[Julian Grey]

Came across this theory about Limerance. (Watch the video below)

Are you an INFJ that has intense crushes or obsession over people (Platonic or romantic)? You like fall in love with the idea of a person rather than the person? Ni (Introverted Intuition) is prone to interpreting events and finding meaning behind things, which feeds limerance. Studies show that there's a link between lonliness, limerance and being prone to interpreting events. Limerance and limerant behaviour may be hindering you from forming healthy relationships. (Video below reveals the solution)

Shaver and Hazan observed that those suffering from loneliness are significantly more susceptible to limerence, arguing that "if people have a large number of unmet social needs, and are not aware of this, then a sign that someone else might be interested is easily built up in that person's imagination into far more than the friendly social contact that it might have been. By dwelling on the memory of that social contact, the lonely person comes to magnify it into a deep emotional experience, which may be quite different from the reality of the event."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

 

[Shodan]

Guilty as charged, both the contents of the post and the video. I've been completely oblivious to the cause, but it all makes sense now.

 

[Julian Grey]

Guilty as charged, both the contents of the post and the video. I've been completely oblivious to the cause, but it all makes sense now.

It's so good when things come together and make crystal clear sense, right! Especially in the face of (messy) human relationships & emotions.

 

[Shodan]

It's so good when things come together and make crystal clear sense, right! Especially in the face of (messy) human relationships & emotions.

Absolutely, and this thread should be pinned as far as I'm concerned 😄

 

[ENTJudgement]

Came across this theory about Limerance. (Watch the video below)

Are you an INFJ that has intense crushes or obsession over people (Platonic or romantic)? You like fall in love with the idea of a person rather than the person? Ni (Introverted Intuition) is prone to interpreting events and finding meaning behind things, which feeds limerance. Studies show that there's a link between lonliness, limerance and being prone to interpreting events. Limerance and limerant behaviour may be hindering you from forming healthy relationships. (Video below reveals the solution)

Shaver and Hazan observed that those suffering from loneliness are significantly more susceptible to limerence, arguing that "if people have a large number of unmet social needs, and are not aware of this, then a sign that someone else might be interested is easily built up in that person's imagination into far more than the friendly social contact that it might have been. By dwelling on the memory of that social contact, the lonely person comes to magnify it into a deep emotional experience, which may be quite different from the reality of the event."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

I’m not even INFJ and I’m capable of doing that, I think any type with Ni in first or second spot is capable of doing that

 

[Julian Grey]

I’m not even INFJ and I’m capable of doing that, I think any type with Ni in first or second spot is capable of doing that

I wasn't sure if ENTJ's would be as affected because of Te? But thanks for your insight on that.

Though, I was actually reminded of this gay INTJ I know who is completely taken-over by this behaviour when I saw that video.

I have a feeling that the whole "Intelligent people are more prone to sadness and depression" stereotype might have something to do this? i.e People who use their strength of seeing patterns, theory, meaning behind things (leading to intellectual-like behaviour) can be a weakness when applying that thing to relationships, - which as studies have shown can lead to poorer relationship (and as the video explains).

 

[Catzilla]

Nope, never had this issue. Experienced deep loneliness before in my life, but never limerence.

 

[Julian Grey]

Nope, never had this issue. Experienced deep loneliness before in my life, but never limerence.

You are fortunate.

 

[Catzilla]

You are fortunate.

IDK...maybe just self-aware and guarded against delusions. I don't even daydream about my partner (who I'm in an LDR with) because I'm aware it can create false expectations of what he is like in person (and therefore sets me up to be disappointed by the real him, potentially, when we are finally together). I daydream about what I would do, but how he would react...I leave that as a questionmark or I ask.

 

[shameless]

IDK...maybe just self-aware and guarded against delusions. I don't even daydream about my partner (who I'm in an LDR with) because I'm aware it can create false expectations of what he is like in person (and therefore sets me up to be disappointed by the real him, potentially, when we are finally together). I daydream about what I would do, but how he would react...I leave that as a questionmark or I ask.

Are you NFJ?

 

[Catzilla]

Are you NFJ?

I don't put much stock into types, and I think functions are a false dichotomy fallacy...but no, I am IStP. ESI in Socionics is far more fitting for me than any of the MBTI types, though.

