These types seem to meet each other, collaborate and pair up romantically interestingly often. Does anyone have any experiences and stories to share about this interaction and type match? I'm posting the same questions in enneagram type 4 forum so you can see their replies.
Sylas
Most people are 6s. They make up probably 75% of the entire world so I think its accurate to say most types will end up dating or marrying a 6. There are very successful enneagram 4 and 6 couples, from celebrities to couples I know. However, personally I find that 6s make great companions and friends rather than lovers. That said, I believe that theres so many of them, I will most likely end up with one. Some of the reasons both are great together:
FOURS:
- Are very self expressive so they allow 6s to be themselves and helps them express their inner lives better, something 6s are not good at
- Often times 6s just see themselves as no one special,4s are able make them feel special, needed, seen, different by being affectionate, playful, romantic, being highly intimate and emotional
- Gives 6s sexual freedom and ability to feel safe intimately and not just socially
- Healthy 4s are calm and allows 6s to feel less anxious, they can see 4s as emotional but not ridden with anxiety
- Both are compassionate towards friends and family, thus have strong need to show each other compassion even if both work differently. 4s allows 6s to have compassion not only for others but themselves
- Both can feel vulnerable at times, both can be supportive towards each other and offer balance
- 4s are also nonconformist sexually, style-wise, and humorously and allows 6s to feel safe expression-wise. 4s sees themselves as unique and 6s who want to attract a attractive person may see a 4 as a catch
SIX
- Makes 4 appreciate hardwork, community, perseverence
- Helps 4 stop being so self absorbed by being playful and by actively living their lives/pursuing goals/seeking outter security (something 4 needs to learn)
- May come to idealized and romanticized 4s ideals/feelings and thus helps make a 4 dreams come of true of having someone see them for who they are
- Gives to 4s security and loyalty profusely to gain the same back (challenges a 4s inner dialogue to drop people/move on/seek someone new)
- Often do not trigger intense feelings thus may be ideal partners for more emotional intense 4s, 6s are likeable companions and often do not bring on love/hate feelings (generally low key companions)
FOURS:
- Are very self expressive so they allow 6s to be themselves and helps them express their inner lives better, something 6s are not good at
- Often times 6s just see themselves as no one special,4s are able make them feel special, needed, seen, different by being affectionate, playful, romantic, being highly intimate and emotional
- Gives 6s sexual freedom and ability to feel safe intimately and not just socially
- Healthy 4s are calm and allows 6s to feel less anxious, they can see 4s as emotional but not ridden with anxiety
- Both are compassionate towards friends and family, thus have strong need to show each other compassion even if both work differently. 4s allows 6s to have compassion not only for others but themselves
- Both can feel vulnerable at times, both can be supportive towards each other and offer balance
- 4s are also nonconformist sexually, style-wise, and humorously and allows 6s to feel safe expression-wise. 4s sees themselves as unique and 6s who want to attract a attractive person may see a 4 as a catch
SIX
- Makes 4 appreciate hardwork, community, perseverence
- Helps 4 stop being so self absorbed by being playful and by actively living their lives/pursuing goals/seeking outter security (something 4 needs to learn)
- May come to idealized and romanticized 4s ideals/feelings and thus helps make a 4 dreams come of true of having someone see them for who they are
- Gives to 4s security and loyalty profusely to gain the same back (challenges a 4s inner dialogue to drop people/move on/seek someone new)
- Often do not trigger intense feelings thus may be ideal partners for more emotional intense 4s, 6s are likeable companions and often do not bring on love/hate feelings (generally low key companions)
Lolwat. Citation, please. From a real source, not some random blog.
It's nowhere near close to 75%. It can't be, the idea defies logic. It sounds made up to make people who type at not-6 feel better about themselves, more unique. "Psh at least I'm not like those normie 6s."
I will, at the very least, posit that the 3/6/9 group is more numerous than 1/2/4/5/7/8. But not at all to the extent you might think - 15% each (so 45% total), at best, and even that I feel is being generous.
I definitely can't fathom 75% of the world being 6s. It's certainly not in the US and certainly not in the locality where I live. Like Paradigm, I can agree that there are more 3/6/9s, but not by large orders of magnitude. Personality type statistics are highly questionable, anyway... there are so many validity problems and ultimately I don't believe it's really possible to get an accurate empirical read. Regardless, 75% doesn't make sense either in external observation or internal logic.
Anyway - I really like 4s as friends, though I don't think we would tend to make good relationship partners.
