Personality Cafe banner

INTPs easily humiliated and held back?

[INTP]
Tags
intp
6.7K views 29 replies 22 participants last post by  Perseus  
#1 ·
I was wondering if you other INTPs have troubles with being easily humiliated at the slightest thing you don't do perfectly or at least correctly, socially or otherwise.

Things that happened ages ago, years even, still linger in my head as less-than-stellar examples of my social and personal proficiency. I hate even the potential to be seen as stupid and as a result I get humiliated easily when I don't do something perfect. (Preferably better than the people around me.)

This is highly ironic however, because I'm anything but a perfectionist in the context of everything outside my mind.

Also do you have trouble admitting that you can do something because you can't do it completely right?

For instance, I studied French for 7 years and though I can read it just fine, I can't really speak it and that's embarrassing to me so I never really admit to anything more than a passing understanding of it.

Also, I've spent the last 8 months learning German here in Switzerland (I'd never studied it before I came here) and though I now speak it very well for the most part, I still get highly self-conscious when I encounter a lapse in my vocabulary. As a result, I always downplay what I know so that I can't disappoint people who expect me to speak better.

Is this a pride thing? Do you hold yourself to higher expectations than you do others? Is this just my ego talking? Thoughts?
 
#2 ·
I do become very self-aware when doing activities in public. I have improved over the years but I still require a lot of practice in private before I'd even consider attempting something in public where others might be observing.

By far the worst thing you could ask me to do is read aloud or recite something. If I make a single mistake I become distraught very quickly. For this reason I prefer to improvise presentations, I hold myself to a lower standard when I do this. That doesn't mean I don't go over my points in my head incessantly beforehand however.

Short answer: I hold myself to very high standards and do the same for others.
 
#3 ·
Oh snap. This is definitely me. I hate doing things incorrectly, because it makes me look like I'm incompetent to others. I really do think it's a pride thing, because this image that I give off then leads to others thinking less of me, and then my ego deflates and I get anxious/depressed. =\

But it's not just because of what others see...I also want the self-image that I see to look good. So I suppose that's also linked to pride and the fact that I have very low self-esteem under all that confidence.
 
#4 ·
I think it's the combination of being overly self-critical, analytical and remembering almost everything that happened.. at least I play the reels a thousand times in my head, analyzing everything, including myself and my behaviour. So if I make a mistake, it's stuck in my brain, happening over and over again. It's really quite a deterrent in terms of doing anything I'm not 100% sure of.

v yeah, I still remember stupid stuff I'm embarrassed about when it pops into my mind from years ago. Intellectually I recognize it doesn't matter because no one else remembers it even the next day after it happened, but it's still a huge pain in the ass and doesn't make the feeling exactly go away.
 
#5 · (Edited)
If I do/say something wrong/embarrassing, I can often still remember it years later - I actually used to be a lot more outgoing, but it seems that I've become more introverted over the years partly because of this. This doesn't mean like making a single mistake or something, but like saying/doing something completely stupid in public or in front of other people. I don't know if this counts, but I still remember this one time back in 2004 when my mother was dying, and I gave her a kiss, and she said I kissed her too hard. Even though she would have forgotten about it seconds/minutes later, I still remember it now, probably because I was worried that I might have harmed her or something. Same goes for if someone does or says something embarrassing to/towards me, or says something that I might find embarrassing/upsetting.
 
#6 ·
If I do/say something wrong/embarrassing, I can often still remember it years later - I actually used to be a lot more outgoing, but it seems that I've become more introverted over the years partly because of this. This doesn't mean like making a single mistake or something, but like saying/doing something completely stupid in public or in front of other people.
This is so true of me too! It helps to know that the people you've embarassed yourself around have probably forgotten the incident(s).

Last year when I was reconnecting with people on facebook. I thought long and hard about whether I wanted to get back in touch with my elementary school friends for just that reason-- I remember embarassing myself ALOT back then, and I didn't want to relive all that or feel awkward. I am glad I did, because they have become my best friends on fb!
 
#13 ·
I only feel humiliated if I've failed to convey my full caliber or if someone else is hurt in a failure to conduct myself. Failure to conduct myself with no consequence is just funny.

Otherwise, NOTHING really embarrasses me, personally. I mean, I feel a sense of empathetic embarrassment sometimes, but only to the extent of a sharp inhale and a "oooh...."
 
#14 ·
Before I attempt to do anything in public, I have to practice it beforehand by myself and go over everything that could go wrong. I need to perfect it, but at the same time I don't want to be so perfect at it that I garner unwanted attention. I want to be competent in whatever it is, and if I fail myself....it greatly humiliates me. I think about it for days afterward and everything I did wrong. If I make a mistake, I get flustered and then it just goes downhill from there.
 
