Well...
*Waits intently for explanation*
*Waits intently for explanation*
Why are INFJ's so freakin' attractive!?
Philosophizer
61 - 80 of 115 Posts
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I think Ni provides an image of composure or self-containment, people seem to wonder what we're thinking or where that composure comes from. And there's a streak of... I don't know what to call it ('spirituality' maybe, but that doesn't seem quite right) in our temperament that I think can be soothing to other people. We're fine with sacrificing surer footing within the world, to find seemingly lighter or more tenuous footing somewhere else. I think that at least from a place of idealism, we want to understand our humanity, see our flaws unflinchingly, and take joy in our triumphs, because we know that we're happiest then. Charm pursued in service of this can seem noble, or make others feel understood beyond appearances. I also think there's an element of universality to this yearning, if we're committed to this kind of aspiration, maybe it makes people feel more confident that it's possible to live that way.
God I love charming inferior Fi users. I don't mean flirting necessarily. I'm actually too shy to look charming and witty when I like a guy. :blushed: But I mean in normal everyday interaction. My INTJ mum for example. 
roud:
When inferior Fi users (and my life is full of them) refuse to emote, or open up, especially if they're hurt, it's like I become Barney Stinson who just spotted a hot girl at a bar.
![Image]()
And then I sneak up on them.
I get reeeally close..
I crawl under their skin very carefully. (They can be like timid deer if you just pour a bucket of rainbow on them without warning.)
And once I'm in, I stuff them full of Fe before they even know what's happening!
![Image]()
roud:When inferior Fi users (and my life is full of them) refuse to emote, or open up, especially if they're hurt, it's like I become Barney Stinson who just spotted a hot girl at a bar.
And then I sneak up on them.
I get reeeally close..
I crawl under their skin very carefully. (They can be like timid deer if you just pour a bucket of rainbow on them without warning.)
And once I'm in, I stuff them full of Fe before they even know what's happening!
Joined
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3,075 Posts
My personal (very limited) experience (from this forum only) is that INFJ shine light on some aspects of myself that are otherwise harder to reach. The inner world with "Fi-stuff" contains all the subjective things that I believe in. It takes two to talk about this stuff and it helps if the other isn't "Te-dominant".
As for beauty, I do not suspect INFJ are physically more beautiful than other types. Maybe people see part of their "shadow" in other people.
Maybe as human beings we are supposed to discover everything, even "INFJ-world".
As for beauty, I do not suspect INFJ are physically more beautiful than other types. Maybe people see part of their "shadow" in other people.
Maybe as human beings we are supposed to discover everything, even "INFJ-world".
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349 Posts
Why it sounds like a compliment...I thought INTJs are famous for figuring anything out on their own?
Btw, I think attractiveness isn't type-related.
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4,355 Posts
Because the world belongs to us even thought we let everyone else think they are in control. :3
Now you shall continue melting and being hypnotized:
![Image]()
Now you shall continue melting and being hypnotized:
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2,341 Posts
Because you want to figure us out, and because we like to figure you guys out. Also the common Ni-Dom must be nice because you a little bit of yourself in us. Also, we're just that good. ;-) From personal experience, I can say INTJs are great friends, and your sense of humor is similar to ours.
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They like biting sarcasm.
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Well why wouldn't other people find INFJs attractive? We, represent all good in this world.
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There are many reasons: Primarily, as a Thinker, it's possible you are intrigued by their mysterious demeanor, and their imagination, generating ideas. INFJs are usually intelligent, (and humble about it) which might be another attractive factor. Along with their intelligence, and enigmatic charisma, INFJs are very warm people; who gain energy from helping others, and strive to keep harmony, and reassure others that they matter. I hope that helps!
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Necroposting for more INFJ love!
Also, I was dissatisfied with the answers I read, so I desire more information. @renna @geekofalltrades @Promethea @Observer @Dissonance and anyone else I forgot.
Twitch
PS: @Dabbling, @MsBossyPants, @Lady O.W. Bro @Windblownhair, @Aubbs, @Rinnay, @chanteuse, @Syndrome, @MooseAndSquirrel, @Christie42476 and a bunch of other peeps
Also, I was dissatisfied with the answers I read, so I desire more information. @renna @geekofalltrades @Promethea @Observer @Dissonance and anyone else I forgot.
