Anyways, I don't know this woman well and am currently in the evaluation stage. Your thoughts?

Since you don't know her well I think it would be hard to determine if you are right for each other at this stage. Try to develop a friendship with her first in order to decide if you want to pursue something more.

I believe that it is possible for any two types to make a relationship work if they share core values and life goals.

Get to know her better so that you can find out if she also values these things.

I view traditional family values as vital and am a romantic at heart.

I need to know I am a huge priority in my SOs life and that our relationship means everything to her

I want a family and to love them as best as I am able

If her values and needs are drastically different than yours, achieving a successful relationship will be more challenging.

 

I believe that it is possible for any two types to make a relationship work if they share core values and life goals.

Get to know her better so that you can find out if she also values these things.





If her values and needs are drastically different than yours, achieving a successful relationship will be more challenging.

I definitely agree with you that any pairing can work if they share similar values and life goals (though naturally some pairings will be more tumultuous than others), however I would say that she and I are very similar in life goals and values. I know we share core value systems and a desire for family. We operate in the same social circles, but have only recently begun to spend time talking to one another.

I'm curious how passive aggressive ISTJ's tend to be? Or even how well do you know yourselves? Do y'all typically answer questions to emotional issues or just general conversations with solid answers? Or tend more towards not knowing or caring?

Just curious. Ultimately she and I have the same value system, but I'm curious how well we might mesh based purely on the MBTI. Naturally I won't let that stop me from pursuing this if I see it going somewhere, but information is useful in making a decision on whether to pursue it.

 

My last girlfriend was an ISFP and would not deal with conflict period, hence my concern when I hear ISTJs prefer to avoid conflict.

Passive Aggressiveness definitely causes me anxiety. It's less of a "did I do something wrong" and just a lack of control over the situation. The waiting for the issue to be resolved kills me when it could be done in typically less than an hour if directly handled.

In friends/acquaintances I just view it more as humorous because it's theirown loss. But I value my SO and have little desire to see such detrimental actions. Hence why I can't handle it in a relationship. You cannot force people to change, so I just know it's a deal breaker for me.

How romantic do ISTJs tend to be? Are they appreciative of love and affection given and how do they show that?

 

My last girlfriend was an ISFP and would not deal with conflict period, hence my concern when I hear ISTJs prefer to avoid conflict.

Think more in terms of we don't seek it out and we tend to mind our own business. That doesn't mean we won't put forth the effort to resolve conflict with our loved ones because most of us will. If something is eating at my husband and I sense that it is due to something that I have done I definitely want to discuss it. Although if he approached me in an out of control manner(hollering and screaming) that would be disconcerting to me. Fortunately he doesn't do that.

In friends/acquaintances I just view it more as humorous because it's theirown loss. But I value my SO and have little desire to see such detrimental actions. Hence why I can't handle it in a relationship. You cannot force people to change, so I just know it's a deal breaker for me.

Sounds like you have a good understanding already of some of the things that can cause relationship problems. Many times people know there are red flags but choose to ignore them. This is not wise because they almost always cause problems down the road.

How romantic do ISTJs tend to be? Are they appreciative of love and affection given and how do they show that?

I don't know that we're all alike on this. I definitely appreciate love and affection from my husband as I'm sure most ISTJs do from their significant others.

I would highly recommend (when appropriate) exploring love languages together. Sometimes people try to show love in ways that don't communicate love to the other person. It really helps to know what spells love to your partner because we're all different.

Here's a link about ISTJs and their preferred love language. There is a poll on it indicating preferences.
http://personalitycafe.com/istj-for...tj-forum-duty-fulfillers/131369-what-your-primary-love-language-istjs-only.html

The ISTJs who participated rated physical touch #1 followed closely by acts of service.

 

:welcome:

I don't think you have to worry about passive-aggressiveness, it's not a usual tendency for ISTJs because we prefer to deal with things in a direct manner... but when I say direct it really depends on how assertive the individual is.

I'd say I know myself very well and if you can say that both of you have similar values and life goals I'd say she knows herself well - or at least knows what direction she wants to head in.

Do y'all typically answer questions to emotional issues or just general conversations with solid answers? Or tend more towards not knowing or caring?

I prefer to address any issues in a direct manner no matter what the topic (when I say direct I don't mean I'd walk all over their feelings, I just mean I don't want to beat around the bush). I would prefer it if the person wasn't running high on emotions though. I don't mind people being emotionally expressive but there's a point where people are just going over the top, I want to see logical points as well as feelings. Any kind of emotional blackmail is a no go in my book. A little joke here and there is fine but if a person is actually trying to manipulate me, it's a deal breaker.

I'd want to know about any emotional issues, if someone is keeping that from me I'd feel like I'm not close to them.

The only topics I don't care for are ones done in the typical ENTP/INTP style. :x I don't like to discuss things with 'grey' everywhere (no conclusion).

My last girlfriend was an ISFP and would not deal with conflict period, hence my concern when I hear ISTJs prefer to avoid conflict.

