So a lot happened.

1. Thanks to shared Ne, you guys see a lot of the same patterns and stuff, which can seem like almost an instant connection. Finishing each others train of thought, etc. As he tried to analyze this with Ti, he got lost. Ti definitely wouldn't help here. Without a developed Fe to help, he got messed up bad. I bet he felt not only scared, but hopeless, confused, and then depressed. Seeing as how he has never had to deal with this before, he got boned hard. His "excuses" were his Ti trying to justify his lack of Fe!

2. Spending every waking moment together is probably the worst thing you can do to an ENTP, even if he wants it. Encourage him to spend time away from you with his friends, or take classes at the Y or something/anything that is his. Make sure he knows it is ok to be off on his own for a day or so every so often. During "his" time, make sure to not contact him at all! That's a biggie.

3. Connecting too fast really isn't an issue in my opinion. As long is there is always more to a person to explore, I'm hooked.

4. Novelty does play a large factor in relationships so that is something to consider.

As an ENTP, keep your feelings pretty close. If he asks about them, obviously be honest, but I wouldn't be excessively forthcoming with them. Give him space. Give him space. Give him space. Nothing you say or do is really going to change much honestly.

So now you can stop reading. What I say next might sound really mean, it was not intended that way. I don't know this guy or you at all, it is just one of many possible explanations. Take it with a grain of salt.

You guys met. He saw your thought process, got really intrigued by it. Thanks to Ne, he felt a connection to you and you to him. He spent a lot of time with you. Your Fi got feelings for him. His Ti got curious about you. After spending so much time together he figured you out. He mistook his curiosity for really strong feelings (curiosity can hit pretty hard), decided he really liked you as a person, but not in a romantic way for whatever reason. He respected you enough to not string you along and he ended it.

 

This ^ +1. Sorry, we ENTPs can seem very cold at times. Once we figure out a puzzle, we never go back to it. That means human interactions as well at times. Do you think he has you figured out? If not, prove it to him. Challenge him.

 

1. Everything bigtex1989 said.

2.

As he describes it, one day he woke up and tried to "call on" those strong feelings, and found they weren't there. He agonized over it for a few days and then broke things off. He felt terrible about breaking my trust, and both of us were really sad to lose something that had such potential. But for him, the change in his feelings was an inarguable fact. At the same time, no matter how he tried to over-analyze what must have been wrong with our relationship, he couldn't come up with a solid, legit reason... just excuses that even he doesn't seem to believe (age gap, or not relating to how nice/positive I am). Basically he said I am perfect for him, and he feels betrayed by his emotions.

Wow.... that is almost the exact recreation of my toughest break-up. I feel like I'm in the twilight zone. I guess it's that when we ask ourselves, REALLY ask ourselves about where the relationship is going, and what our feelings are now, we go with our intuition. I did this once, a very hard decision, but once I realized my feelings (or in this case it was lack-there-of), I couldn't go back to prolonging it. As you said, inarguable. Like bigtex said, (as was in my case) enough respect not to string someone along if we are not entirely sure that there is still that connection.

It could be different in this case, however, if you really had a grand connection. It is quite possible that with this "friend time" (as long as you're not cut off completely, this would back-up the fact that you're out of his life), he will re-evaluate his feelings. Every person is different though. Best of luck with whatever happens!

 

Wow, big thanks to all three of you -- even for the blunt parts. This really resonates with my sense of the situation and clarifies some important things. I think good will come of this, whether friendship or more. I really appreciate the insight.

 

I think that it is important to understand that there are different phases of romantic love. Our media only presents the initial infatuation stage, with the expectation that this heavily drugged state is supposed to continue forever.

Society would not function if people couldn't focus on anything but their lovers for years at a time.

I suspect that he's never stuck around long enough to enjoy the long term deeper love that come from a supportive healthy relationship. Yes it's still all googly sometimes, but it's never quite the same as it is in those first 6 months or so... by design. And honestly I wouldn't trade the way I feel for my wife for that initial rush. I wouldn't trade what we have now for what we had right at first.. but sure it's a shock when you start to make that transition.

It takes a little time and a lot of work to really get there in a relationship though. You have to really learn to accept each other as people after the drugs wear off. Again you still get a buzz for weeks here and there, but us monkeys do need to leave the bedroom and go to work and stuff. We're supposed to be able to raise and protect babies... that's what these chemicals are there for after all.

Chemical basis for love - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Keep in mind that without contraceptives you would probably be knocked up at this point, living in your small village of 15 or so nomadic hairy people - you would be married all ready and his head wouldn't be full of a lifetime of romantic comedies setting the expectation that we all live our lives high as a kite on infatuation.

Frankly if he doesn't start to learn about these things then he'll probably wind up alone in a vegas bar wearing a leisure suit at the age of 80.

 

Keep in mind that without contraceptives you would probably be knocked up at this point, living in your small village of 15 or so nomadic hairy people - you would be married all ready and his head wouldn't be full of a lifetime of romantic comedies setting the expectation that we all live our lives high as a kite on infatuation.

Frankly if he doesn't start to learn about these things then he'll probably wind up alone in a vegas bar wearing a leisure suit at the age of 80.

hahaha these are some incredible mental images. As well as some wise words.

Funny thing, he says he knows that love is effort, but believes that this early on, he should still be feeling the euphoria. I think my generation views dating as a very casual, keep-your-options-open affair that shouldn't require great effort... and that makes it difficult to transition from the this-is-fun phase to the worth-fighting-for phase.

Incidentally, I found out he actually tests ENFP... hmmm

 

If he tests ENFP and he's not "feeling enough" right now, maybe he's too much of an idealist...? It sounds like he has a big idea of what love "should be," and he's so fixated on this ideal that reality can't live up, so he's disappointed by it. That would put a lot of pressure on a long term relationship with him, so that even if you two were to get together again, as soon as something goes wrong he could attribute it to the relationship as a whole being wrong instead of just some minor issue that needs work.

Personally, I feel like if you care about someone and are physically attracted to them, that should be enough, given that you both communicate well, are committed and are willing to work at the relationship.

 

ENFP makes more sense to me actually. Some of the male ENFPs I know or known seem to not really know what they want in a woman and tend to become attracted easily. But only for a short time and then they find an excuse not to like the woman anymore.

 

interesting! maybe I should repost this on the ENFP forum and see what they have to say...