[Namaste]

I know a few ISFJs who often shut down my opinions and it gets very irritating.

For example:

me: I think that __________
ISFJ: No, that's not it, it's that __________


I feel like every time I say something it gets shot down. It is so often that I don't even want to open my mouth. She shuts down everything that I say in a way that everything that she says is right and that her opinion and perspective is the most credible (when it's not. and although I hardly ever agree with her, I never shut down her opinions because they are OPINIONS and if I ever shot them down it would be socially unacceptable by her standards).


Why would an ISFJ do this?


EDIT: TITLE IS SUPPOSED TO BE SHOOTING DOWN OTHERS' OPINIONS AHHH*******

 

[HandiAce]

It's hard for me to imagine myself doing that to other people. That may be due to me being the youngest in my family and thus feeling more inferior.

Sometimes I would hit a roadblock with other friends or people when we had different opinions on what should be. I wouldn't argue, but I'd get upset.

Now that I think more about this as I respond to this thread, I tend to be more opinionated then I talk to other people. I would have philosophical debates with my INTJ roommate and I would not answer his questions directly.

 

[Trigun64]

I know a few ISFJs who often shut down my opinions and it gets very irritating.

For example:

me: I think that __________
ISFJ: No, that's not it, it's that __________


I feel like every time I say something it gets shot down. It is so often that I don't even want to open my mouth. She shuts down everything that I say in a way that everything that she says is right and that her opinion and perspective is the most credible (when it's not. and although I hardly ever agree with her, I never shut down her opinions because they are OPINIONS and if I ever shot them down it would be socially unacceptable by her standards).


Why would an ISFJ do this?


EDIT: TITLE IS SUPPOSED TO BE SHOOTING DOWN OTHERS' OPINIONS AHHH*******

ISFJ's are not the only type to shut people's opinions down. This is not a ISFJ thing, its a people thing. Yes there are some people out there, of every type, who shoot down peoples opinions, but it is not something based on type.

ISFJ's can be perceived as shooting down peoples opinions, but usually, they are trying to help. Finding out what they are trying to communicate often helps, though ISFJ's do have trouble explaining why sometimes.

 

[hpr]

Well I know I am way too scared to upset the other person, so I often keep my opinions to myself. I sometimes think of myself as a peace-maker, bc I very very much hate fighting so I try to please the other person and just silently disagree. With family and close friends I can argue and really stand up to my views, but with anyone less familiar I just don't want to bother fighting. Though even with close ones I want to make them happy and not upset, so I sometimes I just nod to their comments. Like

other person: I think that __________
me: hmm yea sure...
me *inside my head*:No, that's not it, it's that __________

 

[Seeker99]

We don't do that. You're wrong.

 

[ENTrePenuer]

We don't intend to do that. You're wrong.

Fixed.

You're getting a look at how you're perceived by an istj.

 

[HandiAce]

I tend to play the role of a mediator when it comes to debates and conflicts as well.

 

[teddy564339]

Fixed.

You're getting a look at how you're perceived by an istj.

Wow, an ENTP missing an ISFJ making a joke. Never thought I'd see the day.

 

[OrangeAppled]

What kind of opinions do you find them "shutting down"? If these are value judgments (ie. dealing in subjective realms), then the ISFJ, being Fe-aux, may see themselves as having a better understanding of the matter.

Fe determines subjective value based on objective criteria, such as, results in promoting harmony or by consensus with others; so ISFJs may feel their view is better substantiated in the real world. You have tertiary Fi - when you make a value judgment, you access an internal part of yourself that views subjective matters in a very conceptual way - right and wrong are very individual and as long as the core concept is not violated, then you can be cool with differing opinions/values. Since this is your tertiary, it is not your preferred way of decision-making, which may mean you don't wield it that well or your feelings are a bit fuzzy at times and lacking clarity. This will make them seem even LESS valid to a Fe person, who already have a hard time grasping Fi.

As a Fi-dom, I sympathize with you. As the daughter of an ISFJ, I suggest noting some of their opinions as a good gauge on how "most people" feel, so as to navigate those people with less friction. ISFJs are good at that, so why not learn from it. ISFJs usually don't like to step on toes, so a continual reminder that feeling differently from them does not invalidate your feeling may train them to realize they are stepping on your toes when they shut you down.

Of course, some people are just difficult, and every type can be difficult in its own way.

We don't do that. You're wrong.

:laughing:

 

[Thrifty Walrus]

My step dad does that periodically, and it is usually on value based stuff. I typed him as an ESFJ but close enough.

 

[letsride]

We don't do that. You're wrong.

:laughing: Love it!

My mom test as an ISFJ, and she will occasionally do this. It may not necessarily be related to type, like someone else mentioned, though.

My mom seems to do it when there is another issue at stake, and it's an easy way to dodge a long arguement where she has to work at winning over approval of her idea.

For example, just the other weekend I was helping my dad build a trellis out of redwood for my mom. The wood we were using was very old, but still in good condition and very strong. My dad and I mentioned how the wood was so old and weathered that it was no longer a red color. My mom's reply was that redwood is never red, and that we were confused. . . end of story. My dad and I were puzzled, because we had seen, with our own eyes, that redwood is red when freshly cut.

It turns out that my mom was worried that I would want to sand and stain the wood, to restore the color, before building the trellis, which would delay the completion of the project. And she knows that a couple of SP's are excellent at drawing out the completion of any project.:wink:

So in her case, shutting us down was a quicker way to produce results.

 

[teddy564339]

:laughing: Love it!

My mom test as an ISFJ, and she will occasionally do this. It may not necessarily be related to type, like someone else mentioned, though.

