Is it because we are so people focused and so in touch with them, that we can "feel" someone instantly and connect with them on a very deep emotional level without needing the "proper" time to get to know them?

Mostly this for me...and I think this is a vey good thing! Instead of hiding behind walls of insecurity, faking things and/or being slow to reveal myself from fear of being hurt, I'm open about myself and my emotions from the start so others may immediately know what I'm all about (what you see is what you get!) and decide on whether this is something they would care for. This combined with an ability to "feel" people means that great connections can be made almost instantly if the other person is likewise open, so in these cases we can simply cut to the chase and enjoy this sensation of mutual "clicking" immediately...no stress, no complications, no questions as to why this is so :happy:

 

Is it not obvious that many of us are lonely? We seek companionship, friendship, love, and acceptance. This is a fundamental need most of us have (even many introvert/loners have it, they just deny it). We want someone who eases our burden, and in exchange, we ease theirs. It is not desperation, it is simply something we all feel to some extent, some are naturally more sensitive to this need than others. We extraverts find validation in others. It is not a curse, but a gift we share. We connect people together, each in our own way. If everyone were loners, what sort of society would there be? You are right to be wary. Not everyone appreciates, nor is worthy of such a gift. Choose wisely. The right person will prove themselves, if you are patient and careful.

 

Beautiful post. Idk if the avatar put this in my mind, but it kinda reminds me of one of the speeches of Don Quixote. I don't think, however, that introverts deny the need for companionship so much as we only need the companionship of a few people, and we're good, usually.

 

Wow. I have, to say this is true. I have experienced, I wouldn't say. 'Love at first sight' because I'm not sure about that existing, but I've definitely looked at someone and thought 'Wow, look at their demeanor, look at their smile, I would love to be in a relationship with them' and later on talked to them, and been blown away and in love immediately. I think that ENFJ's or at least my self are such a perceptive bunch. When we see someone that blows us away or that we want to know, we can't help but be almost obsessed with them, they're like an ever shifting mystery that we can't quite figure out and we're completely and utterly enamored with everything they are.

 

I would describe my ideal meeting of soulmate as "love at first site", but I haven't yet experienced the feeling. If I'm too focused on developing relationships with women part of my life already, could I be subconsciously unwilling to realize the possibility of love with a perfect stranger?

 

I think people act like love is simply something you can fall into. Which it might seem like, but I truly think when you're at a point where you are happy and well rounded (which you seem like from your post haha), a similarly happy and well rounded person will be attracted to you... Now all you need to do is go meet strangers!

 

Oh I fall for people all the time. I have read that our types tend to idealize our objects of affection and Keirsey states that NFs can infuse their own ideals into the object of their affections. So we assume other people we are sexually attracted to have our own qualities.

Any other thoughts on this?

 

This is a very interesting post and is basically what led me here. 15 years ago as a freshman in college I met a girl and fell for her instantly, just as this post says. A few months into the relationship my analytic side (which I rarely listen to) took over and I felt like things weren't quite right. I decided to end things. Unfortunately, later that night just before I broke the news I chose to put her needs first and I decided focus on her strong suits rather than on her many faults. I talked myself out of the breakup and we stayed together. After college we married. Now after over 10 years of marriage we are divorcing (I don't know my ex's personality type, but it certainly isn't one that values loyalty the way we ENFJ's do). My own self-reflection on the situation and quest for information for my personality type has led me here.

Since the split I've had many friends mention women that they want to fix me up with. I've turned down all of these requests for one reason or another, with one exception. A few of my female friends mentioned one of their friends that sounds absolutely perfect for me. From Facebook I was able to see a picture of this woman (she is beautiful) and even though I won't meet her for a few more weeks I feel like I could easily fall for her. I think I already have fallen for the idea of her.

As to the reasons this happens, maybe it is our desire to look forward to the future? I don't really know this woman, but I am excited for the potential. And our optimistic nature only makes it worse (or better, depending on your view).

