Lately I've been thinking about the relationships I have with a lot of ISFJ's in my life and looking back on many of my posts about them, it seems to me that my perception of them has been a bit skewed due to a few factors that I will discuss right now.
I believe any relationship where one of us is in charge of each other will be unhealthy inherently, because the criticisms that we will give each other will attack each others weak points, and many of them will be constructive in our minds, but most all of them will end up coming off as personal attacks because without knowing it we attack each other as people. The only confirmed ISFJ I've known for most of my life was my mother, and according to socionics our relationship is conflicting. The strange thing about the ENTP/ISFJ relationship is that we won't argue very much at all. My mother and I actually tend to get along quite well most of the time, and we actually do appreciate each other. I've found the problem comes when we actually do come into conflict. Even though it's rare and comes few and far in between, when we do eventually end up arguing it ends up being terrible.
We both attempt to change each other as people so that the other can accept our points. The relationship ends up looking extremely unhealthy based on this one conflict, when in actuality that isn't the nature of the relationship most of the time. Arguing with my mom is one of the only things I can do that will make me get emotional.
One of my current best friends is an ISFJ and I think we've come to understand that there is a lot we can learn from one another. When one isn't in charge of one another and we can respect one another as equals I believe a relationship between these types can be very satisfying and will end up bettering both parties involved.
When I look at the ISFJ, I see that they get taken advantage a lot for the simple fact that they tend not to voice their displeasure in situations. I notice that in a lot of situations he is actually in the right, but because he isn't necessarily good at providing a case for himself people tend to regard him as stupid. He always consults me when he is in a conflict with another for advice about how to relay his points to others, and he says my input has greatly helped him get others to understand his points, he says from watching me argue he's learned how to better assert himself when he is right. Since we started chillin he's also gotten much more likely to assert himself with others and refuse requests that inconvenience him. He's also learned to use the ENTP's trademark calm tone of voice when in debates/arguments rather than screaming. From me he's also gotten the ability to detach himself a bit from the love of tradition I see in many SJ's and is less likely to be manipulated by those who exploit that love of tradition. In turn, he's got me to respect some traditions that aren't hurting anybody and when I do question the values of another I've learned to do it in a much more tactful way than I used to.
From him I've learned quite a few things as well. When bouncing ideas off of him I really get the sense that most people do not think the way that I do. I think that I'm good at relaying my ideas to others in a way that doesn't offend, but from him I've learned that most people don't enjoy discussing things that there is no practical application for. Being practical isn't the ENTP's strong point, so from him I've learned to consider practical applications for my ideas before bringing them up to most people. His work ethic is also something I admire and am attempting to learn because I've learned that smarts without a work ethic is quite useless. I've also learned to pick my battles from him, so I've learned to bite my tongue in situations where it wouldn't benefit me to continue arguing. Because of this skill I've learned from him, I've found that I get along with certain members of my family a lot better.
Anyway, as an ENTP I get bored with people quite easily once I've come to understand them but we are so drastically different from one another that we are always doing/saying something that will amuse the other. It is quite an amusing friendship, and we have become quite the dynamic duo. The suppressed Ne of dominant Si users means that they don't consciously use this process but I've found he often will make large intuitive leaps without being able to explain why, but sometimes he says some very insightful things. As an ENTP, I'm all about self improvement, so I believe that spending time around one who uses the same functions I use (except in reverse order) can be an ample time to improve myself. Anyway, when one of us is in charge of the other I think this relationship can be extremely bad (terrible, even). But I think when we are on the same level and can address each other as buddies we actually end up bettering ourselves from hanging around one another and discussing our problems and potential solutions to them.
Have any ISFJ's found this to be true for them in their friendships with ENTP's? I'm curious for some ISFJ feedback on this one. I think every type could benefit from hanging out with their opposites and studying their behavior. So much so that I believe it's actually necessary for the best kind of personal growth one can achieve.
