Former INTJ reporting in. It really depends. Generally, INTJs talk more when they like you. They'll enjoy your company more, and will try and put themselves in positions where they can interact with you. They'll smile more when they see you. And they'll be more expressive about their opinions on "deeper" subjects.

Honestly, INTJs don't typically get taken aback or offended by friends being more forward - so I say it wouldn't hurt at all if you asked him to a coffee. Throw in a feeler, see how it goes.

 

Thanks everyone!! A lot of this really did help!!!



He definitely talks a lot more when we're together. I've seen him with people he's not close to. He is polite and smiles when it is expected, but never attempts to go deep. Half of our conversations are about deeper things, and he's not one to hold back his opinion with me. I've actually thought about what would happen if I asked him for coffee or something, so thanks for that.

If he lets you touch him!!! Or if he tries to touch you or tries to get closer to you when you are sitting or standing together, etc.

Interesting! Once we were talking outside of work and he let me hug him before he left. This is not abnormal for me because I basically hug everyone whenever I get the chance. But after he walked away, another girl we work with came up to me and said "Since when is he a hugger???" I've never sensed him getting closer to me when we were sitting or talking together, but that wasn't the first time he's let me hug him or initiate physical contact. I'm pretty sure my love language is touch, so sometimes I come across as overly touchy-feely without realizing it. But, as far as I can tell, he doesn't seem put off or offended by it...So I guess that's a good sign?

 

If he lets you touch him!!! Or if he tries to touch you or tries to get closer to you when you are sitting or standing together, etc. Hmm not sure whether he is romantically smitten yet but if he values your opinion that's a start. If he meets a lot of women he admires and has good conversations with then it may take him a long while to realize that is if actually does like you.

I don't know how well this applies to INTJ males but personally I can hold my feelings even if I am extremely sexually attracted to someone and remain friends for years until a clear go ahead is given.

 

I can't help but smile when I'm around girls I like, and from what I've asked of other INTJs, they do something similar. Take that as you may.

 

Ah yes I forgot about the smile! :tongue: And occasional silliness!

 

You'll know they like you when they tell you they like you.

It may take a month or two, but any personal compliments until then are a huge hint.

 

It's really just near-impossible to tell the different between an INTJ liking you as a person and an INTJ liking you as a potential romantic interest. That's been my experience.

 

I agree with this from an INTJ perspective.


In fact, most of the time I'm probably the one most confused. I can never tell if I like someone as a person or as a romantic interest.


Until two years after I've already moved out of state and I miss them.

 

Do take these tips with a grain of salt. If they were always true hints of feelings, I would have to be both bisexual and incestuous and I would have a crush on most of my friends; none of which are true.

 

ask him, he'll tell you.

 

well, the touch thing is true! i don't usually let people hug me unless i really like them (romantically/friendly) and when i'm with the boy i like (entp btw) i tend to unconsciously get close to him!
if he talks a lot when he is with you, he may like you x

 

We may ask you questions concerning your interests and try to start conversation with you. We strive to find out as much as we can if we like you...even engaging in "educational reconnaissance" :kitteh:

 

We go out of our way to acknowledge you exist.


But if you really want to know, ask. We appreciate directness.

 

Haha, so true.

 

From my experience, he likes you a lot. A lot. He considers you worthy of his time and energy, which also says he likes you a lot. His vulnerability? the fact that he likes, trusts, and respects you enough to express himself (meaning if you completely rejected an idea of his, he'd be taken aback and from then on, his trust would be slightly tarnished).

 

Another thing is that we'll become genuinely interested in what you have to say, and we'll be much less formal when conversing with you. I like to greet my closest friends by saying "FUCK YOU" or "EAT SHIT", while I generally greet people that aren't as close to me by simply saying "hey".

Another sign is if we become passionate about anything that isn't a hobby when talking to you. I know that I like to tell personal stories to the people I'm close to because they're the only ones that I have an interest in telling them to.

 

I would say you have two options: wait it out and see if he comes to you, or be forthright and just come out and ask him.

All people regardless if they have the same personality type will function (especially in this aspect) greatly different. I am an INTJ female and I am horrendously shy when it comes to someone I like. I can hold in for years that I like them and not say anything. I am older now and realized doing this caused a lot of problems because sometimes you have to verbalize your feelings for another to know. One guy I dated who didn't think I liked him said I was quote " the hardest person ever to read, you're like a wall of freaking hieroglyphics" while the entire time I thought I was being the most forward with my feelings & apparent.

INTJ's can be very reserved with their feelings (or sharing them at least) & aren't necessarily apparent like other types. However we tend to be very direct and honest, so if you share your feelings I'm sure he'll tell you out right if he likes you or not.