 

[Clare_Bare]

Came across this theory about Limerance.

Are you an INFJ that has intense crushes or obsession over people (Platonic or romantic)? You like fall in love with the idea of a person rather than the person? Ni (Introverted Intuition) is prone to interpreting events and finding meaning behind things, which feeds limerance.
Shaver and Hazan observed that those suffering from loneliness are significantly more susceptible to limerence,

Perhaps Ni is a driver of this phenomenon more than any other function, but I doubt it is the only factor from a 'Type' perspective.
I'd have expected Fi to heavily influence a perception of imagined love based on desire, anticipation, tactile connection, emotional intimacy, etc.
I also suspect that Ne and Fe, particularly if they are Auxilliary functions, are active sources for the inspiration of Limerance? (See 'Intelligent people' below.)

Shaver and Hazan observed that those suffering from loneliness are significantly more susceptible to Limerence.

Almost certainly any person suffering from extreme loneliness would be inclined to associate any sense of idealistic compatibility as a viable love connection. When there is nothing 'physical' in their lives, a fantasy relationship is a distraction that gives them a sense of emotional bonding and security.

I have a feeling that the whole "Intelligent people are more prone to sadness and depression" stereotype might have something to do this? i.e People who use their strength of seeing patterns, theory, meaning behind things (leading to intellectual-like behaviour) can be a weakness when applying that thing to relationships.

There is the well known stereotype that highly intelligent people lack emotionality. The reality is, they are aware of the need for social interaction and relationships, however they do not perceive those requirements as essential for a stable or productive life. Quite often, maturity of age or the lack of a sustained source of intellectual stimulation will suddenly make them aware that emotional (and physical) connection is absent in their lives. It would seem to me that because they don't understand 'real life' social cues from a feelings perspective, they default to the safety of their minds where they can combine idealism with reality - thus the Limerence.

Personally, as an extroverted personality with well developed social skills, I can be prone to Limerence during prolonged periods without intimacy in my life. I suspect Ne/Ti is the basis of this imaginary state, but it rarely dominates my life to any extent.

 

[Julian Grey]

There is the well known stereotype that highly intelligent people lack emotionality. The reality is, they are aware of the need for social interaction and relationships, however they do not perceive those requirements as essential for a stable or productive life. Quite often, maturity of age or the lack of a sustained source of intellectual stimulation will suddenly make them aware that emotional (and physical) connection is absent in their lives. It would seem to me that because they don't understand 'real life' social cues from a feelings perspective, they default to the safety of their minds where they can combine idealism with reality - thus the Limerence.

Nicely articulated!

Personally, as an extroverted personality with well developed social skills, I can be prone to Limerence during prolonged periods without intimacy in my life. I suspect Ne/Ti is the basis of this imaginary state, but it rarely dominates my life to any extent.

Interesting to hear that limerance can happen to INTJs & ENTJs too

I'd have expected Fi to heavily influence a perception of imagined love based on desire, anticipation, tactile connection, emotional intimacy, etc.
I also suspect that Ne and Fe, particularly if they are Auxilliary functions, are active sources for the inspiration of Limerance? (See 'Intelligent people' below.)

Seems to be the case for INFPs (Fi-Ne)? At least that's what I keep hearing from a lot of them and their stereotype?

I wonder if ISFPs are as prone to limerance as INFPs?

 

[Sunds]

It's so good when things come together and make crystal clear sense, right! Especially in the face of (messy) human relationships & emotions.

How long ago did you suffer from limerence? Can limerence linger in the back of your mind while you are in an RL relationship?

 

[Julian Grey]

How long ago did you suffer from limerence? Can limerence linger in the back of your mind while you are in an RL relationship?

THB, this long limerance wasn't a romantic one. It was just "A straight dude wanting to be best friends with another straight dude" (before the acronym BFF even existed). (1999-2018 appox.) - Almost 2 f*ing decades! omfg. He didn't know all this was going on. He might've figured it was more (2000-2005) - He was my "best man" ESFP.

With girls, it could last a whole 1 or up to 3 years FML. (This was like 15-20 years ago.)

