But I see nothing but sob stories about ENFP-INTP relationships.

I've said it on many posts before. I believe a romantic relationship between an ENFP and an INTP is about as safe as putting Nitro and Glycerine together in a blender on puree.

It is doomed. DOOMED, I believe.

ENFPs cannot help but be a slave to our random emotions and intuitions. An INTPs "love language", their attempts to help the world appear to be often critical and harsh...even though they're trying to help. Even though I know this, even though I appreciate this part of INTPs...and I have a confirmed through MBTI, INTP best friend since I was 11...but still, I cannot get over the appearence of his harsh critisms when he feels I've taken the wrong approach on something. I can't imagine a female doing the same and me being happy with it.

Like oil and water.

Like lamb and tuna fish.

not for this ENFP.

 

I was once stalked by an INTP but later became his friend after the school got him to "calm down". True story.

 

I could never imagine having an intimate relationship with an INTP. I personally need a very strong emotional connection with my partner and I couldn't imagine that an INTP could provide that.

For friendship, however, I think INTP's are awesome. One of my best friends is an INTP. Besides being one of the smartest people I know, we also can share creative visions for hours. He's a great person to bounce ideas off of and helps me look at things more objectively.

 

For friendship, however, I think INTP's are awesome. One of my best friends is an INTP. Besides being one of the smartest people I know, we also can share creative visions for hours. He's a great person to bounce ideas off of and helps me look at things more objectively.

Agree 100%. Not bashing INTPs...except outside of friendship.

 

I can't give input.

I don't even know an INTP much less even want to get in a relationship with anyone.

:laughing:

 

But come to think of it, I do know an IXTP. He's really nice, I like to be around him; we work together volunteering at church.

He has a pretty pale-elvish girlfriend so I have never considered him as a romantic possibility. However, if he was single I would probably like him. He and I get along marvelously.

 

I've heard the opposite. INTPs and ENFPs mesh so well that it usually freaks out both parties.
I've got a ridiculously emotional INTP (At least he's very straightforward), so I don't have the issue of always trying to figure out what he's feeling. It's sometimes hard to believe that he's an INTP, considering the things I've heard about being harsh, cold, and too independent. He's lukewarm (Which is a lot to ask from the "sociopath" INTP) towards new people, is afraid to criticize, and clingy (These aren't bad things). He's taken quite a few tests and they've all popped up INTP though.
Maybe the relationship is just too intense for either type?

 

Waffle, just because somebody takes a test and it comes out as a type, it does not mean they are that type. I have found that a lot of guys I know will tend to think of themselves as "Thinkers" when they are actually "Feelers". I'm not saying that your boyfriend is a feeler but it is a possibility that he isn't far on the side of thinking.

The characteristics of a "feeler" seem to be more feminine and it can be difficult for guys to see themselves as emotional decision-makers. From what you've said, your boyfriend sounds more like a feeler to me. One of my best friends and co-worker is an INTP and I would NEVER be able to label him as ridiculously emotional.

I think the relationship between INTP and ENFP can be difficult some of the time because INTP's do not seem to deal well with illogical, emotional responses and they usually react quickly and harshly. On the other hand, my favorite person to talk to in the world is an INTP because of their intelligence, open-mindedness and creativity. The relationship is definitely interesting and has a lot of positivity to it.

 

My dad is an INTP and I do love him, but here's the good, the bad and the ugly...

The Good
1) Dad daydreams out loud about wild possibilities and is willing to listen to me talk about some of my crazy ideas as well
2) He taught me to play chess at age 4 and I loved playing him.
3) He tried to teach me to stop and "use my head"

The Bad
1) He was very impatient and rather violent with me -- he couldn't understand how emotional or how "off in the clouds" I was. I'd do things impulsively and leave him screaming "Use your head".
2) I don't think he ever got that I didn't want to watch violent movies or go hunting as a young boy. I can handle Westerns and war movies just fine as an adult, but I still don't have any desire to hunt unless I was starving.
3) I get frustrated when I call or visit home. I just want to spend time with people I love and dad wants to do something practical like fix his computer. (some folks should NOT own computers)

The Ugly
1) Dad doesn't get the concept of just listening to someone to let them vent their emotions. He wants to "solve" problems. Sometimes he's just totally oblivious to how irritating he's becoming and then things get very hairy! Especially with my sister who's definitely a Feeler.