 

lol. My INTJ girlfriend is less talkative and open to me than she is to the general public. I'm FUCKED. I would say physical touch is the way to tell for her.


My close INTJ male friend talks a lot with much better rapport. About introspective stuff and his emotions too. He's simply not very private/reserved around me at all, which is unusual for him I think. Maybe I should Go Gay for INTJ™

 

Aand here comes the shit-wave. Once the INTJ feels close to you and opens up his Fi you'll make sure to let out your Si onto him, which is our least prefered function and basically kills us. Then, after he'll completely crack down, you can just leave him with his Fi smashed, because let's face it, your Fi (being the dominant function) will be fine in 5 minutes.
Please do not tell me you're sorry I had a bad experience, I have never dated INFPs. Please don't ask me how I know, I just do just by the fact that you have to ask. Please try to realize that showing vulnerability is killing an INTJ thus your pleasure to figure it out is sadistic-al and destroys him. Please try to read the endless threads on this and spare the Internet you and him from another "drama", I'll give you a cookie if you do. Just my opinion on it, feel free to do whatever you want.
Thank you,
An INTJ.

 

Dis guy, I love him. I was smiling the whole time I read his post. Now, I'm chuckling... Sorry, I do not laugh. It is illogical.

 

Hi.

I'm new here, so my greetings to everyone, boys and girls. Plus, I'm Italian, so if my English isn't perfect, my apologies in advance. I found this discussion, and seen I strongly think to be an INTJ, I'd like to try to give my little contribution.

So, briefly. For sure, it's really difficult to tell from his behaviour if he likes you as a person to talk with, to spend some time with, or as a possible partner.

For what I feel, our way of being "well" with a people is mainly talk much with her, tipically about ideas, possibilites and projects-related matters, not about some inconsistent subjects like "how a waitress is feeling slightly bad after his principal scolding", for saying. We could talk about that too, but really really often only for underline how she wouldn't feel bad, just remain calm and understand it could happen, or something on this guide line.

Plus, many of us have some problems escalating a rapport from a good friendship to something more, meaning we talk with the other people, maybe imagine how a relation could be ecc... but are not really aware of what are the steps we should do to make it begins and work. We don't embrace "at the right moment", flirt in the right way and so on.

This for saying that IF you can handle a polite refuse - 'cause for sure it'd be really polite, maybe a bit detached, cost/benefit explained but polite - the best way for knowing if he likes you is simply ask him. Ask him for a coffee, or even just ask directly if he thinks "something between us" could work.

Probably he'll be glad if only for the possibility you raise about just talking about the subject and explore it, with you, in a quiet way.

Jokingly, let me say that he probably won't just throw you a funny, super-excited hug or kiss the very first moments, but this won't mean he doesn't like the idea.

 

I always find it interesting and a bit funny when people who don't have English as their native language apologize in advanced for their English. And then it turns out they have perfect grammar and spelling.

I would say talking to them or spending some time with them is a good way to start. Just to warn OP, a lot of INTJs, including me, don't know how to respond to small talk. To me, at least, it's random and too brief. If someone said something like, "I'm glad I wore these shoes today," and I respond with a smile or a laugh, it does not mean I'm disinterested, I just don't know what to do in those situations. It may be the same with him. If you want to start a conversation, go straight to the point.

 

When it comes to you, their terseness is minimized

They stutter or give some indication that they are human when they say your name

They actually ask you how you're doing

It seems they are not paying attention to you, but as soon as you need help with something, they're right there

They make time for you when they are not obligated to or it is not necessarily in their best interest (Some INTJ's play the social game to advance themselves, y'know)

 

So INTP who's currently in a relationship with an INTJ, so I got some ideas of how this whole thing works.

So of course, we are both socially inept nerdlords who can talk for hours about science and music and history and fantasy and science fiction settings and Dungeons and Dragons and all that, but when it comes to talking about gooshy goopy stuff, we are both completely lost. As in, we are both in our 20s and this is literally the first serious romantic relationship we've both had, since we went through most of our lives doing other things. We don't regret a single bit of that time we could've been wasting on some dumb teenage drama that we instead spent building ourselves as human beings so that we can have not-dumb, not-teenage relationships and skip all the fuss.

So we start growing fond of each other, and neither of us know what to do about this, so we continue on as normal. A mutual friend of ours (INFJ, for the interested) described it as being like two trains on a track, slowly inching towards each other. You know that they're going to collide, but damn if it's not taking forever. Pretty much everyone, from our friends to our parents (to oh god especially our parents) were making all these hints about how obvious it was that the other person liked them, but we would respond with "Hahaha, yeah, they're a good friend all right. A good friend. Hahahaahahaaaa . . ."

