[Ecoas]

becuase this society values stocism and indivdualism.

 

[uncertain]

Why do people believe friendly means manipulative? No offense to you I just want to know. My ESTJ sister is manipulative and no one ever realizes that because she doesn't show her true intentions or feelings. If I am showing my feelings how can someone not trust me.. I am just confused no offense to you

It's the same as some people would think you are trying to rip them off if you say you want to interview them, ask them several questions and write those things down. A writer told me that, and it seemed like a common thing.

I don't know. Being friendly is good, but it can feel manipulative when you are too friendly. It's also tiring for me to deal with people too long, and people start to become an annoying thing to me.

I can feel vulnerable and insecure when I am exposed to someone too much. Even if I trust him/her definitely, it can still feel a bit scary.

One of Fe-manipulation is, many Fe-users know that certain kind of action will provoke certain kind of emotion, so if they want, they will do or say something to make people feel in a certain way, which is manipulative.

 

[lifefullofwords]

In my experience Fe users annoy people for two reasons. The first is they're not Fe users and they lack the ability to understand what it's like to be a fundamentally different person and/or the ability to relate to people that process the world differently than they do. The other reason FJs, especially Fe doms, annoy some people is they can be pushy and shove their values down other peoples' throats. I say this as someone who is annoyed by the latter even though I'm an FJ. Although honestly I think behavior like that has more to do with Enneagram than Myers Briggs since it's a personality trait and not inherent to Fe as a function.

 

[Scelerat]

For me it's mostly that dom and aux Fe users seem to have a thing for "tact over fact" which just bugs me.

 

[rawrmosher]

The fact you said you try and look "really friendly" gave me the impression that maybe you're over doing it somewhat I'm not saying don't be friendly but don't be all up in their face about it.

I know this one ENFJ girl who was incredibly touchy feely in 1st year... she was really nice and I liked her, but some others found it a bit much.

 

[register]

In my experience Fe users annoy people for two reasons. The first is they're not Fe users and they lack the ability to understand what it's like to be a fundamentally different person and/or the ability to relate to people that process the world differently than they do. The other reason FJs, especially Fe doms, annoy some people is they can be pushy and shove their values down other peoples' throats. I say this as someone who is annoyed by the latter even though I'm an FJ. Although honestly I think behavior like that has more to do with Enneagram than Myers Briggs since it's a personality trait and not inherent to Fe as a function.

This is very wise. Additionally, As an FP, I will tend to feel confined by the more global judgements that an Fe user will make and then feel that my or others individual values have been devalued or disrespected, and want to stand up on thier behalf-it isnt that I deny the Fj their perspective-its that the FJ insists their perspective is the only correct one. Mostly ENFJs though, very rarely have I seen INFJs do this.

In the same way, a TP will feel their individual ideas are being devalued by a Te user who insists on some global solution.

 

[PaladinX]

IRT to subject

I'm guessing that we're talking about Fi. It wouldn't make sense for Fe to hate itself. And since "hate" is within the realm of value aka Feeling judgment, then I assume we do not mean Te or Ti.

So... why does Fi hate Fe? Inquiring minds want to know. Stay tuned....

 

[uncertain]

No it's the main reason people say they do not like Fe is because it makes people manipulative. Which is untrue because ESTJs are manipulative and bossy and Fe is very low for them. I feel like people who don't care about others at all you have to watch out for them because they do things that only benefit them. I also believe Fe users can be manipulative too but we always get the title as manipulative. I know people with Fi and if things don`t go there way they get angry and do things behind people's back.

People in general are skeptical about good intentions. I am like in between.

It's not that black-and-white. Most people do things that are largely beneficial to themselves only, which is just how things are, but it doesn't mean that they are coming to hurt you, even with people who literally only do things that benefit themselves. A lot of time you can just keep a distance from them, then how can it be manipulative? It becomes manipulative only when they reach out to you, right? Fe reach out to people. Fe is more manipulative than Te because Fe focus on people and Te is goal-oriented. So unless you have something to do with the Te person's goal, he is not going to intrude your life.

I don't know. It doesn't feel manipulative if you just do things behind people's back. It's called creepy. For me, manipulation is like you come to me, say or do something to make me behave in a certain way, without me realizing your true intention.

 

[RunForCover07]

It’s kind of hard for me to explain how Fe feels as an INFJ, because I’ve always felt that my Fe goes in different directions than other Fe users (like ENFJ, ISFJ, or even ESFJ). While I do enjoy social harmony and I want all people to get along, I don’t believe in making people feel a certain way that isn’t true to who they are, which I know this is how Fe comes off to certain Fi users. I will have a natural emotional response to something, and I will question why maybe an Fi user didn’t feel the way I did in return, because it allows me to understand where they’re at emotionally.

