I think that anxiety is not always the trademark of unhealthy types. I (a 6) am somewhat "unhealthy" and I am very prone to anxiety. My brother, an 8, is somewhat "unhealthy" and he doesn't get anxious hardly at all.

I do think that 6's might be esp. likely to have "fear of abandonment" but that does get kind of specific, so I see what you mean. I think that what separates a 6 from another enneagram type with "fear of abandonment" is the 6's general fear/skepticism, and general tendency to feel like they are always trying to stay on solid ground. Other people's fears may include fear of abandonment, but their fear will still (often) be centered around their own enneagram type. A 2 might be afraid to lose the love of someone, but for the reason of love. A 3 might be afraid to loose someone, but for the reason that will mean they aren't worthwhile, perhaps. I don't really know for sure, but I am just guessing it would be this way.

 

Yeah, it's easy to stereotype people based on type. It's anecdotal, but I've seen a lot of posts that say stuff like, "You seem very fearful. Maybe you're a 6". Many people only have a cursory understanding of other types; it makes it that much easier to reduce all external behaviors into a box of stereotypes.

This is why I try to avoid typing other people; all types can feel fear or have 6-like fears of abandonment or lack of security.

 

Hello

I agree with this thread and with you
But it makes me wonder : how can you know your enneatype ? I mean, everytime I think I found my type, but every time, when my mood changes or when things happens in my life, I realize that my fears and way of coping are changing as well ... So now I am just wondering how I can find my core type ... Is it the depressed me who feels like a 4, rejected, abandoned, different, unlovable, weird ? is it the happy me who feels like a 7, always optimistic, always focus on new things, confident, excited about every thing, detached, hate negative people, cope with stress by avoiding herself ...?

It's so complicated, sometimes I just feel that this enneagram thing is just auto suggestion and what you want to see

 

I tend to have this fear when stressed.

 

Hello

Reading threads and things about the enneagram, it seems that the type the most prone to anxiety is type 6.
Usually, when I read the typing threads here, people who say they are anxious and scared to be lonely/abandoned are often typed as 6.

Thinking about it, and even though I love the enneagram theory, I'm wondering if it's not a bit reductive.

I mean, we're all humans, and I tend to think that deep inside most people have those kind of fears. I didn't realize it at first, but when I read on the enneagram website that type 6 biggest fear is "to be abandoned", I don't find that very clear anymore.

I see a lot of persons (especially women) in my relatives (work/friends/family) who present the "symptoms" of what we could call a "fear of abandonment".
Plenty of people tend to act under the influence of this fear sometimes (of course, most of them are absolutely not aware of it), but I am pretty sure they are not all 6. It's actually quite a "common" thing.

All this to say that any type can have "6's" traits at some point, but I think it's more due to unresolved problems during their childhood/teenage than to a type. Of course, your type also depends a lot on your childhood and education, but I just think that a lot people are anxious/lack affection/fear abandon at a certain level without being a 6.

For me, anxiety is in some cases more related to your level of healthiness than to your type.

What do you think ?
If you agree, then how do you make the difference between a 6 and a unhealthy ... "any other type" ?

I think it can be an interesting topic, as we sometimes tend to be so focused on the enneagram that forget to think we are humans before a type and it might lead to mistype as we put every "fear" in a box to type someone. There are a lot of things that are more "common human things" than "a type thing", and even if of course, it is more or less present depending on the person and on the type, I don't think that some "unhealthy" things can be enough to type someone.

I don't know if it's clear, it's quite hard for me to express what I am thinking right now...

I've lately read articles about that, and I realized that the fear of abandonment in private relationships is extremely common and I don't think it is absolutely type related at all ... I can totally picture a 3 become crazy and insecure in some cases, or any other type ... Because as I said before, even if some types are more likely to be insecure etc., we're all humans and it can happen to everybody.


Anyway, maybe I am just mixing everything up, that's why I would be happy to share your thoughts because it becomes complicated to understand haha

I have always had a fear of abandonment because I was literally abandoned by parents and later my extended family when I was a small child. I've known I have had this fear and need for acceptance my entire life (being self aware doesn't change it). I feel like perhaps you are either misunderstanding the fear of abandonment or you yourself are reducing it to just something almost everyone feels so those of us who have this deep seated emotional struggle should just get over it. I don't fear my husband leaving me- psht whatever I can survive and thrive on my own (I actually don't like being around a lot of people or having a lot of friends). I don't fear people coming and going from my life because that just happens as a natural part of life. And I don't mind being alone (I prefer it usually). It more extends to a feeling of not being worthy of love or of life and a feeling of never being loved or even lovable. A lot of people like me seek unconditional love from pets or having kids. And they push people away a lot to protect themselves. I'm just going to put this out there to let you know that the way you describe your aboved understanding of this concept is hurtful to me and only makes me feel more misunderstood by people. I know that is not your intent so I am happy you asked in a quest to understand better. But I don't think a lot of people actually have a real fear of abandonment like you suggest. I think because we are animals we all have some sense of self preservation though.

 

Hello

Reading threads and things about the enneagram, it seems that the type the most prone to anxiety is type 6.
Usually, when I read the typing threads here, people who say they are anxious and scared to be lonely/abandoned are often typed as 6.

Thinking about it, and even though I love the enneagram theory, I'm wondering if it's not a bit reductive.

I mean, we're all humans, and I tend to think that deep inside most people have those kind of fears. I didn't realize it at first, but when I read on the enneagram website that type 6 biggest fear is "to be abandoned", I don't find that very clear anymore.

I see a lot of persons (especially women) in my relatives (work/friends/family) who present the "symptoms" of what we could call a "fear of abandonment".
Plenty of people tend to act under the influence of this fear sometimes (of course, most of them are absolutely not aware of it), but I am pretty sure they are not all 6. It's actually quite a "common" thing.

All this to say that any type can have "6's" traits at some point, but I think it's more due to unresolved problems during their childhood/teenage than to a type. Of course, your type also depends a lot on your childhood and education, but I just think that a lot people are anxious/lack affection/fear abandon at a certain level without being a 6.

For me, anxiety is in some cases more related to your level of healthiness than to your type.

What do you think ?
If you agree, then how do you make the difference between a 6 and a unhealthy ... "any other type" ?

I think it can be an interesting topic, as we sometimes tend to be so focused on the enneagram that forget to think we are humans before a type and it might lead to mistype as we put every "fear" in a box to type someone. There are a lot of things that are more "common human things" than "a type thing", and even if of course, it is more or less present depending on the person and on the type, I don't think that some "unhealthy" things can be enough to type someone. Your mission is to use your elasticity to solve puzzles in Elastic Man and overcome obstacles.

I don't know if it's clear, it's quite hard for me to express what I am thinking right now...

I've lately read articles about that, and I realized that the fear of abandonment in private relationships is extremely common and I don't think it is absolutely type related at all ... I can totally picture a 3 become crazy and insecure in some cases, or any other type ... Because as I said before, even if some types are more likely to be insecure etc., we're all humans and it can happen to everybody.


Anyway, maybe I am just mixing everything up, that's why I would be happy to share your thoughts because it becomes complicated to understand haha

You are right that everyone experiences fear and anxiety at times, regardless of their Enneagram type. However, there is a difference between having a fear of abandonment and being a Type 6. Type 6s are characterized by their core fear of being without support and guidance. They have a deep need for authority and security, and they often worry about being abandoned or betrayed. This fear can manifest in many different ways, including anxiety, insecurity, and clinginess.