 

i know a ENFP friend, but ive never need in a relationship with her.

i think that i can recognise the pattern in what you've said.

she can be very annoying in how passive-aggressive and avoidant she becomes when she has an issue that she cant communicate.

 

If an ENFP becomes passive aggressive they ARE communicating! They're telling you how PISSED OFF they are and that they're either afraid to directly tell you what they think for that they feel like you won't listen to them!

 

This, this this.

I can't speak for ENFP-INTP romantically, but both of my best friends are INTPs, and we get along amazingly well. Like others have said, we just click, and we're like sisters.
Of course, there are things that bother us about each other that stem from our personalities. I can sometimes come off as an airhead and it seems like I start to annoy them after a while. However, for their parts, one doesn't really communicate her emotions to me, and the other never stops communicating her thoughts, both of which get irritating after a while. It's hard to talk to one of them about what I'm feeling sometimes, while with the other that level of comfort derives only from the fact we've known each other for so long.
But yeah, from my experience, the potential for a great relationship/friendship is definitely, definitely there.

 

I believe my first boyfriend was intp. It was the relationship where I cheated, if you call giving you lip virginity to someone else that's not your boyfriend, cheating. Looking back on the relationship I felt it would have work if I was honest with him. I personally like being the dominate person in a relationship, that was my role in our relationship. I felt like I had to tell him to do certain things that a typical boyfriend should know already. Anyway, I believe that each relationship is unique. You could date another intp and have a totally different experience. So you just do what comfortable for you. Don't let the story bother you, too much.

 

I love INTPs because most of the ones I want to "save them" (non-religiously) in a way. the ones I know are always so sad and detached. I feel this need to help them be happy or something...I don't know. that's not the case for all INTPs, though, I'm sure.
they just interest me a lot. I guess part of it is because they're so much different from me.

but then sometimes when I'm thinking in reality versus I want to save you/the world!, they can be frustrating and so linear. it's hard to have really good conversations with them besides politics or philosophy. meh.

 

It's a love-hate thing.

Some of my best friends and most fun romantic partners have been INTPs. I tested as INTP myself until I broke free from my INTJ household and felt free to grow into my real personality, and I'm close enough to T to identify with them. They have a sense of the zany, whacky, and absurd to match mine, and there's enough silliness in the conversations and adventures to keep me entertained. Both have a strong sense of the verbal, though in different ways, and that can make for some amazing banter. If you're an ENFP who needs a lot of independence in a relationship to pursue your own random interests and socialize with lots of different people, they'll give it to you. The main drawback I think is that it's tough to work out the timing to get things started. Both are Ps and obviously not that inclined to commitment. I continue in my "damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead" romantic style because I know that if I change my mind, and I probably will, I can always just leave the relationship. INTP wants to wait around for themselves to decide whether it makes sense to progress into a relationship. They can be swept off their feet (yes, even the guys, or especially the guys), but this disconcerts them and might make them more cautious and analytical. I can't say for sure, though, that the pairing isn't doomed, because all my relationships are doomed (I have this curse where I only meet guys I like before I leave town).


HOWEVER, it's very easy for things to go wrong. The problem is that when I first meet them, usually they judge me for not dressing like a nerd and being happy with the world. In a party context they can mistake an ENFP letting go for a drunk airhead. Whether I continue to think they're an arrogant prick or develop a friendship or more with them depends on my mood when I meet them, pretty much. If I'm not feeling too sensitive or moody or impatient, I'll stick around long enough to "prove" my worthiness. If I am feeling sensitive and am in the mood to take things personally, I resent knowing that they expect me to prove my worthiness and continue being annoyed. I'm pretty sure everyone has to prove their worthiness to an INTP, but it still pisses me off.

