I must agree. I will occasionally have a pressing need to talk to people, just to have some kind of social interaction. I can't impress myself with my zaniness, I need to show it off to other people. I need some kind of feedback.

I've had periods of crushing loneliness, they usually last about 30 minutes to an hour, I just get terribly depressed and despondent for a little while. I like to call it the backlash from being happy cheerful and outgoing every hour of every day, I just need a little time to be sad every once in a while.

 

I've had periods of crushing loneliness, they usually last about 30 minutes to an hour, I just get terribly depressed and despondent for a little while. I like to call it the backlash from being happy cheerful and outgoing every hour of every day, I just need a little time to be sad every once in a while.

I get like this too. It's so bitter sweet too, because at the time I'm usually wanting to isolate myself in my bedroom and listen to sad bastard music - yet at the same time, my skin is crawling because I am so bored. I know that if I'm with people, it's an instant cure. In those moments I actually sometimes feel like I am going insane.

 

I have those same feelings, except they've been a bit more persistent lately. I feel better now because I spent a really long time with some really good friends doing a variety of things, but I'm sure this week--with looking forward to meeting a few people I haven't seen in a few weeks to a few months--will be kind of painful because of the massive anticipation and excitement that is coming.

However, if the people I'm looking forward to seeing again don't come... I'd be crushed... :sad:

 

I feel bad for you guys without a healthy social group. I can probably last 1-2 weeks max without friends before I'd start getting neurotic.

 

I always had a big circle of friends and i always thought they consider me as a friend like i'm considering them and silly me i always see the best in other people and i'm really hurt when i realize they don't apriciate my love for them
so recently i start noticing that there is just a few people i can really rely on but i was so dissapointed when i realize that the one friend i thought she is my best friend she really isn't

so i don't know is it just me or you feel the same? .. for example, everywhere i go i always ask others if they wanna come, doesn't matter if it's a night out, going for a drink or some sports game cause i don't want any of my friend to feel neglected but there was situations for example when my best friend didn't invite me on a soccer game (and she knows i like it) but she invite the other girl.. i know it's a little bit childish but it really hurt my feelings.. and when i said i was hurt by that i was accused for being jealous person and that's so wrong.. they even didn't recognize why i was hurt.. and that was just one situation among many others

so now i'm in some period of life when i feel very lonely cause i start to realize that we don't have same interests anymore and that i'm loosing my social contacts and i need my friends to be happy but i'm also to proud and cause i don't wanna feel neglected, i would rather be alone.. and this bother me cause i can't be like that for a long time

does anybody feel the same? and when you realise that your friends are fake but they love you cause you are fun how to deal with that?

 

Well, I believe it best to be honest bout your happiness and pain with people. Often folks are shallow because they think I'm one dimensional, and only optimistic. Like I don't go through these unfun emotions. Like I don't have a life beyond them.

As my brother told me, "real recognize real". Tell your friends how you really feel, and your life really is - its sobering
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I feel like I go through so many different phases and rebirths in life that I never stay around the same group long enough to make good friends anymore. I have a few good friends but no real group -- just people I especially bonded with, stayed in touch with, but they're scattered around the country and don't have anything to do with each other. Even in high school, I would pick and choose people I especially liked and bring them together into a group, but it didn't always go peacefully because they didn't always have enough in common to get along themselves. I can build up a network of acquaintances pretty quickly for the sake of having people to party and hang out with to avoid boredom, but it always feels like something is missing. The last time I remember having a network where I genuinely liked everyone and felt like they all "got" me, I had to leave the country I was in due to financial circumstances.

 

I relate so well to this. You have no idea. I had a big network of acquaintances and people as well and a few close friends, but I had to leave the country due to family and financial issues. I was away for two years and missed my friends dearly. We used to talk a lot every time I was online, but as months went by they neglected to maintain that communication with me while I still wanted to because I didn't have friends where I was. So, two years and now I'm back here. I'm the shiny new toy for a couple weeks, but that eventually fades and I realize my friends and I aren't quite the same people anymore and the feeling of being 'left out' returns again.

I have expressed my feelings of being 'left out' and lonely to these supposed close friends before, but I was only accused of being 'whiny' and pathetic just for opening up about it. Then, I stopped altogether and these feelings had become pent up that I had the occasional outburst. Luckily enough, I have the internet and a close online friend who I confide in and listen to.

