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Do any other ENFP's get told you're "too much"?

4K views 8 replies 7 participants last post by  enfpeeved  
#1 ·
I'm an ENFP 17 year old male, and about once a month, me and a couple of cousins go to my sister and her husband's house to hang out. I stayed the night last time, and the next day my brother in law (very nicely) had a talk with me about talking too much. He said it wasn't anything wrong with me talking, but that I should pause a bit between conversations and not talk so much. I tried very hard to not take it personal but God.....that cut deep. Now I'm kinda paranoid that everybody thinks this about me all the time. I was already kinda going to their house already feeling a bit underappreciated in other areas of my life and now this. Is there any advice someone could give me? Or have any of you experienced this?
 
#2 ·
It really depends on whether YOU feel okay with the amount of talking that you do or not.
From my experience, I sometimes talk way too much while being with some people I like, and even though no one ever pointed it out, I don't like doing that, as it makes the conversation more one-sided. I figured I am sometimes too self-absorbed and that I want to learn to listen actively and actually hear people out. But there's nothing wrong with talking a lot in itself - some people will love it, some will hate it, nothing to really do about it.

Besides, why don't you want to be perceived that way? What's so upsetting about people deeming you a talkative person, if you actually are one?
 
#5 ·
I'm a bit confused, if there isn't anything wrong with you talking, why'd he bring it up? I mean are you cutting people off, or making them uncomfortable? Have other people complained? Because the thing might be you just talk too much for him. And if that's the case I don't see how that's your problem... it seems like something he has to get over.

Does anyone ever say I'm too much? Sure, but they know better than to say it to my face. Talking is what I'm best at, I love the amount of energy I have, and I find strength in being emotional. I love every bit of myself, and I think it's kind of rude to suggest that I dilute myself to make others more comfortable. Not to say that's what your brother in law was asking you to do.
 
#8 ·
I honestly was a bit baffled myself. Everybody seemed to be having fun. I do talk a lot but I give others their turn too. My sister didn't understand why he thought I was talking too much. But being too talkative is something I tend to worry about sometimes. And him saying that to me M front of my sister felt a little disrespectful. But I'm not letting it get me down! Still had a blast
 
#6 ·
Yes, I've been told that I am too much. Usually because of my high energy that I sometimes have, more than the fact I'm talking too much.

do you think they felt like they couldn't talk because you were doing all the talking?

were you talking about negative things?

if the answer is yes, maybe that's something you can work on.

Some people are talkative. Some people aren't. There's no right or wrong and it's hard to please everybody.

Is is there someone that knows you really well that can give you an objective opinion?
 
#9 ·
I normally don't say this, but it's really not you... it's him. We've all dealt with people that talk too much for our liking, and that's just it; we deal with them. We put up with their behavior because we have the self-control, politeness, and patience to tolerate their "quirks." Your brother-in-law clearly does not possess those qualities.

If anyone in this scenario has a problem, it's him. A grown man should be able to quietly tolerate the presence of a chatty teenager - especially when said teenager is family. You probably *are* more on the talkative side, but your brother-in-law seems like the sort of person who has a very low threshold for these kinds of things; I would say that you're probably fine in the eyes of other people. If you're really self-conscious about it, ask a parent or another adult in your family, and they'll be honest.

I worry about being too talkative, or too energetic, or just, well, "too much." When I was a kid people definitely told me to turn it down a notch, but I think I'm okay now. The key is to focus on what other people are saying, and ask them lots of questions to engage them and make them feel like the conversation is about them; that way, it doesn't even matter how much you talk.