So after a while, I get sick of dancing around the whole thing and decide to declare my intentions in the bluntest way possible. I asked him out to go see an art museum with me on Valentines Day. When he got there, I presented him with the pinkest and heartiest and soppiest M&Ms you could possibly imagine. When we went out for dinner, I point blank asked him "So yeah, do you want to be in a relationship with me? As in dating. As in you are my boyfriend and I am your girlfriend. Is this something you are interested in? Because this is something I am interested in." The answer was "Yes." Upon telling our friends, there was much celebration and "FINALLY! I THOUGHT YOU TWO WOULD BE AT THIS UNTIL THE END OF TIME!".

So that's how that happened. Yeah, I'd say that if you're interested in him, just go right ahead and ask him out as straight as possible. No coyness, no hints, no subtle flirtations, just straight up "HERE IS A RELATIONSHIP I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE WITH YOU. DOES THAT SOUND GOOD TO YOU? Y/N?"

And yeah, to be entirely fair to him, he literally asked me on a bunch of dates before that, and it passed completely over my head that those were, in fact, actually dates.

 

this is the best answer so far. Theres no right answer for this, so the only good answer is one that involves experience.


My 2 cents:
-every situation is unique, you know your situation better than anybody else.. I also have a feeling that deep down you know the best approach but you're hoping for some external validity.

-take some risks, live a little.

 

They start giving you compliments and talking less formal to you. They actually trust you enough to start telling you things about their life, chilhood stories, etc and you can feel how confident they feel. And at some point when you give them more security they will actually tell you.

From my experience.

 

Correct.
Like implies trust. Trust means more willingness to reveal emotions (such as admiration, compliments etc) and personal stories.

 

I say he likes you, the only times I have ever made time to talk to and especially text a girl more than just a few messages at a time I like her. And this is something that I have thought alot about for a wile, I dont just decide to wing it and see were things go, everything has been thought through thoroughly.

 

If its a good INTJ, you wont know.

I think the majority of the INTJs attempt to conceal their emotions, regarding people the like.

For me its like i want or expect someone i like to make the move, if they dont i get offended and move on.

Yes, its a great way to meet new people, I know.

 

My INTJ guy told me once that time is his most treasured resource. If he'd allot me some of his precious time, I must mean something to him. Mostly I just asked him simple and direct questions like when you google something; "Do you miss me?", "do you like me?", "can I call you?".

Somehow INTJs must be put on a spot when the nature of business is personal. None of that fierce assertiveness they exhibit when at work or studying.

 

Those questions are direct alright but not simple for a person whose feeling function is so remote and introverted as INTJ. I feel like you're talking down to him by taking the "simple" approach. An INTJ is anything but simple. He's already told you that if he gives you his precious time he's proving your value to him.

"Missing you" is probably outside his frame of reference. It's outside mine. If you went away for a long time and I kept wanting to talk to you, I'd call that "missing you," but not having you at my elbow asking, "Do you miss me?" Or calling a few hours after parting to see if I missed you. To me, that feels sappy, extremely unpleasant.

As for being put on the spot, how is that respectful? Respect is absolutely key for an INTJ, and all the answers I read expressed respect for the other person. A person who loses my respect loses me. Period.

Maybe I'm missing information here.

 

I imagine all INTJs are different, but typically my Ni makes me relentless in my pursuit. I had a picture of an ideal mate since I was a child, and when I saw my girlfriend from across the room upon our first meeting I analyzed how she interacted with the others in the room to get as much of a picture as I could to see if she matched that. She wasn't even certain if I liked her at first, but got her number so we could communicate and arrange a date.

If all INTJs are exactly like me, which is improbable, the answer to your question then would be that it is not always so obvious because that would mean their primary goal is to analyze you often in silence to see how well you fit with the picture they constructed of you. Perhaps you may notice them looking at you quite a bit, nonetheless. After a few dates, however; you would have an easier time realizing because (in the hypothetical situation I posed) the INTJs would begin pushing you along into their future plans as you have been a part of it since they were a child if that makes any sense.

Since there are no dead giveaways then, the easiest way to tell is to ask.

 

I'm currently trying to figure out if an INTJ female likes me. I think she definitely has some sort of interest as we've been texting almost every night for hours. Two to four hours on average, actually. She's a tough cookie. But I finally broke down her walls last night. Penetrated her defenses. Got her opening up. Got in her head. Gutted her psyche. Told her how she works better than she probably has ever realized. She told me that I had "mindfucked" her. I think she's still trying to process what happened. Guess it was good though, because she ended up thanking me and said I'm one of the few who understand her...and that her heart was...swelling. Then she asked me how I was. Which was a first. So yeah. Now that I've typed this out...her liking me kind of seems obvious.

 

How to tell if an INTJ likes you?

Ask her if she likes you.

But only if you're absolutely certain she's an INTJ.

 

Double post, sorry. I can't delete it.