Twitch
PS: @Dabbling, @MsBossyPants, @Lady O.W. Bro @Windblownhair, @Aubbs, @Rinnay, @chanteuse, @Syndrome, @MooseAndSquirrel, @Christie42476 and a bunch of other peeps
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3,546 Posts
The attraction may be partly due to the fact that INFJs have layers. The layers under the facade are mostly good ones; compassionate, idealistic, hopeful, emotionally intelligent, decent, helpful, understanding..... Most INFjs are also aware of their own frailties. We are not a ball of sunshine all the time and it makes us relateable.
INFJs are also flexible. We change with age and life. We get better and wiser. This changing nature is highly attractive to the beholders of an intelligent mind. We are not going to be stale and set in our ways.
Whoever discovers an INFJ and is allowed to see the layers feels fortunate as if stumbled upon a treasure trove.
Compare to our INTJ cousins, INFJs, even though we'd offer the same bitter sweet advice, our delivery is humble and warm, much easier to swallow.
The altruistic quality in INFJs is also attractive. And it grows on ppl who know them. We really want the world to have peace and harmony. We do our part without strong arming (do not mention Hitler and Bin Laden; they are the exceptions to the norm).
INFJs are also flexible. We change with age and life. We get better and wiser. This changing nature is highly attractive to the beholders of an intelligent mind. We are not going to be stale and set in our ways.
Whoever discovers an INFJ and is allowed to see the layers feels fortunate as if stumbled upon a treasure trove.
Compare to our INTJ cousins, INFJs, even though we'd offer the same bitter sweet advice, our delivery is humble and warm, much easier to swallow.
The altruistic quality in INFJs is also attractive. And it grows on ppl who know them. We really want the world to have peace and harmony. We do our part without strong arming (do not mention Hitler and Bin Laden; they are the exceptions to the norm).
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I agree with what has been said about the magical connection between INTJs and INFJs (stemming from Ni...?) and the appeal of the layered INFJ personality.
INTJs like challenges and puzzles and problem-solving, and I think we view INFJs as fascinating puzzles to be solved, with another layer waiting to be discovered and analyzed once we are finished with "this" one. Gaining access to these layers requires first that we gain the INFJ's trust, which is an intriguing challenge in itself.
I think we (INTJs) feel it's worth the effort to peel back the INFJ layers because we expect to find very good things underneath (i.e. a "treasure trove" as chanteuse puts it)...
INTJs like challenges and puzzles and problem-solving, and I think we view INFJs as fascinating puzzles to be solved, with another layer waiting to be discovered and analyzed once we are finished with "this" one. Gaining access to these layers requires first that we gain the INFJ's trust, which is an intriguing challenge in itself.
I think we (INTJs) feel it's worth the effort to peel back the INFJ layers because we expect to find very good things underneath (i.e. a "treasure trove" as chanteuse puts it)...
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Because they are good-hearted, intelligent, serious and empathic people who would never turn down a good conversation with hot coco.
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The treasure trove...
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Oh? I'm honored : )
I hope you were not expecting something like "We smile with our whole face". I deconstructed the bleep out of this. (But um.. no objectivity claimed. My eyes - my story.)
There are two parts to this - what we "are" and what people see in us. When we communicate. Some people are different people entirely when no one's around. I assume not everyone is like that.. but I only started assuming this some years ago. Let's be real - as authentic as we are, I am probably not the only chameleon around. I'll get into that in a moment.
Part I - what we "are".
We are imperfection detectors with the imagination to project those imperfections way beyond the here and now and hence to live it all out as if it's 100% objectively happening. Dreams can kill.
So we start out in a place called "There's so much wrong with me and with everything in general. What am I going to do??"
After "This is hopeless I am just going to avoid people forever and live in the same room until I die" passes there are generaly two approaches - projecting those imperfection-frustrations internally or externally. Translation: "Okay, so I'm not perfect. Let's see what happens anyway." - or - "Okay, nobody is perfect. Apparently that doesn't stop anyone else."
Being aware of your own shortcomings flows into being "mature". Acting constructively on them even more so. Being confident about your strengths and having a sense of humor for your weaknesses elicits admiration. Being sensitive makes one expressive and that flows into being "charming".
Part II - how we act.
Yes, act. But wait the INFJ is so authentic what are you talking about-- Everyone acts. Grow up. We are expressive and sooner or later every one of us figures out how to put that to use.
Communication is an art and a science. Some people are natural actors. I won't get into Shakespeare quotes and cognitive functions - let's just take it for granted.
An INFJ usually has the ability to cut emotional distance very quickly, and to make the person on the other side feel special and appreciated. We know disappointment intimately because we are dreamers, and so finding comfort is a skill we learn early on. Combined with our empathy, we often end up dishing it out like a soup kitchen. We are also sensitive to details and most people appreciate the attention.
