[iamanintj]

hello i am new here and wanted to get some insight on an entp i know.

we get along very well, but an area of contention for me is his inability to respect my boundaries. there are certain things i'd prefer he not share with others. His rationalization is that everything is fair game. i guess i'm not in his "inner circle" enough for him to take the extra step to stop and think before talking...?

my question is, what can i say/do to make him respect these boundaries? i really appreciate any advice and suggestions you all may have. thank you!

 

[iamanintj]

hello all thank you for your replies. i'll try to respond to you the best i can ...


"However, there's a question that should also be answered: are you sleeping with him?"
no. he's taken. i don't "like" him like that anyways. nor does he like me like that.

"but I'd be willing to bet his thought --> speak function doesn't have a privacy filter either."
yes, that is very true. he has often mentioned his lack of brain-mouth filter.

i also don't get why did he bother apologizing (which was or at least seemed very sincere i mean, he really looked worried that he crossed the line and wanted to make up for it) if he is just going to repeat the offending behavior?

if i ignore him will that get the point across well? he does such a good job pulling me out of my shell that i really have to go out of my way to avoid him (otherwise he just sucks me in! damn you, entp!) so it would seem like a drastic night and day difference if i go that route.

i will try to bring up the "benign" dirt on him in a public setting too, tho eye for an eye seems so childish to me. but this intj can play mean if pushed too far!

again, thank you all!

 

[iamanintj]

sorry im' such a forum-posting noob. i have no idea how to quote.

"you might want to explain to him... arg i don't even know, why exactly aren't you comfortable with sharing stuff publically? anyway find the reason and explain to it in a way that doesn't assume the reason applies to him."

yes, i've treid that to which he responds i'm being too emotional. i'm having trouble explaining logically (in a way he will understand) why i am NOT being emotional. anyone whose boundaries are crossed will become emotional/irrational.

 

[iamanintj]

hmmm... to be honest, i don't have the extra energy to sit him down and explain and make sense of my boundaries or repeatedly alert of him crossed lines.

however, i do appreciate the insight you have all provided. sounds like hte entps you all know learn after the first or second times. not this one i don't think he's (purposely) a jerk, he's just clueless. however, i cannot accept that as an excuse. i will go the route of ignoring him and avoiding extra conversation with him (which by the way will be soooo daaaamnn hard. he's kind of irresistible!).

 

[iamanintj]

If so, then the dynamic changes. He's just flirting around and probably doesn't mean any harm. He does it because he wants to tell the world how close he is with you.

haha, one thing he does repeatedly is tell everyone that he knows everything about me (even though in reality he hardly knows anything about me, just a few things that normal people would probably find okay to tell others but i don't broadcast to anyone because it's my intj nature to keep to myself). is this why he does that?

 

[iamanintj]

Not because he did it, or because of the result, but because I'd asked him not to and he still did it. I would stop telling him things, or ignore him for x amount of time next time he does it in punishment. ENTPs sure do hate being ignored XD.

thanks, xee. from n00b to pr0 in no time at all
that is exactly why i am pissed too. he did it after a) i told him not to and b) he said he wouldn't do it again. Yes I will just ignore him from now on. i hope that will be a form of revenge, especially since i feel like i have NOTHING to get back to him with and he has all these things on me.

 

[iamanintj]

Gut punch.


Alternatively play on his Fe, get really upset, some trying-to-be-restrained tears could help.

Ahhh, if only he had even an iota of Fe to work on. any objection to his behavior and I get labeled
"overly sensitive"