#15 ·
I am supposed to be an INFP, however, I feel more like an INTP. I am very loving and concerned about other people's feelings- and I think that's why I tested INFP- but couldn't being really connected to your own feelings and the feelings of others also reflect one's thinking ability? Isn't emotional intelligence a sign of intellectual ability?

I don't feel like an INFP, although I am very caring and have various artistic talents (music, poetry), because I am very logical. I enjoy debating and can spend many hours discussing a topic in depth. I don't take it personally when people disagree with me. I love disagreeing with someone philosophically because I like exploring issues from different sides.

I know I often make a final decision with my heart or even use my heart as a guide for using logic, but I can be very objective. I learn languages well and easily. I am perfectionistic when I write and spell. Others' spelling errors used to make me mad when I was younger, but I have matured and save my anger for more critical issues. I enjoy reading to acquire knowledge or improve my vocabulary. I really enjoy editing for friends.

I am not poor at math or science, but I am not particularly interested in them either because I've always concentrated on developing my emotional side because I've always had really intense emotions. I've always been really good at English and writing because I think it provided an emotional outlet for me.

Could I be an INT/FP? Could I be an INTP who has developed her feeling side? Or am I an INFP even though I am logical, enjoy debating, and am not dreamy at all?
 
#16 ·
Could I be an INT/FP? Could I be an INTP who has developed her feeling side? Or am I an INFP even though I am logical, enjoy debating, and am not dreamy at all?
INTPs and INFPs seem to have alot in common. I have a very good INFP friend who is very logical.

I don't take it personally when people disagree with me.
That might indicate more INTP than INFP.
 
#17 ·
unleashthehounds,

Isn't it possible for someone who tested INFP to be more logical and intellectual than one INTP? What if the one who tested INFP has developed her feeling side so that it is dominant over her thinking side, but her thinking side is still superior to some INTP's?

I think I have chosen to develop my feeling side, and I don't think it means I don't use my thinking ability. I think I use them together or use one or the other depending on the situation. I don't think lacking sympathy for others or ignoring their feelings while being an intellectual is very intelligent.

I experienced some really painful experiences in my youth. Could traumatic experiences force an INTP to develop her feeling side? The traumatic experiences forced me to focus on my feelings in order to heal from them. They also caused me to be aware of the feelings of others in order to not cause harm to them.
 
#18 ·
unleashthehounds,

Isn't it possible for someone who tested INFP to be more logical and intellectual than one INTP? What if the one who tested INFP has developed her feeling side so that it is dominant over her thinking side, but her thinking side is still superior to some INTP's?
Hard to know for sure. I guess the best way is to look up Ti and Fi and see which one you most strongly identify with?

I think I have chosen to develop my feeling side, and I don't think it means I don't use my thinking ability. I think I use them together or use one or the other depending on the situation. I don't think lacking sympathy for others or ignoring their feelings while being an intellectual is very intelligent.

I experienced some really painful experiences in my youth. Could traumatic experiences force an INTP to develop her feeling side? The traumatic experiences forced me to focus on my feelings in order to heal from them. They also caused me to be aware of the feelings of others in order to not cause harm to them.
It is a tough call! I think my F is stronger than many INTPs and I can identify with some of the INFP characteristics, especially when I was younger. But at the same time I am certain of being INTP b/c my thoughts are alot stronger than my feelings.

I have a very good INFP friend. In many ways we are alot alike! In fact I used to think she was NT. But the differences I noticed.. Even though she can be very logical, she didn't seem to have quite the analytical ability that I do. She also doesn't seem to pursue knowledge for knowledge's sake (an INTP hallmark). But what really clued me into her being INFP was the degree of her oversensitivity. She could perceive criticism where there was none and get very upset about it.

Both of us hide our feelings (another reason I thought she was NT) I think we do it for different reasons. I do it b/c my thinking side will tell me, sometimes wrongly, that it is inappropriate to express certain feelings. She does it because as an introverted Feeler, it is difficult to put her feelings into words. (similar to the way it is difficult for INTP's, as introverted thinkers, to put our abstract thoughts into words. But she also has alot of guilt for even having certain feelings and that also keeps her from expressing them.
 
#19 ·
I DEFINITELY hold myself to higher standards than others. As far as being easily humiliated, it depends on the situation. For example, if I have a wardrobe malfunction it's not a big deal, but if I say the wrong in class I'll be very frustrated with myself.
 