I can also see how the INTP would wind up hurt frequently, because of differences in emotional expression. An ENFP who is riding the high of infatuation practically wants to do an interpretive dance about every emotion they feel. For an INTP, the revealing of an emotion is a very big deal. Since we tend to overplay our emotions and INTP tends to underplay them, it's easy for them to think that the relationship is more intense or more serious than it actually is. It's not because we're dishonest or flaky, it's just a misunderstanding. But for some reason INTP reticence does tend to bring out my stubborn side where I won't express anything related to them, and we get stuck in the "I won't say it if you won't say it first" deadlock.

If you want to get in their pants, be extremely witty and not that impressed with them. If you want them to fall for you, figure out what their weird obsession is (they all have one), and ask intelligent questions about it.

 

I know an ENXP dating an INTP right now and they are very happy together. This relationship can really workout, especially when they share the same group of friendships as well as somewhat similar interests. I know she, the ENXP really gets a kick out of the INTP boy.

 

I am starting to really like INTPs. I think I shall find me one.

My only experience with INTPs before was when that one on the school faculty stalked me in college. But he eventually calmed down and we became really good friends. Amazing conversations. He is also 22 years older than me.

I wonder what one is like younger. Hmmm.....

 

Hey Waflle, don't let the "sob stories" get you down. There haven't been that many in all honesty.

I think an ENFPxINTP match is definitely possible, but it does take (possibly) more work than other relationships. Like you and others have mentioned, here are some potential problems I've noticed in my past relationship with an ISTP/INTP and with INTP friends...

- INTP distancing themselves too frequently, the ENFP might / will probably take this the wrong way, haha.
- ENFPs passive-aggressiveness, I really had to say exactly what was bothering me and half the time I couldn't even figure out what -did- bother me except that it bothered me to say something bothered me.... (sigh) I'm not even sure if INTPs can really take the emotional roller coaster that we love to ride... almost everyday.
- INTP not showing enough emotion. Regardless of the type of relationship, I really like it when I can bring the other person "up into the clouds" with me. ...INTPs sometimes seem so firmly grounded (or is it apathetic?) that I go crazy. It's like I can't tell if I'm pleasing them, and I want to but I can't figure out how or are they secretly happy? ... etc.
- Lack of decision on both parties. I swear, I don't know how much this type of pairing would actually accomplish. Half the time we were typically discussing ideas, or thinking "what if?" And even though at the time I'd decided to stay with the relationship because we were amazingly compatible (so much so that it surprised me), he could not make up his damn mind to stick to a decision and eventually it drove us apart.

 

I'm not exactly sure which type best fits me, so I might not be the best authority on this topic, but ENFP tends to be one of the types I fit closest with, especially when it comes to dating.

I dated an INTP last year and the chemistry was fantastic! I think my silliness amused him as much as his logic and sense of humor amused me. We eventually broke up because he went to college and I'm still in high school, but there other problems we had had that would have probably eventually ended the relationship. The biggest problem we had was that I wanted him to go out of his way for me, and he never did- it seemed like he was more of a priority to me than I was to him. He didn't see himself as being a bad boyfriend- and he wasn't- he was just being independent, and it frustrated me because it made him seem distant. I think if neither the ENFP or the INTP are willing to compromise, then the relationship is probably doomed. I could see it working, however, if both parties were willing to give each other a little more of what the other wanted.

 

I'm not exactly sure which type best fits me, so I might not be the best authority on this topic, but ENFP tends to be one of the types I fit closest with, especially when it comes to dating.