Anyway... I catch it a lot earlier now. And relationships with people have improved a lot, becoming a lot healthier. Rather than being so intense on 1 person. I spread it out more and just learn to appreciate everyone for who they are.

There are others that are a lot closer to me than my best man now, and that's ok. He's a great guy and I've known him the longest, but there's a lot more other guy friends / friends that I gel with more easily.

 

[WickerDeer]

Honestly, I'm INFP/ENFP and I have actual tragic limerence shit, where you fall in love with someone for years, and no one you meet can come close, and you search for your identity and shit and some way to escape.

I do not think it's INFJ at all. INFJ tend to have more friends and be more popular with multiple people than some other types, for one thing.

But I would say ENFP and to a lesser degree INFP suffer from limerence more.

Personally, I haven't had a relationship or sex since 2011, and I have limerence for years where I cannot date others because of my feelings for someone else.

This is my life, and I'm not a typical any-type but I'm an INFP. I really wouldn't connect limerence with INFJ in my experience. Though perhaps introverts in general are more prone to it.

 

[Julian Grey]

Honestly, I'm INFP/ENFP and I have actual tragic limerence shit, where you fall in love with someone for years, and no one you meet can come close, and you search for your identity and shit and some way to escape.

I do not think it's INFJ at all. INFJ tend to have more friends and be more popular with multiple people than some other types, for one thing.

But I would say ENFP and to a lesser degree INFP suffer from limerence more.

Personally, I haven't had a relationship or sex since 2011, and I have limerence for years where I cannot date others because of my feelings for someone else.

This is my life, and I'm not a typical any-type but I'm an INFP. I really wouldn't connect limerence with INFJ in my experience. Though perhaps introverts in general are more prone to it.

I'll change the title to NFs and Limerance. The person in that video IS an ENFP so... lol
But I can see how xNFPs can be prone to limerance.

Though I wouldn't see myself as very popular. I'd have to put in much effort which doesn't come natural. If I could, I would just play videos games all day, read books, watch movies. - But after a while, want to play boardgames with others for a change.

 

[Julian Grey]

How long ago did you suffer from limerence? Can limerence linger in the back of your mind while you are in an RL relationship?

Are you trying to get over someone?

 

[Sunds]

Are you trying to get over someone?

It's along story. This has taken residence in my mind for 7 years and whenever there is flaws in my RL relationship that has been going for 5 years, it rears up. I've worked with a lot of people that have had limerence disrupt thier lives and working with them helped me be able to get what was happening to me. This being said. It is still very disruptive. It makes me question my loyalty because I am a loyal person. But at the same time I know that I need to be real and understand and respect myself and the love that I have but it can be a total balancing act when things are rough and times that your partner isn't respectful or you wonder if you are on the same page... You know what I mean?

 

[Julian Grey]

It's along story. This has taken residence in my mind for 7 years and whenever there is flaws in my RL relationship that has been going for 5 years, it rears up. I've worked with a lot of people that have had limerence disrupt thier lives and working with them helped me be able to get what was happening to me. This being said. It is still very disruptive. It makes me question my loyalty because I am a loyal person. But at the same time I know that I need to be real and understand and respect myself and the love that I have but it can be a total balancing act when things are rough and times that your partner isn't respectful or you wonder if you are on the same page... You know what I mean?

It sounds like you're grappling with a complex mix of emotions, including limerence which can disrupt healthy relationships. Limarance can cloud judgement and it makes you question whether it's clouding your sense of loyalty? Or whether you're still loyal after the rose-coloured glasses are off, and you want to be genuine.

It's great that you've recognized what's happening and understand it better through others. Self-awareness helps manage such feelings along with self-compassion which sounds like what you're doing.

Relationships can have tough times. I've been married 10 years, 3 kids. There have been rough times, times she's not as respectful, times where we're not on the same page, but we're committed to working on it through open communication and just forgiveness, letting go of the small things even when they seem big. Sometimes the problem's earnestly me and I need to change, sometimes it's her. But just having fun, and being silly actually helps too.

"Do you F*cking Mind" is a great (Australian) podcast on Spotify on relationships and self-development if you want to look into it further. It has helped me a lot. One of my faves.