#21 ·
unleashthehounds,

I am not sure what you meant by "your thoughts are a lot stronger than your feelings." That statement could be interpreted to mean different things, but I also feel that my thoughts are stronger than my feelings in the way that I do love seeking knowledge and gaining a better understanding of people and society. I think I am have a good analytical ability, but I think I seem to use my intuition to analyze situations, statements, and society, so I skip steps in the analytical process.

Doesn't perceiving criticism where there was none intended sound like possible transference or emotional immaturity (low self-esteem)? Wouldn't a well-developed feeling side be able to grasp someone's intention?
 
#23 ·
about a month ago in band i actually did well enough on a playing test to get in the front row. since the band director could now see me, he asked me in the middle of class what i thought stringendo meant. i felt so pressured i blurted out the first thing that came to my mind which was 'stringy' even though i actually knew it meants to accelerate. everyone laughed at me like i was an idiot:blushed: i was extremely embarassed. and he kinda rubbed it in too.
i absolutely HATE being embarrassed!
 
#24 · (Edited)
i'm consistently disappointed in myself any time i'm asked a question i KNOW the answer to, but i keep it to myself - in my mind, especially when i'm the center of attention. when i'm put on the spot, i'm a neurotic mess, which is why i usually hold back or mutter answers in the back. most of the time, i find that the instructor repeats what i mumble.

"someone draw the structure of hexane up on the board."
*kid gets up, draws the incorrect structure*
"...it's a bunch of pyramids, that's wrong..."
"WRONG. THIS is what it looks like."
*draws connected pyramids*

"how many carbons in butane?"
"...four..."
"FOUR!"

"why do you suppose there hydrogen bonds in DNA?"
"...ease of initial replication by DNA helicase at the replication fork..."
"come on, guys, what's the answer?"
"...hydrogen bonds are weaker IMFs..."
"hydrogen bonds are relatively weak intermolecular forces, it makes replication easier! are you kids even reading the book?"

etc.
 
#26 ·
I'm not so much afraid to get answers wrong anymore, though I used to be humiliated when people laughed at me, no EVEN WITH me.
I accept I'm not perfect now. I now ask questions and answer questions in class that make me look dumb and make others shake their heads because they think they're so smart :D
 
#27 ·
I think it's easy for other personality types to misjudge INTP's because being I, N, T, and P makes us hard to understand. Examples: I am usually late for everything even when I try really hard not to be. I usually take a really long time to answer even simple questions -- sometimes because I'm thinking of something else when someone asks me a question; other times it's because I'm trying to be precise in my answer. I'm quite disorganized and don't seem to mind it. I am pretty unaware of what's going on in my environment. All of these traits have caused people to label me as "stupid". I think when we're young we're more likely to take how people perceive us to heart. It can damage self-esteem, and we can become humiliated quite easily. This can cause us to retreat and become more introverted. We can even start to suspect we are really "stupid", so we don't attempt to do certain things in front of others (for fear of their judgements) and we may even give up on ourselves.
 
#28 ·
I can completely relate to this. I often downplay everything that I can do. I think that this is mainly in defense to the "Genius" tag that I've always had to run around with. Haven't had stellar grades since I was 8, but people have always considered me this extremely intelligent person. I would honestly rather be underestimated than overestimated. Makes it a lot easier to do things and not feel embarrassed about it.

A few weeks ago, a woman at the bar asked my friend what 30% of her tab would b so that she could tip. My friend directed her to me because I'm apparently some great math wizard (Engineering doesn't make me great at math automatically, especially on the spot). I had to pull out my phone and use a calculator. The people at the bar gave me shit for this. Afterward, I came up with an easy way to calculate percents in my head to avoid this situation again.

I spent a good few days convincing a friend that I wasn't great at Calculus and that she should ask someone else to tutor her. I probably could have tutored her, but I'd rather not risk the embarrassment of not doing well with the math or getting awkward around her when alone.

More recently, I finally told a girl that I really liked her. I've been infatuated with her for 3 or 4 months now and she is the first girl in years that I've been really interested in. Pretty much every girlfriend I've ever had or every girl I've ever had sex with has come on to me. My first time trying to be active in getting a girl. I was rejected and given the just friends talk. Cried during it. Probably traumatized for life. Weeks later and I'm still thinking over the entire situation, trying to figure out where I went wrong. Can't see myself trying my hand at pursuing another girl ever.
 
#29 ·
I was like this in my past, still am to a lesser extent. I found out that if I face the very root of the problem, that thing that I mentally just want to keep out of my head the most, and instead of trying to think about something else I purposefully keep my thoughts on it or the whole situation around it ... It just goes poof. Gone.

Still hate some of the worst stuff, like commenting on the nose hairs of a girl I really liked because I was so nervous, but I'm free of the whole feeling of anxiety behind it. I can joke about it with friends.