I dated an INTP last year and the chemistry was fantastic! I think my silliness amused him as much as his logic and sense of humor amused me. We eventually broke up because he went to college and I'm still in high school, but there other problems we had had that would have probably eventually ended the relationship. The biggest problem we had was that I wanted him to go out of his way for me, and he never did- it seemed like he was more of a priority to me than I was to him. He didn't see himself as being a bad boyfriend- and he wasn't- he was just being independent, and it frustrated me because it made him seem distant. I think if neither the ENFP or the INTP are willing to compromise, then the relationship is probably doomed. I could see it working, however, if both parties were willing to give each other a little more of what the other wanted.[/quote]

I think this compromise thing is the key to success for INTP/ENFP romantic relationships and much of this has to do with maturity and phases of life. My INTP is 24 and has entered this very selfish "me" centered way of thinking so there isnt much room for others right now, and thats ok I need to be selfish at this point in my life as well. So much of our success is timing, we worked very well for 4 years and now we both need to grow and mature into ourselves for a bit, but I know that love, respect, and awesome magnetism is still there so hopefully in a while we can come back for an evenbetter, more mature relationship! (Im the idealist of the pair haharoud

 

There are crazy stories about these two chemistry matches. Everything from magic, to a couple about automatic dislike, to leaving a hole in your heart.
Personally I think it could be one fo the best MBTI matches. INTPs let ENFPs take the spotlight, and can be emotional and need us to soothe their worries.
But I see nothing but sob stories about ENFP-INTP relationships.
It usually ends with the ENFP leaving and breaking the INTP's heart. A lot of people blame the ENFP's superficiality, or lack of interest.
The way I could see it going wrong is:
Instant chemistry. It's intense and everything feels perfect and matched. The INTP begins to worry that the ENFP doesn't feel the same, and being that we usually have to prod them a little to get their deeper emotions out, they don't tell us. Instead they distance themselves, and the ENFp takes this so completely the wrong way. They feel like the INTP doesn't like them anymore and end up leaving for fear of being hurt or hurting the INTP.


I'm currently in a long-lasting INTP-ENFP relationship, and we both recognize the signs of the story above. We've worked out a damn good system. It's still a little disheartening to see nothing but sad stories.

So guys, what's your take on ENFP-INTP relations and the INTP in general?

My INTP boyfriend is the love of my life, it really is magnetic! We do have many differences but we are good complements to one another. It can be trying with the thinking vs feeling but I dont know, it seems to work out :laughing:

 

i've read conversations about this "magnetism" that they have to each other, and i completely see that. and reading what was written about how it starts off great but then the intp fears the enfp doesnt feel the same way, i think thats is whats starting to happen with my relationship.
i'm an intp female, i don't usually trust my feelings, but this time i went for it. I now feel vulnerable, and when things happen like we don't talk for a couple of days i start to get worried things arn't going to work. I feel like i'm being too clingy and if he asked me why i was starting to backoff i mostlikely wouldn't tell him because i would feel too pathetic.

what should i do to make our relationship work? its not really commited yet, but i think it could definately go somewhere

 

I'm an ENFP and I adore my INTP guy. Its true that we atract like magnates. i have never been so drawn to someone so quickly! apparently it was mutual becausewe had known eachother a day and a half and even with his iron self control he admitted how attracted he was, and we ended up making out all the while bemoaning that "we shouldn't be doing this!" "I shouldnt kiss you!" *kiss*
Eventually it became a game. "oh... no... you really shouldn't reach under my blouse... not at all proper..." is code for "stick your hand up my blouse" etc.
neither of us has ever felt anything like it before. total physical, mental, and emotional attraction. now, this is not to say it doesn't get hard sometimes, but open honest communication helps him understand that inside I'm just a scared bunny who wants nothing more in the world than his happiness and the prosperity of our relationship, and it helps me understand and be reassured that he loves me and wants to be with me... but darn it his project.... as his fingers itch and he runs off to tinker.
The other thing that helped is that we sat down before we got serious and spilled everything that has ever been a problem for us in relationships before. So i knew that he was dedicated to his work, and decided to admire his dedication rather than think he does not want to spend time with me. And he knows that i get needy to the Nth degree and realizes that its only because i love him, and because i get hurt easily. he knows to treat my heart with kid gloves, and he knows that in return i will love him forever ^^ We also researched each others personality types, so i know that he has weird ways of showing love, and since i know to look for it, i feel like he showers me with his own brand of affection each and every day.