My mom seems to do it when there is another issue at stake, and it's an easy way to dodge a long arguement where she has to work at winning over approval of her idea.

For example, just the other weekend I was helping my dad build a trellis out of redwood for my mom. The wood we were using was very old, but still in good condition and very strong. My dad and I mentioned how the wood was so old and weathered that it was no longer a red color. My mom's reply was that redwood is never red, and that we were confused. . . end of story. My dad and I were puzzled, because we had seen, with our own eyes, that redwood is red when freshly cut.

It turns out that my mom was worried that I would want to sand and stain the wood, to restore the color, before building the trellis, which would delay the completion of the project. And she knows that a couple of SP's are excellent at drawing out the completion of any project.:wink:

So in her case, shutting us down was a quicker way to produce results.

Yeah, that sounds like a very ISFJish thing to do. My guess is most of the time when an ISFJ does something like this, they're not trying to be rude or to lower someone's spirits or ideas, it mainly because there's something that would make the ISFJ uncomfortable.

 

[dagnytaggart]

I don't have much experience with ISFJs, but unfortunately ESFJs are ISFJs on steroids.

My immediate maternal ancestor is an ESFJ and she ALWAYS did this to me. Especially with my invention ideas. I remember I came up with the idea about re-usable "lids" for cans (to close soda/beer cans, etc) when I was probably 14-16 or so, and she completely shot down the idea that it'd be any success, so I never pursued it. And then a few months ago, I saw an infomercial for the fucking thing on TV. :angry:

And then a male ESFJ I talked to told me: "Why don't you stop thinking of stupid science shit and your sci-fi future inventions and focus on learning how to prepare to be a wife and mother." However, he also spends the majority of his time sewing, emailing mail-order Russian brides, drinking, and watching Matilda and Forgetting Sarah Marshall...over and over and over again.

However, I have an INTJ in my family who's FAR more confident in my ideas, and even he was pissed that my mother shot down my soda can idea. So now I bounce my ideas off of him. (I'm very careful about who I do this with, lest the ideas get STOLEN, aghh) He's honest and critical about what my ideas would entail, but he's actually confident in several of them and actively encourages me to pursue them. Same with an old ENTP friend of mine. We're actually going to collaborate on something next month. :wink:

I don't know, maybe it's just the ultra-practical, down-to-earth Si and the "should should should" Fe. :-/

Wow, an ENTP missing an ISFJ making a joke. Never thought I'd see the day.

haha :laughing: Except I seriously doubt he's actually ENTP. From what I've noticed, jokes fly far over his head.

Or maybe he -is- autistic. :mellow:

How insensitive of me.

 

[Hiccups24-7]

This is one of those threads that just............. *wanders off*..

 

[jamescarrolls]

Just be openminded to this..... Is it possible that in the beginning the both of you started off on the wrong foot. Stepping on eachothers toes. And because of this, there is a certain level of animosity towards one another that you cannot clearly be open to mutual respect? Is it possible? Because in honest truth, sometimes because of misunderstanding or just because, we sometimes do not like one another from what we percieve. Until both parties can be open minded and make the effort to try..... Nothing will be accomplished from this. Just a thought. Besides, how would I know, I'm just a confused INFJ. Pay no mind.

 

[PhillyFox]

I'm in the "it's a people thing" camp. ISTJ's do it, ISFJ's do it, every type does it. Hell I do it. INTJ's tend to go a step further and try to make you feel like a complete moron. If it were to be akin to a certain type, I'd say anyone with a J. Because we're judgmental.

 

[Mina]

I'm in the "it's a people thing" camp. ISTJ's do it, ISFJ's do it, every type does it. Hell I do it. INTJ's tend to go a step further and try to make you feel like a complete moron. If it were to be akin to a certain type, I'd say anyone with a J. Because we're judgmental.

I really hope this was another joke. lol

 

[Simba23]

I know a few ISFJs who often shut down my opinions and it gets very irritating.

For example:

me: I think that __________
ISFJ: No, that's not it, it's that __________


I feel like every time I say something it gets shot down. It is so often that I don't even want to open my mouth. She shuts down everything that I say in a way that everything that she says is right and that her opinion and perspective is the most credible (when it's not. and although I hardly ever agree with her, I never shut down her opinions because they are OPINIONS and if I ever shot them down it would be socially unacceptable by her standards).


Why would an ISFJ do this?


EDIT: TITLE IS SUPPOSED TO BE SHOOTING DOWN OTHERS' OPINIONS AHHH*******

Well, that i not just ISFJs its generally SJs thing
NPs say, are more able to look at things from diferent pespectives, argue both sides, just talk about it, it is interesting (to them) they are able to see that it is an OPINION.
we rarely see extremes, but extreme SJs generally find it hard to see that there may be more than one right answer, see what its like?
(PS: I am neither SJ nor NP btw

 

[teddy564339]

Well, that i not just ISFJs its generally SJs thing
NPs say, are more able to look at things from diferent pespectives, argue both sides, just talk about it, it is interesting (to them) they are able to see that it is an OPINION.
we rarely see extremes, but extreme SJs generally find it hard to see that there may be more than one right answer, see what its like?
(PS: I am neither SJ nor NP btw

Considering the OP is also an SJ, I don't know if this will shed much light. On the other hand, it does present an opportunity for self-reflection...sometimes we see things in others that we don't see in ourselves. An ISTJ might see an ISFJ shutting down their opinions, but an NP might view the same ISTJ as doing it to them.

It also shows how the whole thing can be relative as well.

 

[Hiccups24-7]

The thing with this thread is... if one says anything that could be viewed as countering the thread title then you become a working example. It's like the ultimate baited trap. ..genius really!!! *nibbles on bait* Maybe it's how we got the title "The Nurturers"