My experience with ENFJs in general, with both men and women, is that we are quite androgynous. Obv it also differs from individual to individual and from culture to culture.

Anyways who cares if shes more feminine or masculine. If you like her that's all that matters, no?

 

If it helps, I apparently cross-dress regularly.

 

I think it really depends, quite honestly I think that it really goes day by day. The tricky thing about ENFJ's is the ability to chance according to circumstances and there surroundings. So I guess it really relies on those around them as to the attitude and personality they take on.

 

There are two ENFJ friends that I've had during college and I have multiple ESFJ friends as well. I think/feel like the ENFJs have a greater tendency to be "tomboyish" at times. ESFJs just follow what is traditional and be more "girly-girl" and love menial "girly" things more so like shopping, painting nails, etc.
The ENFJ females I know have many guy friends and visa versa.

As an INFJ, I can tend to be a bit tomboyish and have many guy friends as well... so I feel they're quite similar to me.

Now, this is a very general statement because, for instance, I'm currently living with an ESFJ that is very tomboyish, though still very SJ. However, you hardly EVER see her being girly.

So maybe you could say that ENFJs do better adjusting from "girly girl" to "tomboyish" with ease? ENFJs just seem to have no boundaries in terms of dealing with different cultures and ways of living. They are open and adjust more readily, so perhaps this is why.

 

I'm no ENFJ girl but I have two friends that are ENFJ girls who I hang out with quite regularly.

The first one is quite tomboyish, but at the same time she isn't a complete tomboy she just seems to gravitate more towards things that guys like without caring much. The other isn't tomboyish and could be seen as a very typical girl but like the other one she doesn't hang out with many girls because "Girls are such bitches, guys don't care about the stupid shit that some drama queens like to complain about."

I guess you could say that a general trend within ENFJ's is that of marching to our own beats without really caring what others think.

~ENFJ

 

I'd almost think that ENFJs out of everyone would absolutely care what others think of them... at least to some extent. It's hard to pin down an NF to social norms

Now, for myself, I've seen it out of NFs in general. Perhaps it's more prevalent in ENFJs than other NF types, but most I've come across (including myself) can be very androgynous with gender roles/stereotypes either at certain times or all of the time. Perhaps by doing so would, as you said, it would strongly imply that ENFJs march very much to the beat of their own drum

 

Hmmm...the reason for this might be to do with ENFJ, but in more of a sort of abstract way.

Since ENFJs are good with identifying with others, sometimes to a frightening extent, I think that it's somewhat natural that an ENFJ of either gender would have put at least some thought into what it would be like to be the gender they aren't, and, possibly as a result of a long process of considering the perspective and feelings from that angle, would begin to also pick up some of the "typical" traits of the other gender. (Or, maybe it's just having more awareness of the options, and that tending to make it more likely that they would act less stereotypically like their gender) The second thing, which is somewhat related to that, is that ENFJs tend to slip unconsciously into the skin of those around them, so an ENFJ spending a lot of time around people of the other gender might begin to take on some of those traits without even realizing it.

As a male ENFJ, I've been told that I'm "girly" at times, but, in my mind, at least, it's more of a matter of being less "typical male" ish. (IE It's not like I go cross-dressing, etc.)

 

As a male ENFJ, I've been told that I'm "girly" at times, but, in my mind, at least, it's more of a matter of being less "typical male" ish.

That's the exact thought that went through my head a week ago. I'm also considered more feminine in how I act.. I would almost describe it as light-hearted. Being expressive. And well I get called adorable and cute all the time and I totally know when I'm being adorable annnd I could easily stop it and be more "manly", but that wouldn't be really who I am. I am just really way to adorable at heart, annd honestly I have to hold back my adorableness in public all the time lol. I just don't have the desire to be a jerk to people or overly stubborn. I also am feminine probably because I really respect attributes like kindness and compassion over other more "manly" traits. That's why I personally get along with girls more than guys; girls seem care more about what I care about. Honestly It's hard for me not to love any girl I meet because girls are so caring and I respect that so much. I'm still very much a guy in most of the stereotypical ways. I would rather see something blow up then watch a sappy movie, but still, my body language is pretty relaxed and more feminine. In someways, I try not to be threatening to others so I'll not be so "masculine" so they feel more comfortable. I don't know if girls will also be more masculine so a guy will be more comfortable around her if she feels he won't be able to handle her girly side as well.

but really, any feminine traits run off the second I get mad

 

Typically, I'm more of a tomboy, but I can be somewhat girly as well. I would go with the more androgynous description like people were talking about above... I tend to have more guy friends because girls can be mean just for the sake of being mean while most guys I have noticed are just having fun... I always feel judged by girls, so that is probably why I have always grown up hanging out more with the guys and being more "boyish" i guess

 

It's funny that you say this, because, being a male ENFJ, I actually tend to prefer to have female friends, because I find that guys do too much competitive chest-thumping (for lack of a better term) for my liking. Perhaps there's some pattern with ENFJs preferring opposite-gender friends because there tends to be less of a competitive feel with them. (IE, girls tend to be more catty with other girls, guys tend to be more competitive with other guys)

 

Well, with me, it depends on how I'm feeling.
Like, on my really confident days, I'm way more girly, but on other days, I'm soooo much more tomboyish!
I know, it's wierd.... but you'll get used to it. <3

 

when I was growing up, I was a complete tomboy and hated anything girly. As a teen, I realised this was stupid and now I'm somewhere in between. Definitely not girly, though, just doing what I like.