 

I don't know... Sometimes I feel that INTPs have a mild sociopathic behaviour. Can't say much, only met one and he's my friend

I shouldn't be talking about him like this..

But I do seem to notice that he tends attract alot of ESFP girls!

 

But I do seem to notice that he tends attract alot of ESFP girls!

I'm having socionics flashbacks...

 

I often find INTPs extremely attractive in some unexplainable way...having dated one though...it wasn't the best...but I attribute that more to personal issues rather than type. (He came from an abusive family and he could be really cold at times but when it was good it was very good.) If I were in the market so to speak, I'd give it another go but proceed with caution. Also, I remember reading that partners of INTPs have a very low satisfaction rate....

 

The biggest barrier to a happy relationship with a INTP is that when a projector idea seizes them, you cease to exist. its not that they want you to, or that they don't care, it because darnit! its just so interesting! this cannot be changed so you must get used o it. i took up lace making and forum writing

 

What an interesting thread to stumble on to! :laughing: As a general rule, most INTPs DO have emotions, they just keep them inside their "mental closet" with the lights turned off until they need them. Saying things like "you're too independent" or "don't be so rational", are going to be taken as insults. We require HUGE amounts of personal space, which is insulting and confusing to some folks :angry:. Also, anyone or anything that appears to be superficial is going to be disregarded. INTPs analyze things until they're fully understood. Once that happens, or if it's too easy, it's no longer worth pursuing to us. Another useful tip, if you want to land an INTP guy/gal, MAKE THE FIRST MOVE! INTPs are horrible at reading hints, clues, and signs, unless it's from a rational standpoint. We also HATE playing games. This is all part of the "normal" routine that most people follow, which is why a lot of people think we're cold and disinterested. Trust me, if an INTP isn't interested, they probably wouldn't be talking to you in the first place (this isn't arrogance, it's misunderstanding social rules. Seriously. :frustrating. INTPs are a rare type. It's hard for people to understand them, and even harder for them to understand everyone else. One last thing to keep in mind however, expecting any emotional reassuring or compliments from an INTP is going to leave you high and dry. The concept is TOTALLY foreign and illogical to us, even though we do mean well, and don't want to hurt anyone. Strange, I know. The whole ENFP/INTP thing can work, as long as both sides try hard to understand each other. If they don't, the relationship is just an airplane running on fumes. I hope this helps, and like I said, I'm not trying to hurt anyone! :blushed: Now it's back to my world, I clicked here by accident. :sad:

 

Another useful tip, if you want to land an INTP guy/gal, MAKE THE FIRST MOVE! INTPs are horrible at reading hints, clues, and signs, unless it's from a rational standpoint.

In my case, I'll read the hints, clues and then tell myself I'm imagining them!

One last thing to keep in mind however, expecting any emotional reassuring or compliments from an INTP is going to leave you high and dry. The concept is TOTALLY foreign and illogical to us, even though we do mean well, and don't want to hurt anyone.

I would say it's not instinctive, I think we can be emotionally reassuring, (I know I've gotten alot better at it) but we instinctively want to try a solution to the problem. I think this is one of the social skills INTPs would benefit from learning. If you are in a relationship with one of us, you may want to try to make us realize this. Just don't be too forceful or we'll resist.

 

I just realized that my best friend is an INTP... ahah :tongue: and she is adorable. But it would be hard for me to be in a relationship with her. Or...? I'm not sure.

 

I agree that the relationship could work if they both compromise, but I mean, that's what makes any relationship work in the end, right?

As for the passive aggressiveness I think that ends relationships because the ENFP will be passive aggressive, the INTP will see that and then try to "out passive aggressive them" if that even makes sense. So it turns into this silent war and that is just never good, lol. That's what I do anyways, because to me, people who are passive aggressive are quite annoying, although I'm sure we all do it at one point or another.

 

how about if the intp can show his/hers emotions and calls out the enfp when he/she is going passive aggressive to solve the problem in more productive way?