For sex I need an extremely deep and loving bond with the person. With this loving bond I need to have a lifetime commitment meaning marriage. My body is not for just anyone to touch and would never do casual sex. That would make me feel worthless.

 

That would make me feel worthless.

I share that sentiment. I am not someone who can do casual sex, I feel like I'm giving myself up to someone who doesn't necessarily value me, and that hurts. I need an emotional bond and committment to feel good about sharing that with someone. I don't know if I need to be in a long term committed relationship, but I need to feel like the other person is emotionally invested in me too.

 

I dont think were capable of doing casual sex. We cant doanything without feelings involved. Deep passionated sex is the thing!

 

(well I am an INFJ, but i would like dip my finger i) if I am looking somekind of only sexual/physical excitement throught the means of casual sex without any emotional bonding, i rather get paid to have sex (and i dont think that will ever happen) or just watch porn @_@

 

When I was younger I had issues with casual sex. I either developed feelings too quick or the other person did and either situation can lead to a bad ending. After getting burned once I stopped trying to "date". I then tried the one night stand phase and other than sharpening my man whore technique didn't really do that much for me. Lets face it, sex during a one night stand is not "usually" mind blowing nor very enlightening, i.e. new experiences or technique acquisition.

In my late 20's I was able to turn off my natural tendencies to develop an emotional connection yet still enjoy great sex. Good stuff. I was very straightforward about what I wanted and didn't want with the person I was with and this worked for me.

Promiscuity has an upside in my opinion. You learn what you like, you learn how to please your partners and you can stretch your mind. A triple win situation.

 

Well spoken. I feel the same way, I've had a very promiscuous life. Shutting out some emotional aspects by compensating with other functions (alcohol helps), I have lived and learnt from it. Now, more recently, I feel ready and welcome deeper meaning. I am very very glad I have had the opportunity to discover many aspects of sex and initmacy. Pickin' up chicks and whatnot is ess One shouldn't shy away from going out of our way in order to improve on our selves. The question "Why not" has been a good guide-friend.

 

I've had casual sex, but I'd get connected too quickly and end up having my heart broken. Now that I've been in a committed relationship for about a year and a half, I couldn't see myself having casual sex anymore (were I to be single). Although, I don't see the need to wait until I have fallen in love to have sex. If I feel a connection, and it is mutual, I think sex would be a good medium for sharing those feelings with whomever I have those feelings for. In short, sex is great for connecting with others, and each person should be allowed to utilize it however they feel most comfortable.

 

I've had casual sex, but I'd get connected too quickly and end up having my heart broken.

If I had casual sex, I knew that's exactly what would happen to me.

Although, I don't see the need to wait until I have fallen in love to have sex. If I feel a connection, and it is mutual, I think sex would be a good medium for sharing those feelings with whomever I have those feelings for.

Ditto.

 

i perceive sex (ideally) as a physical manifestation of deep emotional attachment. if that's absent, what's the point?

 

This:




...and nothing else. I am just not interested in it otherwise when it comes to myself. Not interested in porn, either. Howeverrrr....from an outsider perspective, it fascinates me. I love learning and reading about it, I know the names of all possible moves, positions etc. I also like listening to and reading about people's encounters with others, because that way I can get multiple perspectives without actually doing it myself.

 

I can do casual sex but it'll only be for one night because I don't want to get attached or rather, I don't want them to get attached and hurt them. This also involves a lot of liquor and comes after a long stint of abstinence, btw. (this is because I CAN'T FIND A BLOODY BOYFRIEND). sb. likes me, I don't like them or visa versa. Very frustrating.
Having said that, I've recently decided that these little "adventures" leave me feeling hollow and...well, slutty.
I now have a vibrator I have more than "casual" sex with. Does this count?
Have I shared too much?
apologies.

 

It depends on your value system. Will it go against your value system to have sex with someone you just met? I don't know. You tell me. Most infps don't like casual sex with just anyone because obviously not everyone is going to please you right.....soo...most infps adopt that into their value system. they think to themselves "I want to feel good....whats the best way to make sure that I feel best....well....if I want to feel good during sex...I should wait for someone who will REALLY make me feel good". Or you may say...."I want to feel good....I'm gonna have sex all the time". It depends on you. The choice is yours. Not all infps will have the same opinion...this is purely subjective.

 

Back in my single days, casual sex was infrequent & frustrating when it happened. I needed to know the person & care about them before I was comfortable being that close. If I just needed to "quench the fire" to maintain sanity, then I'd just do it & then have feelings for her which always turned her off. Another thing was that I had to act like an alpha-jerk to even have a shot at casual sex so I always woke up disgusted with myself.

 

And this is one of the main reasons why I don't have casual sex, I cannot and don't want to be an alpha male jerk, never, never, never.:laughing: I always wanted to have sex, but could never get my self to initiate anything unless I had feelings or felt something emotionally. I had only once a one night stand, both me and her were heart broken and needed somebody to give love and I still hated it, although it healed me a little, I hated it because it was not the real thing. Afterward I just didn't feel the need that much, because I worked on healing my mind. I don't know, maybe it is also about life experience, I am guessing that an INFP who loves casual sex, either never had a deep relationship taht lasted long...or is still suffering from it, but it's just a wild guess from my experience.:laughing:

 

Last time I had sex it was a fling with a girl that I sort've had a crush on and it was horrible, horrible sex, and I haven't had sex since fearing it will be a bad experience again..so I've been celibate for a little over a year.