The ability to put yourself on the other side of communication is immensely helpful in constructing a message to elicit a specific desired effect. Knowing your recipient and the art of message-crafting goes a long way towards making that someone feel listened to, and understood. And on a side note - that's why we tend to dislike crowds and group communication - you can't personalize when it's many different people. You can't split 10 ways and adapt to everyone.
After one gets over their own imperfect self, they encounter the imperfections of others. As with any human being, imperfections are either a wound or a weak spot. An INFJ picks up on that without even trying.
With any weakness there's a choice - you can heal, or you can hurt. Leaving aside the messiahs and sociopaths at both extremes, life for us is basically a game of when to do which. When "impress" becomes a goal you start to develop a strategy for it - there is a different path leading into everyone, depending on what they've been deprived of. I know how this sounds but it's not inherently malicious. Everyone makes their own choice, obviously.
With empathy as the energy source, perceptivity as the map, and expressiveness as the method, the INFJ is naturally attuned to voyaging the social seas.
I hope you were not expecting something like "We smile with our whole face". I deconstructed the bleep out of this. (But um.. no objectivity claimed. My eyes - my story.)
There are two parts to this - what we "are" and what people see in us. When we communicate. Some people are different people entirely when no one's around. I assume not everyone is like that.. but I only started assuming this some years ago. Let's be real - as authentic as we are, I am probably not the only chameleon around. I'll get into that in a moment.
Part I - what we "are".
We are imperfection detectors with the imagination to project those imperfections way beyond the here and now and hence to live it all out as if it's 100% objectively happening. Dreams can kill.
So we start out in a place called "There's so much wrong with me and with everything in general. What am I going to do??"
After "This is hopeless I am just going to avoid people forever and live in the same room until I die" passes there are generaly two approaches - projecting those imperfection-frustrations internally or externally. Translation: "Okay, so I'm not perfect. Let's see what happens anyway." - or - "Okay, nobody is perfect. Apparently that doesn't stop anyone else."
Being aware of your own shortcomings flows into being "mature". Acting constructively on them even more so. Being confident about your strengths and having a sense of humor for your weaknesses elicits admiration. Being sensitive makes one expressive and that flows into being "charming".
Part II - how we act.
Yes, act. But wait the INFJ is so authentic what are you talking about-- Everyone acts. Grow up. We are expressive and sooner or later every one of us figures out how to put that to use.
Communication is an art and a science. Some people are natural actors. I won't get into Shakespeare quotes and cognitive functions - let's just take it for granted.
An INFJ usually has the ability to cut emotional distance very quickly, and to make the person on the other side feel special and appreciated. We know disappointment intimately because we are dreamers, and so finding comfort is a skill we learn early on. Combined with our empathy, we often end up dishing it out like a soup kitchen. We are also sensitive to details and most people appreciate the attention.
The ability to put yourself on the other side of communication is immensely helpful in constructing a message to elicit a specific desired effect. Knowing your recipient and the art of message-crafting goes a long way towards making that someone feel listened to, and understood. And on a side note - that's why we tend to dislike crowds and group communication - you can't personalize when it's many different people. You can't split 10 ways and adapt to everyone.
After one gets over their own imperfect self, they encounter the imperfections of others. As with any human being, imperfections are either a wound or a weak spot. An INFJ picks up on that without even trying.
With any weakness there's a choice - you can heal, or you can hurt. Leaving aside the messiahs and sociopaths at both extremes, life for us is basically a game of when to do which. When "impress" becomes a goal you start to develop a strategy for it - there is a different path leading into everyone, depending on what they've been deprived of. I know how this sounds but it's not inherently malicious. Everyone makes their own choice, obviously.
With empathy as the energy source, perceptivity as the map, and expressiveness as the method, the INFJ is naturally attuned to voyaging the social seas.
Joined
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3,546 Posts
Sometimes an INTJ's intensity and high intellect make me feel inadequate, as in "I don't measure up". One thing that bothers me is the question "what does he see in me?". I asked him indirectly once and he said "because you are you" (typical INTJ fashion when being asked a feeling related question).
To be honest, I feel dumb compared to NTs and other NFs. I am not scientific nor am I creative. It's this murky middle ground, not excellent in any area but dabbling subject matters on surface level that makes me feel shallow and unworthy.
Interestingly in INTJ forum, many INTJs express a sense of unworthiness albeit for entirely different reasons. ;-)
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