I believe any relationship where one of us is in charge of each other will be unhealthy inherently, because the criticisms that we will give each other will attack each others weak points, and many of them will be constructive in our minds, but most all of them will end up coming off as personal attacks because without knowing it we attack each other as people. The only confirmed ISFJ I've known for most of my life was my mother, and according to socionics our relationship is conflicting. The strange thing about the ENTP/ISFJ relationship is that we won't argue very much at all. My mother and I actually tend to get along quite well most of the time, and we actually do appreciate each other. I've found the problem comes when we actually do come into conflict. Even though it's rare and comes few and far in between, when we do eventually end up arguing it ends up being terrible.
We both attempt to change each other as people so that the other can accept our points. The relationship ends up looking extremely unhealthy based on this one conflict, when in actuality that isn't the nature of the relationship most of the time. Arguing with my mom is one of the only things I can do that will make me get emotional.
One of my current best friends is an ISFJ and I think we've come to understand that there is a lot we can learn from one another. When one isn't in charge of one another and we can respect one another as equals I believe a relationship between these types can be very satisfying and will end up bettering both parties involved.
When I look at the ISFJ, I see that they get taken advantage a lot for the simple fact that they tend not to voice their displeasure in situations. I notice that in a lot of situations he is actually in the right, but because he isn't necessarily good at providing a case for himself people tend to regard him as stupid. He always consults me when he is in a conflict with another for advice about how to relay his points to others, and he says my input has greatly helped him get others to understand his points, he says from watching me argue he's learned how to better assert himself when he is right. Since we started chillin he's also gotten much more likely to assert himself with others and refuse requests that inconvenience him. He's also learned to use the ENTP's trademark calm tone of voice when in debates/arguments rather than screaming. From me he's also gotten the ability to detach himself a bit from the love of tradition I see in many SJ's and is less likely to be manipulated by those who exploit that love of tradition. In turn, he's got me to respect some traditions that aren't hurting anybody and when I do question the values of another I've learned to do it in a much more tactful way than I used to.
From him I've learned quite a few things as well. When bouncing ideas off of him I really get the sense that most people do not think the way that I do. I think that I'm good at relaying my ideas to others in a way that doesn't offend, but from him I've learned that most people don't enjoy discussing things that there is no practical application for. Being practical isn't the ENTP's strong point, so from him I've learned to consider practical applications for my ideas before bringing them up to most people. His work ethic is also something I admire and am attempting to learn because I've learned that smarts without a work ethic is quite useless. I've also learned to pick my battles from him, so I've learned to bite my tongue in situations where it wouldn't benefit me to continue arguing. Because of this skill I've learned from him, I've found that I get along with certain members of my family a lot better.
Anyway, as an ENTP I get bored with people quite easily once I've come to understand them but we are so drastically different from one another that we are always doing/saying something that will amuse the other. It is quite an amusing friendship, and we have become quite the dynamic duo. The suppressed Ne of dominant Si users means that they don't consciously use this process but I've found he often will make large intuitive leaps without being able to explain why, but sometimes he says some very insightful things. As an ENTP, I'm all about self improvement, so I believe that spending time around one who uses the same functions I use (except in reverse order) can be an ample time to improve myself. Anyway, when one of us is in charge of the other I think this relationship can be extremely bad (terrible, even). But I think when we are on the same level and can address each other as buddies we actually end up bettering ourselves from hanging around one another and discussing our problems and potential solutions to them.
Have any ISFJ's found this to be true for them in their friendships with ENTP's? I'm curious for some ISFJ feedback on this one. I think every type could benefit from hanging out with their opposites and studying their behavior. So much so that I believe it's actually necessary for the best kind of personal growth one can achieve.
But, we've never tried to be dominant over the other. We've always been a team. Ever since I can remember. I can really relate to what you said about an "amusing relationship". Its so true! We entertain each other very throughly. The reverse functions thing is awesome.:crazy: I know that I've talked about my relationship with my sister in ton of posts, just because I have to stick up for the ISFJ/ENTP relationship... sorry.