 

Im in the Exact position right now... but I think mine is worse... I went all in, we tried over and over for a whole weekend. after that...I dont know... It has been a year now anyway...

 

Yes, in order for me to have sex with someone, a strong emotional attachment is pretty necessary for me. I need to be able to feel extremely secure and connected to them. I've only ever had intimate sex so I can't say for certain if I'd be able to have casual sex, but I really don't think I could. If I were to have sex with someone I just met, that person would have to be extremely special. I wouldn't be able to open up that much to any random person...it takes a lot for me to open up.

 

I don't know if I speak for all ENFPs here but I find myself quite agreeing with most of you INFPs. I don't think sex should be casual, I think it is an intimate thing that should be protected for a committed and loving (keyword: LOVE) relationship. I think thats my introverted feeler talking.

Of course being an ENFP...I love make-out sesh. That's all crazy and off the wall (or up against it!) without me at least feeling all this emotional intimacy. It's just alotta fun and a good workout too.

 

yea personally the casual make out session is great for me. it can even lead to a long term relationship...great way to break the ice.

 

I'm definitely in the non-casual sex camp for INFPs. I'm don't have a "sex only 'til marriage" mentality but it has to be more than flirty banter on a random night for me to jump into the sack with someone.

"'I loathe small talk. What makes you think I want to exchange fluids?"

 

Casual making out I'm absolutely fine with. Casual sex, no way. The only guy I had sex with outside of a long-term relationship was a very good friend of mine who I couldn't have an exclusive relationship with because he slept around a lot (still does). That doesn't count as casual because I had a lot of love for the guy. Still do, even though he would probably gladly charm the pants off of my own mother if he had the chance. Such a rascal.

Between him and my husband, there was 7 years of celibacy and it didn't bother me one bit.

 

Between him and my husband, there was 7 years of celibacy and it didn't bother me one bit.

Seven years. Pshaw. The last time I had sex, a white Democrat was in office.:blushed:

And am I the only person who's never casually made out? Fuck.

 

you aren't the only one, entelechy. the thought of casual intimacy of any kind has never appealed to me and always seemed rather foreign.

 

Joining in with most people above, casual sex just doesn't work for me. I've tried it sober, drunk, stoned and everything in between and it never really worked. It never was satisfying enough, even though the few one-night stands i had were with girls which i consider prettier than the girls i had long-term relationships with. Also suffered from a lot of self-doubt and some sort of idea that what i was doing was "wrong" somehow. So no more one-night stands for me,and even casual making out doesnt happen to me, but i'm not aggressive enough to pursue a girl and not handsome enough for them to come to me, so oh well.


Until i find a new girl for a relationship, i just participate in a lot of "40 days without sex"-competitions on the internet for now, completing them with ease. roud:

 

"Only the united beat of sex and heart together can create ecstasy." Anais Nin

 

"Only the united beat of sex and heart together can create ecstasy." Anais Nin

YouTube - Retrobites: Leonard Cohen

Niiice.

So says the 'lonely man', who created one great song about the peak of love making and peak of emotion- bad and good (in my opinion)

I cannot give myself completely to someone I don't love. For me, ^ that hallelujah cannot come from anything or anybody else.

 

Until i find a new girl for a relationship, i just participate in a lot of "40 days without sex"-competitions on the internet for now, completing them with ease.

hahahahaha! this is great!! congrats on your success! :laughing:

i also can't have sex unless i'm with someone i love, know, trust, imagine a future with and really want to be with and have wanted to be with for a long long long time.

that makes me really not sexually promiscuous.

but over the years i have developed a taste for cuddling, and in the past two years or so i've discovered that i quite enjoy some random making out occasionally, but it always has to be with someone i know, like and trust. never total strangers. never first dates. never random guys picked up in bars. usually friends who i've already known for a while and generally during/after the making out, we remain friends and/or become even closer friends.

but the random making out usually only happens when i'm in a more sociable mood, which probably puts me in a more E mode, and is more consistent with ENFP type behaviour. when i'm more antisocial and reserved and typically INFP, i have very little desire to make out with random people. but i'll take a comforting hug from a good friend if they offer. :tongue:

 

I've tried it twice: sex with mere long-term friends rather than boyfriends, and it was awful. I need to be in love. Even loving someone non-romantically isn't enough, and I wouldn't even consider having sex with a stranger. It's too intimate to share that freely.

 

I dunno. I mean, I'm still a virgin because I haven't found anyone I would like to share that kind of intimacy with, I dunno. Casual sex just isn't in me.

 

Huh, I guess I'm much different than most INFPs when it comes to this topic.

 

If you are alluding to the fact that you can/have been been promiscuous, then you are not alone Selden.

 

I need that emotional connection. Casual sex is not in my bag of tricks. Though I have had one casual sexual experience and did not feel hurt by it, though it was entirely unsatisfying.

 

I need that emotional connection.

word. Can I get an amen?!

 

I tried casual sex once, and I hated it. I didn't get my heart broken, but I felt empty and gross afterwards. Yeah, the moment I have sex with someone my feelings get tied up in knots. Sometimes, I have to admit, horniness overrides my better judgment and I find myself in bed with people I shouldn't be. And then my feelings feel obligated to feel something for the other person, and it's just a mess. I just messed up a really great friendship this way, and I feel terrible about it. So now I'm at the point where I'll make out with a cute guy at a party without feelings attached, but anything beyond that requires emotional intimacy first. I'm worth it, we're all worth it! :happy:

 

Still waiting for that connection before taking the plunge.

 

Glad I'm not the only one.