So, I’m not trying to force emotions on people, but rather trying to figure out how I align with them so I can better communicate and bring down the barrier that lies between us so we can get along. For example, I had an ENFJ friend that I was pretty close to for the most part, and we had some great conversations about all sorts of things and connected on a logical level, but I never felt a personable connection with him, because I didn’t understand where he was at emotionally. I knew nothing about his past or anything that would let me know that I could trust him with my very core being. When people don’t give hints of that, they feel less human to me, and I have to trust that person is not going to hurt me.

So, I feel like Fe for me is a way to understand people so I can not only help them when needed (to understand where they’re coming from), but also to protect myself. But the ironic thing is, Fi users are the ones who tend to emotionally vent to me more than Fe users. Except for ENTJs, they always feel kind of torn with their emotions, and they keep that shit tucked away deep inside of them, but I can relate, because INFJs do the same thing.

I think Ni and Fe are going to work much different than maybe Si and Fe. I feel they have different motives. I can get along great with thinkers, but only if I remove my Fe and allow myself to think before I feel, which I do feel I can do very well for the most part. Even I have trouble with Fe doms, and Fe is my aux.

 

[mushr00m]

I don't see what is wrong with me helping people instead of me trying to fuck then over but people seem to think it is a problem..

It's fine as long as you respect their boundaries and don't coerce them. It can make some people quite defensive. Can you give more details about the situation that caused you to open this thread in the first place?

becuase this society values stocism and indivdualism.

That depends what culture you are.

 

[red455hawk]

Fe can be a little overbearing. I have an ESFJ friend who just really needs me to need him and I just don't have the emotional energy for all his antics.

 

[teddy564339]

When I did a video chat with @pneumoceptor (an INFJ) a while back, I asked her the same question that was in the OP. I liked her answer so much that I typed it out.

When Fe is at its best, it makes the other person feel very known, and heard, and cared for…because it displays that care. So when it’s not being used to fix or change, but when it’s in more of an "I care about you" mode, it’s very, very good at expressing that.

As an extraverted judging function, it wants to structure, so it’s easy to fall into the "I’m gonna fix your problems", or "I’m going to change you", or "I’m going to make you better" mode, and I think that that’s where we miss the mark, because you can’t. People are way too complex for that type of manipulation. But for me personally…what I love about Fi is that you can tell there’s a really swelling depth of care there, if you know the person well. What I love about Fe is that you can also see that in small amounts, whereas with an Fi user you might not see that.

 

[aj1023]

Depending on the healthiness of the Fe user, they may possess the following characteristics:

1) Blatant dishonesty for the purpose of covering their own asses/maintaining their social rank
2) No personal morals/ethics, and the morals they do have depend entirely on the social group that dominates their life, no matter how evil said social group is (I actually find this quality to be the worst in the TP types)
3) A tendency toward passive-aggressive behavior and disguising all of their intentions with fluffy bullshit

Obviously, I've known many Fe types who are wonderful. But when the more unhealthy ones exhibit these traits us Fi users tend to be put off by them.

 

[Mammon]

Obviously, I've known many Fe types who are wonderful. But when the more unhealthy ones exhibit these traits us Fi users tend to be put off by them.

Us too you know...

 

[Fern]

I do have quite the love-hate relationship with Fe.

 

[Sixty Nein]

I have no reason to counter the claims of what is being said, outside of my own innate disposition to be in the opposite direction of what is derived as the popular (to my own detriment really) but I can't necessarily say that a Fe is something that would require the responses of someone being passive-aggressive or whatnot whenever they aren't in the greatest of health. Take for instance gangs, or even current pop culture which generally aligns more with the "honest" expression of things that is not within the confines of high-class backstabbings and other such things.

Really Fe is the usage of judgement values that is expressed as "OK" to further ones goals, which is generally the attitude of extroversion. If say the Fe type wants to be direct, or just have a direct personality, then it's not inconceivable that they would just be direct with you and justify it as "being real" or some other platitude like that.

 

[Ink]

Because it is controlling an smothering. Otherwise it is nice.

 

[Swordsman of Mana]

- it's supplicating/brown nosing
- it cares more about what other people think than what it thinks
- it's ethical principles are usually bendy/not solid
- it tries to control the way people feel
- it can be extremely manipulative

so yes, no need to mince words or make apologize. I hate Fe.

I don't see what is wrong with me helping people instead of me trying to fuck then over but people seem to think it is a problem..

additionally, many people (esp ExTPs) DO use Fe to fuck people over

 

[OrdinarinessIsAFWTD]

I do know some in the typology community who associate Fe with political correctness. Do any of you people think there's something to that?

 

[Chesire Tower]

I made a difference because Fe-Si gives me more creeps that Fe-Ni.

I tend to feel that way about Te-Si. My late mother was an insanely anal ESTJ (or ISTJ?) and drove me and my friends nuts with her compulsive cleaning. She would actually organize my roommates' apartment - without their permission. But I can't otherwise relate to your comparison. I get along better with NTs and FJs better than I do with Fi-Se.