took me by surprise. I was not intending to provoke him. I overplayed it fast with my question and was not showing any signs of seeing his reaction. But i didnt know where i went wrong, or if he hates it or if it was just to much for him.