My take on it is that we don't like to meld into other people's business but I do not think we're conflict avoidant in terms of issues that need to be addressed.

Anywho... females can be a funny thing! Usually because of how they're brought up in society, they can feel like they need to be very nice to people. Going by your age I can only guess hers and I'd say there's a chance that she may feel the need to be nice to people, even if people are not behaving sensibly or respectfully so you might want to take that into account.

How romantic do ISTJs tend to be? Are they appreciative of love and affection given and how do they show that?

xD I don't see any reason why they wouldn't be romantic so other than that I don't have much to say on this. I'd say they're appreciative of love and affection but I would say please keep it private/intimate - not too much outside showiness for the sake of others seeing (I'm not talking about the usual PDA).

How they show their appreciation would be too varied to go into detail but if you take away all the lovey-dovey stuff, we're naturally very action-oriented.

And if so how would I begin pursuing said woman?

While you're getting to know her, make sure you're not making assumptions about her - ask her if you're curious or not sure about something.

The more time you spend around her the more time she has to consider you... that's a pretty important step for most ISTJs, it's also why we're known to be slowwwww when it comes to dating.

Ask her questions (seem interested, not like you're casually asking) and tell her about yourself so it'll be easier for her to open up to you / relate her experiences to yours. If you can get her to feel comfortable around you in the getting to know each other stage, that's great!

When you're serious about her let he know very clearly that you're interested in her / ask her out on a date - not to 'hang out' or your ISTJ will be wondering what's going on.

While it's good to start as friends, I'd say don't make it too friend-like (my personal opinion), don't confuse her with what's going on. I would personally want to know that a guy is interested in me but at the same time I'd like time to get to know him to see what he's about.

Treating her differently to others will give her a clue that you like her. Overall, I feel an ISTJ will appreciate a direct approach but needs time to come to terms with things - if you give her no time she's likely to flat out decline. By time I don't mean ask and give her time to decide, I mean show that you like her and let that sink in so that she can start to consider you; then make your move.


Ohh I forgot this part:

My question for you is do you think this might be a good match?

Yes.

 

Not a traditional combination, especially when ENTJs have little concern for Si. But it can work. ISTJs like when their Ne is activated, so I'm not sure how enjoyable it'd be for either of you. But give it a try. You can tell right away if something works or not based on how well you both vibe.

 

Interesting how physical touch was so high. ISTJs seem to be the least comfortable showing physical affection from what I've seen, but perhaps that is more a private thing reserved for close companions?

My primary love language is quality time, but consider touch to be a valuable part of quality time. Like not necessarily sex, but just holding hands/hugs etc

 

Interesting how physical touch was so high. ISTJs seem to be the least comfortable showing physical affection from what I've seen, but perhaps that is more a private thing reserved for close companions?

There seems to be quite a bit of variation in love language preference among us. My primary love language is physical touch, but it most definitely is reserved for immediate family and a VERY few others. Random touches/hugs from strangers or general acquaintances are quite uncomfortable for me.

 

Socionics will say that this isn't really a good relationship as there is a lot of possiblity for conflict especially because the Istj might overly criticize the Entj. In real life, anything can work and how you will approach said person is entirely up to change depending on the person.

 

Do you think this might be a good match? And if so how would I begin pursuing said woman?
-I met only 1 male ENTJ, so my experience with this type is a bit limited. Try and see would be my answer. How to pursue her depends on the current environment and dynamic you guys are in.

I would believe I am a self aware ENTJ and highly value compassion.
- Awesome

I've learned and continue to learn how to bite my tongue as opposed to being ruthlessly truthful.
- Awesome

I want a family and to love them as best as I am able.
- I tend to get the opposite impression from other ENTJs who value work over family. So this response is refreshing.

Anyways, I don't know this woman well and am currently in the evaluation stage. Your thoughts?
- It would be nice if you get to know her in a natural way. See if the concepts and ideas you have about her match up.

I hear ISTJs prefer to avoid conflict.
-Depends on the conflict. Last time I avoided conflict was with a stubborn person. It would be a waste of time to persuade that person to think differently. I don't resist all conflicts.

Passive Aggressiveness definitely causes me anxiety.
- ISTJs tend not to be PA.

How romantic do ISTJs tend to be? Are they appreciative of love and affection given and how do they show that?
- Personally not romantic in a exhibitionist kinda way. It's more practical, providing a warm feeling inside. Love and affection, to me, is NF's bread and butter. I appreciate it, but understanding emotion and feelings is not my strength.

 

Just popping in to leave this here for anyone who thinks that ENTJ/ISTJ doesn't work.

We've been married for 32 years. Ya. It works. :wink:



http://personalitycafe.com/entj-for...m/entj-forum-executives/597978-ask-entj-question-post35838162.html#post35838162

 

As an ISTJ myself, I have to admit that I have a very strong attraction to ENTJ's. I usually don't like E types, but they are a huge exception.

That will be my secret confession for the day :wink: