[KateMarie999]

I don't really have much of a sex drive. I'm still a virgin and will be until I'm married but I'm in no hurry and I don't really think about it that often. So since I have no husband and thus no experience, I can't say much about the topic. I don't like the idea of casual sex, I see it as something much more than just something fun to do. To me, it's something that bonds two people together and I believe that kind of bond should be reserved for marriage.

 

[bromide]

The way INFPs perceive sex can be heavily dependent on their values systems. When I was younger I correlated sex with affection and wouldn't have had casual sex if my life depended on it. That changed for me in my 20s. I had relationships with people who had many more partners than I had and I began to realize that sex only has the value that you ascribe to it. In the past five years I've had only one relationship because I am an emotionally closed-off person whose relationships are wrought with fear, and I'm extremely picky to boot. It's a very real possibility that I may never have a successful relationship that results in a life partner. At the same time, I really enjoy sex and the result is that I have casual sex. I have had one nighters before but I prefer fuck buddies, people whose bodies I can become comfortable with but who don't want or need anything from me emotionally and vice versa. It's lonely of course, I am an INFP after all and I want love, but it's preferable to living my life as an involuntary celibate. Especially with my sex drive, which would put an adolescent boy to shame.

 

[perfectcircle]

@Diamondeyes, thanks but nope that's ms courtney love~

 

[FaveteLinguis]

Sex can be fun with the right person, a chore with the wrong one, and explosively (no pun intended) awesome with a special few.

Honestly my views on sex are pretty carefree. I used to have one night stands, but I really can't be bothered with casual sex anymore. It's about as valuable as a one time date with the hand for me. So instead of dealing with people, expectations, feelings, and just a complex web of interaction I just stopped pursuing people for just a hookup. Works out pretty well for me actually.

The only drawback is that I've practically been celibate for nearly a year now, and sometimes that edge can drive me clawing at the walls! Frustrating, and the phrase "you just need to get laid" can ring true every now and then for me.

The plus side is I've been able to let go of the hangup on just viewing some women as a means to an end, and get a more holistic view.

So no more nookie for me until I'm in a relationship with somebody I care about.

 

[perfectcircle]

The way INFPs perceive sex can be heavily dependent on their values systems. When I was younger I correlated sex with affection and wouldn't have had casual sex if my life depended on it. That changed for me in my 20s. I had relationships with people who had many more partners than I had and I began to realize that sex only has the value that you ascribe to it. In the past five years I've had only one relationship because I am an emotionally closed-off person whose relationships are wrought with fear, and I'm extremely picky to boot. It's a very real possibility that I may never have a successful relationship that results in a life partner. At the same time, I really enjoy sex and the result is that I have casual sex. I have had one nighters before but I prefer fuck buddies, people whose bodies I can become comfortable with but who don't want or need anything from me emotionally and vice versa. It's lonely of course, I am an INFP after all and I want love, but it's preferable to living my life as an involuntary celibate. Especially with my sex drive, which would put an adolescent boy to shame.

Want me to marry you??

 

[milti]

In my late 20's I was able to turn off my natural tendencies to develop an emotional connection yet still enjoy great sex. Good stuff. I was very straightforward about what I wanted and didn't want with the person I was with and this worked for me.

Promiscuity has an upside in my opinion. You learn what you like, you learn how to please your partners and you can stretch your mind. A triple win situation.

That's pretty much how I see sex, too, and I'm a typical INFP in other ways. I am so involved in having this mean something to me that who I'm with doesn't really matter. I've had casual sex with no feelings/expectations and it was great. I've had sex with someone I love and the sex didn't get 'better', it was just what it was. I'm better at the casual sex thing, to be honest. I feel out of my depth in a very romantic setting or if there are romantic expectations. My heart has hardened from experience to not want a deep emotional fulfillment. A one-night stand will keep me going for a while.
I think my coldness has something to do with the fact that I'm not a very open person. I'm chatty, but I don't open up emotionally to anyone except someone who I think deserves it. I am capable of keeping most people (friends, acquaintances) at arm's length (and most often do) and this works out perfectly if I need to let go and have a night of fun.
Also, I am flattered at being found attractive, and if I feel sexual chemistry between me and someone, usually I go for it.

Especially with my sex drive, which would put an adolescent boy to shame.

Lol. You can say that again.

 

[Senter]

I don't know about all the talk about INFPs loving sweet words etc. I like all types of sex whether it's rough or really meaningful or casual so long as it's honest and not uncomfortable. I get this weird idea from the description of INFPs having sex that they are in white sheets with wine and some grapes on a tray lol. Yea no. I like it "bad". But that doesn't always happen. And I'm fine with that.

 

[Sonne]

I don't know about all the talk about INFPs loving sweet words etc.

I think that's a misconception based on the idea that INFPs romanticize love and relationships.

 

[perfectcircle]

I don't know about all the talk about INFPs loving sweet words etc. I like all types of sex whether it's rough or really meaningful or casual so long as it's honest and not uncomfortable. I get this weird idea from the description of INFPs having sex that they are in white sheets with wine and some grapes on a tray lol. Yea no. I like it "bad". But that doesn't always happen. And I'm fine with that.

agreed!! I hate sappy stuff and over the top displays make me feel SO uncomfortable, and so do "planned" or "rehearsed" type situations/environments. I'm ok with dirty, but I want it to be spontaneous and real. I want a genuine connection and all that infp romantic jazz, but for me that means not feeling "fake", whatever it is, not that syrupy shit. I like stuff no frills.

 

[Sonne]

I can't see sex as something separate from the act as a reflection of how I feel about the person. It's not something I care for without those feelings. And those feelings depend on the person, not just a person out there who can supposedly satisfy some need. And since it's easy for me to get emotionally attached, casual sex is not in my vocab. Feelings for the person always develops, which is not always a good thing.

 

[perfectcircle]

Anyways, my views on sex, I have not properly outlined-- and not sex as a subject, sex for ME, personally.

I may have a hard time enjoying casual sex as in one-night stands, it tends to take a little time to get used to someone's style and their smell and find their spit nice not gross, but I'm sure I could do it if I found the guy attractive.
I express affection through physical touch, and touch is easy for me. It relaxes me and it makes me happy to make others feel good through touch.
Recently in a relationship, I've found that once that door is opened with someone, it is easy and natural for me to go to that area and in fact tend to be the initiator and want to push boundaries a little bit.
My attitude towards sex is influenced by the fact I've always had a high sex drive, little fear but tons of fascination with the taboo or unknown, and abudant interest in sex and a desire to experiment.
Anyways, I find it too nice to consider moralizing away, I don't really buy into any of that stuff. Sex is an act, love is a choice. The act takes on whatever signifigance that it has to you, and that depends on the person, situation, and the values you bring in with it. I imagine sex is a blank slate and it could be filled with different impressions and meanings everytime.
Anyways, I am actually frustrated with holding back desires. I can't do it anymore. I've always felt repressed in this area, like everyone else is walking around PRETENDING it isn't on their mind all the damn time, pretending it doesn't factor into almost everything we do, pretending they don't want to. Of course now I know that some people aren't actually all that interested in sex!! Which I did not believe for years, simply because I have thought about sex every day since I was probably eight, before I even knew what it was. Anyways, I feel that way about other things as well, wish we didn't have to be so boring all the time, wish we could fight or dance or touch all the time, out of the millions of possible reactions we can have in any situation by rules of society it's narrowed down to 20, but whatever.

Anyways, I don't feel guilty about having sex.
I think it's an opprotunity to experiment and experience humanity in a heretofore undiscovered plain for me, and it's just as exciting as when I figured out how to read or that I had the skills to make people want to be my friend! Go go go!!

 

[Polyethylene]

Sexually, the INFP is likely to be initially slow to open up to their mates. Once their trust has been earned, the INFP will view sexual intimacy as an opportunity for expressing their deep-seated love and affection. More than the actual sexual act, they will value giving and receiving love and sweet words. With their tendency to enjoy serving others, they may value their mates satisfaction above their own.

That description fits the bill.

 

[Sonne]

So...I think I'm probably the most messed up INFP on here on this topic...
I have a huge sex drive. When I was younger I was driven to take part in casual sex because I was hungry for a connection/acceptance/affection.
It didn't work out for me and I was left with an even deeper hole because I couldn't understand why after giving myself to them they weren't able to experience the same depth of feeling I was.
After so many times getting "rejected" (not sexually, emotionally) I now have a really hard time being sexually free with someone UNLESS it is casual.
Since I don't believe in casual sex anymore I am continually unsatisfied. How messed up is that?

Agree. When you want to feel something for the person, not just have sex, sex is not so simple because you tend to want more with the person. It's difficult to see it as casual because it never feels that way. And it's difficult when you feel so much and the other person feels very little or sees it as just an act. It feels empty and unsatisfying with no emotional connection.

 

[wisdom]

In reading the newer posts, it dawned on me that even if they know each other, it's almost impossible for two INFPs to have a relationship with each other unless at least one of them has a fairly strong sex drive.

 

[Applehead]

In reading the newer posts, it dawned on me that even if they know each other, it's almost impossible for two INFPs to have a relationship with each other unless at least one of them has a fairly strong sex drive.

I don't know how you've come to that conclusion. Have we been reading the same thread? It seems to me that most INFP's desire an emotional bond before sex. If two INFPs knew each other and liked each other, why the hell wouldn't they develop a relationship?

 

[Absurdist]

I don't know how you've come to that conclusion. Have we been reading the same thread? It seems to me that most INFP's desire an emotional bond before sex. If two INFPs knew each other and liked each other, why the hell wouldn't they develop a relationship?

And then all i could see is the sex would be out of this word.

 

[kaleidoscope]

I honestly have no idea how I feel about this topic. While I'm perpetually horny every hour of everyday, I have not had positive experiences. Probably because I live in a conservative country where I can't just date a guy and fuck him just because I want to. It's not seen as appropriate, 70-80% of the time. As a result, I'm ambivalent. (I also have lots of insecurities that totally ruin it for me.)

I definitely am not capable of casual sex. I need for it to be a connection, something that doesn't come (no pun intended) with just anyone for me. Casual sex isn't something I can comprehend. Like many before me said, sex is a connection between two people. It's taking the relationship to another level, the opportunity to get closer to my partner, being intimate with him.
That said, I have fantasies that one doesn't typically associate with romantic-ness, or INFP-ness for that matter. Once I'm comfortable enough with my partner, I can certainly initiate, act on them, and turn into an absolute monster.

Or so I hear.

 

[Belovodia]

I found emotional freedom in celibacy because I don't like the way the brain gets flooded with all those
feel good/happy hormones that turns sex into an addictive longing, like a drug that makes you on the lookout
for your next hit.

After all those hormones die down, the feeling of not needing sex is so freeing. I find my spiritual practice
way more euphoric, and I feel less like some beastial thing.

Sounds a bit holier than thou, but it's not, it's just based on a decision on respect for myself.

 

[Mimi8]

I agree. It does depend on your value system. I did not rush into having sex when i was younger. I waited till i was an adult, until i felt i had a firm grasp on the good and bad aspects of it and with whom and why i did or did not. I believe i have a firm grasp on what it is, what it can be, and what it is not. But i also believe that that can be entirely different from person to person. it is an individual thing. Personally, i enjoy sex in a similar way that i'd enjoy a hobby. Its active, its beautiful, obviously it feels good (unlike 20 hours at the gym). However, I certainly wouldn't go bang a stranger at a bar. But i'm not saying i could never see myself doing that either. Because i know i'm just spotaneous enough to do something insane. But i think that is risky. And can be an emotional harm. I'm not sure if i'm willing to take that risk. But i'm also not that afraid of it. Its a toss up really. I dont think sex means as much as some people like to pretend it does, but i do think it should mean something.

 

[Geoffrey]

Anyways, my views on sex, I have not properly outlined-- and not sex as a subject, sex for ME, personally.
I may have a hard time enjoying casual sex as in one-night stands, it tends to take a little time to get used to someone's style and their smell and find their spit nice not gross, but I'm sure I could do it if I found the guy attractive.
I express affection through physical touch, and touch is easy for me. It relaxes me and it makes me happy to make others feel good through touch.
Recently in a relationship, I've found that once that door is opened with someone, it is easy and natural for me to go to that area and in fact tend to be the initiator and want to push boundaries a little bit.
My attitude towards sex is influenced by the fact I've always had a high sex drive, little fear but tons of fascination with the taboo or unknown, and abudant interest in sex and a desire to experiment.
Anyways, I find it too nice to consider moralizing away, I don't really buy into any of that stuff. Sex is an act, love is a choice. The act takes on whatever signifigance that it has to you, and that depends on the person, situation, and the values you bring in with it. I imagine sex is a blank slate and it could be filled with different impressions and meanings everytime.
Anyways, I am actually frustrated with holding back desires. I can't do it anymore. I've always felt repressed in this area, like everyone else is walking around PRETENDING it isn't on their mind all the damn time, pretending it doesn't factor into almost everything we do, pretending they don't want to. Of course now I know that some people aren't actually all that interested in sex!! Which I did not believe for years, simply because I have thought about sex every day since I was probably eight, before I even knew what it was. Anyways, I feel that way about other things as well, wish we didn't have to be so boring all the time, wish we could fight or dance or touch all the time, out of the millions of possible reactions we can have in any situation by rules of society it's narrowed down to 20, but whatever.
Anyways, I don't feel guilty about having sex.
I think it's an opprotunity to experiment and experience humanity in a heretofore undiscovered plain for me, and it's just as exciting as when I figured out how to read or that I had the skills to make people want to be my friend! Go go go!!

-----This answer strikes me as very honest. It's also totally me. After reading the INFP Asexual thread, I thought I might be the only INFP who actually liked sex (let alone really, really liked sex), but this thread has shown me that sexual attitudes do not necessarily correlate with type. What I think is true, though, is that INFPs with high sex drives still want romance--just not necessarily always simultaneously with sex (but definitely sometimes simultaneously with sex). I know I cannot survive without sex, but I also know that I cannot survive without romance. I think that is a type thing. Most guys couldn't care less about romance. They don't need it and only provide it as a means to an end.
-----I really liked the line, "Sex is an act, love is a choice."