I love 4 aesthetic awareness, candor, individuality, willingness to buck the status quo, expressiveness, longing for ideals, future orientation, creativity, and the serious dedication that they bring to their labors/art/work. I met back up with an old 4 friend (I suspect 4w5?) recently, and we have really hit it off. We both treasure knowledge and reflectiveness, and have had challenging experiences in the social realm. I think we have both found a comfortable person with whom to share our painful social experiences, because we are not judgmental of the other for being different - if anything, it is so interesting to find someone who has willingly (but not without some reluctance/despair) departed from the norm. We both understand each others' frustrations about imperfection and external pressure in our jobs - supervisors who are pushy and irrational, being asked to deviate completely from the original intent of our projects, being forced to move at a pace too fast for us to produce quality work, and so on. I think we have both found another person who is into encouraging our need to make art that really speaks out from our souls, and that is a rare, beautiful thing. We also seem to have zero problems with both of us going weeks with only texting each other and not meeting up in person because we are just going home and avoiding spending a lot of energy. Haha!
That said, I have a hard time with 4's disdain for the ordinary - while I love the drive for the extraordinary, I also I feel strongly that everyone and everything should be valued in its own right and elitism makes me feel very conflicted - so while I often agree on some level, and can laugh and appreciate it, it is hard for me to stay for very long on that same page. Relatedly, it is hard for me not to hear 4s as being disdainful of others when they are making comparisons, which I then have to continually reconcile with the understanding that 4s themselves often feel inferior to others. This can be an emotionally exhausting dance. Ironically, being an artistic, reflective, sensitive INFP, sometimes I feel like 4s don't leave me room to celebrate and enjoy myself... as if, if there is any overlap or similarity between us, we cannot celebrate together - rather, those aspects are already "taken", and I have to find some way to differentiate myself clearly from them first in each area before they will acknowledge me. Finally - I desire a lot of positivity and stability out of a partner, since it helps me orient, enjoy, and move forward in life. I think it would be an unfair demand on a 4, most of whom don't seem to naturally produce these elements, for me to constantly be seeking it from them.
So - even though I treasure 4 authenticity and depth, and delight in their aesthetics, I think we make better friends who can enjoy one another and then take a break, rather than romantic partners, who need to be constantly collaborating and supporting one another through life's ups and downs. But, of course, everyone is different! Just off the top of my head I could easily see successful pairings of 4w5+6w5, or 4w3+6w7... they certainly share some similarities in outlook. For some 4 and 6 may be the perfect partnership.
Anyway - I really like 4s as friends, though I don't think we would tend to make good relationship partners.
I love 4 aesthetic awareness, candor, individuality, willingness to buck the status quo, expressiveness, longing for ideals, future orientation, creativity, and the serious dedication that they bring to their labors/art/work. I met back up with an old 4 friend (I suspect 4w5?) recently, and we have really hit it off. We both treasure knowledge and reflectiveness, and have had challenging experiences in the social realm. I think we have both found a comfortable person with whom to share our painful social experiences, because we are not judgmental of the other for being different - if anything, it is so interesting to find someone who has willingly (but not without some reluctance/despair) departed from the norm. We both understand each others' frustrations about imperfection and external pressure in our jobs - supervisors who are pushy and irrational, being asked to deviate completely from the original intent of our projects, being forced to move at a pace too fast for us to produce quality work, and so on. I think we have both found another person who is into encouraging our need to make art that really speaks out from our souls, and that is a rare, beautiful thing. We also seem to have zero problems with both of us going weeks with only texting each other and not meeting up in person because we are just going home and avoiding spending a lot of energy. Haha!
That said, I have a hard time with 4's disdain for the ordinary - while I love the drive for the extraordinary, I also I feel strongly that everyone and everything should be valued in its own right and elitism makes me feel very conflicted - so while I often agree on some level, and can laugh and appreciate it, it is hard for me to stay for very long on that same page. Relatedly, it is hard for me not to hear 4s as being disdainful of others when they are making comparisons, which I then have to continually reconcile with the understanding that 4s themselves often feel inferior to others. This can be an emotionally exhausting dance. Ironically, being an artistic, reflective, sensitive INFP, sometimes I feel like 4s don't leave me room to celebrate and enjoy myself... as if, if there is any overlap or similarity between us, we cannot celebrate together - rather, those aspects are already "taken", and I have to find some way to differentiate myself clearly from them first in each area before they will acknowledge me. Finally - I desire a lot of positivity and stability out of a partner, since it helps me orient, enjoy, and move forward in life. I think it would be an unfair demand on a 4, most of whom don't seem to naturally produce these elements, for me to constantly be seeking it from them.
So - even though I treasure 4 authenticity and depth, and delight in their aesthetics, I think we make better friends who can enjoy one another and then take a break, rather than romantic partners, who need to be constantly collaborating and supporting one another through life's ups and downs. But, of course, everyone is different! Just off the top of my head I could easily see successful pairings of 4w5+6w5, or 4w3+6w7... they certainly share some similarities in outlook. For some 4 and 6 may be the perfect partnership.