My "friends" and I all live in the same town, but I haven't heard from them for a couple weeks. It's usually myself who has to initiate contact. Just recently one of those friends texted me saying she'd like to hang out because she was extremely bored. I didn't give in because of the prospect of social interaction. I asserted "No" and gave some stupid excuse. I'd rather be alone for now than give in to the whims of the people who ignore me most of the time. I suppose we just drifted apart during the years I was gone. There will always be later opportunities to make new friends, I guess, but that will have to wait since I'm stuck at the house because of my school program.

Well, I've been here four months now and it no longer hurts that they ignore me. In the beginning, it was just a wretched feeling and I wanted so desperately to solve whatever problem was between us. Now, I realize that the problem was the distance that set us apart in my time away and our own individual growth as people. I think I matured a lot because of the situation I was in, whereas they're going at the pace they're supposed to. So, I've decided I won't waste my time on these people no matter how much I yearn to be with people. I still have the people who I live with (I live with my friend's family) and I enjoy their company everyday.

Good thing I'm an ENFP though! I have at least the advantage of being able to shake off the feeling after moping about it for a little while and going about my day afterward. I'm sure things will get better. After all, am I not happy? I am. I am because for two years I wanted to be home so badly, and now I am - that's all that matters. Friends will come in good time. I already have a good one online and that should do. There's no reason to be miserable when all the essential necessities are provided to me daily. If I experience the occasional lash of emotion, then I'll accept it, live it out, and then move on from there. The thing about being ENFP is that we really can't stay sad that long, although it may be continual; there's always something random to cheer us up for a second or distract us. The feeling may return, but so will all our other feelings! I'll find the solution to my loneliness in good time as I already said.

That was a long ass post! :crazy:

 

I'm not that extraverted + I grew up an only child (but surrounded with tons of cousins!) but I get lonely when I feel like I don't have good friends, feel appreciated, or I think too much about my relationship with my father. I don't mind if I have only one friend in the world, so long as that person is reliable understanding and appreciating of who I am at my core. I haven't felt I had that in a while. But eh, it's whatever. Somethings happen as a part of the growth process.

 

I'm going through this exact same thing right now. I love college and the people there, but I feel as if there's only one or two people that I have sparse contact with that truly understand and appreciate me here. When I go home, though, people understand and appreciate me, and that's why I go home a lot.

 

You are so channeling me right now. Everything you said is how i'm feeling right now. Get out of my MIND. I thought i was the only enfp who's dealing with loneliness. I guess I'm not alone.

 

I have been lonely all my life

I have been lonely all my life. Although I am outgoing and make acquaintances easily, the acquaintences never seen turn into friendships, even though I extend invitations to go for coffee, or go shopping or whatever. And although people do find me inspiring, as per the "title" of ENFPs as "The Inspirers", people do not seem to realize that I have needs, too. They seem to just want to take from me (inspiration, comfort, etc) without wanting to give back. So although I love people, and love being around people, somehow real friendships just never "gel" for me, and I end up spending all of my time alone, except when my husband is home from work (I am a housewife). I am thinking about going back to college, and that ought to help with the loneliness somewhat, but even there, because I am in my mid-fifties, I might not find real friends my own age to relate to.

p.s. I can relate to the person who said that they got told they were "whining" when they opened up about feeling left out. I have never been able to fit myself into those female cliques that are so much a feature of small-town life. It may be that because I have a very "cosmic" viewpoint, that I unintentionaly alienate the other women.

 

Thank you for this thread!

I know exactly what you guys mean.

I think this loneliness applies because of our contradictory personality. We're a combination of extraverts who need lots of social contact, and also in a way introverts who need time alone to process things. We want to be sociable and liked, but we also want people to acknowledge, but not pry into, our inner depth. That's what's difficult, because people tend to either only see the extraverted 'social' side of us, thereby making us feel lonely, like people only see the 'social mask', or else we meet people who want to pry into our secretly kept depth and really "understand" by asking questions and taking away our "alone time'. And that makes us feel invaded, exposed, and also mis-understood, so we put up another wall and another "social mask", which makes the person love us and feel like they know us, when they don't . And we then lose respect for them and wish they would go away. And so we're a paradox..