 

@shakti @radu

I found this thread (and your responses) interesting because I similarly am very direct in identifying people I connect with, and my liking for them tends to develop rapidly. I am very in tune in a sense.

I wonder what enneagram types ENFJs often are. This seems at least as tied to inner motivations as to how they process.

 

@shakti @radu

I found this thread (and your responses) interesting because I similarly am very direct in identifying people I connect with, and my liking for them tends to develop rapidly. I am very in tune in a sense.

I wonder what enneagram types ENFJs often are. This seems at least as tied to inner motivations as to how they process.

It's well-established on personality cafe that ENFPs and INTJs frequently have mutual attraction, and the same goes for ENTPs and INFJs. So is it also true that ENFJs and INTPs could feel something for each other more than for other types?

 

similarly happy and well rounded person will be attracted to you... Now all you need to do is go meet strangers!

The sad thing is mutual attraction is a confusing state, because at times it's completely fallacious that this implies a good relationship. Sigh.

are such a perceptive bunch. When we see someone that blows us away or that we want to know, we can't help but be almost obsessed with them,

This is a really terrific quality to me. I really like it when people don't need "time" to decide, and can see straight to the heart of what they like about someone.

 

I get attached really fast one can almost say over night depending on how the night goes. I tend to look at all the paths that could happen and the hopeless romantic in me always picks the one that is going to hurt me in the end lol.

 

I get attached really fast one can almost say over night depending on how the night goes. I tend to look at all the paths that could happen and the hopeless romantic in me always picks the one that is going to hurt me in the end lol.

How is that romantic?

 

Profoundly and painfully true. Wish it didn't have to happen really. All the strong intense and more often than not positive energy being focused into one individual. I don't think I can ever learn to explain why I can find another person so important, and almost vital even, to my life. And when we're alone, we're so desperately spiteful of the situation and perhaps we'd rather just have someone to be with.

Due to the whole Fe-Ni complex, we cast better impressions on people and choose to see the better in them. Given Ni and it's pattern interpretation, we see people's potential better than we see our own. We think of them better than they are currently are. Perhaps, in that way, we could have gotten a bit too hopeful.

Thinking a person is better than what they really are, we fall in love with the impression rather than the person. And given our J tendencies, we perhaps choose to hold onto these things longer.

 

I personally believe to get the best relationships you want functions to correspond like this

Ti - Fe
Fi - Te
Si - Ne
Ni - Se

and have that all the way down the line. people this way find someone that is like them but stronger in their weaker areas. this sort of compatibility completes a person, and doesn't leave half information elements out in the dark. this way all asspects are covered and relationships can be whole.

 

That's me. Picked up a highly narcissistic man who exploited me with manipulations and feel good talks for 1.5 years of relationship, along with 1.5 years of crushing.. Why am I attracted to these non caring brats

 

I think everyone will agree, that we as ENFJ's tend to fall in love or get emotionally attached to people very quickly. A question which has been boggling my mind lately is... WHY ?

Is it because of the seemingly neverending energy we have, which when focused on one single person makes our emotions flourish and rapidly amplifies them, thus making us quickly fall for the other person ?

Is it because we are so people focused and so in touch with them, that we can "feel" someone instantly and connect with them on a very deep emotional level without needing the "proper" time to get to know them?

Or is it because no matter how rational we try to be and block ourselves off from feeling intense emotions, deep down inside it is what makes us feel alive ? We want so much to feel something, that more often than other types, we go with our hearts even when our minds are saying no ?

For me, if I let go of my rational side, I can fall for someone in a matter of days or weeks (it's shocking I know). Most of the time I can "control" my emotions as not to become clingy and just be happy without wanting more. Other times, I can totally and utterly fall and my emotions take control of me. That's when I get hurt and end up feeling all the negative stuff.

Am curious to hear other people's opinions

Somebody on here, who is NF, pointed out that she fell in love so quickly because she needed to give her heart something to do.