This pretty much sums up all toxic interactions I've ever had with 4's:
"4 vs 6: Fours are comfortable with their elitism as they just know they have insight and creativity others lack. Sixes don't like it when people place themselves above others due to it being unfair."
I also think elitism is just plain stupid. An illusion. It's impossible to be authentic if you're try too hard to project a certain image anyway. Elitism is one thing that gets under my skin a lot more than other things. I think the toxicity from any image type in general really tends to bother me more than unhealthy behaviors from other types. Might have to do with growing up with two parents who were narcissistic image types in different ways (one a type 2 and the other, a type 3).
I have a very hard time relating to a lot of 4's. There's a lot of type 4 INFJ's which is why I sometimes have a hard time relating to fellow INFJ's. I don't even have 4 as my heart fix (I'm 2).
And I don't relate to this line of thinking at all:
"Their stylistic "personal statement" of who they truly are is the image that fours create and project to others. It can be dramatically expressive, finely Parisian, bohemian, absurdly original, profoundly eclectic, or something else that reflects the four's aesthetic sense of how to fully express themselves and their opposition to normalcy. This eccentric, dramatic, or "weird" persona fours may take on can be a method of countershame which serves to cover up the deep sense of shame fours hold for themselves and transform it into an attack on the external world. To compensate for their shame and feelings of defectiveness, fours exhibit a subtle snobbery and elitism and see others as ordinary and trite. They feel their outsider status, sophistication, aesthetic sensitivity, creativity, and personal insight place them above the "commoners." This is how fours feel authentic."
4 - Enneagram
That being said, there are obviously positive qualities that they have that I really admire/respect. I have a type 4 friend and she never makes me feel beneath her in any way. Probably because she's not suffering in the unhealthy levels of her type. This pretty much sums up all positive interactions I've had with 4's:
- 4' are very self expressive so they allow 6s to be themselves and helps them express their inner lives better, something 6s are not good at
They teach me to embrace all of myself. It was a 4 who once told me that there's no crime in being human. I can be really hard on myself and stress and sometimes I don't realize what I'm actually anxious or beating myself up over is over simply being human. Hearing it put in words like that really hit me like a ton of bricks for some reason.
As for romantic relationships - I've never had a romantic relationship with a type 4. I'm married to a fellow 6w5.
"4 vs 6: Fours are comfortable with their elitism as they just know they have insight and creativity others lack. Sixes don't like it when people place themselves above others due to it being unfair."
I also think elitism is just plain stupid. An illusion. It's impossible to be authentic if you're try too hard to project a certain image anyway. Elitism is one thing that gets under my skin a lot more than other things. I think the toxicity from any image type in general really tends to bother me more than unhealthy behaviors from other types. Might have to do with growing up with two parents who were narcissistic image types in different ways (one a type 2 and the other, a type 3).
I have a very hard time relating to a lot of 4's. There's a lot of type 4 INFJ's which is why I sometimes have a hard time relating to fellow INFJ's. I don't even have 4 as my heart fix (I'm 2).
And I don't relate to this line of thinking at all:
"Their stylistic "personal statement" of who they truly are is the image that fours create and project to others. It can be dramatically expressive, finely Parisian, bohemian, absurdly original, profoundly eclectic, or something else that reflects the four's aesthetic sense of how to fully express themselves and their opposition to normalcy. This eccentric, dramatic, or "weird" persona fours may take on can be a method of countershame which serves to cover up the deep sense of shame fours hold for themselves and transform it into an attack on the external world. To compensate for their shame and feelings of defectiveness, fours exhibit a subtle snobbery and elitism and see others as ordinary and trite. They feel their outsider status, sophistication, aesthetic sensitivity, creativity, and personal insight place them above the "commoners." This is how fours feel authentic."
4 - Enneagram
That being said, there are obviously positive qualities that they have that I really admire/respect. I have a type 4 friend and she never makes me feel beneath her in any way. Probably because she's not suffering in the unhealthy levels of her type. This pretty much sums up all positive interactions I've had with 4's:
- 4' are very self expressive so they allow 6s to be themselves and helps them express their inner lives better, something 6s are not good at
They teach me to embrace all of myself. It was a 4 who once told me that there's no crime in being human. I can be really hard on myself and stress and sometimes I don't realize what I'm actually anxious or beating myself up over is over simply being human. Hearing it put in words like that really hit me like a ton of bricks for some reason.
As for romantic relationships - I've never had a romantic relationship with a type 4. I'm married to a fellow 6w5.
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