 

Yep, I think thats a fairly accurate description!! Has any ENFJ replied that they are one of the other? You should know better than to try an pin down an ENFJ on something like this
I'm woman and I love my femininity, but I am strong, opinionated, and am not afraid to get my hands dirty when required..I suppose they are considered more "masculine" traits by society??? So that makes me a bit of both!

 

I don't really see myself as too girly, maybe somewhere in between the two. My mom wants me to wear heels and skirts all the time like she did when she was in college when all I want is comfortable clothes. I don't use too much makeup or jewelry, though I can appreciate these, as well as girly clothes. And as a teen I would see many girls speak in a "cute babyish" voice whenever they were flirting with guys or being hyper, which I never wanted to copy. As a kid, I loved to play outside and be involved in different sports. Also, in terms of romance, the more I think about it, I think I would want to "pursue" a guy first, rather than "be pursued" first which many women seem to enjoy. Or at least I would like to have the feelings for him first anyway, if I could choose... which might not be such a girly approach?

I do however think it would be great to be a mom who takes care of her family well...cooking for them, keeping the house comfortable and clean...which I associate as a feminine trait. Also I have thoughts of being a woman who is very supportive, affectionate, and caring towards her SO...when such an encounter happens. Kind of like a "I will be by your side no matter what" kind of attitude is what I want to take when that time comes. And I want the man to "protect" me...from what?...I don't know. haha. But I think his desire to "protect" would melt my heart. Some other girly traits...I get scared easily. I cry with sad movies. I can't handle R-rated films. I have a fear of worms, snails, and slugs. I love disney movies and stuffed animals...okay...saying too much now. haha.

 

Awww... I enjoyed reading this. It sounds like poetry :happy:

 

As a child with 2 older brothers I was quite tomboyish.
As an adult I am alot more girly, though I'm still quite resilient, more so than alot of females I know I'm thinking. My faith helps me there.

And yes I like to wear lots of skirts and dresses (my favourite is denim miniskirts). I wear makeup pretty much every day and have a thing for shopping, especially for makeup or shoes. My mother brought me up to make an effort with my appearance and even sent me to a workshop run by Elizabeth Arden one day, to teach me about skincare and makeup application. I loved it. In fact I should have been a makeup artist because I am really good at making people up.

 

I like girly things, but I never indulge.

I don't usually wear skirts or dresses, but I love wearing them when I do. I just don't find it very important to dress up for school. I go there every day. If people were to like me, I don't need to wear something pretty just for them to gravitate around me. I look presentable and simple but still get so many people to like me. It's cheaper AND easier since all I have to do is get a shirt and a pair of jeans and I'm good to go.

I like wearing make-up, but the process of putting it on and removing it is just too much for me on a daily basis. Though, when it's a party or something, I don't mind having to girly myself up.

I sound so lazy now. XDD I think my posts are being affected by post-final exams and not sleeping for more than 3 hours for the passed week. My body is taking the toll. XDD

Oh, also, I'm bisexual so I think this contributes to my fashion sense being more of practical and comfortable than girly or tomboy. LOL.

 

I definitely identify with the term androgynous, though a lot of the time I think I'm a bit more feminine than masculine. I love dressing up, love wearing skirts and dresses. I don't bother with make up on a daily basis. It's too much of a hassle and it's also too time consuming. However, I do like wearing make up and usually will when I'm dressing up. Through most of my life, I was the tomboy with guy friends, but I was never one of the guys. As I got older, the more apparent it became that I'm more feminine. I feel like it affected my friendships with guys because they didn't really treat me like a friend ever. It has been difficult for me to connect with men who aren't particularly in tune with their feminine side. I crave deep emotional connections with people and a lot of guys don't want that, especially with a girl who is a friend.

I don't really identify much with the masculine side of things, though I know I have some masculine type traits. I tend to be more aggressive than what is considered typical, I don't care about some of the personal appearance things that are considered typical, I have interests that are considered more masculine, and I think I'm a little more violent than what is considered typical.

 

they can be tough and sturdy....also simple and oh so girly!

 

I forgot to mention that all of my other ENFJ friends sometimes dress in really girly clothes, really boyish clothes or clothes that just say "I don't feel like dressing up today so I just wore a pair of jeans and a t-shirt" and whatever they wear affects their mood.

When they're girly, they're confident and happy. When they wear boyish clothes, they're not as bubbly. When they don't give a care, they're lazy today.

Though, in general, two of them are usually in girly yet simple and comfortable clothes while the other one is usually just in a pair of jeans all the time. The latter tries to be girly... but she just doesn't feel natural in it.

And my mom who is ENFJ would just wear simple clothing when she's not in her lawyer uniform. She doesn't really like revealing clothing since it makes her uncomfortable. I on the other hand wear just whatever I feel like wearing. LOL. My mom actually told me; "This is the reason why you don't have a boyfriend! You confuse them with your clothing!"

XD I love my mom. She's so funny.

 

pssh my sister is totally girly and I'm totally a tomboy people don't even know we're sisters we're so different xD (sister is ENFJ btw)

 

I'm just both. I really like computers, used to like games, and other technical gadgets.
But also I really like fashion and makeup.
I also have a lot of guy friends, just like someone pointed out here they are less drama most of the time than girls

 

I always end up having better friendship with guys- less drama- their like brothers to me