And so, for me, the people I really love and respect know about my private part of myself and know the real 'me' it contains, but they don't look any deeper than that. And I can tell they understand from the look in their eyes, and that's enough. They won't say anymore, and I won't want them to. And we'll just talk about some stupid bubbly social topic. That's the kind of people we need as true friends. For me it's most often intelligent INFJs who 'get me' straight away, but really any type, as long as they're perceptive and take the time to know me whilst granting me my space. Because then they genuinly know who I am, but they won't ever say they know, and so I can continue to love and respect them, enjoy their company, talk about nonsense, but also feel like the know the real me, and all the while I'm maintaining my identity and privacy intact and un-invaded.:happy:

 

I completely understand the comments in this thread. I feel so strange because I've never really known anyone like me and now all of a sudden, everyone on this ENFP forum understands the feelings I have experienced. (I have probably only encountered one ENFP in my social circle and we bonded because we understood each other and our motivations so well, but she moved across the country... other than that, nobody else.) Really, get out of my mind!

I have met many INFPs in my life and although we are similar in some respects, they really don't feel the same way about people that I do. I found it so difficult to deal with friends in high school because I appreciated them so much more than they appreciated me and I didn't understand why there was that imbalance. It was so crushing for me to know that they couldn't see any more to my personality other than what I would superficially show to them. They didn't understand that I wasn't cheerful all the time, it was just my default mode when I was around people, like a mask. They would make me forget my sorrows temporarily when I was around them and I could never bring myself to tell them because I never wanted to be a whiny, unacceptable, emotional burden.

It only takes someone willing to want to know me, and I mean truly get to know me, to pierce through my shell. All they have to do is ask... and keep asking because sometimes it takes a little more of a push for me to reveal that I hurt a lot more than I seem to. When I find someone who wants to know me, it makes me feel so good because somehow I've appealed to them enough for them to want to ask the deeper questions, and I am thankful. INFPs are able to at least reach this far. INTPs seem to be curious about me too.

 

This thread is Sad:sad:

 

lol, Missy right now Im also in the same boat with you, I only have one online friend :laughing:

 

Haha, well it's good to see someone else in this world has seen things in a similar light. I'm really close with my online friend. They make things feel not quite as lonely.

 

I completely agree with this- I've always felt slightly detatched from whatever friends I make, and easily feel left out. It wasn't terrible until I started college last year- then, I felt like I lost all my friends and had to start over. In fact, I'm still working on making close friends. The lonliness is suffocating at times, but I've definitely gotten used to being alone a lot, even if I don't want to be.

 

Hi everyone! This is my first post (on any blog, forum, anywhere).

Someone posted that this thread was sad. And it completely is, and is not. I’m so grateful you ENFP’s are experiencing these feelings too!

I think Sunrain expressed it best; solely because of our personality people will be attracted to us. But not really the true “us”, just the “us” we want them to like. People think they know us, want to be around us, maybe even fall in love with us… but is it real?

I seem to spend so much time around people, and although, yes, it revitalizes me, gives me energy, makes me feel happy and loved and wanted, I don’t know how genuine the feeling is. Do people like ENFP’s because we can perceive what they want and reflect it back or are we really nice people to be around?

I’m 23, and am meeting new people in a new area in my new grad program. But the loneliness has never been more palpable. I hate that I find it interesting because it’s different. And that it hurts. And that sucks.

(I totally agree with feeling “whiny” when I talk about myself). Why / how / what now?

 

I was talking about the loneliness last night with a new online friend (admittedly an INTJ), and after talking about it for a minute, he finally was like "get over it. you'll be fine." So I definitely understand people who are criticized for being "whiny"....

I've had a constant social circle for the last 7 years of my life. I gave that up to move to Atlanta to be with my S.O. back in December, and haven't had one since. I am going nuts. I am turning into the world's worst ENFP girlfriend... S.O. will come home, and I'll just bombard him with chatter, trying to get my need for socialization met.

I dunno. I try to go out with friends, but it's like all of a sudden I'm even shy trying to make new friends. I am simply not myself right now. It's the weirdest thing ever.

 

*sigh* It's really a tough world out there. I feel for you guys and gals out there.

I would say this though. If you're still with your family, stay very close to them, because they're usually the ones who really really care if anybody. It might help with the loneliness.

Sharing your personal life with a friend is not easy, unless you bump into someone you could really trust to that extent. A lot of times, that's not the case.

 

Welcome to the board Truuka. Thank you for all the posts everyone. :happy:

 

A lot of my being clingy stems from losing so many people in my life, especially at a young age. I tend to feel lonely a lot, even when I'm with a group of people. I feel as if I'm detached from them somehow. When I'm with people too much, all I want to do is get away, but I feel alone and lost when I do get that escape. It feels like I can allow people to see a few sides of me that they can relate to and like, but the real me is harder for them to understand, partially because I barely comprehend myself. When that side of me they see starts to exhaust itself, I feel like I need to fall back and regroup; I have to get away. Then, when I get away from the situation, I crave more interaction the whole time I'm alone. My room mates both work second shift and I am about to go into a job where I work first shift. I'm already home alone a lot, but now I'm going to start coming home to an empty apartment. I'm mentally bracing myself for this, but I know it will do little good.

