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Withholding information... Do you view it as equivalent to lying?

[INFJ]
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#22 ·
Aenye said:
YES and in psychology it has been acknowledged as passive lying.
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Thank you someone that knows what there talking about...
It is lying and the only way around it is to tell you partner that you would rather not talk about it with them at this piont.. or thats no apart of my life I like to talk about.. and if you are in a relationship and they cant understand that, you nolonger belong in that relationship.
 
#23 ·
Aquarian said:
So, what would you do if you were in a relationship in which someone told you that they needed more details on certain things because oherwise they felt left in the dark or otherwise not-okay?

(I'm thinking maybe in that case you could do that communication in writing, but not sure - just interested in what you're saying here because to me you're offering a real life illustration of a situation where withholding details is just a difference in communication and preference, and not anything malevolent ... and so would need to be worked out somehow with the other person).
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I would tell them as much as they need. So, if they want more details, I would give them more detail unless there is a reason (like offending that person.) This also depends on how deep the material is. If you really feel that you can't tell this person, I would just explain how uncomfortable it is to tell people and how vulnerable it makes you feel.

I believing anything you do is a decision. I think even though you didn't have a "choice", you still decided. The part of the "threat" is like an encouragement or a manipulation of your feelings but it's always your choice in the end whether you do something or not.
I'm not saying that what choice you make is unethical. However, I do believe it is just a choice of preference.
 
#24 ·
It could mean that a person is being cautious or deceptive. Or also could mean that you are difficult to bring up certain topics with? Not sure. Sometimes people make a lot of assumptions and leave out information if they feel judged or if they feel it may upset a sensitive person. This happens to me sometimes because people assume what I'm like by whatever they think I'm like by judging my outside? If that makes sense.

Although passionate about doing the right things, I think most INFJ's are open to hearing what is on people's minds even if it is not nice for them to hear. Many people don't know this. It depends my two best friends are very sensitive and emotional I can't bring up many topics with them under any circumstance. I'm very open to hearing stuff, I may not like it but I allow people to tell me anything. If you want to share what is going on I think this question needs some context. But I can understand it could be personal.
 
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#25 ·
PandaBear said:
I believing anything you do is a decision. I think even though you didn't have a "choice", you still decided. The part of the "threat" is like an encouragement or a manipulation of your feelings but it's always your choice in the end whether you do something or not.
I'm not saying that what choice you make is unethical. However, I do believe it is just a choice of preference.
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How is this piece related to the discussion/topic? (not a challenge, just that I'm not getting the connection yet)
 
#29 ·
Withholding information that is not important is fine.
But I will tell you what's not fine, my best friend started dating my older brother and I was one of the last to know about it. They didn't tell me because they thought it would hurt my feelings. They are married now, but it took me a long time to get over it. I felt like my two best friends had stabbed me in the back! So in serious situations or where the information is important, yes they are liars !
 
#30 ·
To each their own, everyone has a right to privacy, legally (hear that NSA?) and morally. The only time I would want to know is if it impacted me directly and significantly enough.

Lol okay, I usually want to know, but Id only actually push the person to tell if it impacted me directly and significantly enough.
 
#32 ·
If it's something I would have rather known about, yes.
If it's something I wouldn't care about, then I wouldn't care either way.
 
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#35 ·
elleinsane said:
But, if you find out someone has left out important details regarding issues that are important to you, do you view this as blatant dishonesty?
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Yes and no. If they left out important details not because they were dishonest but because they were too stupid to realize they were important, they were too stupid to realize they were important.

Everyone derps. Some derp more than others and cost others more than needed.
 
#37 ·
elleinsane said:
I think something that we all value is honesty, authenticity...

This can apply to anything, family matters, friendships, romantic relationships...

But, if you find out someone has left out important details regarding issues that are important to you, do you view this as blatant dishonesty?

Is it hard for you to trust and believe this person afterwards?

If someone leaves out crucial pieces of information and gives you reasons like "I didn't know how you'd react", or "I thought maybe it would give you the wrong impression"... or even "I didn't feel it was very important"...


How do you handle this?
How can you trust them again.. especially knowing that the only way you found out these facts was because you had a hunch and asked? And does it make you feel like they are simply dishonest with you?
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No it doesn't make me feel as though I can't trust that person. Ultimately if they feel left out information for fear of hurting or offending you they may looking out for your best interest, even when you deep down know that you may not possibly have reacted negatively to the situation.

I've had both positive & negative things withheld from me from people in my life... in the end i've found out what it was... in the positive experience it was more a misunderstanding... the negative aspect I already had intuitively gathered... and then dealt with by withdrawing myself from the situation and then found out a month later... which actually was a better way to find out, because had I not... i'd probably have been more hurt by the situation, whereas i'd had time to think/digest it all without knowing the full issue but sensing it and then when i found out it was almost like i'd already know if that makes sense.
 
#38 ·
StElmosDream said:
Not so much of a concern in physical life (unless I feel very close to someone).
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For me that’s the main point: how close the person is (friend, lover, colleague?) and how much I decide to “expect” from them. I've learned that some people just don’t know how much and what kind of information I really need until I inform them...

As for the “dishonest” and the “manipulators”, I go with:

OldManRivers said:
Forgive - but remember. . .
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:ninja:
 
#39 ·
Knight93 said:
Withholding information that is not important is fine.
But I will tell you what's not fine, my best friend started dating my older brother and I was one of the last to know about it. They didn't tell me because they thought it would hurt my feelings. They are married now, but it took me a long time to get over it. I felt like my two best friends had stabbed me in the back! So in serious situations or where the information is important, yes they are liars !
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The same thing happened to my wife.
 
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#40 ·
Originally Posted by Knight93
Withholding information that is not important is fine.
But I will tell you what's not fine, my best friend started dating my older brother and I was one of the last to know about it. They didn't tell me because they thought it would hurt my feelings. They are married now, but it took me a long time to get over it. I felt like my two best friends had stabbed me in the back! So in serious situations or where the information is important, yes they are liars !
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LonelyRiver said:
The same thing happened to my wife.
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Sorry, but your comment is just too funny :laughing:
 
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Christie42476
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