Hmm... I never actually related to the stereotype on INTJs being difficult with emotions. I have told a couple of close friends I love them, but only when I really and truly mean it, then it is no problem at all. For the most part, I don't show or trust my emotions with mere friends because I think they will abuse it and use it against me. When with people I really trust, I make my emotions and feelings pretty obvious, I tell them I love them, so they know I care. So, unless I'm not so stereotype, emotions are easy for me, I'm either brick-hard or cotton-candy-soft. Think big wild cats that purr at their masters.

 

I find it hard to articulate or to display my emotions most of the time. It's only when I am really reaching my breaking point, when I really let my emotions display itself.

 

I cannot handle "love." What the fuck is that?

Okay, I'm going to be candid here. In all seriousness, I usually think 95% of "I love you" is a crock of bullshit. Last time someone told me that I literally laughed at them by accident because it sounded so stupid, given what the person has done in the past. There is absolutely no way it was genuine. Think that's arrogant? I don't care. I know fake love - manipulative love - when I see it, and I don't deal with it.

If you really mean it though and I can tell, I melt. My mom knows the button and presses it all the time. Sometimes my dad says it too, but it's so out of character I know it's just because my mom told him to do it because of her good intentions (the thought of this really eats at me for some reason too) - I literally tell him "tell mom I love her too." If you do things that show you love me - my ENFP friend making a surprise birthday cake one year, a friendly text now and then, even stuff here on PerC sometimes - I'm very open to it and want to give back (actually, outdo). It's when I think it's fabricated, an excuse, or delusional that things go downhill. I actually view that as manipulation.

So, it's 100 or nothing here. There are people I trust my life with, but not many. For them, I don't mind saying "I love you" because it's true. For everyone else, I am not a cow like you. Find someone else to suck off.

 

I used to have a hard time. I don't have an issue telling my wife that I love her. I know that she needs to hear it. I don't always say it but she knows. I tell my sisters I love them rarely, but they know I do.

 

I never remembered telling this to my parents, brothers, niece or girlfriend. All my life I only said so once for an online relationship. I prefer showing them love through action.

 

I can say it jokingly, never if I actually feel it....like with my parents I find it stupid to say it.

 

For family and friends I never say "I love you." It's just not something we've ever done and none of us seem too interested in changing that. It's just implied through our actions and continued relations.

Strangely, I have no hesitation at all about saying it to romantic interests, although I definitely prefer to show it rather than to voice it.

 

I don't say it to anyone except my gf. The reason I say it to my gf is I trust her to the max, and she gets really happy when I say it. Making a small effort and uttering three words is easy stuff! : ) (Of course I mean it, so saying it is no problem) Doing through actions further make her happy so there's nothing bad about it.

 

Welcome back oh banished one!

Those are two different kinds of love you are talking about there, and I personally use I love you depending on context. For my parents since I only talk and interact with them a few times a year, I don't mind saying I love you, but I do sort of feel weird about it. I do it for their sake, not my own.

Of course I believe that actions speak louder than words, and in meaning what you say (and being sincere), but I also believe that sometimes others just need to hear it (parents too).

For a SO its a little different, as it has a deeper meaning. Even if they know you do love them, we all need reminders from time to time. But it is not overused, or ever insincere, it is always in context to the moment, the mood, or feeling. But the main way that I show love is though actions, but I never underestimate the power of kind and up building words, for I may not need them (as much), but some do (and always with sincerity).

 

I don't like saying it, but I do once in a while. If someone I do love says it, I'll say it back. It seems redundant, though. I wouldn't talk to you and do things for you if I didn't care about you.

 

Stating the obvious is something that has always bothered me. I rarely say it to my family and almost never show affection except to the young ones.

Anything that is obvious should not need to be said. Even for most matters of love.

 

Whenever I read questions like this, I get brain freezing sort of stuff.

No. I never said I love for any family member, parents once or twice and it was really weird.
Friends, the same, never.
Lover, rarely and after a looong time. I prefer actions over words.

Things I am not proud of: sometimes you need to do things that may not please you. Even when a catastrophe depends on you and to complete the manipulation process you gotta use the I LOVE YOU words. I really, really hate doing this part, it's like telling me to kill someone.

 

 

I rarely say it. I sometimes say it to family members if they say it to me first, the same with friends.
When it comes to romantic interests, I have no problem saying it, although when I say it for the first time, my interest has said it to me first.

 

I do it out of reflex because I know can't reciprocate emotionally so I might as well fake it, others probably say "I love you," because they are lonely, insecure, long for something more, desperate or whatever. If the question was about why others do not then most likely insecurity and the lack of such a feeling.

 

I say 'I love you' in sarcastic conversation, complete with eye-roll to people in general. Because I just love people.

When it comes to my relatives, on a general scale, I don't say it. I have only ever told my maternal grandmother I love her a handful of times, but there was something going on that warranted it. Usually, I just expect them to know that I do love and care about them. I put up with them a lot better than I put up with other people; that should count, no?

Friends. No. I don't think Iv'e ever told a friend that I love them.

My husband and son get it all the time. My parents' marriage fell apart partly because there was lack of confirmation of love. I watched it happen. They didn't kiss a lot. They didn't hug. They rarely expressed confirmations that they even liked each other. My mother showed me affection and said 'I love you' but my dad rarely did so. Growing up, I wondered if he even gave a damn about me. I want my husband and son to know that, without a doubt, I love them.

Everyone else can just clue in and figure it out by my actions. I'm not spending the rest of my life with them after all.

 

I've known my INTP man for 23 years and we've been together as adults for the last 10. He says he's always felt it and would always show me, but it took him 8 years (and me leaving him) for him to say those three words out loud. He says it often now.

 

I had a girlfriend once.... I told her I loved her face.

Just the face though.