I'm highly artistic, but my art and inspiration tends to run dry after an hour or so of working feverishly on a project or new creation. Occupying my time with a movie doesn't help because I have the attention span of a goldfish on crack, as my INTJ room mate puts it. Sometimes I just sit and daydream, but I thirst for the company of others, no matter what I'm doing.

 

Well, Ivan, we are only five% of the population apparently, which makes us all really happy cuz we like to feel especially unique.

I totally feel you MissyMaroon. And I'm a guy. While I maintain a veneer of optimism, deep inside I think all ENFPs feel lonely and isolated, but that it stays in check as long as we have at least that one person, be it a girlfriend or boyfriend or best friend, such as in my case. Where the difficulty comes in is when either you can't find a single such person (hard to imagine for us gregarious ENFP types but still possible I believe) or even more poignant, you have such a person and then suddenly they're gone. This has been my life for the past few months and I tell you it sucks. Plus the rest of my friends that I feel validate who I am instead of challenging it (which is good usually in its place) have kinda been slowly evaporating, with my siblings leaving for college and my girlfriend and I parting ways... It's tough to be in that place where you can be in a group of your friends, and yet feel so utterly alone. But it's ok. You know what I find helps? It's stupid, but it totally helps! Ok, so if I'm feeling like really lonely, I pretend to have conversations with people I look up to and wish would take the time to let me confide in them. Ex girlfriend, meaningful adult role model, random stranger on the street, I don't care which. But getting my feelings out in words totally helps... and it kinda makes you feel closer to that person lol. Long term this might lead to schizophrenia, but we haven't got there yet, have we voices? The voices say we havent.

 

No one else really knows me. I have yet to experience it with friends. However, in romantic relationships, I feel much more freedom to release my true self. This is why I love them.

 

Really? With me it's almost the exact opposite. I love my best girlfriend and can tell her almost anything, but if I get into a romantic relationship, I have so much trouble REALLY opening up. I barely got to it with my last relationship.

 

I totally love this thread... it describes me so much right now. I recently started college & while I have met a lot of people, I feel super lonely. If I had more money I wouldn't feel so bad, because then I could go places with them like the movies, bowling, shows, restaurants, whatever. But I am extremely broke.. and I don't even live on campus, so I do nothing. =/ And I am not much of a party person so :mellow: whatevs...

At least I get to talk to people at school & the people at work, but it usually isn't -too- much. & I have my boyfriend. That's just enough to keep me sane xP - sigh - !

 

Man I know how some or all of you feel. I moved to a new school to finish senior year before that I was at another school where I was pretty well known. Moving from San Jose to San Francisco is been hard people are different and school is alot different. I feel like a outsider trying to fit in. I often visit San jose on the weekends to reunite with old freinds and they always miss me a slot. It breaks me inside leaving old friends behind who were so attached to me. Now I just feel like a introvert even more. It's really hard for me sometimes to fit in.

 

Reading through this thread really hits home for me. It's hard to believe, but it seems like ENFPs really do have problems with isolation and loneliness. I know I've suffered from it. Even if I'm surrounded by friends, I feel like an outsider somehow, detached. Sometimes that feeling is stronger than other times...sometimes it isn't there at all and I'm totally fine, but it's a long running theme for my life. We're good at hiding it...

I'm going through a tough time right now. Most of my friends are at different schools, and some of them have even gotten married, despite our young age. We're drifting apart and I don't see them very often. I'm not a bad friend, but I do get left out a lot. I think it's my tendency to go off and do my own thing, maybe it offends them...who knows? Maybe it's just me having this left out feeling when there's no real basis to it. I'm good at meeting people and making friends, but making real friends that I see and hang out with is another story...

I manage, though. I have stable relationships in my life, people who I'm close to, and as long as I have that, I'm happy.

 

I do get bouts of lonliness, it is crushing.....but funnily, other times i can be alone for an equal amount of time and feel completely balance....it's to do my my moods I think. Alot of me loves people interaction but a bit of me also craves it and I think I do that to distract me from me...I think ill leave it there, can't really say what I mean (...just been for a jog and im bastard knackered :tongue ....Come back later and try to finish this off or it will fustrate me

P x