Sorry this is long. I'm only an occasional visitor to this forum, but I need some help to resolve a recurring dream.
In my early twenties I had a really close friendship with a guy for a few years. I always hoped it would develop further, but accepted it probably wouldn't. We never discussed anything openly with each other about our feelings toward each other. He started dating another girl on and off, but still maintained the same level of closeness with me. I didn't think this was okay, nor did the girlfriend, but I didn't want to have to give it up. So when I graduated it was a good reason (among others) to leave town.
In my new town I met someone new, and we started dating and then got engaged and then married. Curiously, my friend got engaged within weeks of my engagement which I have always wondered whether he realised he wasn't going to be able to have me, he may as well commit to the other girl.
I've now been happily married for over ten years, and love my husband immensely. But, at the same time I have always regretted not discussing my feelings with my old friend, because who knows what might have been. Yet, I also am glad I married my husband and not my friend.
So, to the recurring dream. For probably ten years I have been dreaming about my friend. Initially it was a bad dream, but more recently it is good to see him in my dream, but I still wake up feeling unsettled. The dream is different every time, but always involves him telling me he wants to marry me now, and I tell him he's too late. In the early years of dreaming this I would be annoyed with him, but now we usually hang out for a while before I send him home.
I have the dream a few times a week for a week or two, then not for a month or several months. I haven't seen him in ten years, but think of him often. Sometimes I feel indifferent towards him, sometimes I miss him so much my heart hurts. Sometimes I wish I could just stop thinking about him because I don't want to. It isn't affecting my marriage or anything else in my life, just my thinking (I am constantly thinking about multiple things!)
Can someone help me understand why I keep dreaming about this guy, and what I should do to stop him invading my thoughts?
Thanks.
In my early twenties I had a really close friendship with a guy for a few years. I always hoped it would develop further, but accepted it probably wouldn't. We never discussed anything openly with each other about our feelings toward each other. He started dating another girl on and off, but still maintained the same level of closeness with me. I didn't think this was okay, nor did the girlfriend, but I didn't want to have to give it up. So when I graduated it was a good reason (among others) to leave town.
In my new town I met someone new, and we started dating and then got engaged and then married. Curiously, my friend got engaged within weeks of my engagement which I have always wondered whether he realised he wasn't going to be able to have me, he may as well commit to the other girl.
I've now been happily married for over ten years, and love my husband immensely. But, at the same time I have always regretted not discussing my feelings with my old friend, because who knows what might have been. Yet, I also am glad I married my husband and not my friend.
So, to the recurring dream. For probably ten years I have been dreaming about my friend. Initially it was a bad dream, but more recently it is good to see him in my dream, but I still wake up feeling unsettled. The dream is different every time, but always involves him telling me he wants to marry me now, and I tell him he's too late. In the early years of dreaming this I would be annoyed with him, but now we usually hang out for a while before I send him home.
I have the dream a few times a week for a week or two, then not for a month or several months. I haven't seen him in ten years, but think of him often. Sometimes I feel indifferent towards him, sometimes I miss him so much my heart hurts. Sometimes I wish I could just stop thinking about him because I don't want to. It isn't affecting my marriage or anything else in my life, just my thinking (I am constantly thinking about multiple things!)
Can someone help me understand why I keep dreaming about this guy, and what I should do to stop him invading my thoughts?
Thanks.