autism definitely messes w/ the instincts a bit (particularly if you have social), but instincts can be confusing in general ngl. as an autistic person, i don’t really notice that i’m any more confused about my instincts than anyone else.

i think all of the examples you gave in your example paragraph are examples of the social instinct. so/sp probably? if you notice, all of those have some level of “people” in it with a side of self-preservation. if feels like you’re worried about how your need for self-preservation is affecting your relationship with people.

 

i think all of the examples you gave in your example paragraph are examples of the social instinct. so/sp probably? if you notice, all of those have some level of “people” in it with a side of self-preservation. if feels like you’re worried about how your need for self-preservation is affecting your relationship with people.

That's a pretty accurate observation. I've been working on it and I think I tend to feel a need for comfort and self-preservation first, but that triggers a fear that taking care of those needs will make me look weird or that people won't understand what my needs are, so there's a lot of self-pres bleeding into social.

I also think some educators don't think carefully about what actually goes into each instinct. For example, is there any kind of desire for people as part of the self-pres instinct? Or is any desire for companionship an example of the social or sexual instinct showing up? I've heard different answers from different experts.

I also think different life experiences can really shape how distinct the lines are. For example, if you're a straight baby boomer, most of your friends are the same sex, and that's the social group, and it's clearly different from the dates you went on with the opposite sex. If you're a queer millennial, you're likely to hang out with a mix of genders, including non-binary people, and it can be a little ambiguous whether you are looking to date or hook up with any of them, or just platonically socializing.

 

Hi everyone,

So, I'm an autistic Four and I've always found instinctual subtypes (self-pres, social, sexual, also sometimes called preserving, navigating and transmitting) to be the most confusing part of the whole system. For a long time I thought it was just because there were so many different interpretations of how the subtypes acted, and that most people were able to type themselves because they just went with one system and didn't think about the others.

Recently I was part of a conference and I had an opportunity to learn a lot more, and I realized that the presenters (and the majority of their clients) can actually tap into how their body is feeling and typically notice just one instinct coming through dominantly. If they are preserving/self-pres, they feel things like light and temperature and how hungry they are, and things like "am I being noticed" or "am I popular" fade into the background relative to those needs. If they are social/navigating, they pick up on the power dynamics and how they are fitting in. If they are sexual/transmitting, they hone in on particular people who they want to make an impression on.

I cannot relate to that at all.

When I tap into my body, all of those things are fighting for attention, with zero filter to help me pick them. I am sensitive to the environment, I am struggling to pick up on the social roles, I am noticing interesting people and wondering how to connect with them, and then I am wondering if trying to stim to make myself comfortable will make other people think I'm weird, or if paying attention to just one person will make me look selfish, or if being polite about finishing my food will make me feel sick later. I feel gears grinding in my brain as I try to pick out which of these needs is the most important and it makes social situations exhausting, even if nothing goes especially wrong.

So now I'm wondering if this is common for autistic people. Do we tend to not have such a clear delineation between our instinctual preferences, and does that contribute to how easily we get overwhelmed?

Would it help to look at them as survival instincts? We all seek different strategies to survive. Some of us believe there's strength in numbers (social). Others believe we should develop intense one-to-one relationships (sexual) and still others believe building a safe, clean, secure nest, is the best way to survive (self-preservation). Obviously, none of us put all our eggs in one basket, so we generally pick two, and the third one becomes our "blind spot."

I'm So/Sx, so I value forming cooperative/tribal ties where I can combine my skills and abilities with others to meet the challenges of survival. My "backup" plan is to develop intense one-to-one relationships. The strategy I tend to struggle with is keeping my "nest" safe, clean, warm, stocked, etc. Basically, I have to put more effort into my "blind spot" than I do the other two because it does not come as easy to me.

Social - Cooperative/work together
Sexual - One-to-one relationships
Self-Preservation - Building a safe nest

 

Would it help to look at them as survival instincts? We all seek different strategies to survive. Some of us believe there's strength in numbers (social). Others believe we should develop intense one-to-one relationships (sexual) and still others believe building a safe, clean, secure nest, is the best way to survive (self-preservation). Obviously, none of us put all our eggs in one basket, so we generally pick two, and the third one becomes our "blind spot."

I think that assumption of "blind spot" is one of those things that helps clarify things for some people, but not in my situation. It's hard to point to one strategy that I don't think is important. I feel intensely aware of how all three can go wrong and make your life sort of miserable if you can't handle them, because I'm bad at handling all of them. Part of my theory is that neurotypical people have an easier time getting to a level of "good enough." They have an intuitive sense of the unwritten social code, they have a comparatively easy time with task planning and time management, and they process sensory information in a pretty normal way so they don't have to deal with hating the texture of certain clothes that are highly fashionable or worrying if there will be food they can tolerate. That means they can afford to have a blind spot. Regardless of whether or not you prefer the self-pres, social or sexual survival strategies, there are costs for neglecting all of them, and if you're just naturally bad all three you have to consciously work to cross that threshold of "good enough."

I'm starting to think the right way to look at it is almost the opposite - my area of preference is going to be the one I am most comfortable with, because it is easiest to motivate myself to pay attention to those needs. If that's the right approach, I think my subtype is self-pres. I feel like the social and sexual survival strategies are the ones that I'm hoping to hurry up and get over working on so I can just go home and feel comfortable in my nest. I'm still mulling it over, though.